Chapter Twenty-Five: Fears
"See him" Em pointed down at the man on the river, fishing,
"Is that your new bomb shell" Laurie said as she sat down,
"It is" Em leaned up against a tree, gazing down at the man,
"Have you spoke to him yet" Laurie asked,
"A little" Ems shrugged a shoulder,
"You haven't, have you" Laurie pushed herself up,
"Yeah, he just" Em shrugged a shoulder again, her eyes watching as he sat down on his little deck chair, waiting for a fish to bite. She could just imagine herself being reeled in by him, a mermaid emerging from the deep like a siren to gobble up anything he'd give to her,
"I'll talk to him for you" Laurie suggested, she went to walk towards him, but Em pulled her back by the shoulder, sauntering passed her and down towards the river.
"She shouldn't go anywhere near that bastard" Laurie turned to Ed.
If Randy was smoking weed, then Ed. Ed was drinking whiskey every hour of the day. Slowly falling in to the abyss.
"And why should she not" Laurie said, turning away from them all and walking back towards the ranch,
"Because he's a sinning bastard",
"Like you" Laurie said,
"He tried to steal my wife" Ed slurred at her as he followed,
"The way you act. You sure she didn't want to be stolen" Laurie asked him. She'd lived with the guy since she'd arrived at the ranch. She hadn't spoken to him all that much, he was a low-key drunk who spouted some shit every now and then, drunk a lot.
Nobody else had said anything, so, neither would she, but, that didn't mean she had to be nice to him.
He seemed to throw up, or something, a weird noise, maybe even a laugh came from his mouth, it made Laurie gag a little,
"You think…"
Great. Now the bullshit starts…
"You think that just because your Johns little bitch…" Laurie turned around, walking backwards, she was looking forward to this, "Just because he's fucked you all over that ranch-",
"Well, I would tell you what I tell everyone else Ed, but" Laurie shrugged her shoulders and turned back around, "But then, I'd probably be wasting my breath cause you would have forgotten about it by the morning", he didn't even realise she'd said anything,
"You think you can say shit",
"Do you fuck him too" Laurie asked, she spotted Randy smoking a fag, "Cause you say shit as well" Randy snubbed it out as they both came towards him, flicking it away before folding his arms,
"You'd like that wouldn't you" Randy took a step towards them as Laurie turned around, "Bet you got lust tattooed on that pretty little chest of yours. Just like that slut down at the river", Laurie glanced at Randy,
"Come on, he's not asking for it" she asked,
"I bet he has… Ain't he Rand" Randy looked over at him, a brow raised,
"Ain't. Who. What",
"John. Bet he's had her all over that ranch of his" Randy smiled and Laurie shook her head, a sigh leaving her as she turned back to him. He was about to say something else, but she was already stood in front of him,
"Laurie" Randy sounded as if he couldn't be asked, the fake care in his voice as he leaned back, watching,
"You wanna know what I got tattooed on my pretty little chest" Laurie grabbed him by his collar and his feet stumbled, making her have to try and pull him up as he fell forward,
"Go on, bet you do it for John all the time" he clicked his tongue and then threw his head back, a cackled laugh leaving his voice box as Laurie let him go, letting him fall,
"Why is he such an ass" Laurie said as she looked over at Randy, a smirk on his lips,
"Is he wrong" he asked,
"You know what, you're a fucking dickhead" Laurie said,
"I bet you have Johns d-" Laurie swung around, grabbing the now standing Ed by the collar and pulling him towards her,
"I have wrath tattooed on my chest. And now, I suggest you shut the fuck up. Unless you want everyone to know that you got beat up by a girl",
"You couldn't bea-" Laurie punched him in the face, her hand smacking in to his cheek as he twisted around,
"Laurie" Randy cared now, but Laurie was already walking away from him,
"Bitch" Ed said under his breath as he pushed himself up, leaning himself up against some steps before he brought out a small flask. Laurie couldn't care. It was the Em thing that had got to her the most. Sure, she wasn't great at atoning for her sins, but, neither was he.
