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Chapter 25 - Unexpected Furs

Fíli closed his eyes briefly.

"I don't think ill of you."

He approached the sideboard where he kept his bottles. He poured himself a cup of something and held it a moment before changing his mind and putting it down.

"I don't regret what I did, though I admit it was wrong," he said, still not looking at her. "I tried to tie you to me without official bonds because, foolishly, I thought you'd be easier to catch if you were unaware you were being hunted..." He chuckled without humour. "So to speak."

Hanah felt a lump in her throat. She pressed her palms flat together in front of her mouth, afraid to speak.

"I chose the easy way—justifying it by reminding myself that you did not want a commitment. Hoping that, in time, you'd realize how well we fit. I'd show you all the benefits of a relationship with me, how good we could be together, without the complicating pressure of courtship. Because you didn't want marriage, to anyone."

Fíli turned to look at her then. Straight, unguiled, sober and honest. It still felt accusing to Hanah.

"Little did I know, the more time we spent together, the more you pulled away."

"I'm sorry," she whispered against her cold fingertips, wishing it could be against his warm cheek.

"I've realized my mistake." He peered at her with a furrowed brow, as if trying to see her better in the low light of the fire. "But do you even know what you're apologizing for?"

She nodded carefully, but she was unsure where to start. She had imagined this conversation so many times, never believing she would get an opportunity to play it out, lay it all out in front of him.

"I'm sorry for a lot of things," she began hesitantly. "I'm sorry for the words I chose. I was too harsh. I didn't mean for it to sound like I had some kind of aversion—" She could not even repeat it. "—because I don't. And you know that."

Fíli's eyes flickered to her hand which had moved by itself toward him, as if to reach out and touch him, but she caught herself and clutched it to her chest to stop her from doing something stupid.

"I'm sorry for rejectin' you," she continued. "I should have stayed in your embrace as long as I wished to, without fear, but I was convinced it was impossible for you to—" She had almost said love. "—be with someone like me, especially one so poor. The limitations of my birth haunted me, filtering everything you said and did."

This forced honesty made her face heat once more, but she continued.

"I'm sorry for not believing you. You tried to tell me, and I didn't listen. But I get it now. And I would never ask you to forgive me, but I need you to understand me."

Tears burned in the corners of her eyes. She blinked them away. She would see this through without bursting into tears like a child.

"I'm not sure I do," he finally said.

Hanah stared at him, confounded. He looked bemused, like he was trying to establish if she was really there with him in the shadowed room or if she was a dead image of herself, a ghost not to be trusted.

How should she have said it differently to make him understand? Did she have to start all over? She did not think she could handle that.

"I understand why you spoke like you did at our last meeting. I'm grateful for your honesty, but..." He shrugged, hopelessly. "What do you expect me to do with this?"

Hanah could make no demands. She had no right.

"I guess, I just wanted you to listen—"

"And then what? Make sure there were no hard feelings?"

She opened her mouth, but she did not know what to say.

Fíli shook his head in disbelief. "You still want nothing?"

"I want..." Hanah's voice broke.

Fíli locked eyes with her, slowly closing the distance between them, searching for something.

"What, Hanah? What do you want?" He came to stand before her.

"I want..." She hated her quivering voice and gave up trying to say the words.

Hanah took his large hand and placed it on top of her heart. The heat of the dry skin seeped through her shirt, branding her. She could feel the rapid tattoo of her heart against his palm.

He showed no reaction, only looked where his hand rested. But since he did not move away, she put her own hand to rest on his chest. His pulse was also unnaturally fast, and it gave her confidence.

Carefully, she placed her other hand on the side of his face. His searching eyes returned to hers with that intense focus she had not seen for so long. She had not realized how much she missed it.

"Let me show you," she whispered.

And with the lightest pressure of her hand, guiding him towards her, he came willingly and eagerly.

Fíli crashed his mouth to hers as her arms encircled his neck. It seemed he found what he was searching for, but it did not stop his pursuit.

Hanah's senses filled with him, his warmth and earthy smell. For once, she closed her eyes and let herself feel, even while her brain recorded everything. The way his arms wrapped around her, how his hands travelled from her back down to her waist, one arm tightening and almost enveloping her, the other continued down to caress the swell of her hips.

While drinking him in, tasting his lips with her tongue and coaxing him to join hers, she decided that whatever time she had with Fíli was worth any eventual disappointment later on. She was a free person, dependant on no one, and had no family to answer to. She could make her own choices. No one could punish her for following her heart.

She was free, and here with Fili she was also alive. She felt it in the goosebumps that appeared when he kissed the sensitive skin on her neck and his hands trailed up her back beneath her tunic.

"I want you," she breathed as his tongue and lips moved over her shoulder which was suddenly uncovered somehow.

He froze. Had she said the wrong thing? Was that not what he wanted to hear?

