Chapter 25: Twelfth Tribal Council
Las Noches Tribe…
It took at least two hours for the survivors to get back to camp. The reasons for this were due to the various injuries received during the immunity challenge, being harassed by several Hollows and Menos Grandes, and having to drag an unconscious Ulquiorra back to camp. In fact, poor Inoue appears to have thrown her back out. Everyone else is nursing various wounds and bitching about the upcoming vote, except Urahara who may in fact be having a nervous breakdown about his hair…or lack thereof…
Yup, you guessed it. Our brave, and perhaps suicidal, cameraman heads into the danger zone to find out just what our survivors are thinking about. Of course what the survivors are thinking about usually involves the killing and/or maiming of some poor unfortunate teammate. Maybe they've been hanging out with Aizen a bit too long…
Anyway…
(KISUKE URAHARA – Las Noches Tribe)
"I'M GONNA KILL HIM, THEN TURN HIS BODY INTO FISH FOOD!" Urahara yells, running his fingers through his extremely short Shia LaBeouf haircut. "JUST LOOK WHAT THAT BIO-ENHANCED FREAK DID TO ME!"
The cameraman vigorously nods his agreement, it helps that Urahara has him by the throat and is shaking him. So while Urahara abuses our poor cameraman let's switch to cameraman B, who has just cornered Ichigo.
(ICHIGO KUROSAKI – Las Noches Tribe)
"Oh that little Rukia beep is going down. Vote for me will she?"
Ichigo then breaks down into sinister laughter, Aizen would be so proud. Cameraman B slinks off, lest he be injured like poor Cameraman A, and corners Hanataro.
(HANATARO YAMADA – Las Noches Tribe)
"Well I wanted to vote for myself, but Ulquiorra scares me with his emo look." Hanataro shrugs. "Oh well, mind as well vote for him anyways."
Cameraman B then goes to passive mode, while paramedics try to revive Cameraman A. Meanwhile we spot Yoruichi and Gin deep in conversation.
"So my first step toward anti-fuffdom is to vote for Orihime?" Gin looks a tad confused, but hey that's normal for him.
"Indeed it is. Plus, is it kinda weird for you to pair with her anyways. I mean, Gin X Orihime? What kind of pairing is that? You should be pairing with Rangiku! Not her!"
"What?" Gin widens his eyes in realization. "Oh yeah! I remember now! Why the hell was I in love with that inoue bitch in the first place?! I should have been pairing with Rangiku!"
--
Tribal Council Area…
Aizen stands near the railing, looking unusually worried. In fact I'd say he looked downright paranoid. I suppose it could have something to do with all the Hollows and Menos Grandes running around the island but more than likely has something to do with the whereabouts of Light Yagami. Three of the show's private security guards have already died from heart attacks after they were sent out to locate him. Aizen knew that Light must have taken them down with his Death Note. And the stupid security guards shouldn't have worn their nametags before searching for Light in the first place! But it's a good thing that Light will not simply kill Aizen by writing his name in his Death Note. After all, he does want to see him suffer in a slow and painful way instead of an immediate death. Since then, due to the cost of insurance and workman's compensation, the show has decided not to pursue him and called in a detective who goes by the name of 'L' to go after him instead. Aizen has been rather paranoid ever since.
While Aizen's gaze searches the tree line for Light, the contestants show up. They cast wary glances at Aizen and take their seats. However Aizen is so intent upon his Light Search, that he doesn't even hear them arrive. Five minutes later, Aizen still hasn't figured out that they are there and several of the survivors are becoming a bit board. Finally Yoruichi, fed up with waiting, walks over and taps him on the shoulder. What happens next is so completely out of character for Aizen and hilarious we plan on selling the tapped material to Worlds Funniest Videos.
"AHHH!"
Aizen jumps ten feet in the air, while screaming like a five year old girl on helium, spins around, and decks Yoruichi. Yoruichi goes flying through the air, hits Hanataro, who in turn hits Inoue, who in turn hits the barley conscious Ulquiorra, and the entire group hit's a nearby tree before tumbling to the beach below in a pile of broken and bruised body parts.
"Opps." Aizen turns a bright shade of crimson and slides off camera.
--
In the Tree…
"Mommy, look at the people fly!" Szayel jerks on Haruhi's uniform sleeve, pointing at the group of survivors that have just hit the tree. "Can I fly someday?"
"Uh…yea honey, now you watch the cute people." Haruhi turns back to Tosen and Rangiku pointing out several key points on a drawing. "Mommy's busy."
"Oh damn…that had to hurt." Soi Fon, finally released from being tied to the branches, cringes as the flying contestants hit the ground. "I think they are definitely going to need an Advil after that fall."
"No kidding." Uryu says.
The tree living survivors nod. Then return to what they have been doing for that last few hours…trying not to get eaten by the five Hollows and two Menos Grandes stalking them beneath the tree, oh and screaming of course.
--
…Requisite Commercial…
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--
Back at Tribal Council…
Several packets of smelling salts later, Yoruichi, Hanataro, Ulquiorra and Inoue seem to be doing better. Well not counting the bruises and broken bones of course. Everyone is glaring at a severely red faced Aizen, who is still trying to keep up his evil appearance and failing miserably at it.
"Um…Grimmjow would you like to give away your immunity?"
"No." He snaps, petting his penguin plush toy 'Pingu'. "No way in hell, Aizen."
"Ok!" Aizen claps his hands together and attempts to smile cheerily. "Bring in the Cage!"
