I See Fire
"Wait, what? What do you mean a girl answered his phone? Are you sure you dialed the right number? I mean, it's been a few months, and I'm not saying you're rusty but—"
"It was his phone. Trust me. I can show you my call log. It said Stefan," Caroline replied with a bite to her tone and Bonnie frowned at the confirmation, as the two walked through Bergdorf Goodman's—Caroline half working, as she scouted potential styles and current trends, and Bonnie picked up a few dresses to try on, while they moved along.
Caroline was still reeling from her phone call gone awry and though she'd initially wanted Bonnie to convince her it was nothing, she'd now been thinking about it so much, she already convinced herself it was something—despite this being her only evidence of why. She was a sadist—what else could she say?
Stefan was seeing somebody, she concluded—and clearly it was a close enough relationship that he was letting her answer his cell phone while he showered and she probably lay out, sprawled across their bed.
Or, his bed, now, considering she didn't live there anymore.
It'd racked her brain all night, pitifully, as she wondered just who this girl was, taking to social media to search for a profile that was linked to Stefan's. He didn't log onto his accounts often, but it was likely the girl was in his friend's list, right?
It was a yes, Caroline discovered, when she found her all too quickly, and much to her already burgeoning frustration.
It turned out Tessa Sheth was a huge deal—a successful, stunning and thin huge deal—as Caroline quickly found her Facebook, and resorted to digital stalking, as she raked over posts, pictures, and comments for anything pertaining to Stefan—anything at all—that proved he was seeing her, or at the very least, fucking her.
Thankfully she'd found nothing, but it didn't put her mind at ease anyway, as it still made her stomach turn wondering just what she'd been doing hanging out with him and if one-night turned into a morning-after.
Just like it'd happened with her. And Katherine. Old habits really did die hard.
Caroline gripped her caramel macchiato so tightly she probably could have crushed it before Bonnie's soothing voice broke though, while she still stared unwaveringly ahead.
She couldn't get the notion out of her mind no matter how hard she tried. She'd never felt so jealous in her entire life and she hadn't even really seen anything.
She could only pray it'd be a while before the media got wind of this.
"I doubt it's what it seems, Caroline," Bonnie eased as she shook her head before stopping at a rack. "Stefan hasn't even looked at anyone since you two broke up. There has to be a really good explanation for this Tessa girl and I'm sure there is—"
"Other than Tessa fucking my boyfriend?" she asked before sighing and swallowing hard. "Ex-boyfriend/husband. Whatever."
"Husband, period," Bonnie said and Caroline licked her tongue across her teeth. "He still really considers you two together—he hasn't even gone out without his wedding band. Whatever is happening with her, I'm sure we can get to the bottom of it. I'll tell Damon to ask him—"
"No," Caroline replied instantly as Bonnie lifted a brow. "Don't call Damon—don't even tell Damon about this."
"Why not? If Stefan really is sleeping with her—which I doubt—I'm sure Damon will know about it. Damon knows about everything pretty much before anyone."
"You say that because you date him—you have to speak highly of the asshole," Caroline replied and Bonnie smirked with a shrug before Caroline continued, tucking a strand of her curly hair behind her ear. "I don't wanna ask Damon because besides the fact that he'll call me crazy for even considering this—"
"Which you are," Bonnie smiled brightly as Caroline scoffed. "But go on."
"I don't want him to know I'm losing my mind becauseit's none of my business," she said as Bonnie furrowed her brows and the blonde slumped with defeat. "I just… I don't have any right to get jealous anymore, Bon… I dumped him, remember? And when I did, I told him it was cool if he saw other girls… and stuff."
"Which it's clearly not cool because you're upset about it. Clearly."
"Yeah, after I stupidly called him to vent about my feelings and wanting to be his friend, without even knowing if he was on the phone first. Which—by the way—he never even called back about and I'm sure she had to have said something," Caroline noted as Bonnie frowned and the blonde stopped in her tracks. "I jumped the gun. I shouldn't have been so fucking impulsive and called him because I was upset… Because now? I haven't been able to stop thinking about it, as much as I want to—"
"Because you love him," Bonnie cut in her and Caroline pursed her lips at the obvious truth of the obese elephant in the room. "You're upset even though you want to be happy for him that he's living his life because you love him and you were just warming up to wanting some sort of something with him, again."
"Friendship, Bonnie," Caroline said as she lifted an index finger and wagged it quickly. "I'm not ready for Tuscany and children just yet, but I… wanted to be friends, again, you know? Like we used to… before things got all messy and complicated. I just miss him, so much."
"Well, maybe it's not too late," Bonnie said optimistically as Caroline listened on and the brunette found her eyes tentatively as she stared right back. "His birthday party is in two days, you know. Maybe he didn't know what to say, which is why he didn't call you back. But maybe if you're face-to-face—"
"Absolutely not," Caroline said as Bonnie huffed and Caroline folded her arms in response. "Are you insane? I-I can't just go to his party—especially not now, knowing he might have a girlfriend or fuck buddy there, waiting to rub it in my face that she's screwing my husband."
