I was past the point of exhaustion, so tried that I didn't even feel tired anymore. And though I had been functioning on little to no sleep for the last month, this morning it was particularly bad. I slept deeper and harder in Edward's arms then I had in a long time, yet it was nowhere near enough and my mind screamed in protest when my alarm went off.
The protest in my head was not near as loud as Edward's verbal protest and it didn't take much convincing for me to snuggle back into bed. Five more minutes couldn't hurt.
But then I didn't even get that because Nessie stormed in, obviously tense about her upcoming performance, asking questions I didn't have the answers too. It was incredibly frustrating and confusing, navigating back into a relationship with Edward. I really didn't want Ness involved. I was terrified of not meeting her expectations somehow and I didn't want to get her hopes up. My hopes were high enough for the both of us. I didn't think I could take on her hurt and my own if we were to fail.
I probably wouldn't have gotten so bitchy with Edward if I had those extra five minutes of sleep, but he knew just how to deal with me. He reassured me and understood me and turned me on and made me laugh.
The thought of marriage still made me wary and I would need to make sure I was ready before taking the big plunge. I wish I could have been like Edward, but I worried that if we rushed into marriage it would ruin us.
It was against my will that I finally made it out the door for work. Edward had done a good job of driving me crazy, making me want him every time I turned around. I wanted to cry when I thought about all the hours between now and when I would finally be able to have him at the end of this very long day. It was sure to be an emotionally draining one, between the chaos that was work, the sorrow I felt when I realized that my little girl was not so little, and socializing with the mass of people Kathleen thought should celebrate the end of elementary school.
I was swamped, busier than even I anticipated. I was on my fourth cup of coffee and hadn't found the time to eat my yogurt when I set off to meet with Charlie around 10:15. It seemed that I rose from my desk a bit to quickly because all the blood rushed to my head and I saw spots. After steadying myself with the back of my chair, the moment passed and I figured I was fine though I should probably eat the second I left Charlie's office.
Did I eat dinner last night? I couldn't for the life of me remember.
My attention waned during my strategy secession with my dad. I was just so tired and I needed to eat something and I think I had too much coffee too quickly because I was not feeling right.
"Bella?" my dad said, sounding annoyed. "Are you listening to me?"
I nodded, focused, managed to be an active participant in the discussion, and finally he dismissed me. My stomach was demanding my attention and I planned on inhaling my yogurt at super human speed before jumping on my next call.
But then I stood and the vertigo was even worse this time and the black spots in my vision seemed to mold together into one mass, completely obscuring my sight.
I came to a second later, opening my eyes to Charlie's panic face.
"Whoa, Bella, what the hell happened?" he asked as he led me over to his couch.
"Nothing. I am fine.'
It was like I hadn't spoken and he insisted I lie on my back.
"What do you need? Should I call 911?"
"Don't be absurd Dad, there is no need to call anyone. I just need some water and something to eat and I will be fine."
He returned a moment later with my yogurt, some crackers, and a tall glass of water.
"Thanks Dad," I said as I took the goodies from him, digging in. I was suddenly ravenous.
"I am taking you to the hospital," he decided, pulling over a chair to sit near my feet.
"No. No way. It is completely unnecessary."
"You at least need to go home and rest."
"Dad you know I can't do that. There is too much to get done and I want to get caught up so I can take at least half a day off next week."
"I am calling Edward," he said, reaching for the phone and asking his secretary to get Edward's home number as I groaned.
"He is going to completely flip out."
"As he should."
Charlie turned to me after a brief and stilted conversation in which he convinced Edward (easily I might add) that was in need of a ride home. It was ridiculous. I felt fine now that I had some food in my belly.
There was going to be no living with Edward after this.
"I don't think it would be hard to get Edward to strong arm you to the hospital," Charlie said, trusting the crackers back at me and demanding that I eat more after I took a quick cat nap.
I rolled my eyes. "Why aren't you listening to me? I am fine now. I just hadn't eaten since lunch yesterday. I don't need to go anywhere but back to work."
"You have been working yourself to death Bells," he said, angry all over again. "Look at you! And I have let you but I am done putting the company first especially now that it is a health risk!"
"Dad, you are being dramatic—"
"Cut the shit Bella," he said in a way that indicated just how serious he was. "Here is the deal. You need time off. You haven't taken a vacation in years and this month you have been putting in crazy hours."
"I just do what needs to be done—"
"HEY!" he yelled, causing me to cower. "I am talking and you are listening. You work too much and as your boss I am saying that it can't continue. I am assigning you mandatory vacation time." I really had something to say about that but kept my lips firmly pressed together. I hadn't received a good verbal lashing from the chief since high school and even then it was rare. It was making me feel very young and very stupid. "Effective immediately you are not to set a foot in this office nor are you to participate in any work related tasks without my direct permission. And if you don't agree then I am convincing your boy that you need to go straight to the emergency room."
"How long is this mandatory vacation?" I asked, snorting at the absurdity.