The steel cage from the last tribal council is dropped behind Aizen. Renji glances at the survivors while munching on a Double Cheeseburger from MacDonald's and reading a Bleach manga. He gives a little wave then returns to the part where Yammy is about to have his fight with Kisuke Urahara.
"Time to vote. Grimmjow cannot be voted for." Aizen forces another fake grin to his face. "Remember whoever is voted off goes on the Jury!"
Gin is the first to vote. He scribbles out a name, the same one five times, and holds up the card.
"Inoue, sorry, but I'm working on not being a fluff and you are an obstacle that must be overcome."
He smiles, drops the card in the pot, and takes his seat. Inoue votes next. She walks over, a bit hunched over thanks to re-injuring her back in the fall, and scribbles out the same name three times.
"Gin, this whole anti-fluffdom thing is just stupid. Plus you have sided with Yoruichi and that I cannot forgive."
She drops the card in the pot and retakes her seat. Ichigo is next. He walks over to the pot, Fluffy trailing behind him like a lost puppy. What kind of a name is Fluffy for a Menos, guy is starting to go fluff on us or something…
Anyway, Ichigo scribbles out the same name three times and holds up the card.
"Payback Rukia…payback…"
He then breaks out in evil laughter again and drops the card in the pot before returning to his seat. Aizen is quite impressed with the laughter, I might add. Not to mention it was made by his arch-enemy. Ulquiorra is next to vote. He staggers to the pot, writes out the same name five times, and holds up the card.
"You dare try to kill me, Urahara?! Therefore, you must die!"
Ulquiorra takes his seat and it's Yoruichi's turn. She drags one severely broken leg behind her. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.
"I want to go home…"
She drops the card in the pot and drags herself back to her seat, where she breaks down crying. Hanataro is next. He stumbles over to the pot and somehow manages to scribble out a name despite the fact his right arm has been fractured in six places.
"Ulquiorra...you sucked beep with your retarded emo face. Get lost."
He drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Urahara is up next. It scribbles out the same name six times and holds up the card.
"I HATE YOU ULQUIORRA, DIE A HORRIBLE DEATH AND MAY HUNGRY HOLLOWS EAT YOUR EYEBALLS AND ORGANS!"
Urahara drops the card in the pot and takes his seat. Rukia is up next. She scribbles out a name and holds up the card.
"Hate you Ichigo."
She smiles rather sweetly and skips back to her seat. Grimmjow is the last one to vote. He swaggers up to the pot, scribbles out a name, and holds up the card.
"Like I said in the last few tribal councils, I still hate you for not killing Ichigo back at Karakura town. So Ulquiorra, get out of here and I hope you die a horrible death."
Grimmjow smiles and heads back to his seat.
"I'll read out the votes." Aizen said. He quickly collects the pot, places it in front of the tribe and counts out the votes. He turns a pasty shade of white and breaks out in a cold sweat when he realizes just who it is he has to throw into the cage.
"Tweflth person voted out of Survivor…Ulquiorra Schiffer…Ulquiorra, bring me your torch…"
Due to the graphic nature of the following scene we are unable to allow you to view the images. We don't want to get sued by irate parents and/or government officials. Please be happy with the following dialogue…--
Images of cute puppies and kittens playing together dances across the televisions of America with this for background:
THWACK!!!
Rukia: Damn…I didn't know an arm could bend that way…
Ulquiorra: Take this! AND THAT TOO! HO HO!
Aizen: Not the hair!
CRAAAAACK! Followed by… SWACK…followed by floppy fish noise…
Yoruichi: I think I'm going to be sick…
Hanataro: Ewe…
Aizen: That was my best Arrancar coat!
Ulquiorra: EAT MY CERO BLASTS! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
BOOM…BAM…WHAM…
Ichigo: Oh damn…that has got to hurt…
Gin: Uh…should that bone be sticking out like that?
Aizen: That's it, Ulquiorra. You're gonna get it now! HADO 90, KUROHITSUGI!
THWACK…BOOM…WHAP…CRUNCH…
Grimmjow: Damn! You sure twist those bones damn hard, Aizen!
Inoue: WHIP HIS ASS BABY!
Aizen: (coughing and wheezing)
Ulquiorra: (panting)
Urahara: WHIP HIS ASS AIZEN!
Ulquiorra: CERO!!!
Aizen: HADO 90, KUROHITSUGI!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM……(An explosion as huge as the atomic bombing of the city of Hiroshima of 1945)
Thank you for your cooperation, we now continue with the program already in progress--
The survivors stare as paramedics cart off a moaning lump that used to be Aizen and the producers remove the cage containing a messy blood puddle that used to be Ulquiorra. The survivors then look at one another, shrug, and head back to camp…
Next Time on Survivor…
Yup, another immunity challenge…
A hurricane is arriving…
Inoue finds a new 'boyfriend'…
We meet the winner of the 'Gotei 13 Home Extermination Sweepstakes'…
Stay tuned…
Who Votes Who:
Gin: Inoue/Inoue/Inoue/Inoue/Inoue
Inoue: Gin/Gin/Gin
Ichigo: Rukia/Rukia/Rukia
Ulquiorra: Urahara/Urahara/Urahara/Urahara/Urahara
Yoruichi: Yoruichi
Hanataro: Ulquiorra
Urahara: Ulquiorra/Ulquiorra/Ulquiorra/Ulquiorra/Ulquiorra/Ulquiorra
Rukia: Ichigo
Grimmjow: Ulquiorra