"And normally, I would be repulsed by this situation because I completely hate the idea of girls getting catty over guys. However—if she really does exist, wouldn't this be a great time to show up, as hot as ever to remind Stefan of what he should still be waiting on?" Bonnie suggested as the blonde scrunched her nose while she continued. "And if she doesn't exist? Well, you just avoided a super messy and unnecessary love triangle that nobody wants and you get the chance to show Stefan you're still gorgeous and great and who knows? Maybe you two can clear the air and finally have a talk. I think you're long overdue for one. Don't you?"
Caroline was quiet as she thought about it—because her best friend was right and had been totally logical in her thinking. She hated the idea of being that girl to intrude just because she was feeling a little insecure, but she had been invited before finding out about Tessa, so didn't that sort of give her the right of way to attend, in a sense? She wasn't being petty—entirely— she was just curious—and like Bonnie explained, what did she really have to lose?
Other than her pride and the immunity of not being embarrassed?
This whole thing made her more nauseous than she wanted to admit. But tempted, nonetheless.
"Caroline—"
"I'll… think about it, okay?" she said, though she had been thinking about—for days; last night being what she thought was the definite icing on the 'No' cake, until Bonnie made her see it otherwise. "I will give it some true and earnest thought. Maybe I'll even buy a dress… just in case."
"Just in case," Bonnie said with a victorious wink and Caroline groaned as the girl happily linked arms with hers and they continued to wander the store for a few more hours finally leaving with two bags each and—for Caroline—a stomach full of jumbled nerves the entire train ride back to Oyster Bay when the girls hugged goodbye and went their separate ways.
Because there was nothing like a talk from your best friend to bog you down with rationality, when you were content on ignoring every shred of it.
She and Bonnie were the perfect pair—because they both always saw the opposite side of the spectrum.
She could only hope that this time Bonnie was right—and that she had nothing to worry about.
XXXXX
"I can't," Stefan laughed as he held up his third shot of tequila, courtesy of Damon, as Marcel recorded video with his iPhone, while the rest of the group cheered on and he waved his free hand to stop them. "I physically can't do another shot. I'm having hot flashes. I think I just Tupac a second ago, but it could have been that hologram thing and I have no idea what's real and what's not anymore," he added before his brother placed his hand on his shoulder and squeezed encouragingly.
It was Stefan's 26th birthday and naturally, the goal had been to get him as bombed as possible, considering he didn't even want to do karaoke, though they had picked this place and the entire guest list—a small group of his closest friends which included Damon, Lexi, Marcel, Josh, Bonnie, Enzo, who he'd shockingly become closer with since the break-up with Caroline—was just waiting for the moment when he said "fuck it" and blessed them all with some Bon Jovi.
Stefan was pretty tipsy already, thanks to Damon dropping a fortune on bottle service—who even had bottle service at a karaoke club?—and never resting until his brother was properly liquored up before they started the first round of singing. Marcel and Damon naturally offering to inaugurate the stage, as they performed their rendition of "How You Like Me Now," by The Heavy.
Stefan and Enzo tried to suppress laughter while Lexi, Bonnie, and Josh shamelessly danced in front of the stage cheering obnoxiously, and yelling for the guys to take off their shirts. Thankfully the song ended before it even came to that.
Next were Lexi and Bonnie, performing "Gettin' Jiggy With It" by Will Smith, which was an absolute mess –but hilarious, nonetheless—as they had apparently come prepared with 90s style sunglasses that almost made the birthday boy double over in laughter when they began dancing and rapping like the semi-pros they were. When the performance was over, they even admitted to watching the music video three times a day to prepare.
Stefan was honored he could inspire such dedication. He still had no desire to get up on stage, though. Besides the fact that he was a horrendous singer, karaoke only made him of the one person he knew was great at—and that was Caroline. His mind flashed to the time at the Mystic Grill when she serenaded him to Carrie Underwood, and then to their everyday life at the apartment, where he heard her singing in the kitchen as she made the morning coffee, or other times in the shower.
When he wasn't in there with her, anyway.
But as for this party? He was 1000% sure it was consequence of him shooting down Damon's dreams to take an international, seeing as their birthdays were just two weeks apart, and his brother wanted to go to Ibiza, for purely selfish reasons.
When Stefan nixed that idea, it was as though Damon went into full-party-planning mode to do the one thing he knew his brother hated, and not-so-coincidentally screamed Caroline. Between his brother, Bonnie, and Enzo, he'd gotten his fair share of an update on how she was doing, what she was up to, and who she was—hopefully—not seeing.
He couldn't bear the thought of Caroline possibly entertaining another guy—even though they were both technically "single" right now—and with each rumor about her gaining another potential suitor and linking her to men on Long Island where she was currently renting—he thanked his blessings for Damon and his "people" who were able to nip each story in the bud.
Stefan wasn't a controlling boyfriend at all—and he wanted Caroline to be happy. But he wasn't sure he could stand it, if it wasn't with him.
Someone else earning the smile he'd spent nearly a year waking up to each morning? The thought of it just made him want to hurl.
"You need another drink," he heard, as he looked up and Damon was already pouring him a serving of Grey Goose and O.J. Stefan stopped him quickly with a grab of his arm and his brother scowled, before speaking in his best singing-tone. "Steffy, it's not nice to refuse the host—"
"I'm cutting myself off," Stefan said bluntly, as brother tilted his head and Stefan felt the power of the alcohol buzzing in his veins though he remained clear and inquisitive, with shining green eyes as he met Damon's blue ones. "I get it's my birthday, yes—"
"That's all there is to it," Damon interjected as he slapped a hand to his button-up and grinned while Stefan squinted his already drunken. "It's your birthday and you deserve one night to get absolutely bombed while singing awful party songs and hanging out with your best friends… I just want you to have a good time is all."