Fíli pulled back and took her face in his hands. Not uncertain anymore, or teasing, or calculating, but a with a warm spark in his eyes, he looked at her. Hopeful, conspiratorial, joyful, as if they shared a secret laugh—just the two of them.

In that moment, Hanah understood why he was special. Ever since the first time she entered Erebor, Fíli had been able to make her smile. He had not changed her, only unlocked something she had always carried. She had always been free, but with him she could show it, show herself, all of her. And she wanted to show him.

He spoke the words she was already thinking.

"Will you share my bed tonight?" His thumb stroke her bottom lip. She kissed the digit.

"Yes."

Fíli kissed her before the sound died on her lips. She held on to his shoulders when he picked her up, and he groaned when she secured her legs around his waist. Hanah kept her eyes closed while he carried her, the world seemingly spinning around them. When he put her down, she felt softness under her feet; the furs on the floor of Prince Fíli's bedroom.

The thought was disconcerting, but it did not make her pull away. She knew he was a prince, and it scared her for several reasons, but being intimate with a male she cared for so much would be scary no matter what title he held. Right now, he held her, and that was all that mattered.

Hanah was faintly aware of a door closing and locking behind her. Then, Fíli's hand went to her belt and tunic. As soon as they fell to the floor, he simply grabbed the bottom of her shirt and pulled it over her head, not bothering with buttons. His lips touched her naked shoulder, working their way down her chest, as his hands traced her shoulder blades. He lingered on her breasts, teeth grazing her nipples and his tongue laving the underside, relishing how the soft flesh gave way. His gentle but urgent touch made her tremble, while heat flooded her abdomen.

He went down on his knees in front of her, placing open-mouthed kisses on her stomach. His fingers found the strings to her trousers and pulled at them just enough to tug the leather down her hips. Leaving the trousers at mid-thigh, he traced the edges of her triangle of hair with his mouth. Tickling and tingling, Fíli's beard and soft lips tightened a cord in her, which she knew would grow much tighter still before he would make it snap.

Her legs locked, Hanah tried to keep her balance by holding onto his shoulders. But when he began licking at her folds, she lost her equilibrium and slowly fell awkwardly backwards on the bed, leaning on her elbows. He chuckled, but took the opportunity to pull off her trousers all the way, along with her shoes.

Hanah sat on the edge of the bed and reached for him. Fíli complied, rising to his feet before her. Her fingers began undoing his buttons carefully, she could feel them trembling. She had never seen him naked, not even without a shirt.

Fíli, however, was anything but careful as he helped her by pulling off his tunic and undershirt before she could count four buttons down. One of his braids got caught on a buckle of his shoulder holster, which held twin knives hanging at his sides underneath the first layer. He yelped and they laughed while he tried to untangle himself.

Hanah raised herself up on her knees to help him. It distracted her from being self-conscious of her naked form until she felt his rough, scorching hands cup her buttocks.

"Wait." She tried to keep him still while she extricated his tresses from the unforgiving metal. Her fingers faltered when his lips closed around a nipple. Slowly, she managed to open the buckle and separate it from the strap and his hair. The holster dropped to the floor with a clatter of metal knife sheaths.

"Careful with my weapons," Fíli admonished, nipping at her.

Hanah was about to respond in derision, when her intake of breath turned into a gasp. One of his hands was between her legs, parting her folds to spread the hot liquid gathered there.

He drew small patterns, searing her skin as if the liquid was juice from the fire blossom she knew would explode within her at the end of the road. Hanah was on her way there, but Fíli was still half-dressed. This was going too fast.

Reluctantly, Hanah pulled away, scooting backwards. Fíli groaned in disapproval and followed her to the middle of the bed. He grabbed her waist and pulled her beneath him in one swift movement, seizing her mouth in a bruising kiss. Propped up on his elbow, he barely kept his weight off her, while his other hand roamed her side, kneading her flesh. Eventually, like a magnet, it was drawn to her center yet again, almost as if he was not aware of it.

She moaned into his mouth as his touch created that sweet sting which travelled down her thighs. Fíli responded with a moan of his own, pressing even closer, and she could feel his hardness through his trousers. She was overcome by a desire to give him pleasure, as well. She wanted to touch him like he touched her.

One of her hands was trapped between his chest and the furs, the hand resting lightly on his back. The other clung to his shoulder, the muscles in her fingers echoing the sensations inside her. She had to refrain from digging her nails into his skin.

Slowly, she moved her hand from his shoulder down his chest until she reached the fastenings of his trousers. She pulled at the strings, loosening the waistband and slid her hand inside. His skin was soft, softer than she would have imagined, and hot like the walls in Dwalin's forge.

Fíli groaned and broke their kiss when she wrapped her hand around him. Breathing heavily, he rested his forehead against hers, and for the first time his fingers lost their pace and confidence.