"When does Nessie go back to school?" he asked, looking thoughtful.
"Mid September?" I guessed, thrown by his question. "I don't know the exact date. Why?"
"That will be your first day back. Nessie's first day of school." He nodded his head once as if the matter was closed while I gapped at him in shock.
"How? What…. I can't… the company. Charlie, what will you do without me?" I was a little offended he didn't value my contribution more then to think he could get on without me.
"It will be a struggle but we will manage. I have been interviewing to hire a new VP for weeks so that will help. Angela is good and will need to step it up. And I really don't want you working for the next few weeks, but after that mandatory vacation really means working remote."
As appealing as that sounded, I was still minorly offended.
"But—"
"No buts Isabella," he said, waving off my protests. "You are my little girl and you need to take care of yourself. And… and it will be really good for your family."
Again, I gapped at him in shock. He wanted me to go with Edward. On tour. My father wanted me to take my daughter and live with Edward in the back of a bus for the next two and a half months. It was perfect. The best possible solution. It would mean that there would be no goodbye at the end of the week.
But then I had a bad thought. What if it wasn't what Edward wanted? I couldn't impose on the band, I didn't want to get in the way of Edwards life.
And just then the man himself entered the room and I couldn't think about all Charlie was saying now. I would have to think long and hard about how to best approach the subject with Edward and now was not the time.
So I cut Charlie off and let Edward take me home and pouted slightly when my half hearted seduction techniques failed. But I was really so tired that sleep was rather appealing, especially because I was doing it curled up with Edward.
The commencement ceremony was as bitter sweet as I originally envisioned. Nessie sang so beautifully prideful tears poured out of me. She really did get the best of both Edward and I. One glance at his face confirmed that he was feeling everything I was feeling.
I didn't recall ever feeling closer to them, more like a family.
One mini break down and a great hunt for a swimsuit later, and we arrived at the party. I was still floating around, extremely happy that I was with all the people that mattered. Edward was perpetually touching me, half because he was fretting over my well-being and half because he just wanted too. Nessie was chattering away, exultant and relieved now that her first performance was over.
I was smiling genuine smiles, despite the stress of my job and passing out and my doubts about going on tour with Edward. I didn't think anything could change my elated mood.
But then I saw Jake.
I had not heard from him since our dramatic parting more then a month prior. It surprised me, to be honest. Though I was completely done and over our brief affair, I thought Jake would need more closure. There still seemed to be things left unsaid between us, but I didn't contact him.
I didn't think he wanted to hear another round of apologies.
Rarely had I thought of Jake since the break up. And when I did it was with regret and guilt. He didn't deserve to be treated in that way, despite his flaws. I was eternally grateful for his friendship and I lamented the loss of him from my life.
That being said, I really didn't want to deal with this yet.
My first instinct was to try to distract Edward, to pretend like Jake was not encroaching on our love bubble, and to act as if he wasn't even there. But then Jake turned to me and we made eye contact. He was trying to look ambivalent and disconnected, but his attempt at superiority just looked sad to me.
Again, the guilt was just about unbearable.
I wondered what he had to say and hoped I would get another chance to tell him that I was sorry I hurt him. And to thank him for being such a good friend to me. Not that we could ever get back there, but I hoped he knew I did value him.
Then I felt Edward tense at my side and growl, pulling me closer to him seemingly subconsciously.
"What the fuck is he doing here? Did you invite him? Did Ness want him here?" he snarled in my ear, not taking his eyes off Jake who was returning Edward's glare.
"I am sure he was invited before we broke up. Kathleen has been planning this party since March," I sighed in response. I hoped Edward wouldn't be too much of an asshole about this.
"Do you think this is your father's fucking doing?" he asked again, not relaxing or moving in the slightest as he realized that Jake was chatting with my dad.
I thought about my conversation with Charlie and how he was practically forcing me to spend the summer at Edward's side.
"No. Charlie knows that the good ship, SS Jacob Black has sailed. He accepts this Edward."
He just growled again in response.
"Would it ruin the party if I just stalked over there and punched him in his smirking mouth?"
"Yes. And he is not smirking. I think he looks nervous."
"Whatever, I don't fucking want to deal with his bullshit."
"Edward, you have to be nice," I lectured.
"NICE! He has fucking seen you naked! How the fuck do you expect to me to be nice to a man who has seen you naked?" he asked, turning his shocked gaze on to me. I put a hand on his chest and was glad he relaxed slightly and covered my hand with his.
"Please keep in mind that technically he is the wronged party. I cheated on him! I left him for another man," I explained, getting a little panicky about having the two of them within ten feet of each other.
"But… what… But… I had you first!" he defended petulantly.
"And you have me now. So we are going to take the high road," I said, resisting the urge to laugh at him as he sputtered unintelligibly.