"I've been an absolute dick to you, lately," Stefan said frankly as Damon ticked his jaw and followed his eyes. "Like… major asshole. What do you care if I have a good birthday?"
"Because we've been through worse since the womb," Damon said as he placed his bourbon to his lips and took a long swig. "And I know you get moody sometimes, brother… Especially with this whole…Caroline thing—"
"I'm sorry," Stefan said as he stared at him genuinely; Damon's eyes widening gently though he remained quiet as he let his brother talk. "I'm really sorry, okay? Especially about my attitude when we're around Dad… And when I gave you shit for finding your real one. Y-You didn't deserve that. I should have tried better to understand."
"I thought we were past that?"
"I am—we are, I just," Stefan sighed as he thought about his own personal investigation and how it fared in comparison to Damon's; the sneaking around, the lying, and the half-truths.
He'd given Damon such a hard time for lying to him about Richard, while he was here, kissing ass and metaphorical babies all in hopes of taking Giuseppe down, once and for all.
He wanted to tell Damon—he was dying to, in fact—but his brother was far too reckless and impulsive when it came to not acting out against something and there'd be no way Damon would sit there or tolerate half of the things Stefan had witnessed or listened to, over these past few months coming from his father's mouth. Damon would either be in Giuseppe's face or out the door at the first sign of it. And while Stefan felt like a literal human trash can putting on this façade to impress his father and get close enough to him with the intent of taking him out, he knew what he was doing was for the greater good—and it would ultimately save things instead of ruining them, the second his father was out of the equation.
It could even save his mother, who he'd overheard in an argument with Giuseppe one day when she didn't realize he was in the study; it ending with his mother taking off and his father strolling in with a bottle of scotch and two glasses, like nothing happened as Stefan reluctantly remained in his seat.
It was awful playing a lapdog—it was horrid tolerating this man in general—but the hoped once it all came out, Damon and Caroline could forgive him for his own fallacies.
He'd become too consumed with enacting revenge on his father for all he did to him and he refused to go out without a fight.
He just wished Damon could be on his side fighting.
"Don't say another word. I don't wanna talk about our depressing home life when we should be out having fun," Damon instructed, as he poured two more shots and handed Stefan one; the man's slightly foggy gaze meeting before the elder tipped his glass. "Just take another shot."
Stefan rolled his eyes playfully and Damon smiled before clinking their glasses together and tossing it back with sour faces, as they both searched for the nearest chaser and Stefan wiped his mouth with his sleeve as Damon grabbed him by both shoulders. He laughed at the warm feeling floating through his bones—even a hiccup escaping his lips—before Damon finally let him go and—not shockingly—reached for the bottle again.
He really was trying to do him in.
And luckily enough for Damon, it was actually working.
"So… feeling buzzed enough to do a duet?" Damon asked as Stefan sneered and he sent him a pout. "You can't not sing on your own birthday, Stefan. I'm sure there's a rule about that here, somewhere."
"Naturally you would think so—Lawyer Damon always reads the fine print," he said as Damon winked and Stefan shook his head. "I-I don't even wanna sing. I don't even know what I would sing… in the event I actually did so. Which is really not happening."
"Is this because I'm a better singer than you, Steffy?" Damon challenged as he finally rose to his feet and his brother snorted. "What? We both know it's true. I'm like the Justin Timberlake of this relationship and you're… the one whose hair looked like a tree."
"Caroline loves N'SYNC," Stefan blurted before he could stop himself—his brother eyeing him smugly as he cleared his throat. "Not that it matters… she's not here, anyway. Which might not actually be the worst thing in the world… I've had too much to drink and I would probably end up making a fool of myself because that's all I've been doing when it comes to her, anyway," he said as Damon remained silent and listened on. "God—what was I thinking asking her to get married in Italy? And telling her I want kids? I scared her off… I wanted too much too soon and she bolted… just like any sane person would. I don't have anyone to blame but myself."
Stefan swallowed hard at that—the daily and habitual regret—that flooded his mind each night when he went to bed; tossing and turning for hours on end, as he replayed that fateful night over and over in his mind, wondering if he could've done or said anything differently that would have made her stay.
If he'd just complied with their original wedding plans and didn't continue to push and dig, would they have walked down the aisle already, last month, like they were supposed to have done? Would Caroline have found the will to fight for this—and him—if he'd expected less from her? If he hadn't smothered her?
He chose to beat himself up over it, though he'd never truly know. And he didn't have the gall to ask. He didn't even have the courage to call her and he wasn't sure what he'd even say, if she had ever called him.
He wanted to hear her voice—he was craving it in fact, but maybe he was better off, he lied to himself, as he looked around the group and tried to convince his mind this was all that he needed; and they were all that he wanted.
He knew it wasn't true; there wasn't a single part of him that could pretend like it was. It just sucked that he knew that—he'd accepted that—but it hadn't changed anything at all. He was still a lonely, heartbroken fool, destined to love this girl for the rest of his life, whether she came back into his, or not.
So when the cake came out, and Stefan's stared on at the glow of the candles, while the group sang him a very cheery happy birthday, he closed his eyes and could only wish for one thing when it came time to do so.