He said nothing, so Hanah assumed she was doing alright so far. Lightly and carefully, she caressed him, and though her movements were very much limited within the confinement of his trousers, he seemed to feel every touch intensely.

Fíli kissed her roughly, moving quickly down her neck to her breasts. By allowing them his undivided attention, his lower body moved beyond Hanah's reach, and he slipped out of her hand. He did not seem to mind or care, however, because his fingers found their rhythm again, hastening her ascent to climax with a vengeance after the short pause. She knew she would not last much longer, and he seemed to know it too, moving lower still, placing himself between her legs.

The change from the rough texture of his fingers to the soft insistent precision of his tongue, and Hanah's comfort on the furs, made the ground slip away from under her after only a few heartbeats. The suddenness surprised her, and a broken cry erupted from her throat.

Fíli did not stop kissing her. Only moved his mouth from her nexus to her inner thigh, slowly up her stomach, while kneading her hips leisurely. He was not done with her yet, still he made no move to remove his trousers.

Hanah feared he would not let her rest long before his fingers would return to her core to wind her up again. Wanting a moment to regain her breath and rest her sensitive flesh, she raised herself up on her hands and knees, out of his reach. Fíli went to grab her waist again, but she pushed at his chest.

"Wait," she said, coming to stand on the floor at the foot of the bed.

His gaze had that intense focus, which in any other situation could be confused for anger, but she knew what it meant. He obediently stayed, leaning back on his elbows, watching her.

Hanah grabbed one of his feet, still clad in his ridiculously big shoes, and unlaced it. When both had been dropped on the floor with loud thuds, she realized why he needed such footwear: he had, indeed, ridiculously large feet. She had never seen anyone with such big feet.

"What?" Fíli asked, indignant. But he wiggled his toes at her, making it obvious he knew exactly what she was smirking at.

"Nothin," she shrugged. "They're... cute."

She pinched one of his toes, big as a midsummer potato. Something mischievous flashed in his eyes before he caught her wrist.

"They most certainly are not. You take that back." Fíli slowly but purposefully pulled on her hand, forcing her back into bed.

"No." She smiled while shaking her head.

He managed to settle her on his lap and capture her lips. When his teeth gently tugged on her lower lip and his hands squeezed her hips, she felt more liquid gather at her already soaking folds. As Fíli's hands began travelling down once more, she pushed him away, making him lie back. He almost growled in protest, but obeyed with an impatient sigh. His trousers then joined the boots on the floor.

Hanah had never seen a naked man up close in his entirety. Graham and her had kept most of their clothes on. She had seen Kíli without a shirt, and very low unlaced trousers, but that made her blush for reasons completely unrelated to physical intimacy.

Fíli was similar to his brother in build. Wide shoulders, broad chest with undefined but hard muscles covered by hair which flowed like water, gathering in a line from the center of his chest down his stomach, encircling his manhood. His strong legs were also covered in hair. Even his toes had small patches of fuzz on each one.

Hanah straddled his thighs, putting her weight on her knees as she slowly traced her fingers along his sides. She noticed how his hands fisted in the fur, but he did not stop her, did not grab her. Fíli let her explore in her own pace. Warmth flooded her chest at the thought. She loved how patient he was with her, even after all this time. Of course, if he displeased her, she could just walk away. She was free and he knew it.

Still uncertain about what to do, she very carefully wrapped her hand around him. Lightly, the pad of her thumb shifted up and down along the silky underside. Every breath he drew seemed arduous. Fíli's hands strayed to her thighs, his fingers dug into her flesh, but remained still.

Hanah bent forward to softly kiss his chest, like he had done to her, enjoying the salt texture of his warm skin while she contemplated her next step, how she could bring him equal pleasure.

Fíli was big. She was glad she was still wet from his earlier attentions, but she knew it could hurt anyway. Physically, it was possible for her to receive him; women gave birth to seven pound babies, after all. But she may need more preparation. If she used her mouth on him first, like he had done to her, it could only help. Hanah stopped herself from thinking too much about it. If she hesitated too long, she might lose her nerve.

She lowered her mouth to his cock, pressing her tongue flat and licking slowly up to the tip.

A moan filled with something like pain escaped Fíli, but since he did not stop her, Hanah figured it was not actual pain, but torture of another kind.

She continued licking him on all sides, hoping to make him as slick as she was, until suddenly he sat up. With one hand in her hair and an arm around her waist, Fíli pulled her flush against him, burying his face in her neck. His shaft rubbed between her legs, making her shudder and move her hips to increase the contact.

When the searing burn returned, Hanah lifted herself enough to grip him with light fingers and guide him to her entrance. The tight cord in her abdomen triggered her inner muscles to tense, but she willed herself to relax as she slowly lowered herself onto him. Rocking a bit back and forth, she made sure her wetness covered them both until he was fully sheathed. She stilled.