"Aw fuck, he is fucking coming over here. What the fuck do we do now? Why the fuck is he even here? What the fuck could he possibly have to say? If one thing I don't like comes out of his goddamn mouth I am going to motherfucking attack this motherfucker. God fucking dammit—"
I elbowed Edward in the ribs to get him to stop his tirade before Jake got into hearing distance. Jake stopped a few feet from us and Edward put his arm possessively around my shoulder as we turned to face my former boyfriend.
"Cullen," Jake greeted in clipped tones.
"Black," replied Edward, sounding dangerous.
We all stood in awkward silence for a minute and I tried to casually put some distance between Edward and myself. He was all up on me and I was not digging his macho crap.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Edward snapped, finally breaking the silence but doing nothing to alleviate the tension.
"I was invited, asshole," Jake replied coolly, arms crossed over his broad chest.
"Well I am revoking your goddamn invitation—"
"Enough," I whispered to Edward before turning back to Jake. "Of course you are welcome Jake. Nessie wants you here, I am sure."
Edward growled again but was ignored as Jake finally turned his gaze onto me.
"So you two are official again," Jake sneered. "Isn't that just sweet. Real fucking romantic, the drug addict and the lying cheat."
Edward took an abrupt step forward and I tugged hard on his arm to keep him from attacking Jake.
"What do you want Jacob? If you are just here to insult us, we are going to have to reschedule. I am kind of trying to enjoy my daughter's party here," I said, equally as mad as Edward. Part of me left like I deserved Jakes harsh words and anger, but I was really so happy before he popped up and I blamed him entirely for fucking up my high spirits.
Jake closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and focused on me once again.
"I am sorry Bells, I promised myself I wasn't going to get angry. I really want to talk to you about something though… alone." He did look apologetic and I quickly remembered that he was the victim, I was the cheater, and if he wanted to talk, I owed him that.
"Aw fuck no," Edward grumbled, once again pulling me tight to my chest.
"Edward…" I said, trying to pacify and scold him at the same time. "Give Jake and me a minute, ok?"
"No,"
"Edward." The warning was clear in my voice.
He sighed dramatically and turned to face me, putting his body between me and Jake. "Five fucking minutes Isabella. If you are not back in my arms by then I won't be held responsible for the death and dismemberment that follows."
I rolled my eyes and nodded. Edward kissed me in parting, longer and harder then he would have normally, but I guess a little pee on the tree was to be expected. When I finally had enough and shoved him away, I couldn't help but smile.
Being with him just made me so happy, even when I was the tree.
But then I glanced back to Jake and felt guilty all over again. "Jake, I really am so sorry," I said quietly. "You didn't deserve what I did to you. I don't know if you even realize what a good friend you were to me. I am so grateful that you were in my life."
"Wow, using the past tense now are we?" he asked, smiling sadly.
I just nodded, not really knowing what else to say or what he even wanted.
"Fuck. Bella don't be sad. You look so upset. I didn't come here to make you feel bad," he said, obviously frustrated.
"I do feel bad though. I should have never cheated on you like that." I should have never agreed to date him in the first place, but I kept this thought to myself, not wanting to hurt him further.
Jake sighed again and we were silent for another moment.
"You know, we really weren't a very good couple."
It was not what I was expecting to hear and I didn't know what else to do but agree.
"I took me a long time to figure out but we really just didn't fucking fit. I mean, even the basics. You like to stay in and relax with your family. I like to be surrounded by activity and people. And I knew, I always fucking knew that you would always love him. Soul mates and all that. You made it very clear from the get go how you felt and I chose to ignore you basically."
I just kept nodding, not totally sure where he was going with this.
"I guess what I am trying say is I am sorry." My jaw dropped at this statement and I gapped at him. "I am sorry that I didn't just accept our friendship for what it was, I am sorry that I made you defend Ness as your priority all the time. I fucked things up with you and I am sorry."
"Jake, Wow. That is just… I don't even know what to say except, wow. It means a lot to me that you would say that. And that all may be true, but all your fuckupery is totally negated by my cheating. I am so sorry I did that to you, that I broke your heart," I said, tearing slightly. I really did feel so bad for hurting him. He was Jake, my best friend and I should have treated him better.
"Yeah dumping me before you got back with your ex would probably been the way to do it. But don't worry about my heart Bella, it is fine. Great actually." He was actually smiling now and I didn't know what to make of it. "I still get pissed when I think about it though."
"I am still sorry," I murmured, studying my navy pumps. "It was a horrible thing to do."
"Bella," he sighed, tilling my face towards him, forcing me to meet his gaze. "Stop beating yourself up. You are a good person, I know this. And to be honest I was much shitier to you then you even know. So stop feeling bad, ok?"
What in the hell was he talking about? It didn't get much worse than cheating.
"How so?"
"I don't really see the point in going into all that now," he said, uncomfortable. "Just believe me if anyone has a reason to feel guilty, it is me."
Well that was awfully mysterious. And though I knew he was right, I still really wanted to know what he was referring to. I was morbidly curious. It was then I noticed Leah Clearwater, chatting with Rosalie across the pool. It didn't make much sense for her to be here and she kept glancing in my direction, looking equally as tense as Jake.