"Caroline," he said in his mind before they were extinguished, and he studied the lift of light candle smoke. "I'd kill to see Caroline."
XXXXX
He didn't see Caroline.
He didn't even hear from Caroline, Stefan thought over, as he reminisced about the rest of the night from the rooftop of Damon's apartment building; the warm summer air and gleaming stars his only source of company, as his brother and Bonnie had gone back down an hour ago to get some rest—both careful not to mention the blonde, though they both knew she was the only thing on his mind when he came up here. The awkward and heavy silence between the three was stifling, after Damon admitted he'd invited her and Stefan reconciled with the fact that she was just a no-show, and also a no-text, because his birthday was nearly over—in 12 minutes to be exact—and she said nothing.
And he was beginning to feel nothing—other than everything—as the overwhelming regret and guilt when the feeling of this being all his fault continued to despair and crush him; his thoughts were damn near eating him alive, from the inside out and there was nothing he could do to stop them.
No one could stop them, other than Caroline. And they couldn't have been any further worlds apart.
He looked down at his phone when it buzzed—his heart skipping a moment until he saw that it was just another extended family member trying to catch him before midnight to wish him a Happy Birthday and joyful year.
He wanted to write back that he'd had neither, but he settled with a simple "thank you" before shutting off his phone and placing it down on the ground beside him.
He was over pretending to be happy. At least not today.
When was everyone going to stop making him feel like it was a crime that he wasn't over-the-moon, while trying to cope without the love of his life?
This was so different than what he'd gone through when things ended with Katherine—and much more layered—because while his ex had simply turned to someone else—his father of all people—when their relationship didn't do enough for her, Caroline was the opposite. Caroline left because it'd been too much—he'd been too much. And in both situations he blamed himself—for very different reasons—but somehow, the heartbreak of the former proved to be easier to get over when he realized what he and Katherine had wasn't about love—it wasn't even love. It had all been about control. Being with Katherine meant being control and consumed by her, as each decision he made had no other purpose but to make her happy and keep her within his life. It ultimately didn't work, because she'd cheated on him anyway.
Things with Caroline were different.
It was about feeling a loss of control when he was with her; about not being able to stop looking at her, touching, feeling her when she was around, because she was within his veins—she made him feel safe, but also like anything could happen—and anything was possible.
She made him enjoy his life again; she made him want to continue having a life. She'd literally saved him.
And he did things—good things—not just because it'd make her happy, but because she made him happy. She'd inspired him in a way no one ever had before and even if he'd never have the chance to be with her again, he wanted her to know that. He wanted her to realize the impact she'd had on his life—and still had, even when she wasn't in it; because falling in love with her—losing that control he'd convinced himself he needed to protect himself in a relationship—was the best decision he'd ever made.
He just wished she knew how much she really meant to him; how much she meant in general.
She was one-of-a-kind and he loved her. He absolutely loved her.
"Happy Birthday to me," Stefan said dryly, as he finished the glass of Damon's bourbon in his hand and he stood up tiredly—his eyes meeting his watch and noting just two minutes left before the clock struck twelve. "It could have been worse," he continued to himself as he glanced up at the stars and let out a sigh. "You could have actually sung N'SYNC."
"May I ask what's wrong with that?" he heard and Stefan nearly jumped out of his skin as he was sure the voices in his head were doing overtime, until he heard the clicking of a pair of heels and he turned around to see her—actually her—standing at the exit timidly—holding a wrapped gift in hand—while his eyes widened and she offered a nervous smile before going on. "You really are a Backstreet fanboy."
"Caroline," he could barely make out as his shell-shocked gaze painted his face and everything within him seemed to stop at her arrival.
The only thing remaining was his heart leaping into his throat and his disbelief she didn't make a move or take another step in.
Instead, he did, as he watched her take in a nervous breath at the tenacity of his movement. He slowed down instantly at that, but he didn't stop until he was standing right in front of her; face-to-face with someone who didn't even seem real, as his olive eyes scanned her ethereal frame meticulously to make sure he hadn't imagined this.
To be sure that she was really here, and it was actually real. And he hadn't made this all up in his head.
Stefan swallowed hard when it suddenly became hard to speak.
"Hi," he said softly—almost inaudibly—as he continued to scan her face—her striking porcelain features glowing like the moon hanging amongst the stars—before he took in a deep breath.
He didn't even know what else to say. He had no idea. He hadn't been this tongue-tied in a long time and it was all because of her.
It was always because of her.
"Hi, Stefan," she said just as gently, but it sounded crashing waves against his ears—felt like them too—as he realized he hadn't heard her say his name in so long; in far too long. "Happy Birthday. I… Uhm… hope I'm no too late."
"You're not," he said as she pursed her lips still hugging the gift and his hands nervously met his pockets as his eyes never dropped. "How did you—"
"Damon," she confirmed—as he suspected—while shook to the ground. "He told me where to find you, so I did… I found you."
Stefan bit his lip and Caroline felt like she wasn't breathing—she may have even been dizzy with lightheadedness—as her senses immediately took in the scent of his cologne, her eyes involuntarily gazed at his jaw, and she nearly swallowed her own tongue once her stare moved back up to his luminous green eyes that looked even more beautiful by light of the moon. This was likely the only place you could really even see it in the city, thanks to absence of many sky scrapers in the area.