Fíli raised his head to look at her with those searching eyes, running his hands up and down her back.

"Don't ever ask me to let you go again," he said softly.

Hanah knew it was the cock inside her speaking, but it was very sweet of him.

She shook her head. "I won't."

He kissed her, hungry tongue and nipping teeth, and she began to move. Fíli hummed low in his chest, tightening his hands on her.

The hard flesh inside her kept the smolder of her arousal alive, but nothing as blinding as the pleasure of his hands and mouth. He seemed to read her mind, as he had done in the past when it came to physical desire, because he slid one hand between their bodies to caress her knot of nerves with his thumb right where they joined.

Within moments, the fire flared to life, not only by the burn produced by his fingers but also from the pressure of his cock on the inside, amplifying the sensations. She moaned into his mouth. Other more desperate noises left her as well, he swallowed them too. Hanah would have called them embarrassingly close to whimpers, if she had the thought capacity to reflect on it.

The cord tightened sooner than ever. Too soon. She had wanted to stretch it out, give him more pleasure, but she was unable to stop it. She simply did not want to. Hanah's nails dug into his back and she lost her rhythm, but she was already burning.

Fíli released her from their kiss, only distancing himself a couple of inches to watch her break.

Hanah was struck by the impossibility and the inevitability of the moment. She was powerless and powerful. The whirlwind gripped her as tightly as Fíli's hands for a few precious heartbeats. She was flying like a blackbird, and chained to him like iron to rock, with him, here, in this room, in this bed, together. It made her sob, mewl, and cry out before she was muted by his lips once more.

As soon as he felt her relax in his arms, Fíli flipped them over, his wide shoulders filling her field of vision. She could tell he was close to the edge as well.

Graham and Fíli had nothing in common, except for their tense back and erratic thrusts when approaching climax. But even in that there was a major difference, where one was distant and introverted, the other was open and vulnerable, as well as intimidating and overwhelming.

Fíli's physical presence was almost frightening because of his solid, heavy, broad body pinning her down. But the arms holding her, lifting her so that she was more pressed against him than the bed, and the half-lidded eyes focused on hers as he groaned his released against her lips, made her feel like an essential, greatly appreciated part of his pleasure, instead of just a means to an end.

Fíli slumped against her, but she could tell he was carefully keeping most of his weight off her. As their breathing evened out, Hanah stroke his hair, moving tresses from his face. When he rolled over on his back, he pulled her with him, keeping her snug against his side.

Their shared heat made her uncomfortable. She tried to move away from his scorching skin, but he would not let her go.

"I'm sticky. Let me breathe for a bit," Hanah complained.

"I like you sweaty," he replied, burying his nose in her hair. "I want to smell you on my skin and know that I am on yours as well."

She chuckled. "I'd rather not smell like anythin'."

Hanah successfully disentangled herself from his arms and lay on her stomach next to him. Fíli turned to face her. Seemingly incapable of letting her be, he traced patterns on her back and her thighs with his fingertips. Goosebumps erupted all along her body.

"You're the first woman I've taken to this bed," he said after a long moment. Low, almost whispering.

The last thing Hanah wished to think of at that moment was other women, or how she was similar or dissimilar to them—in this bed or any other. Why did he feel the need to bring this up now?

"Aren't I privileged—being invited to the prince's bed?" she joked dryly.

"I mean it, Hanah. Since the return to Erebor, you are the first."

She looked at him then, but his eyes were on the skin beneath his fingers.

"What?" Hanah's brow furrowed. She had trouble imagining it. "In twenty years?" she asked incredulous. "But you said—"

"I said it had been known to happen. I did not say how recently. After I became a prince, such things have grown impossible to manage."

"Your brother seems to manage it just fine." Even though Hanah wanted very much to forget how she knew that. She wondered if Kíli had told his brother that Hanah had been his audience during one of his sexual escapades. If not, she was not going to be the one to tell him.

"Believe it or not, my brother can be very discreet. And I am not my brother." He met her eyes then. "As the first-born, I cannot be diverting myself, as my uncle so prudently reminded me when he sent me away."

As he mentioned the king, a chill ran down her spine. "Sent you away where?"

"He charged me with handling some business in Esgaroth for a week or so. He knows the lord of Lake Town is a pain in the arse to deal with and he thought I could benefit from a distraction which did not include the fairer sex."

"How did he know?"

Fíli smiled crookedly. "He's the king. I was a fool to think I could keep anything secret from him. It was his duty to inflict a penalty on me for taking advantage of you. I'd expect nothing less."

Hanah frowned and sat up, pulling the fur with her, holding it to her front. "But you didn't take advantage of me," she said, thinking of all the times she could have, and should have, said no to Fíli, but did not.

He closed his eyes and sighed. "Yes, I did."