Something was definitely a foot.
"Jake, what is going on and why is Leah Clearwater staring at me so intently?" I asked, studying his guilt ridden face.
"Well… ah… you see, the thing is." Jake rubbed his hands over his face before staring at me rather pathetically. "Fuck this is kind of awkward."
"I don't find it awkward," I said, crossing my arms over my chest, relieved that I spotted Edward making his way towards us. "Incredibly annoying but not awkward."
Leah also saw Edwards approach and brushed off Rosalie to join him. He looked a little surprised when she greeted him, but neither paused in their motion towards us.
"So I am seeing someone," Jake blurted suddenly, drawing my attention back to him.
"Really?" I said, looking back to Leah and raising an eyebrow at Jacob. "Anyone I know?"
"Well yeah, actually…" he said, hesitating further.
"It has been at least 10 fucking minutes," Edward said. I grabbed his hand when he reached me and smiled up at him. "Are you done yet?"
"Jake was just telling me about his new girlfriend," I explained, amused at the ridiculous situation Jake had managed to get us in.
"You haven't told her yet? What the hell have you been prattling on about then?" Lead demanded, poking Jacob in the ribs and glaring at him while I tried not to laugh.
"I was just getting to it," he muttered, looking embarrassed. "Bella, Leah and I are dating."
"Wow, good for you," I said, still feeling like something was not quite right. There was some connecting factor here. Jakes guilt and his insistence that he treated me poorly and the way he draped an arm around Leah with such familiarity. "So how long have you two been together?"
Jake and Leah glanced at each other, obviously uncomfortable. Things were so slowly clicking in to place and my eyes narrowed.
"We started dating three weeks ago," Jacob muttered, still not looking at me.
"Dating?" I clarified. "Jake, I am not a fucking moron."
"I don't know what you are talking about," he insisted.
."So how did you even meet?" I demanded, really getting pissed. Edward's hand in mine was the only thing that made any sense at the moment.
"Uhhhh… we have known each other since I moved here," Jake said, again looking embarrassed and guilty.
"Jacob Black," I said in a low voice, absolutely seething. I didn't like not knowing things or being made to look like an idiot. I had a feeling Jake had been doing both for years. "Does Leah here have anything to do with your cryptic statements earlier?"
"Bella, I just came here to apologize and tell you not to feel bad, ok?"
"Really? Because I think you came here to rub your relationship in my face and allude to some deep dark secrets I didn't even know existed."
"Why do you even care so much? You sound pretty damn jealous to me," he said, smirking for real this time. I felt Edward tense at my side and I gave his hand a reassuring squeeze.
Though he did raise a good point. I was feeling pissed and betrayed and woefully uninformed, I didn't feel jealous. Mostly, I hated not knowing things. I needed to just say what was on my brain, get it out into the universe so I didn't dwell on it.
"I am not jealous. I just want to know if I was the only cheater in that miserable excuse for a relationship."
Leah and Jake both turned a bit red and were suddenly absorbed in looking anywhere but at me.
I had an irrational urge to ask Leah how my pussy tasted, but that overly vulgar statement would not have pleased anyone so I kept it to myself.
"Fine. Leah and I have been sleeping together on and off for years."
I huffed incredulously and shook my head in disbelief.
"Things with us picked backed up in February," he said quietly.
I slapped him, thoroughly shocking everyone in the general vicinity especially myself. I squeaked and covered my mouth with both my hands, appalled at my behavior, but it was instinct more then anything. I wasn't particularly violent typically but I moved without thinking.
Everyone stood in shocked silence for a moment, Edward and Leah grinning while Jake and I stared at each other in horror.
"I deserved that," muttered Jacob, rubbing his red cheek. "Bella I am really sorry I hurt you—"
"You are such a waste of life Jacob Black," I said in a low voice, not wanting to hear what he had to say. "Did you not see your own hypocrisy when you screamed at me about Edward? Before anything even happened with us, you were jealous and territorial and irrational but you were fucking someone else the whole time! You filthy fucking asshole." I was seething again and wished Edward would make good of his threats to punch this motherfucker in his motherfucking face.
I was livid that I wasted so much time on someone like that.
"I know that, now," he defended.
"Great. Good for you. I am glad you are suddenly such a logical and moral individual," I yelled, attracting the attention of some innocent partygoers.
"I am really sorry I hurt you Bella. I wish there was someone we could go back to being friends," he signed, looking like he meant it.
I simply snorted in response. Like that would ever happen. I really had no desire to see Jacob motherfucking Black ever again.
"Bella…" he pleaded. For what I didn't know. Forgiveness? My blessing? Friendship? He made a move towards me and I backed up quickly and Edward growled.
"Just go Jake," I signed, closing my eyes and trying to rub the newly developed headache out of my temples. "Please just go. I really don't want to see you again."