Retreating to the guards barracks, Laurie went and lay on her bed for what seemed like perhaps an hour, or two, just letting herself calm down. She was fine but, Randy had insisted, telling her that he wasn't worth any of her wrath, or her time, and she shouldn't have fallen in to his trap as easily as she had.
Randy was right. Laurie knew that but, the never-ending cycle of what her life was currently, it wasn't doing much for her or anything else.
Emerging as the sun threatened to leave the skies, Laurie spotted Johns black truck parked up near the hangar. Some of the men were stood outside, playing cards over one of the crates, Em was soaking up the last few remaining rays of the sun, and Ed was leaning on the balcony ledge, cleaning his gun. Laurie wasn't sure he could be trusted with on, but he looked sober now. His fingers nimble and soft as he rotated this and that.
Inside the ranch, the fire in the hall was illuminating the outside. Slowly, Laurie made her way over to it, peeking in as she looked for signs of John, only to realise that only Randy was there, stood up against the wall near the taxidermy cougar.
"You looking for me" suddenly rigid, Johns hand felt as if snaked around her neck, resting his palm on the back of it, before he walked passed, his hand still a little out stretched behind him, as if beckoning her to follow him.
He seemed okay.
"You know Laurie, my patience, although immensely large, it can grow small for those I know can do better".
Laurie stopped, not wanting to follow him anymore than she had.
The thought of him meaning the whole Nick Rye and mercy situation made her stomach turn, but then she saw Randy glance at her, a small smirk, maybe even a smile, which told her that the man meant the man she'd slapped only a couple hours before.
"I thought you were a cook, not a parrot" Laurie said as she let her fingers ease in to the sofa, she looked over at Randy as John turned around to them, his brow raised as he walked towards her. He quickly realised what she meant though, Randy shrugged,
"Just trying to help little sheep" the charisma in his voice almost sounded a little fake. He pushed from the wall, "Atoning can be a long, torturous path" he rattled on some more before he left, leaving both Laurie and John looking after him.
She almost wondered if she should tell John that he was most-likely high.
But then, this was John, the guy who always seemed to keep his cool and always be one step ahead of you. Or, what he liked you to think anyway. But, in this situation, and the way he so subtly brushed it away with a small shrug, Laurie knew that John knew. Which meant that all the attention was back on her again,
"What was it that he said to anger you as he did",
"Loads of shit" Laurie said, knowing Randy had probably told him word for word already,
"Come on Laurie, indulge me" John said, he sat on the arm of the sofa, leaning back with his arms folded, a tilt to his head, those blue eyes almost felt as if they were begging for the words to be said,
"He said some horrible stuff about Em" Laurie shrugged, "Said some stuff that wasn't true",
"And if it's not true, then why does it bother you",
"Because it's stuff that could hurt people" Laurie said, and it was true. Everything he said, or claimed, in the wrong ears. In a place like this. It wasn't exactly the best way to go about things,
"Do you not think me reasonable enough not to listen to the ramblings of a drunk" John asked,
"Yes, but, not everyone's as reasonable as you" Laurie didn't even know why she'd said it. John, despite how much of a façade he put on, was perhaps one of the more unreasonable men she knew, and, now, the way he looked at her, his mouth just a line, she wondered if he'd read her mind and found that out.
If he had though, he wasn't about to say it out loud,
"You need to let it go Laurie" John told her, he stood up,
"Well, when everyone knows that you fucked me all over the ranch by morning, you'd wished I'd did a bit more than punch him in the cheek – pathetically may I just add" Laurie pushed away from the sofa and John stopped a minute, taken a back as his brain registered what she'd said before watching as she, almost, backed away, back outside. John smirked, opening his arms as he took a step in her direction,
"Well, why disappoint them" he asked. Laurie chuckled, shaking her head, feeling her cheeks go red as she turned around,
"You're insufferable John Seed",
"People tell me that all the time. They've obviously never met you".
Laurie put her hands in the air, shrugged and then walked out, leaving John click to his tongue repeatedly as he turned back to the fire.