She could see—and still feel—it all.
Being around Stefan always gave her butterflies—there was no question about that. But she'd truly forgotten how overwhelming they felt until this very moment.
She could all but control herself from trembling as she watched him glance at her pleated dress once more—a soft mauve with a deep V-neck, that rose just above the knee—and he offered a tender smile that helped to calm her until she heard the words that crossed his lips.
"You look… really beautiful tonight, Caroline."
"Thank you," she nearly choked out. "I—I got it to wear to your party," she said quickly before shaking her head as he followed each movement. "But I… chickened out," she admitted ruefully and he frowned at that before she swallowed hard. "Anyway— I stopped by to drop this of… This is for you," she said in one anxious word as she handed him the wrapped box as Stefan stared at her quietly. "Just… something I picked up. I-I hope you like it."
Stefan's eyes remained on her in complete and utter awe.
Her words—or stuttering of them, anyway—completely warmed him up and I was only then that he realized he was so engrossed in them, he didn't see her leaving; as she spun around on her cute kitten heel to leave, before his hand stopped her at the shoulder and gripped her gently—but securely—as Caroline shut her eyes and felt his fingers pressed against her skin.
Her feet were telling her to move, but her body remaining paralyzed when she felt the heat of his gaze against her back before she finally turned back around and looked him in the eyes.
All she saw was him—all she heard was her heartbeat tripling—as he moved in, seemed to float, actually, and left her breathless all the same, as no words went exchanged but the silence felt as dense as anything.
Not like she expected anything else, her first time seeing him again, anyway.
But it just felt like so much—it was, so much. Loving him was still almost too much to bear. But she didn't know how to do anything else at this point. She didn't know how to not love him.
"Do you wanna come downstairs?" Stefan interrupted her thoughts as Caroline inhaled softly and he followed her eyes. "It's… okay if you don't. You being here is… it's so much more than enough. And thank you for the gift—I appreciate… But I was hoping—"
"That'd be great," she said in a voice that made it sound as if she'd been running—she couldn't control the breathlessness around him at this point. "Let's talk," she said and Stefan nodded before stepping in front of her to open the door and she swallowed down a deep sigh.
It was finally time to have that talk. And she hadn't been more afraid of anything in her entire life.
XXXX
"Columbian blend, two milks and four sugars… straight from Damon's Keurig—just like you like it."
Caroline smiled gratefully at that as Stefan handed her a cup of coffee and she savored the smell of the scalding hot drink before placing it down on a coaster before her, while Stefan did the same, sitting just beside her on his brother's leather couch.
Damon was just across the hall at Bonnie's place—the two were still pretending like they didn't actually live together—so that left Stefan, alone, to his brother's apartment for the night, now that everyone who had come back here after the karaoke bar to hang out was gone, and now the blonde proved to be his only guest left.
Not that he minded that.
It was just nerve-wracking, really—actually speaking to her and seeing her; she looked healthy, happy, and incredible, if he had to put it into three words to describe it. Her flaxen hair was curled just how he liked, her lips, a nude pink that sort of matched her cheeks, and her dress—he couldn't help himself from committing it to memory as she confirmed she'd picked it out just for the occasion—and she still decided to wear it, even after missing it.
Caroline was just as nervous as he was—fidgeting and blinking a lot as she spoke, trying to find her words—but he found some sort of solace in that; in the fact that they were on the same page—about this first meeting at least—because maybe that meant something. Maybe they were on the same page about other things as well; hopefully their relationship.
He imagined it was now time to talk about that as the small talk died down, and a lull surfaced in-between them. Caroline was first to grab her coffee and place it to her lips after attempting to cool it off a bit. It seemed she succeeded as she sighed happily once she took a sip before meeting his eyes again.
"Thank you," she said and he nodded as she sat up a bit straighter—mug still in hand. "I… didn't think you remembered how I drank this."
"How could I forget?" he said almost immediately before letting out a deep breath. "Every day for however many months—we made coffee and—"
"Pop Tarts," she said with a grin and he smiled as she looked down for a second and back up into his eyes. "I remember."
"And hopefully you've been eating better since then… I heard you got a place out on Long Island."
"Yeah, Oyster Bay," she said with a nod as he listened on. "It's… nice, you know? Quiet… The people are sweet. I have a kitchen and a backyard… The backyard is the beach—"
"Wow," he said as she inhaled softly. "I'm really happy for you, Caroline… Between that and… everything, you seem to be doing great… I'm sure your place is great, too—"
"You should come by one day, if you want," she blurted—instantly regretting it the moment she saw the surprise on his face and she cleared her throat. "I mean—if you can. I know you're busy with work and… your girlfriend," Caroline said as his eyes narrowed with confusion and she continued on. "Tessa, right? Her name is Tessa?"
"How do you…" he stopped as Caroline looked down and he moved in a bit closer as he shook his head and tried to find her eyes though she refused to look into his. "Why do you think I'm dating Tessa? Or anyone, for that matter?"
Caroline swallowed a bout of air as she finally looked up again—the distance between them nearly non-existent—as her leg bounced against his and she felt his hand slowly land on her knee to steady her—and routinely make her lose her mind—as his fingers gripped her stably in the midst of her trying not to freak the fuck out.