His face feel and he sighed. "Ok Bells." He started to leave, only to turn around a moment later to say one final thing. "You will always be my best friend Bella. I really am sorry."
And with that the happy couple left the building.
I exhaled, shuttering violently as I put my arms around Edward and lay my head on his shoulder.
"Shit," he muttered.
I nodded my head in agreement, as the bubbling rage slowly drained out of me.
"Are you ok?" he asked quietly, palms stroking my back.
I pulled away, took a deep breath, and opened my eyes, searching out his gaze. He did not look pleased and I wished I could decode what was going on in his head.
"Yes. I am ok," I said, steadying myself. "What a way to start a party, huh?"
Edward continued to frown, not amused in the slightest at my lame attempt at humor.
"Come on," I said, wanting to put the whole confrontation behind us. "We have guests to attend too."
He followed me through the crowd, dutifully greeting and chatting. He still didn't look happy.
I wasn't pleased about the whole thing either, but at least the guilt was 100% gone.
"Long day," I commented as Edward and I finally got home after the party. We had continued to socialize until the parents slowly began to trickle out around ten. I helped Kathleen for a while, organizing the mass sleep over. The girls would be on the main floor while the boys were in the basement. It was going to be a long night at the Chief's house and I was willing to stay until things calmed (the kids had been fed too much sugar and were high on summer vacation) but Charlie insisted I go home, an order that Edward was more than happy to help carry out.
Edward was making me nervous. He had been oddly silent all day. Though there were scarcely five minutes where we had been apart from each other, he was quiet. At first I blamed this on the stresses of the party combined with Jake's presence. Edward was really not very comfortable socializing and it amazed me that he was even able to give an interview. But then the guests had departed and it was just the family, laughing and reminiscing. Again he sat close to me and held my hand, but did not contribute to the conversation.
The car ride was equally silent and this was my third attempt to coax him into speaking.
He nodded as he opened the front door for me and motioned for me to go inside before him. This was not good. There was definitely something bothering him. If I was ever to get up the courage to ask if he would like it if we went on tour with him, I was going to need to get to the bottom of this grumpy mood first.
He kept a hand on the small of my back as we walked to our bedroom and immediately retreated to the bathroom and shut the door. Sighing, I kicked off my shoes and struggled with the zipper of my dress. I had really hoped that Edward would be the one undressing me tonight but he seemed to be deep in a funk. He was also probably still all concerned about my health.
Well fuck this. I hadn't really seen him in a month. I wanted him so badly, I was itchy with desire. The one quick, though extremely hot, fuck in the car was certainly not enough after having to make do with seduction via phone or webcam.
Deciding I would not be taking no for an answer, I stayed in my nude, lacy undergarments and lay on my side on the bed. I positioned myself in what I hoped was a sexy manner and was relieved that I didn't have to wait long. He emerged moments later, already pants less, with a scowl on his face as he tugged the knot of his tie.
He was so fucking appealing, standing there in just his boxers and a half undone dress shirt.
Edward froze in the doorway, his outline illuminated in the dark room from the light behind him from the bathroom, making him look beautiful and otherworldly. Like some supernatural being, created with my needs and wants and love in mind.
His eyes widened when he saw me and his hand stilled at his neck. We burned each other alive with our gazes until I gave him the universal come hither sign with a finger. Slowly he approached, stumbling slightly into the bedside table (he wasn't really watching where he was walking at the time) before he finally reached me and lowered himself onto the bed. He lay facing me, as close as he could possibly be without touching me.
"Let me help you with that," I whispered, reaching out and making quick work of the rest of his clothing, leaving him in only his boxers. He helped me and then rolled on top of me, his hips coming to rest in the cradle of my thighs.
Again, he didn't move or speak. He stared into my eyes, his green orbs a maelstrom of passion and pain and love and tenderness and ghosts of the past. I believed him in the moment, when he said that he had loved me for all those years we were apart.
"Bella." He said my name like a prayer as the back of his hand grazed my cheek. I shuttered beneath him and wrapped my legs tighter around his waist. "How do you feel?"
"Edward," I groaned in frustration, resisting the urge to pound the mattress like a wee child. "I feel fine, great even."
He looked like he didn't believe me and I panicked, worried the he would kiss my forehead and once again tell me it was sleep time.
"Please, the best thing for my health right now would be you inside me," I begged as I arched off the bed and put my hands in his silky hair. "I need you."
Thank God he complied too my pleas.
Edward took his time tonight, kissing me slowly and deeply as his hands traced my body. There was reverence and love in every touch, yet there was nothing lazy about this love making. It was borderline ferocious in its intensity. We were beyond words, letting our moans and sighs and actions speak for us. For the first time, there was no rushed desire to get as much of this as possible. There was no fear that this would disappear. This was our beginning of forever.
It was the single most poignant and beautiful moment of my life and by the time we were finally coming together, I was crying.
My love for him was out of control and all consuming.
