Pink Squirrel Orgies
Chapter Twenty Five - Losing Control
Albert lay whimpering on the ground for a good ten minutes, holding onto his wrinkled family jewels. Okay, that was gross. But you know it's true.
About halfway through his recovery stage, those punk kids that would soon be Dorothy's food ran back through the hallway. They cruelly kicked the downed geezer in the stomach, back, and rear. It was all he could do to swat at them weakly with one hand as they laughed and laughed. That was until one of them, the Oriental one, started hacking and coughing up blood. The rest of them looked at each other and decided it was time to continue with whatever they were doing, so they left poor Albert alone.
When he finally convinced himself to get up, it was a bit of a battle. He first dragged himself to a sitting position, then tried to support himself on the wall, groaning at the pain that shot through him. He could feel 'em swelling and throbbing. Once he was back on his feet, he began awkwardly walking towards the door that they'd gone through.
.o.
David led the way back towards the door which they had originally come in through. While he would greatly enjoy running through this building being chased by a crazy old man with an axe, he had things to do - such as live. They had much better chances running through the woods, dodging a few dumb plant zombies, than sticking around with an invincible enemy.
Only one problem...
"Why won't it open!?" David muttered, cursing as he pulled and pushed and kicked at the door.
"It must be...the evil plants are holding it shut!" George exclaimed, his eyes bugging out at his smartness.
David punched him. He fell down.
"Hey! Just because you're necessary for some nice man-on-man action, doesn't mean you get to punch my sweetie!" Cindy said, her eyes flashing red. "I can always let Kevin have his way with your body after I kill you!"
"I don't care anymore, okay!?" David exploded. "I'm so tired of you idiots! Always with the impossibly stupid comments, the creepy flirting, the fighting like little kids! I didn't get a vasectomy because I love children! I did it because every time I see a kid, I wanna just punch him in the face! And being with you guys is like babysitting four severely retarded infants!"
"Um, there are five of us...," Yoko said, cowering.
"No there aren't! You don't count! Ever!" David corrected.
Yoko's mouth dropped open, and salty water pooled in her eyes. Then she began to bawl with all her heart and soul.
"You see what I mean!?" David demanded, pointing at her.
Kevin was wide-eyed. "Look, David, I love you and I hate her, but even I think you're going overboard. Don't you think--"
"Yes, but do you think? That's the problem. You may be the dumbest, gayest asshole I've ever met, Kevin. I don't want to be your boyfriend; I want you to die," the plumber said, apparently not done dishing it out.
"But... No... How could you...?" Kevin whispered, covering his face in his hands.
"I'm loving the suffering. Maybe this rage thing you've started will work," Cindy said approvingly.
With a screech of anguish, Kevin picked up the nearest object - Alyssa - and threw it as hard as he could. She screamed as she hit the door and broke it into splinters; landing on the floor, she became silent. Finally, his solution of chucking her at the problem had worked.
Everyone stared at the new escape route. David turned and looked at Kevin, his mouth wide open. He thought of saying something about how the cop actually was good for something after all, and how maybe he'd lost his cool for a second, but decided against it. He looked back at the doorway to see it being covered with what looked like a hundred thin ropes.
"The evil plants!" George sputtered, spitting out a small, white object.
"Oh love, did you lose a tooth?" Cindy said, getting down on one knee and looking George in the face. He grinned and revealed a gaping hole.
"Uhh...cute," the waitress said uncertainly.
"Graadkoiejvlkjdsaf!" David said to no one in particular. He was hacking at the evil plants with his knife, but it wasn't really working.
"I can't believe this crap!" Alyssa cried, coming back to her senses and sitting up.
"I know! We get a way out, and it's undone just like that! And I think I'm going to die from this poison! And David was so mean to me!" Yoko sobbed. "Life sucks!"
"No, I mean I can't believe that sad excuse for a doctor was right!" Alyssa said.
Cindy glared at the other blonde, opening her mouth to make a threat. Then, thinking about it, she realized that she agreed with Alyssa for once in her life. She shrugged and turned back to her love.
Sighing in relief, the reporter voiced the inevitable question:
"So, what the fuck are we gonna do now?"
There was no answer. David was still hacking away, but more slowly, as if he was growing tired. Yoko was crying quietly in a corner. Kevin was staring dejectedly into space, contemplating suicide. He wondered if there was a razor blade around, and was trying to remember if he was supposed to go across the highway or down the highway. Going across the highway did seem more dangerous and suicidal, he reasoned. George was in his own world again, seeming to lose that bright moment of lucidity that he'd recently enjoyed. And Cindy didn't really care about anything other than him; she knew that whatever happened, she could keep herself and her man alive.
Alyssa rolled her eyes. "Oh come on, you buncha losers. You two," she said, pointing in turn at Kevin and Yoko, "quit being such damn babies. So that asshole plumber hates you. Who cares? He'd probably get you pregnant and then walk out on you anyway. Or get drunk and smack you around whenever he got pissed off. Or..."