This was the moment of truth and she couldn't have been any more scared to confront this—and him—about her phone call and what she'd said. Was this what it felt like being in a confessional when you had to repent for your scenes?
Like you were about to lose your entire head?
"You were with her, the other night," she said as his eyes widened and Caroline went on. "I promise I wasn't stalking you or something… I just… I called you. And before I even find out that it wasn't you on the phone… I spilled everything I wanted to say—needed to say—but she talked back… And she told me you were in the shower—"
"Oh God—"
"It's not my business, you know?" she said as her eyes turned ahead. "I mean it. I'm the one who told you I couldn't stop you from meeting other people and seeing other girls…and I can't hate you for doing just that; for moving on—"
"I haven't," he said as Caroline stopped and his hand remained against her leg—his eyes serious all the while. "I haven't moved on, Caroline… Not at all. I'm not sleeping with Tessa—I never have," he said genuinely as he shoulders suddenly lightened and he shook his head. "We… used to hook up—way back after Katherine and I broke up and there was a downward spiral. But that's over—it has been, for a really long time… I'm not the guy Tessa once knew… I promise you that."
Stefan thought back to that night Tessa had come over—the bits in his memory beginning to make more and more sense as it was obvious she'd intentionally answered Caroline's call then didn't tell him it happened—Stefan hadn't even seen her name in his call log.
He didn't know what she said to her—other than the clear deterrent of voicing that he was in the shower—but he remembered what Tessa said to him, and why it'd all made sense now; so much more sense.
"Hey…" Stefan said, as he walked into his bedroom—hair still damp from the shower, as he adjusted his tank and took in a deep breath at the sight of Tessa lying across his bed, flipping through one of novels from his bookshelf. "I… thought you were gonna wait in the living room for me to be done. Sorry about that, by the way—you caught me at a bad time… Post-5-mile-run, and all."
"I did… I was, until I got bored, gave myself the grand tour, and saw you still have an unbelievable book collection," Tessa said with a hint of astonishment behind her voice, as she slammed one shut and sat up a bit as he awkwardly approached her, with his hands in his shorts pockets. "Not on a Nook, either. The real stuff; with binds and pages… You don't see too much of that anymore. It's nice… Kind of nostalgic."
Stefan didn't respond for a moment as became captured by his thoughts and—most notably—the fact that this woman he barely knew had not only the nerve to show up at his apartment unannounced, walked in uninvited after he came to the door in his towel, and was now making herself comfortable in his room, with his books, and Caroline's wine.
The last part probably annoyed him the most, he realized, as his eyes continued to rake over the glass but he chided himself internally to not say anything about it; because after all, he'd only let her wait for him to finish up because she claimed she had something he wanted—he needed. And personal feelings of discomfort aside, he needed to keep up the charade of cool, calm, and collected if he were actually going to get it.
If anything was even going to have a chance to work.
"Thanks," he finally said in response to her compliment when she handed him the novel, and he walked it back over to the shelf where he carefully placed it in its rightful home and Tessa rose a glass of wine she'd help herself to, to her lips. "I, uh… have a thing for reading, still. Even though I barely have the time, anymore. Between work, the charity I help with—"
"Your impending divorce?" she asked straightforwardly as Stefan stopped in his tracks to meet her eyes and Tessa offered an innocent smile and a quaint shrug of the shoulders, while he folded his arms and took in a deep breath. "I'm sorry—I read the tabloids."
"Don't," he said as Tessa followed his eyes and Stefan clapped his hands together with finality to signal the end of the subject and clearing his throat. "They don't know everything… if anything, at all."
There was a moment of silence between the two as Stefan stood there quietly and she continued to eye him shamelessly, as he took note of her heels and form-fitting black dress that he was sure wasn't entirely necessary for her trip to TriBeCa, to see him of all people. He was positive that part had been done on purpose. It'd definitely been a blast from the past the night of the dinner with their parents, when he realized just who she was and how well the two knew each other—his mind flashed to their few encounters across the bridge at a bunch of overrated parties Marcel and Josh took him to, when he mourned the end of his relationship with Katherine, and made more mistakes than he could count on twenty hands.
She had been one of them.
Tessa Sheth may have been an MIT computer engineering do-gooder by day, but at night, she was probably crazier—and much wilder—than any of the girls he'd ever been hooking up with.
A lot of the stuff he did during that point in his life was a blur—thankfully—but his time spent with her was becoming more and more vivid. He recalled the ridiculous partying not only in Brooklyn, but out in The Hamptons, where her parents never noticed the missing set of keys to their vacation house, to which she invited tons of people—Stefan included—and he partook in not only drinking in excessive amounts, but lots of weed-smoking, skinny-dipping, really intense moments with her, which—thankfully—always stopped before they went too far.
He knew back then she hated him for ending their fling so abruptly—because waking up one day vodka all over his shirt from body shots with some girl he made out with, people he didn't know sprawled out all over amidst red Solo cups, and two leftover Molly pills in his pocket just didn't cut it for him, anymore. And that was the instant he'd decided he needed therapy, A.S.A.P.
But now he wasn't so sure, as she was the one to contact him first since seeing each other the other night—something about information on the upcoming sale of his father's company to none other than her parents; something that hit him like wrecking ball as he sat mulling over it the entire rest of the night since that dinner, while Giuseppe, Mary, Rohan, and Aarti carried on like nothing was happening and Damon remained obsessed with his job.