Edward collapsed on top of me, his face against my neck. I felt moisture there and knew he experienced it too. Nothing had changed, but these passionate moments had brought me a peace. A reassurance of what I knew all along.
This was love of the forever kind.
For the longest time, I didn't think my love for Edward meant that we were meant to be. Love and functioning as a couple were not synonymous. But they were for us now. And more importantly, I stopped doubting our ability to last.
"Don't," I murmured, tightening my arms around Edward as he tried to move off me. It was the first word I had spoken in a very long time.
"I don't want to hurt you," he replied, cuddling further into my neck.
"You are not," I assured him as I stroked his hair.
"I love you Isabella. So much."
"I love you too."
After a few more minutes, Edward finally rolled off of me, making sure to pull me close right away.
"Why were you so quite at the party?" I asked, feeling stupid for ruining such a perfect moment with what could potentially be unpleasantness.
"I was thinking."
"About?" I pushed.
"Jacob motherfucking Black," he sighed.
I propped my head up on my elbow to get a better look at his face in an attempt to figure out what was going on in there.
"Why?" I had a feeling that Edward would dwell on this.
"He cheated on you Bella," Edward growled, really not pleased as he sat up next to me and fisted his hands in his hair. "He was supposed to be the better man for you. He was supposed to be the one to give you a good, normal life and he fucking cheated on you. It pisses me off. I feel like I let it happen somehow."
"That is ridiculous. That bastard was never the better man for me, Edward. But looking back, all the signs were there. I guess I never really cared enough to catch him," I explained.
"Are you sure you don't care?" he asked, not looking at me. "Your reaction… You were so upset. Black said you were jealous and hurt. I guess that makes since."
"Well of course I was upset! I am pissed that I wasted so much time on such a nasty person. I feel stupid that I didn't know better. I feel betrayed because above all I thought Jake was my friend. I am grossed out that I let him in my bed while he was frequenting Leah's." I shuttered at the thought.
"I fucking loved it when you slapped him," Edward said, still stunned that from the whole encounter I was sure.
"It felt damn good," I said, smiling up at him. We both grinned, replaying the sweet memory in our brains for a moment before I went on. "But I think what I find most upsetting is how shity he made me feel about being with you. He made me feel horrible about myself when he was doing something 10 times worse."
"Motherfucker. I really do hate that guy," Edward added helpfully.
"I am just glad he is out of our lives now, at least there is no more guilt," I replied. "I did find it interesting though. He said he knew all along that I was yours."
"Really?"
"Yes, we really were both kidding ourselves, thinking a relationship between the two of us wouldn't end badly."
"So you think he knows your mine then?" Edward said, pulling me on top of him and smirking.
I giggle and nodded.
"So these? Right here? All mine?" He palmed my breasts and waggled his eyebrows, causing me to laugh and nod again as I leaned into his touch and closed my eyes.
"And all this?" he asked, smacking my ass playfully, causing me to squeal.
"Yes!" I said, laughing again.
"These?" he traced the pad of his thumb over my lips and I abruptly stopped laughing as I got lost in his eyes again.
"Yours."
"Here?" he whispered as he placed a palm over my heart which was pumping erratically at his touch.
"That belongs to you too," I murmured, my lips inches away from his. "Always has."
I spent the rest of the night showing Edward the sincerity of my words.
EPOV
The mid morning light that crept through the blinds must have woken me up, but I wasn't quite ready to relinquish sleep yet.
Bella made sure that I didn't get my 8 consecutive hours, thank fuck.
Every inch of me felt so relaxed, like I could basically melt into the mattress. Despite the goddamn rollercoaster of emotion endured the night before, the only one I was really maintaining in the morning was a need for Bella.
But there was something very wrong with this situation because there was no physical contact between us. I thrashed around for a moment, trying to locate Bella in our massive bed before determining that she really wasn't there, much to my chagrin.
For the first time since I forced my way back into her life, there was no doubt brought on by the emptiness of the bed. Before, I would have flipped out and convinced myself that she left again or that I made her up in the first place. But there was an unexplainable shift last night as we made love. We were stronger now, sure of our forever. And though none of this was discussed, I was pretty positive she felt it too.
So I located a pair of swears, and followed the smells of breakfast and the sound of Neko Case to the kitchen.
Goddamn she was gorgeous.
Bella was clothed in only my t-shirt and was power-ballading to Neko's Tightly as she poked at some bacon.
Could it get any fucking better?
But something about the scene was not right. The music was turned up too loud. Bella and I had argued about this for years. Whenever she listened to music, she blasted it so she couldn't hear herself sing. This always irritated me immensely because the sound of her voice was basically orgasmic. She had no idea how motherfucking good she was and it always pissed me off too.
It still pissed me off.
So I snuck over to the speaker, pleased that her eyes were closed so she didn't notice that I turned the volume down slightly. It wasn't enough to be noticeable, but Bella's voice became more discernable. I did this three more times and Bella's voice was loud and clear before she noticed me.
