Bustman: I'm here with another chapter! And it hasn't even been a year!

Crazy Hand: Hurrah!

Bustman: Yes, hurrah indeed! And better yet, we're running at a 5.5 review average!

Crazy Hand: Hurra—wait, what?

Bustman: Yessiree. So look, here's the deal. I don't update until I get at least five and a half reviews.

Crazy Hand: Bustman, I don't think there's such a thing as a half review…

Bustman: What do you know? You're a hand.

Crazy Hand: A gloved hand, thank you very much.

Bustman: Just give the disclaimer.

Crazy Hand: Bustman does not own anything. But this story. About characters he does not own. Who coexist in a context that he creates. But is often derived from past Nintendo settings that—

Bustman: Alright, good job Crazy. Please do review! And enjoy!

"I spy, with my little eye… something silver."

"The coffeemaker."

"Yup."

Marth pressed his face into his hands and moaned. The two swordsmen were sitting at a counter in a totally barren kitchen. Link broke the silence.

"I wonder what's going on at the party."

One hour earlier…

"J4."

"You sunk my battleship."

"Hey guys!" Falco burst into the kitchen, interrupting Link and Marth's game of Battleship. "We won the soccer tournament! Now Funky Kong is taking everyone in the mansion out for pizza!"

"Can we come?" Marth asked excitedly.

"Hell no!" Falco grabbed a bucket of beers. "You guys are suspended!" Falco ran out. From afar, they could hear him shout "C'mon, guys! Let's go have more fun then we've ever had!"

"Or ever will!" Mario added in cheerily. The smashers piled onto the bus and drove away while Link and Marth watched in disappointment.

"I'm sure it's not that great." Marth said glumly.

"Hey guys!" Funky Kong burst into the party room. "Let's move this party to the lounge! There's a DJ and chicken nuggets!"

There was a cheer from everyone in the lounge as they piled out. Only Zelda and Samus remained in the now abandoned party room. Zelda rolled her eyes, picked up her dress, and sat down.

"Boys," she murmured.

"What're you going to do?" Samus asked , taking a seat next to Zelda. Zelda smiled.

"It's getting harder to find gentlemen these days, that's all. I appreciate a man who's more…"

"Corteous?" Samus suggested. Zelda nodded.

"Yeah,"

Samus shrugged. "I don't much care what kind of a guy it is as long as he's inferior to me."

Zelda grinned. "Is that some kind of shot at your boyfriend?"

Samus rolled her eyes, but smiled a bit as well. "Oh, shut up. Wolf is fine."

"You aren't bursting with enthusiasm." Zelda pointed out.

"Me and Wolf aren't going to last long," Samus said casually. "I only agreed to go out with him because he's really good in bed."

"Samus," Zelda put her hand over her open mouth and giggled. Samus smiled.

"What? I like hairy guys, sue me."

"Well I like gentlemen." Zelda said firmly. Samus rolled her eyes.

"Whatever you say," she said skeptically. "You'd better thank you're lucky stars you made up with Link, because gentlemen in Smash Mansion are few and far between.

"Marth's a gentleman." Zelda pointed out. Samus shrugged.

"He needs to grow a pair."

"You are so mean," Zelda rolled her eyes. Samus suddenly frowned.

"Hold on a sec," Samus got up, walked to the door leading to the adjacent room, and looked in. She turned back, still frowning.

"Speaking of Marth and Link, where are they?"

"Suspended, remember?" Zelda said, as Samus walked back to her seat. "They can't leave the mansion."

"That sucks," Samus said, with what sounded like genuine sympathy. She paused. "What do you think they're doing back there?"

"I'm sure they're having enough fun." Zelda murmured.

"All by myself… don't want to be, all by myself…"

"Will you stop singing?" Marth growled. The two of them were trekking back down from the top of Starlight Hill. The two had become very irritable when Link accidentally knocked down a hornet's net when he was attempting to reach an apple. Link sniffled in response to Marth's request.

"Nobody appreciates my talents."

Marth rolled his eyes and pushed Link into a brush. Link chuckled, got up, and caught up to Marth.

"Are you going to shut up now?" Marth asked.

"Oh, come on. No need to be so prickly." Link maintained his smile.

"You didn't get completely covered in hornet stings." Marth growled. Link shrugged.

"It wasn't my fault that you forgot to put on bug repellent."

Marth climbed over a log and kept walking. Link jumped over it and followed. He began to whistle.

"Someone's euphoric." Marth smiled a little bit. Link grinned.

"It's love, man. You don't realize how much you take it for granted before you lose it."

Marth looked down and nodded. Link noticed a flash of resentment go across Marth's face. Link raised an eyebrow.

"How's your love life going?"

"Everyone here is taken." Marth tried to sound as casual as possible.

"There's always Jigglypuff." Link laughed as Marth shoved him once again. "Relax, I'm kidding. There's plenty of fish in the sea outside of the mansion."

"Yeah, well, we can't go outside of the mansion, can we?" Marth pointed out as the two reached the back door of the mansion.

"That's true," Link rubbed his chin as the two walked into the kitchen. "If only we could go to the Thanksgiving party. There'd be plenty of fresh faces for you there."

"If only," Marth sighed. He abruptly stopped and furrowed his eyebrows. Link turned around.

"What?" Link asked curiously. Marth indicated toward the open door.

"I hear music."

The two walked out into the hallway. Link suddenly noticed a sign pointing to a staircase he had never seen before. The sign read Rooster's Café ~ Down These Stairs. Link raised an eyebrow and elbowed Marth, who turned to see the same thing.

"How come I've never seen that staircase before?" Marth frowned.

"Oh, it's a new section of the mansion. Bustman is constantly adding these to create new settings for the story," Fox said casually, as he strolled past them. Falco groaned.

