CHAPTER 21

ALICE

You can't tell someone you love them and then change your mind. That's not how it works. Once you love someone, you always love them, don't you? Isn't there a part of you that thinks of him for no apparent reason at all, whatsoever? They'll always be in the back of your mind, and even if you start to love someone else, you still love him too.

I turned up the volume of the radio. Six pm, and no one was here yet. I sat on the couch, fidgeting. Would anyone even come?

For the hundredth time, I stood up and rearranged the banner that was plastered on our Victorian wall. Welcome Home, it read, although I didn't know if this was what I should call home.

I didn't even know why I was throwing a Homecoming party for myself. It's like I went abroad or something, and clearly, I didn't. Maybe it was just my way of making everything clear, cause right now, I was so confused. I needed to know what happened between Edward and Bella. If she ever found out what he told me, I'm dead.

Minutes later, there was a knock on my door. I raced with myself to open it, and to my surprise, it was Edward and bella. I squealed in a high pitched voice as I threw my arms around Bella. I was aware of Edward cringing when I ushered them inside the house.

"Oh my God, sissy! I missed you a lot!" I screamed again, "How's everything?"

Bella cleared her throat. She kept her guard on, her gaze pinning the carpet to the floor. "It's all good."

"I'll just…" Edward interrupted. He did not finished his sentence. He just pointed to the kitchen, meaning he'd get the food. I nodded, it was my chance to have a talk with Bella.

"Oh, Alice!" She cried, hugging me immediately. "You don't know how dull it is here without you!"

"Come on Bella." I grinned. "It's just a matter of time. Maybe I'll transfer back to our High School next school year."

"Really?"

I nodded excitedly. "Yeah, after all, Jasper and I are together now, I mean, I don't have anyone to hide from anymore."

We chuckled a little, then she frowned. "I'm glad you have no problems anymore, Alice."

"You don't look like it." I joked, but she just bowed her head. "Bella, you can tell me everything."

"Edward doesn't seem to love me anymore, Al."

"How would you know?" I chuckled nervously. "How would you know if he doesn't tell you that? You're being too suspicious, Bella."

"He doesn't have to say it, Alice. I swear to God he's in love with someone else. Maybe she's prettier, smart like him… I don't know… I don't know…"

I rubbed circles on her back with my hand, letting out a deep breath. Curse you, Edward.

"Insecurities, Bella, we all have them, okay? But do you really know what they are?" She looked at me, intent on listening to what I might say. "They are little white lies that try to keep you from becoming your dream. Don't let them dictate who you can and can't be, because you are who you choose to be. Don't let anything or anyone get in the way of you becoming who you are, okay?"

"Thank you Alice." She squeezed my hand. Exactly after my little speech, there was yet another knock on the door. I opened it to see who it was-Jacob Black, wearing a tight fitting black shirt and cropped shorts for men. In all fairness, Jacob was good looking too.

"Hi!" I greeted as I dragged him inside. He didn't say a single word. I took him to where Bella was seated.

"This is Bella Swan, my best friend!"

"Yeah I know her." He said, but his voice has lost its usual ring of confidence.

Bella held out her hand. "Hello Jacob."

He gave her an easy smile, then chatted away almost instantly. There was another knock on the door, and this time it was Jasper, Emmett, and Rosalie.

I launched myself in Rosalie's embrace, uttering how much I missed her, then to Emmett, who picked me up and spun me around like Carlisle did when we were kids.

"Hi, beautiful." Jasper greeted me with a warm smile. I automatically reached for his hand and took it in mine.

We walked over to where everybody was. Well, everybody except Edward, which, Emmett noticed immediately.

"Where's Eddy?" He grinned, wriggling his eyebrows at Bella, who answered him with a frown. Rosalie smacked his head.

"Grow up Emmett!"

"I'll help Edward in the kitchen." I volunteered.

I made my way to the kitchen, as I neared it, the noise of everyone introducing their selves to Jacob in the living room began to fade away into faint whispers. I could almost hear my heart pounding.

Edward was leaning against Esme's black marble kitchen counter, sipping brandy, not a care in the world. When I walked over to where he was, I could tell he was already drunk and wasted, the scent of alcohol almost made me dizzy.

"Edward…" I whispered. "Edward, why are you doing this to Bella?"

"I already told you Alice. I don't love her anymore. It's you that I want now."

"I'm with Jasper, Edward. He's your best friend!" I reasoned out. He answered me with a laugh.

"All is fair in love and war."

He took another sip of his brandy, then refilled the glass.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked, almost too stunned to cry.

"Do you ever feel like you're working for something you're never gonna get, like a shoot and miss kind of deal?" Sip. "Like, no matter what, you can't have it, yet that's what makes you fight for it just a little bit more?"

"Edward." I breathed. "Can you just stop? I love you. You know that, Ed."

"Do you need me, Alice?"

"Not in the way you want me to…"

He sighed loudly, then kicked an adjacent wall. "See? If you love me, Alice, but you don't need me, then, you don't love me."

"That's not fair!" I exclaimed. "Edward, how many times would I have to tell you? You should stop this insanity right now!"

I turned around and sat myself on the countertop. Edward lifted the bottle of brandy to refill his glass, but I was quick enough to snatch it away.

Edward fumbled for his phone in his pocket, then played a very familiar song, Stolen (Dashboard Confessional), which, I once guessed, was his favorite.

"You know what," he walked over close to where I was, "It's no coincidence that I always played this song around you. I played it on repeat so maybe you'll actually listen to the lyrics for once and know how I truly feel."

I cringed at the smell of brandy that was evident in his breath. "What's wrong with you, Edward? Why don't you just snap out of it?"

I jumped off the counter and marched off to the door, but I felt Edward's tight grip on my arm not long after.

"Because we could have been." He said, gritting his teeth. "Do you understand that, Alice? We could have been!"

"You're hurting me!" I screeched. I was sandwiched between him and the door, and his grip was still tight, hurting my arms. "Let go of me, Edward!"

"I want you!" He insisted, shaking me violently. "You're mine!"

"I don't belong to you! Let go of—"

His lips crashed into mine, drowning out all my protests in a bad way. I pounded hard against his chest, screaming and fighting. I punched and kicked and hollered, but I knew all along that I would be defeated.

That was when I realized: There are people who have worse problems than being all alone.

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So yeah..Bye... I'm off to kick Edward's balls. Soccer balls.

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