To the bitch's surprise, her eyes began tearing up. Memories began flooding back again.
"Oh daddy, why!?" she sniffed, breaking down. "Why don't you love me!?"
"She's crying again!" Kevin observed, snapping out of it a little.
Yoko rubbed at her eyes. "I suppose she's right. I can't lose it just because...because the man I want to sex up...just said I don't matter...," she said, seeming to lose confidence with every word.
"Yeah... And I guess I am pretty gay, like Davie said," Kevin agreed. Fortunately for him, he either missed or forgot the rest of David's comments.
The plumber was panting and sinking to his knees, dropping the knife on the ground. "It's useless... I'm screwed...," he said to himself.
"Don't give up! We'll find a way out!" Kevin cheered.
David looked at him but didn't bother to respond. He just got up and started walking.
"Uh, okay," the cop said, getting up and following like a dog at his master's heels.
"It looks like we're leaving, hun," Cindy said. She and George got up and also started walking.
Yoko stood at last and swayed for a moment, catching herself on a wall. She needed to find an antidote; she felt like she really might die otherwise. She took a few steps forward, keeping one hand on the wall to steady herself. Then she noticed that someone was still crying, and looked back towards Alyssa. The reporter was sitting there, alone, no longer aware of what was going on around her. Yoko thought about leaving her behind, but in retrospect, Alyssa had actually treated her relatively well...sometimes, almost like a friend. She was always a total bitch to, say, Kevin or Cindy, but with Yoko, she was almost nice. And she had even given her a pep talk...sort of.
The college girl walked back unsteadily and bent down, almost falling over as she extended a hand to the weeping woman. "Let's go, Alyssa. It's alright," she said softly.
The blonde stopped sobbing and sucked in a breath. After a moment, she looked up, wiping away her tears. A sharp look entered those pale blue eyes once again.
"I don't need your pity!" she snapped, slapping Yoko's hand away. She rose and pushed past.
"I mean, you're worse off than me!" she added, as though she were talking to herself. "I'm just glad I got you to quit your damn blubbering!"
Yoko smiled slightly. Alyssa was back to her old self, at least for the moment. And Yoko could see compassion through those harsh words of hers.
.o.
Cindy looked back when the last two women, one leaning against the other, caught up with the rest of the group. After giving it a thought, she pulled out her herb case and opened it. Taking out a piece of a bright blue plant, she handed it to Yoko.
"The antidote," she said simply.
"What...? Why...?" Yoko asked, more perplexed than suspicious.
"I've had a change of heart, that's all. Don't question it too much," Cindy replied.
"You'd make such a good nurse," George told her, putting an arm around her waist.
"You're sweet," the blonde said. The two continued walking, kissing, and causing everyone else to gag.
"Yeah, a nurse who picks and chooses when to let someone live. Great. I'll make sure to catch up to her and write an article on it. It'll be like a horror story," Alyssa said.
Yoko gave a weak chuckle, then looked down at the herb in her hand. "I wonder if she's trying to poison me."
"You're already poisoned," Alyssa pointed out.
"Oh. Good point." Making up her mind, the college student popped the plant in her mouth and chewed. It tasted rather bitter, but not in a terrible way. She still had some difficulty finishing chewing and swallowing, but she managed. She waited for it to take affect. Nothing changed.
"Move it," Alyssa told her. She did, deciding to give it more time.
.o.
"Uhhh David, where're we going?" Kevin asked.
"To Shut-the-fuck-up Land, that's where," David answered in his normal monotone.
"Sounds like a fun place, with the word fuck and all," the cop said lewdly.
"What the hell happened to you crying and leaving me the hell alone?"
"Hey, I wasn't crying. I was, you know...peeing with my eyes."
David glanced back. "That's disgusting. And since when do you care about crying or not?"
"Well...I may be gay, but I'm not a baby. I'm all man. Wanna check?"
"Hmph. This may be the first time you've acted at all like a man...except for the flirting with men thing," David said off-handedly.
"Aw, no way. What about that time I was all heroic and saved you from that one monster thing?"
"I don't remember that. I remember me saving your ass from some monster thing."
"Yeah, yeah, you're both manly men who save each other and have lots of buttsex. That's enough already," Alyssa said loudly.
"How did buttsex come into the picture?" David growled.
"I dunno, I just felt like saying it. Buuuttsecksss," Alyssa said slowly. "Hot. Though any kinda sex is good, really."
"We don't wanna hear about your weird fetishes, ho-bag," Kevin said.
"Go to hell, Ryman!"
Yoko cleared her throat. "Um...Cindy..."
The waitress looked at her. "Hm?"
"Thank you...for the medicine. I think it's working."
"Oh, no need to thank me...," Cindy said, grinning in an unsettling way.
Yoko wondered if there might be something wrong with that medicine, after all. Maybe she shouldn't have trusted the woman that she'd shot at...
.o End of Chapter o.