Linda sat at the small breakfast table in the kitchen, sipping her coffee and reading the news on her iPad. Sometimes she still liked to read the newspaper, but this morning, she took the lazy way out. Vince was already at work, but she hadn't yet decided what to do with her day. She didn't have any plans, but she felt like she needed a project of some sort to occupy her mind. She briefly wondered if her grandchildren might want a day at the park. Looking outside, it was a beautiful day, and those little girls were always able to fill any empty spaces with their boisterousness.
She just didn't want to think about the things revealed the night before by her daughter. It brought up too much old hurt, hurt that she tucked away so deeply into her mind that sometimes she'd stumble across it, and it would threaten to suffocate her. The thing about being on the other end of adultery was that while you could forgive and move on, the forgetting never really happened.
She also didn't want to draw comparisons between father and son, though the disappointment that her son should follow in his father's footsteps in this way was disappointing. She'd always thought so highly of Shane's character, so to have that torn down was a shock to his poor mother, and an even bigger shock to his poor wife. Maryn was level-headed though, not reckless, so she was sure her daughter-in-law would consider all angles before making any type of decision.
She'd wanted everything for her kids, so did Vince, which caused them to work harder than they should have during those formative years for their children. Still, she'd been proud of how they'd grown up and matured into adulthood. Both of them smart as whips, she'd sometimes feared their work would get in the way of personal happiness because both of them had been working since they were able to, but then both of them found the Irvines, and it was something of magic.
Now this, and she felt a bitter disappointment in her son. She took another sip of her coffee as she sighed, and just as she was about to take another sip, the doorbell rang. Linda momentarily paused, wondering who that could possibly be before she set her cup down and stood up. Everyone believed they had servants-a-plenty, but they only had a housekeeper who came in twice a week, so she answered the door like a normal person.
She opened the wide door to see her daughter-in-law standing there sheepishly. She'd first met Maryn years ago when she was still in her late teens. It was right around the time that Chris and Stephanie decided that they were going to become serious, and they (Linda suspected it was really Stephanie) wanted both families to get together for dinner. That was the night she first met the blonde girl who would become family to her.
She remembered how Maryn kept asking questions about the business, and not just light ones to show interest, but deep questions that even Vince was impressed about. She remembered Vince talking about that spitfire sister of Chris's on the way home and wondering how long until she was going to become a diva because even then it was abundantly clear that she was going to join the company like her older brother. It was only a matter of time.
Over the years she'd become something dearer to her. Even before she started dating Shane, Maryn was someone in her life. Being family, they often had lunch together with Stephanie, and Linda loved her like a daughter, so when she and Shane started dating, it only seemed right. Linda was thrilled with the match, as was Vince, and they encouraged it wholly. As she took in her daughter-in-law's wan appearance, Linda wondered now if it was right thing to do.
"Maryn," Linda breathed out.
"I know this is weird," Maryn's eye contact was broken just as suddenly as it was made, "but I just, I needed to talk to someone, and well, my step-mom isn't here, and my mom…"
"Come in," Linda ushered her into the house immediately.
"I just didn't know where else to go," Maryn admitted. "I know this is awkward for you, I understand that, but just…"
"You don't even need to explain," Linda told her, immediately empathizing with her. "Have you eaten anything today? Have you eaten anything?"
Maryn bit her lip a little, "I'm not sure when I last ate."
Linda winced at the words and sat her down right at the kitchen table. "I'll make you some fresh fruit, and I have some scones." Linda set about gathering all the items, quickly cutting up some strawberries for Maryn, and laying them on a plate with some blueberries and raspberries. She put a couple of scones next to them before setting the plate in front of Maryn. She picked at it a little bit, taking a few bites, but otherwise left it untouched.
"You have to eat, sweetheart," Linda pressed her hand onto his.
"I'm just not hungry," she said pathetically, but gamely took another bite of her scone to appease Linda. "I know I'm putting you in a difficult position being here like this."
"You're not," Linda said, "I can remain objective. That was part of my job for a long time. You need to talk to someone, and I'm here, and I want to talk to you, believe me, I want to be here for you."
"Thank you. I just don't know what to say or how to start or anything. I'm sure you know because well, I know that Chris or Steph probably told you last night, and even if they didn't, you would know that something's wrong because I spent the night in a hotel."
"Take as much time as you need," Linda told her, "and Stephanie told me some of it, no specifics, but I know enough."
"Okay," Maryn nodded. She fell silent again, occasionally picking a small piece of her scone and chewing it thoughtfully before her hands would return to her lap. "Do you think I did something wrong?"
