Journal Entry #25
Well, the only amazing thing in life right now is Hazel Grace to be perfectly honest. She's been over here everyday. She took me to Funky Bones and we had some champagne last week, which was nice but, I just felt so depressed watching those kids run and play and live and I couldn't help but get this jealous feeling right in the pit of my stomach (which I thought may have been the G-Tube at first). I just wish I could be a kid again you know? And not have to worry about things like meds and G-Tubes and oblivion. I thought about what it'd be like if I knew Hazel Grace when we were kids. I imagine her, Isaac and I getting up to all sorts of trouble and not caring one bit because we would be together and we'd be healthy and it'd be great.
Hazel Grace just left a few moments ago. We had dinner together with my parents (well, they did. I attractively puked up everything I had eaten), then I got my dad to let us hang out in my room. We didn't really hang out though – we got comfy under the covers, Hazel Grace resting her head on my shoulder as I just admired her features (which has become my favourite pass time) before we made out for a while and fell asleep. I wish I could be a normal boyfriend for her though, like – the both of us getting lost in complete passion before having the most amazing sex and then just laying there, staring at each other and wondering how we'd made it through life before meeting one another. I wish I could be that for her. Just like I wish I could write this AIA sequel for her. I wrote a few notes down but they sucked. I keep trying to think things over better but every time I do its like my brain decides "TIME TO BE IN PAIN ASSHOLE".
So we woke up and played Counterinsurgence 2 for a while before she decided to leave. God, I wish she could take me with her. I understand what my folks are going through, and I hate that I'm hurting them so much, but they just watch me day and night like I'm about to do something incredible at any moment. Incredible. More like drop dead.
I think I'm just gonna sleep. Its what I do best these days.
A.W