And Tessa, obsessed with him.
"You, uh… said you had something for me?" he cut right to the chase, as his eyes flitted to the folder beside her legs, while Tessa stared on. "About my dad and your parents."
"I do," she said as she sat up completely and he breathed a sigh as she folded her legs and took another sip. "A legal contract itemizing every detail, asset, and agreement between our parents… The whole nine. They would have a fit if they knew I got into my Dad's hard drive and made a copy. For myself. And now, you too."
Stefan bit his lip at that as she handed him the folder and he sighed as he opened it quickly to check the validity of her claims; it was indeed what she said it was and he couldn't have been more astonished. He'd worked months to get as far as he did with his father and Tessa? All it took was the click of a mouse.
And it was huge. This was so huge.
"Why did you do this?" Stefan asked curiously as she took another sip of wine and he remained with a front of being completely clueless. "I mean, why risk getting caught? Just to stay in the know?"
"Mostly, yes," she said as he followed her brown eyes. "I keep an eye on everything my parents do… Sometimes out of boredom, sometimes interest… sometimes concern… Like this time. When I told you that your Dad was selling his company to them, you were floored. I.E; no one told you anything and I don't know why, but that rubbed me the wrong way. An incredibly wealthy man with two-able bodied sons and a wife who could all easily take over his business, yet he's choosing to sell?... Why? I'm curious how a decision like that gets made and clearly you are too—it was written all over your face. You wanna know what I know."
Stefan surely couldn't deny that.
"I do wanna know," he confessed. "And… I guess it's for the same reasons as you… I thank you for this, Tessa… I really do," Stefan added and the brunette bit her lips. "Call it concern on my end as well."
Tessa didn't say a word, to that, as she finally hopped to her feet, and stood before him silently—her eyes continuing to cast over him, before she offered a smile and placed a hand to his jaw.
Stefan took in a deep breath at that—and a step, away—as he watched her hands drop to her side and her eyes remain in question as no sound passed between them, sans the sounds the of heels clicking on the floor as she gently tapped her foot.
He hadn't touched—or let anyone touch him—since Caroline left and he wasn't about to start now. It didn't matter if he had a "free pass" and this time away from her technically made him a single man—or least that's what she'd said, before walking out with all of her things. Caroline meant too much to him—as did the fidelity of their marriage—and he wasn't about to ruin for this; even if she was looking at him like he owed her something for this.
Like he owed her himself.
Because he didn't and truth was, Stefan would risk nearly anything to get rid of Giuseppe—but that didn't include his devotion to Caroline on the table. And it never would. Clearly it was time for a moment of truth.
"Maybe we'll talk about our findings over dinner sometime," she said as he looked down and Tessa smirked. "Do you still like Thai food? There is an amazing place in The Meatpacking District—"
"I think you misinterpreted this… Or, maybe it was me—maybe I gave you the wrong idea and I think I need to give you the right one; I need to make myself clear," Stefan said politely but firmly. "I'm not…looking to date anyone. And… I am not the guy you used to know, Tessa," he said as she listened on and licked her teeth. "You met me when I was… a mess. Totally and completely fucked up and unlike somebody that I like being… and I didn't treat you right. I know I didn't. And I really am sorry about. Really, really, sorry."
There was a lengthy silence between them for a moment before Tessa offered a scoff but he remained firm in his words and his stance.
He'd met every single one—even his apology to her. She may have been wild, but so was he, and he was just as much toxic for her as she was for him. Katherine may have ruined his life, but it didn't give him the right to inflict the emotional torture that he did on Tessa—or any other woman he fooled around with—when he was completely out of head and out of his mind.
No one deserved that.
"Tessa—"
"You're never going to move on, are you?" she asked and he snapped his jaw shut as the truth continued to brew between them. "Even though everyone knows she used you to make a name for herself; until she didn't need your name, anymore?"
He didn't say a word as his eyes instead casted to the photo of him and Caroline at her first Yankee game sitting on his night stand—staring at him tauntingly as their smiles illuminated the entire stadium behind them. The sound of her giggles occupied his ears and his chest filled with another bout of air the longer he stared at her enchanting smile, taking all of her beautiful imperfections in that very moment.
From the loose strand that curled over her nose, as he caught the selfies of them mid-laughter—or mid-oinking, as Caroline was positively squealing like piglet over something he didn't even remember—and the way her pink cheek pressed to his the second she started blushing when he pointed it out.
They'd had fun that day—a lot of fun—sitting rows away from the field, heckling the Boston fans, flicking popcorn at each other, and cheering uncontrollably when their team won the game and she positively jumped into his arms with so much delight, he wasn't sure if he'd ever seen Caroline so excited about a sport she claimed to hate. She even started the Let's Go Yankees chant on the way to the train, as he gave her a piggyback ride there and again when they arrived at their stop, all the way to the apartment.
How had he even met a girl so incredible? And what was he doing not telling her that, in this exact moment?
"Stefan—" Tessa broke him out of his thoughts and he shook his head in response to her statement; his words following much to her dismay.
"I don't want this," he said as he held out the folder towards her, while her forehead wrinkled and he looked into her eyes strongly. "I don't want this if you think it'll somehow change my mind… and I can't take knowing that you believed that it would… You can have it back and you can go. Now. "
"Fine," she said as she took the documents back—a look of disbelief instantly marring her face as he continued to look on. "You're willing to give up, just like that, without getting what you want? All because of Caroline?"