"What the—"
"Keep singing," I murmured, moving to stand in front of her and turning down Neko once more. For once in her life, she listened after shooting me one last glare.
"When I" walkin' in the dark,"she sang at full volume now, closing her eyes and blushing furiously. "I'm free to covet all I want—"
Support the high note," I reminded her quietly, placing a hand on her stomach and feeling her stomach muscles contract as she absorbed my advice.
"You've made it all so very dangerous, I can't stay away…"
"Getting a little pitchy on the sustained note," I commented, being as brutally honest as possible. This little exercise was half pleasure, half business. Bella had mentioned on several occasions that she wanted to get on stage again. I would do anything in my power to see that dream become a reality, including working with her until she was more confident in her voice.
Confidence and committing to the performance was half the battle. That, combined with Bella's raw talent and music knowledge, was enough to make her one hell of a performer.
"Good," I told her as she corrected tone. "Now build." She used her voice to paint a story, building the tension to a climax before falling away, getting more and more poignant with each line.
It was fucking brilliant.
By the end of the song she was really getting into it, despite the fact that her eyes remained closed. Her whole body was moving to the music, and with the finally wailing notes her face was contorted in a way that clearly said she was feeling it.
The music ended and Bella was breathing heavily, a beautiful smile slowly stretching across her face. She finally opened her eyes and looked at me coyly from beneath thick eyelashes.
"Damn," I whispered reverently, cradling the side of her neck with my palm.
"That was weird," she said, covering her red cheeks and shaking her head into her hands.
"Damn," I said again. It was difficult to articulate how good she was and what her voice did to me. It made me want to inhale her breath and fuck her and love her forever and crawl inside her body to insure that we would never have to be apart again.
"Did I really sound that bad?" she squeaked from behind her hands.
"Fuck no. You sounded fucking divine and you know it," I said, grabbing her hips and pulling her little frame flush with mine.
"Were you testing me Edward Cullen?" she demanded, folding her arms over her chest and glaring up at me.
"Just helping you test yourself love," I replied, slipping my hands under my t-shirt , sliding around her hips and fiddling with the thin strip of fabric that made up her underwear.
"And exactly does that mean?"
"It means, my sweet Isabella, that you are much more talented then you are willing to give yourself credit for," I murmured as I backed her towards a counter, my hands kneading her lovely little rear.
She fought to keep her breathing even and a glare on her face, but her eyes fluttered closed when I pinned her to a counter using my hips.
"You are just saying that to get in my pants," she insisted, grinding herself into my now throbbing crotch.
I scoffed at her and bent to kiss her neck, slowly working my way to her collar.
"Ha. Like I need to say anything at all to get in your pants," I mumbled against her skin of that elegant spot where neck met shoulder. "And I would never lie. You sing beautifully."
"I can't really sing—" I pressed my lips to hers to stop that load of nonsense from spilling from her mouth. I kissed her leisurely, reveling in the knowledge that she was mine now, that I could do this whenever I wished.
Well, at least until the end of the week when I had to once again return to life on the road without my girls. But I was trying not to think about that.
Bella sighed into my mouth and wound her arms around my neck. She laughed as I grabbed her hips and hoisted her onto the counter.
"Edward," she giggled. "The bacon is burning."
"Don't care," I replied before kissing her once again, exploring the flesh barely concealed by the lose shirt. "As the man in this relationship, I can just bring home more."
She punched me in the shoulder and laughed again and kissed me once more before shimmying around me and returning to her former position in from of the stove.
"I am starving," she insisted, swatting my hands away as I attempted to once again pull her away from my cooking. "Someone I know kept me up all night long. Plus I made your favorite and want to talk to you about something." She threw a smirk over her shoulder at me.
I wanted to persuade her to abandon her breakfast efforts again but then I remembered that this time yesterday she had passed out in her father's office and I was on a mission to feed her as much as she would allow.
"How are you feeling this morning sunshine?" I asked, wrapping my arms around her waist from behind and resting my chin on the top of her head.
"Great. You make me so happy," she murmured back as she continued to cook.
I smiled into her hair and kissed her temple. "I am glad to hear it, but I meant more physically. You did pass out less the 24 hours ago."
She gave a sigh and shook her head at me as she poured scrambled eggs in a pan. "Edward. I feel wonderful so stop worrying ok? I am perfectly healthy."
"Perfectly healthy people don't pass out." Even as the words left my mouth I realized that they weren't completely accurate. Women in a delicate condition passed out. All the time, if I remembered correctly.
Could Bella be pregnant?
My hands tightened on her hips as joy surged through me. I wanted it. Real bad.
"Bella?" I asked, my voice shaking.
"What? Why do you sound weird? Are you ok?" she turned towards me, eyebrows raised in concern as she dished bacon and eggs and hashbrowns on two plates.
She fainted, she had something she wanted to talk to be about.
"Are you…" My voice was cracking again and I cleared my throat while I shuffled my feet.
"Am I what Edward?" she asked, looking at me like I was completely insane.
