I'm hoping this will be the first of two chapters today:

He stood awkwardly by the car as Jeff went about setting the fishing gear up at the side of the lake, he shoved his hands back in his pockets and wished that he had his sunglasses with him, at least he'd have something to fiddle with. He was distracted from his moping by other man calling over to him, "I don't think you're going to catch many fish standing over there"

He glared at Jeff and reluctantly plodded over to the vacant fishing rod that had been placed next to the wicker basket. Jeff looked up at him from his kneeling position, "I find it works better if you pick it up and cast the line"

He silently picked the rod up and cast a line in to the lake, "Happy now?"

"Delirious" Jeff deadpanned as he got back to his feet and cast a line himself. "Just to let you know, I haven't been fishing in years so I hope Calleigh's not expecting us to bring home dinner" Horatio gave no indication of hearing the other man, he just continued to stare out across the lake, concentrating on his line. "I can see why people find this so relaxing. The peace and quiet gives you time to think about things"

"There's not much peace or quiet here at the moment" he growled, throwing a glare at Jeff.

"That's what I like about you, Horatio. Attack is always your best form of defence" Jeff replied mildly, "You push people away when you think they're getting too close to you"

"Your point being?"

"My point being that you need to stop pushing people away, you have friends around you that are trying their hardest to help you. Calleigh's a lovely woman; she doesn't deserve to be treated badly"

He almost dropped his rod at that, "I would never treat her badly" He took a deep breath before continuing, "She's been an angel these past few days, she's more than I deserve"

"Maybe she's exactly what you deserve. You've spent so long on your own, maybe it's time you let someone in"

He considered Jeff's words, he had been so lonely for so long and deep down was aching to have someone to share his life with yet he couldn't get past the fact that he would never feel good enough to be deserving of her. He was bitter and twisted, an angry man who was meant to be alone. That's what the voices kept telling him, he had been subjected to their taunts for so long that he assumed that what they were saying must be true. "I'm tired" he finally said, his voice low.

"A lack of sleep will do that to you" Getting fed up with no tugs on his line, Jeff reeled in and recast. "How long has it been?"

"How long has it been since what?"

"Since you slept properly?"

Horatio glanced briefly at the other man before returning his gaze to the lake, "I don't know" he answered honestly, "Months probably" he shrugged his shoulders.

"It's not helping you. You're physically exhausted and it's making things seem much bleaker than they really are. Have you tried anything to help you to sleep?"

He laughed bitterly, "I don't drink or take drugs. I've seen what both can do to a person" he closed his eyes as his mind assaulted him with images of his violent father and his brother strung out on heroin. "Falling asleep is not the problem…."

"It's the staying asleep that is?" Jeff interjected. Horatio nodded his head sadly, "The dreams. Do they come every night?"

"Pretty much" was the quiet reply.

"What do you dream about?"

He took a shuddering breath and fiddled with his fishing rod, "All the people I could have saved. I see their deaths over and over and there's nothing I can do to save them. They just stare at me accusingly, asking me why I didn't save them" He hung his head in shame.

"Are they always the same dreams?"

"Most nights. Things have gotten worse since…since the shooting. When I was lying on that pier I thought I was going to die. Marisol came to me, told me I had to go back. That my work wasn't done yet"

"And she's still in your dreams now?"

"Yes" he replied quietly, his voice barely a whisper. "Every time I close my eyes I see their faces. They haunt me. If I could have died to save them I would have, believe me"

"But it wasn't your place and it wasn't your time" Jeff tried to reason with him, "Maybe there's something bigger out there that you're meant for. Maybe there's someone out there that you're meant to meet"

He glared at the other man and raised an eyebrow, "I hope you don't mean you" was the sardonic reply and Jeff could have sworn that he even saw a slight smile flicker across Horatio's face.

He laughed at that, "No I don't mean me. But I think it might be someone you already know. It may be staring you in the face but you're just too tired and depressed to see it at the moment"

Horatio's head shot up, "I'm not depressed!" he replied indignantly, he gripped the fishing rod tightly in his hands as a wave of anger went through him.

"I'm afraid you are, Horatio. It's nothing to be ashamed of"

"People like me; we're not allowed to get depressed"

"And what kind of person do you think you are?"

It took him a while to think of an adequate answer, "People rely on me. I have to be strong for them" was about all he could think of on the spot.

"And who is being strong for you?"

He didn't have an answer for that. "I spoke to Calleigh earlier. About last night" Jeff said a few minutes later, "She's worried that you're not sleeping well. She asked me if there would be something I could recommend to help you"

He gripped the rod tightly again, keeping his voice even and his gaze out toward the lake. "I'm not taking any pills if that's what you're thinking"

"I had a feeling you would say that. I think you should at least give it some thought. You're running Calleigh ragged at the moment, you could both do with a good night's sleep" He felt a bit guilty mentioning her name but she was his trump card, he knew that Horatio would not doing anything for his own benefit and so he used the person he was closest to his advantage.

"You're right. I've put her through too much, I'll pack my things when I get back and leave tonight" he knew it was the cowards way out but he was scared of losing control. What would happen if he was stuck in a nightmare and couldn't wake, he'd be left to replay it for all eternity.

"You know that's not an option. Just try them, you might see things differently after a proper night's sleep. If you don't like them or can't get on with them then we'll think of something else"

Horatio considered the other man's words for a few minutes, "I don't want to be reliant on drugs. Any drugs"

"I understand that, I'm not suggesting long-term use but maybe just for the next few days. You look done-in, you need some proper physical rest otherwise we'll just be going round in circles"

He could feel his defences weakening and he hated himself for it, the lure of blissful sleep was just too strong to resist. "I'll think about it" he told the other man, not willing to commit himself to anything just yet.

Jeff smiled, "That's all I ask"