"Fourth wall, remember?"

"Hey, aren't you guys at the party right now?" Link asked.

"Oh yeah, that's righ—" the two of them suddenly disappeared. Link sighed.

"I hate living outside of the realm of reality."

Rooster's café was a small, dimly lit little venue. At the front of the café was a small coffee bar, which a green bird stood behind. He looked up dully at the two smashers, and then looked back down to the dirty mug he was cleaning. In the back of the room, Link was surprised to see K.K. Slider playing his acoustic guitar on a small stage. Link waved.

"Hey, K.K."

K.K. didn't stop playing, but nodded in acknowledgement of the two smashers. As Link lowered his hand, Marth nudged him softly.

"Look," he whispered, indicating toward the coffee bar. Link looked toward where Marth's finger was pointing, and immediately raised an eyebrow. Two smashers were sitting at the bar, each on opposite ends. On one end was a passed out Captain Falcon, a few drinks scattered in front of him. On the other side was Peach, looking glumly down at her coffee. Link shot a confused look at Marth, who returned it with equal bamboozlement. The two cautiously approached the sullen princess.

"Hey Peach," Link said uncertainly, drawing up a seat next to her. Peach looked up and took notice of the two smashers. She sniffled. "Oh, hey Link… Marth."

Marth hesitantly nodded. Things had been tense between Peach and himself ever since she had decided to hate his guts after the whole Zelda incident. Most of the smashers, with the encouragement of Link and Zelda, had found it in their hearts to forgive Marth—however, Peach still acted coldly towards him. Nevertheless, he took a seat on the other side of Peach. She didn't object.

"You aren't looking too hot, Peach." Link observed. "I mean, er, your looking down. You always look beautiful." Link added quickly, as Peach gave him the death glare. She seemed to relax a little bit and took a small sip of coffee.

"I know. I'm a wreck," she murmured. "I'm waiting for someone."

"Mario?" It didn't take long for Link to guess. She sighed and nodded.

"He's supposed to take me furniture shopping. I'm redecorating my house," she explained, as both Link and Marth raised eyebrows. "He said that he'd take me today a week ago… we've already had to reschedule twice." Peach went on. "And when this party came up… well, he said he'd come back early to take me. But now…" she looked up at the clock helplessly, and tears began to well up in her eyes. "Now it doesn't look as if he's going to keep his word."

"Here," Link handed the princess a tissue, who dabbed her eyes with it.

"Thanks," she mumbled. Marth stared down at his thumbs while Link consoled Peach. He finally spoke up.

"So, er… furniture means a lot to you, eh?"

Peach met Marth's timidly asked question in an irritated tone. "Yes, Marth. That's why I have four hundred couches and over a hundred thousand rugs."

"Why does it concern Mario, though?" Marth inquired, trying not to back down. Peach's irate eyes transformed back into disappointed ones. She softly sighed.

"He wanted to move in. The furniture was for his portion of the house."

Marth nodded, his blue eyes softening at the sight of the defeated princess. Link put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. Peach looked up at the small green bird behind the counter.

"Get me a cosmopolitan, please."

The bird adjusted his glasses and scratched his head. "Miss, this is a house of java…"

"Does it look like I care?" Peach snapped. The bird automatically shrunk back.

"N—no, ma'am… a cosmopolitan is no problem… I'll have that for you right away." The bird took off, searching for vodka. Peach wiped some snot away from her nose.

"I'm such a bitch."

"We know," Marth said nonchalantly. Peach shot daggers at him with her eyes. Marth, realizing his err, quickly backtracked. "I mean, no, of course you're not…"

"Yeah, that's why Mario has been avoiding you!" Captain Falcon snorted, still half-asleep from the other end of the bar. He was knocked out again as Peach threw a turnip at him. The princess leaned back and exhaled, obviously upset.

"Don't listen to him," Link advised. "I'm sure that Mario has valid reasons for not being able to make it back."

"There was one time when he prioritized a carrot cake over me." Peach sniffled. Link and Marth both raised eyebrows. Peach rubbed her eyes. "That was the day I invited him over for carrot cake.

"Link? Marth?"

Zelda's voice rang out from the stairway. Both Link and Marth's heads shot up.

"Zelda? Is that you?" Link asked, slowly getting up.

"Yeah," she walked down the steps into the café, Samus right behind her. "The party was kind of lame, so we decided to come back and give you guys company."

"Not that you need it, clearly," Samus frowned, looking around the room at Peach, Captain Falcon and K.K. Slider. "What's he doing here?" she jerked a thumb toward Captain Falcon.

"I don't think he was invited to the party." Peach said. Samus scratched her head.

"I thought the party was for the whole mansion?"

"Master Hand temporarily fired him so that he didn't ruin the party." Peach explained. A thought struck her suddenly. "Did you guys see Mario leave the party?"

"Nope." Samus sat down and took a toothpick out of her pocket. She popped it into her mouth. "Last I saw him, he was flirting with a cluster of girls."

Peach's face went from shocked, to appalled, to enraged, and then to just flat-out disappointed. She got up, clearly fighting back tears, and exited the café. Zelda shot Samus a you are so tactless look and followed her friend. Samus scrunched up her eyebrows.

"What's her problem?"

"She has some kind of messed up perception that Mario values her over carrot cake." Marth mumbled. This just made Samus more confused.

Link sighed and shook his head. "Forget it. It's between her and Mario."

The small green bird came out with a vodka glass. "Cosmopolitan?"

Samus shrugged and took the drink. The three sat in the café in sad silence, listening to Peach's muffled tears upstairs.

Bustman: This was a bit of a weird chapter that I wanted to make funnier… but ah well. This chapter will lead to funnier ones. Please, please, review, and I hoped you enjoyed! The next chapter will be up soon!