"Pregnant?" I squeaked, unbelievably nervous.
She snorted and rolled her eyes at me, "No," she said bluntly, grabbing the plates and walking to the kitchen table.
"Are you sure?" I said, sitting next to her and ignoring the delicious looking meal sitting in front of me. Bella, on the other hand, dug in to gusto. How could she eat at a time like this when she could maybe be pregnant?
"Yes Edward," she said, snidely. "You can stop freaking out now."
"I— You— Baby— I am not freaking out!" I defended, huffing.
"You can not even speak. The thought of having a baby right now has rendered you speechless. That is like the definition of freaking out," she said, glaring at me as she nibbled on a piece of toast.
At least she was eating.
"You are completely misinterpreting my speechlessness," I defended. Frankly, it was a bit offensive that she thought I was freaking out at all.
Bella just shrugged and folded her legs under neither herself as she continued to munch.
"Are you sure you are not pregnant?" I said again, much clearer this time.
"Yes. I am sure. Trust me."
"But you fainted."
"I hadn't eaten."
"But you wanted to talk to me about something."
"Well it is not about having a kid."
We slipped back into silence. Bella ate and I pouted into my food.
"You are sure you are sure?"
"Yes!" she half laughed, half yelled. "Edward, what is going on with you?"
"Well, I just thought for a moment that we were having another kid. And I dunno." I ran my hands through my hair and felt awkward. "Got me thinking I guess."
"About babies?"
"About your babies, our babies," I muttered.
Finally Bella put her fork down and gave me her undivided attention. "Is that something you think you would want?" Bella sounded as nervous as I felt.
"Yes. Is that something you think you would want?" The words tumbled out of my mouth.
"Yes," she said, blushing and smiling and looking so young and beautiful without make up in an oversized t-shirt.
"Good." I exhaled and gabbed Bella's hair and kissed her palm before I finally dug into the feast my beloved had prepared.
I had basically licked my plate clean when I remembered that Bella had ulterior motives by feeding me my favorite meal.
"Uh, Bella? Darling? What did you want to talk about?" I scooted my chair closer to Bella and put my hand on her warm, naked, creamy thigh.
"Well," she said as she blushed and covered my hand with hers. "Yesterday, after my you know, fainting incident, my dad and I had a big long talk."
"Oh shit." Though Charlie was remarkably accepting, he still hated me. And whatever he had to say to Bella probably wasn't good.
"He yelled at me a lot, about my health and how much I have been working."
"Rightfully so," I mumbled under my breath. But she heard me and pinched my hand.
"Well, he wants me to take a vacation. And extended vacation."
"Vacation?" I clarified. Bella had a pretty damn big job at Swan and I really didn't see how they would function without her. "Extended vacation?"
"Yeah, well I will have to work remotely but it should only be a couple hours a day."
"How is that even possible? Is Swan even going to be able to operate without you?"
She beamed at me then and leaned over to kiss my cheek quickly. "You are such a good man Edward Cullen. I love you."
I grinned and blinked at her, not really understanding what I said to make her so happy, but enjoying her anyway. "Thanks?"
"And it will work out. We are looking to hire a new VP and Charlie wants to promote Angela, bout damn time I say. So Swan will be fine. I have been looking for a way to step back anyway."
"So you are ok with this?"
"Yes. It makes me happy."
"And how long is this extended vacation?" I narrowed my eyes at her as a glorious thought bloomed in my brain.
"Mid September?" she squeaked it out as a question and looked up at me under her eyelashes as she blushed furiously.
"Are you telling me that you are not going back to work until mid September? Around the time our daughter has to be back in school? Is that what you are telling me Isabella?"
She nodded her head and smiled shyly.
I grabbed her hips and pulled her onto my lap as she giggled. My lips were on hers a moment later and we laughed and grinned and reveled in the knowledge that there would be no goodbye at the end of the week. I pulled back to look at her, framing her face with my hands.
"Hey, so do you have any interest in touring the country in the back of the bus?" I waggled my eyebrows and tried to sound casual.
"Humm… spending the entire summer in the back of the bus with four dudes with very little opportunity to shower?"
We both grinned as we remembered the last time we had this conversation.
"We have two buses now," I pointed out.
"I can not wait."
"Really? You will come?" Joy surged in my chest as she nodded and placed a hand over my heart. She looked at me with such devotion and love. I was sure it was an expression she saw reflected on my own face.
"I am so happy that you want us to come with you."
"Of course I want you to come with me, you silly girl. I always want you to come with me."
"I know, I know. I just got all nervous that I would cramp your style or whatever."
"That is absurd."
"I know!" she giggled again. "Charlie said that this would be good for our family."
"Damn, I have never heard her say anything truer. It will certainly be good for my sanity. This last month has been fucking unbearable."
"For me too."
"No more months of separation for us."
"Nope, never again."
And at the end of the week, we locked up our house for good and the three of us boarded a plane together, kicking forever off earlier then I originally anticipated. Thank fuck.