The question tore at Linda. She grabbed her daughter-in-law and pulled her tightly into a hug, her chair now leaning solely on the front two legs as she got as close as she could to Maryn without pulling her into her lap like a small child. "No, of course not, sweetheart, of course not," Linda ran her hand down Maryn's hair. "You didn't do anything wrong."
"I mean, I just don't understand it, you know, like I just don't. I always thought that you got married, and it was supposed to be pretty great, you know, like not without fighting and all that, but that it would be good otherwise, and Shane was always so…"
She paused again and Linda filled in the silence, "It's hard to say why these things happen, why they think it's okay, why anyone tries to justify it, I wish I had an answer to that, but it's in my opinion that there isn't. Temptation is just too great, I suppose."
Maryn suddenly remembered that Linda had been in this position far more times than she ever should have been. She couldn't understand that either. Linda was an amazing woman who was so loyal and steadfast. But then, if she asked herself how could Vince do that to her, it would just bring up the same question she asked herself regarding Vince's son. Like Linda said, there was probably no right answer, no solid one that she could take as fact.
"Yeah," Maryn said, "I don't know what to do, I mean…you…"
"Forgave Vince," Linda supplied for her. "It was difficult. There were a lot of days where I just wanted to leave him forever without even giving a second glance then there were days where I couldn't imagine my life without him, despite what he'd done."
"How did you decide what to do?" Maryn asked.
"It's different for everyone," Linda said, "and it wasn't just one thing, it was a lot of things, the least of which was anything he actually said to me. He could have promised me the moon and it wouldn't have made any difference. It had to be my decision, it was my own decision, something that I had to think about."
"So I shouldn't listen to anything Shane says?"
Linda gave a little laugh, patting Maryn's hand. "I'm not saying that, but I'm saying that you shouldn't let yourself be swayed by what someone else wants. If Shane comes to you and he begs for forgiveness or he comes up with something, hear it, yes, but don't let it sway you. Don't do anything you don't want to do."
"And if I want to divorce him?"
"You'll always be my family, no matter what, and nobody is going to hate you for it," Linda explained to her. "You've been through something, and it's hard, and it hurts, and we're all here for you."
"Thanks," Maryn said. "I just sometimes wish my mom was here, you know, because she always knew what to say and how to handle me, and I know that sounds weird, but sometimes I miss her so much."
"I understand," Linda said.
"It's why I'm so glad to have you," Maryn continued. "Thank you for letting me come today, I didn't know that talking with Stephanie was the best idea right now, just…I know it sounds stupid, but she and my brother are so happy, I just don't even think she'd understand what heartbreak is."
"From other men, yes, but from Chris, I'd have to agree with you there," Linda thought about her daughter's marriage, and in some ways, she envied the assurance that her daughter had that her husband was hers and hers alone. She shared that same assurance in Chris though because from the start, Linda saw the way Chris looked at her daughter when he thought she wasn't looking. That was enough to assuage any fears she had in her daughter becoming seriously involved with a wrestler.
"Yeah…not that I thought you would be better because of…things, I just needed that motherly type advice stuff that people seem to seek women for," and even now Maryn could joke, and that assured Linda that she would eventually be alright.
"Maryn, I'm not going to say that if you stay with Shane it's instantly going to get better, it won't. There will be a lot of trust issues, and that's hard to come over, and if you decide to give him another shot, but decide it's too hard, that's alright too. There's no blueprint for repairing a marriage, and if you feel like it's not worth repairing or that it's too irrevocably broken, that's okay too."
"Yeah," Maryn said again, but didn't sound altogether convinced.
"It is, and whatever you decide, you have people that support you."
"I just love him so much, and it's coupled with this hatred that I never thought I'd feel, and they're warring against each other. I loved him enough to marry him, and now it's like, do I want to give up that love, but I hate him so much right now."
"That's normal. That war will eventually fade and the clearer picture will come into focus, but you need it to be from you. Take some time away from him, maybe go stay somewhere else. That might help you clear your head.
"Chris and Steph offered me a place," Maryn just shook her head, "like I need to be around that lovefest while I feel so crappy though."
"Yes, there have been times where I have caught my daughter in positions no mother should ever catch her daughter," Linda laughed. One time it was in the laundry room of all places. "Maybe Canada?"
"I don't know, I'll think about it, I don't really want to be away from you guys, especially not from Rora and Murphy, I don't think I could ever stand to be too far away from them."
"Now that's something I truly understand." Linda took pause for a moment, "You'll figure it out, Mar, in time, you'll know what you want to do."
"I hope so."