"Absolutely," he said without hesitation as he stared at her seriously and placed his hands at his sides. "She's a lot more than you think she is—she's actually nothing of what you think you know… And none of this means anything to me without her standing at my side, in the end… It never has."
Tessa tightened her jaw and without another word, stood to her feet, grabbed her things and headed out of the door; he didn't even budge as he heard the exit to the apartment slam shut and he remained captured in his thoughts, still thinking about Caroline all the while.
He walked over to his night table and impulsively grabbed his cell—fighting against every fiber of his being that was screaming at him to just call her, though he knew it was the last thing he should do. And probably the last thing Caroline would want. Stefan pulled in a sigh as his hands trembled as he looked down at his phone. He didn't even need to search his address book for her name—he knew the number by heart—as he dialed quickly anyway, and without hesitation before he could stop himself.
His finger hovered over the send button and he mulled over the possibilities and potential outcomes to giving his ex-girlfriend/wife a call before she'd even had the chance to contact him and every answer returned with negativity.
All signs pointed to it being a bad idea.
What the hell was he even going to say? Would she even answer? They'd spoken twice these past five months—when she told him she made it safe to Bonnie's the night they broke up, and the other on her birthday, when she replied 'thanks,' to his message. She clearly wasn't ready to be friends with him again, and he'd promised her space, time, and understanding for as long as she needed it.
He promised to wait.
And so he had to do just that, didn't he? He needed to wait.
Stefan cleared her number out of the screen and pressed his eyes shut for a moment—imagining the smell, taste, and feel of her; something he'd been longing for, for months.
It felt like decades, quite honestly, and if there was one thing Tessa's antic just showed him was that he wasn't ready to let go; at least not yet.
He might never be ready to but somehow that felt okay, because it was what he wanted—she was all that he wanted.
And there was no way in hell he was giving up on that. Or on her.
"I know you don't believe me," Stefan finally said as Caroline met his eyes and he ticked his jaw. "But I would never do that to you… The thought wouldn't even cross my mind," he said as he sat up straighter and his hand involuntarily captured her at the cheek—much to his own shock and surprise. It was only moments before he'd realized what he was doing. "I'm sorry—"he started to pull it away but she stopped him.
Caroline's fingers locked over his wrist and he breathed deeply at the feeling over fire running through his bones as it threatened to burn him up—the fever nearly swallowing him whole as they stared at one another as if the moment could last irrevocably.
Like they both wanted it to.
"Caroline, I'm sorry—"
"I believe you," she said and he snapped his lips shut as she nodded and continued on. "I… trust you. And I'm so sorry I even thought otherwise. You've never given me a reason to—I've just been crazy; or at least I feel like it, without you… I miss you, so much, Stefan. I miss us."
Stefan continued to rub his thumb along her jaw at that—every hair on her body standing on end as he did—but she didn't stop him. She couldn't.
Because the touch—the feel of him—was all too much to deny and though she knew they were in dangerous territory, she couldn't stop herself from treading the waters anyway.
Being with him made her want to lose control—what last shred she had of it, anyway—when she looked into his eyes.
She wanted to lose it all.
And she just might, if he kept on loving her the way that he did.
"Caroline," he started—his thumb still stroking her skin as she listened on. "I know we still have ways to go and you're not ready to be with me again but… I hope that I've made it clear that's okay. And I'll still be here for you, no matter what—no matter how long it takes."
Caroline's hand gripped his wrist even tighter and he swallowed hard at the feeling in the pit of his stomach growing as she stared at him with a look he'd been longing for, for too long since she left.
Like she was completely in love with him—and she always would be.
"And until then?" she asked gently as he moved in closer—barely a breath away. "What happens until then?"
"Whatever you want," he said finally as her teeth tugged at her lip and his voice lowered. "We can be anything you want."
"Friends, then?" she said, even though the words sounded even sillier on her lips, considering the moment—considering how much she knew she felt. "I… want to be friends."
"So… we'll be friends," Stefan confirmed as Caroline sighed and he licked his lips gently. "I'd love to be friends."
She didn't say another word as Stefan's hand eased to her neck and she could barely breathed when his fingertips lightly stroked her skin in the same way she'd imagined they would, every night in her dreams; each and every night behind her eyes.
She was dancing too close to the flame. And all she wanted to do was burn.
A/N- Alert the masses; I managed TWO updates in one week and I didn't break any hearts this time! xD—you all deserved it for putting up with me. Thoughts on Stefan and Caroline finally being face to face again as she surprised him (with a gift!) for his birthday, and predictions on how you think their "friendship" will go from here? It's clear they both very much want each other—but it's a matter of how long they'll both be able to hold off on those feelings…. Also, happiness that Stefan remained true to his word and Tessa wasn't someone he couldn't be tempted by? I assure you he is determined to do this the right way by Caroline, even if it meant losing something he wanted (a means of taking down his father). Let's just say he'll have another opportunity at that. As always, thank you for still reading and for all of you who inspired me to update so quickly with your wonderful reviews. They really do mean a lot. Looking forward to two big reveals next chapter and (!) we are so close to TV!Steroline, I can taste it.