CHAPTER 25

"Every happiness of yesterday is a memory for tomorrow"
-George W. Douglas

Monday morning I managed to hide from the team until it was time to brief them. I had needed a moment for myself until I had settled again. Will was already up in the air, on his way back to work as well. It had been tough to say goodbye but I kept myself busy with work and tried not to think about it. There was no way around it, so made it quick. Like ripping off a band aid. A short, passionate kiss, a goodbye smile and we both took off in different directions...

"Tell me everything" Emily hugged me as soon I set a foot outside my office, as if she'd just been waiting there.
"About what?" I started to sweat a little. Did she know?
"Your vacation. What does it feel like to not work?" She joked. Even though she had a point with the working-thing, I wanted to tell her everything. The truth. About Will, about our trip, about Paris, the beach, about my being on cloud nine. Instead, I was back in my self-chosen role as a single workaholic.
"It's great. But I was with my family and my best friend from high school and her 9 year old were there for a visit so I didn't sleep in very often." It had been great. I didn't sleep in very often, either. The only real lie was my high school friend. Which existed, though. So it was just a little twist of the reality.
"I'm just glad you're back. It's not the same without you." She put her arm on my shoulder as we walked to the bullpen.
"Look who's here." Everyone sang, hugging and welcoming me.
"Look who's so tan." Morgan was last to enter the room.
I blushed, there was not enough sun in Pennsylvania to cause my tan skin. They were profilers and definitely wouldn't buy that.
"Uhm, yeah... Mackenzie, an old friend, and I tried out this spray-tanning-thing. It looks real, doesn't it?" Here I went, sinking deeper and deeper in the quicksand of lies.
Thankfully Hotch entered, greeted me friendly and sat down so I could fill them in on the case.

Working with the team again was like I'd never left, the joy and happiness took a backseat during the daytime but when I was alone in my hotel room, I couldn't hide a smile anymore. I was tired so I quickly texted Will and got changed. 'Busy day. Going to sleep. Talk to you tomorrow?' I had almost fallen asleep when my phone vibrated on the nightstand.
'Anytime. Sweet dreams'

"JJ, I may not be a profiler but nobody gets this sun soaked in Pennsylvania." Garcia trotted beside me when we came back from the airport and I just wanted to grab some things. Why did everyone pay so much attention to my skin colour?
"Don't be mean, we have sun!" I tried play it cool, unsuccessfully.
"Well then I'm talking about your soul or something cause nobody looks this happy after a week with their family"
"You know I love my family."
"You know that's not what I me-ean." She sang.
"Penelope, I'm fine and I would tell you if there was something to tell you but there's not. So get over it. See you tomorrow." I hurried up, knowing she couldn't catch up in her heels and by walking away like a coward I practically admitted that I was hiding something.

"He ate them." I told Will on the phone when I got home after having a pizza with the team. A disgusting pizza, compared to my experiences in Italy, but I'd have to get used to it again anyway. I couldn't tell him about all the lies because I knew he would tell me to be honest with them. He probably even thought I had told them when I got back. So I talked about the other thing that was stressing me. My feelings about work. About this case in particular.

"He ate his victims and for the first time in like 5 years, I didn't come home, lock the door and hide under my blanket." I had been surprised myself that fear didn't take over once I wasn't protected by my team anymore. The gun in my pocket was useless, I knew I wouldn't use it. I was too nice to shoot someone. Even if he threatened me.
"I'm glad I could help." Will automatically knew I was talking about him.
"Technically, you didn't help. It was the vacation that you organized. But you're right, it wouldn't have been as relaxing without you." I stretched my legs out, wishing it wasn't so cold and well far away from the ocean.
"Cannibals are just.. over the top even with the stuff we deal with on a daily basis. Did I mention he owned a barbecue restaurant? He kidnapped woman and cooked them, his recipes even had names, too. And I went home, opened a bottle of beer and threw myself on the couch. I'm a horrible person." I laughed.
"No you're not. I can hear in your voice how much you like not caring too much. You just have to find the right balance between caring and not caring."
"How do you manage to always find the right words?" I sighed.
"They just sneak up on me when you're around." That didn't sound very logical but sweet.
"Anyway, how was your day?" I asked, hoping he'd have some good news.
"Boring compared to yours, as always. Just a homicide. It was the wife, of course." I knew when he said 'just' he didn't mean that it was irrelevant. But usually, Will never saved anyone. He served justice to the people who were killed but the people he locks up aren't a threat to the society and it's already too late for the victims. Nobody else would have died if the wife had gotten her money and the house she'd always dreamed of. When I go to work in the morning, there's always a person who is yet to be saved. There's always a possibility he or she is still alive. Sometimes I wondered if Will was jealous of that.
"Sounds... interesting."
"Sounds boring. Now tell me something I don't know." 40% of McDonald's profit comes from the sale of happy meals. I bet he didn't know that one. Instead, I said the one thing I had been dying to tell him all day.
"I miss you"
"I already know that."
"Good."
"I watched a movie tonight and the main character looked just like you. It was really weird." Weird. I hope he didn't mean she looked weird.
"What was it about?"
And then he told me about it and we spent all night discussing our favorite movies, with no more signs of grief that we were apart. Our hearts didn't know what distance was. Because if you love someone, it doesn't matter where you are, as long as you don't stop thinking about each other, you're always together.
Did you know that it took almost 6 months to shoot 'Titanic'?