Wednesday night came and Gil stood outside the gate at the airport waiting for Sara. He was excited and nervous. Part of him was happy she was coming, but part of him dreaded it. He didn't trust his reactions, nor did he trust his feelings. He still loved her, but it wasn't the same. The joy in loving her was gone and had been replaced with hurt and insecurity. And Gil Grissom did not like either of them.

Finally he saw her emerge from behind the security gates and stepped towards her hesitantly. It was an awkward reunion, neither knowing quite what to do. Sara felt self conscious and although she wanted nothing more than to fall in to his arms, she held back. Gil was afraid to touch her, so he simply smiled instead. "Hello."

She grinned back at him, perplexed. She had wondered what his reaction would be and had played many possible scenarios through her mind. This wasn't one of them. He took her carry on from her, careful not to close his hand over hers as he lifted the bag from her hand. "Anything checked?" he asked.

"No. I decided I left enough clothes here that I didn't need to bring so much, so I packed light."

"Okay, well….the car is that way," he said nodding towards a door just across from where they stood.

She walked with him in silence. He seemed happy to see me but why is he so cold? A hug would have been nice…

She looks tired, he thought. Still not sleeping… "You want something to eat or should I just take you to your apartment?"

Straight to my apartment? What the hell am I doing here? He's more distant than ever…"Could I go see Hank first," she asked hopefully.

"No," he answered firmly. "Tomorrow…not tonight."

"Oh…right. I suppose you have to get to the lab…"

His sigh saddened her. "I'm on medical leave, Sara. I'm not allowed to go to the lab, not to work anyway."

"That's not fair…Ecklie's just trying to…"

"Help me. Conrad did it to help me; to make me get the help I need. I'll explain it all tomorrow, but please understand Sara; I am not the same person that you left all those months ago. Some things have happened and…I've changed."

Sara stared out of the window of his car, watching Vegas as they drove to her apartment. She remembered Paula telling her that Vegas was just a city…buildings and concrete, like any other city. It was the people in the city that made the difference. And for Sara, the most important person lived in Vegas. Sara left because she had to get away from the worst that Vegas had to offer. And she needed to settle old ghosts. But she had discovered that the ghosts were within her, not in San Francisco. Now she was wondering if in trying to find herself, she had killed the best thing in her life.

He carried her bag to her door and waited while she opened it. They stepped inside and she looked around. It was just as she had left it.

"I stocked a few things in the fridge," Gil told her. "I wasn't sure what you might want, so it isn't much."

"I'm sure it's fine," she said. "Um, I guess I can pick up my car tomorrow and then I can get more if I need it."

"Yeah…I'll call you in the morning."

"Yeah…Gil?"

He looked at her, his eyebrows lifted.

"Should I have just stayed in California?"

He glanced down, collecting his thoughts before responding. Finally he looked at her. "I'm glad you came. We need to talk. There are things I need to say…explain."

"Right…tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," he said He looked around the room and then back at her, feeling oddly unemotional. Having expected to be upset, he was surprised by his lack of emotion. Looking into her eyes, he saw her disappointment but it was a clinical observation on his part. He felt nothing as he looked at her. Is it the meds, he wondered. At least I'm not falling a part in front of her. But I expected to feel…something. I think I am hurting her…maybe I should just go. "Well, if you think you have everything you need for the night, I'll head back to my place."

"I should be okay," she assured him. "But I was hoping we could spend some time together tonight. I don't have much time here and…"

"I know, but…I have to go slow Sara. Things are…" he paused, trying to find the right words. Sara watched him, becoming aware of his hesitancy and confusion. "I am somewhat erratic right now; it's complicated. But I get overwhelmed easily. I've been…nervous all day about seeing you and," he paused again, looking at his feet and swallowing as he collected himself. "And I'm tired now…and when I get tired it is more difficult for me to," another pause as he sighed, "keep it together." He wouldn't look at her but kept his eyes lowered, waiting.

"Gil, I'm sorry. I didn't think me coming to see you would be so difficult. I just want to help; I thought me being here might do that." She watched as a tremor ran through him and he shuddered. "Gil?" She could feel him withdrawing further from her but she didn't understand why.

With a voice so soft she barely heard him, he spoke. "I wanted to go see you," he whispered. "I …needed to see you. But you didn't want me to come there. I…waited but you never came and you still wouldn't let me go there. I…" his jaw clenched as he fought for self control. "I missed you so much. And then you sent your letter of resignation and I knew you weren't ever coming back. And then you sent me that letter, telling me to move on. And I tried…"

"Gil, I'm sorry. I should have warned you about the resignation letter. I just thought I should take care of that loose end. Honey, I can't come back to Vegas. There's too much here that hurts."

Gil slowly looked up at her. "But I'm here too. I thought…." He sucked in a deep breath. "I hoped that would be enough for you. That we could," he clenched his jaw and shut his eyes tight as he finished, "you know….We were going to get married. I …" His eyes flew up to her face and he glared at her. Pain and fear mixed in his expression. "I can't do this now. Tomorrow," he said. Then he made an abrupt exit through her door.

Sara watched him leave, wondering about everything that he had not said. What has happened to him? He didn't sound like this in our phone conversations. She furrowed her brow as she thought about his demeanor. He looked so hurt…did I do that to him? She sat on her couch and spotted a picture of him that she had kept on her end table. Picking it up, she looked at it, touching her fingers to his face. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I didn't know…"

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Okay, so Sara's back. Now what? You'll just have to keep reading and find out. But you know, reviews make me type faster (that's a hint, in case you didn't get it)