She was right. Things like that were damaging. Especially, if say, Joseph got word of it, but Ed, his drunkedness, whether he had fucked her all over the grounds of the ranch, making Joseph believe him over the drunken fool would be easy.
But then, the drunken fool might blow his own cover too – or the cover he thought he had – so John was sure that the words would never leave his mouth sober, and they were even less likely to leave his mouth drunk. If he knew what was good for him.
"You didn't say the magic word" Ems scoffed as Laurie came out, finding her sat on the steps just a little ways a way,
"What",
"Yes" Em said, she threw fists in to the air and pulled them back in, as if she were dragging something towards her, "Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes",
"Em, if I even think about going down that road. Run. Me. Over",
"Oh come on, you wouldn't want those hands wrapped around your neck, or your legs wrapped around his head", she fell back dramatically, as if in ecstasy just thinking about it,
"You need to stop" Laurie said as she sat down next to her,
"Hey, if imagining it feels good, just think how good the real thing is",
"And I thought my mom was bad" Laurie shuffled herself on to the next step down, stretching out her legs,
"Oh, come on, you've thought about it, right",
"Do you know how loud you're being" Laurie asked, "His head might just fucking explode, and I ain't taking the blame for it". Em shuffled down next to her, her voice quieter now,
"So, have you",
"Well…" yeah, of course she had. But, it wasn't something she could say she thought about all the time. She was attracted to John. She didn't know of a person who wasn't. But, the whole hot and cold thing, sure, she could banter with him, but deep down, it was just an act. Because, she had no idea where she stood with him. And John, supposedly always one step ahead, didn't either. And that, that was dangerous.
And a disaster waiting to happen. "Do you forget who he is" Laurie asked,
"No, but I bet he wishes you would",
"It's not that simple Em",
"No. You know what it is. You too deep girl. You don't want what you have to build. You don't want it to go to far. But, what you don't realise is that your both way in over your heads already",
"And sleeping with him would make it better" Laurie asked, wondering if Em even knew what she was talking about anymore,
"No, but it couldn't necessarily make it worse, could it". Laurie decided she definitely had no idea what she was talking about.
"You know, if Joseph-", a little squeak came from Ems mouth,
"Ohh, the real daddy" she licked her lips, she'd probably fantasised more about him than she had John. John was someone you could wear down, Laurie had proven that, but Joseph... Joseph was one hell of a feat, "What would he do? He knew about John and that red head" Holly "Far as I know, they fucked for a while before Joseph said to end it. Never did nothing to her",
"She tried to rip my eyes out once" Laurie said, "I think it was because she was jealous. And, you don't exactly risk shit like that in a place like this, unless you fell in love with someone and they just drop you like a sack of shit". She didn't think John had the capacity to sit down and tell someone that it was over, she could just imagine him suddenly ignoring her, all those moments they'd shared. Gone. Treating her just as he did everyone else.
And, that wouldn't have been love. Laurie didn't even know if he had the capacity for it..
Maybe he did but, neither of them would probably live long enough for that to happen. And Laurie wasn't even sure if she wanted that. Anything less than that though, it wasn't worth it.
"It's different with you and h-",
"No it's not" Laurie heard Em sigh as she stood up. As far as Em was concerned, Holly may have fucked John, but it was obvious that it had just been some arrangement so he could let off some pent up steam. And, even if Laurie chose to deny all those moments that she had with him, the glances, the touches, the words, it didn't mean it wasn't there.
"Laurie, what are you scared of" Ems asked, it wasn't Joseph. Em knew that for sure,
"Him" Laurie said, she pulled her knee's up and leaned her chin on them, "I'm scared of John". She always had been.
"The worlds a scary place already, no point being scared of the people in it" Ems said.
Thanks for reading guys! You know, I forget how much I like writing John scenes until I write them again! Hoping to get another chapter out tomorrow night, but we will see!
Also, if you haven't read FarCry 5: Absolution novel, you should! It's an official prequel published by ubisoft and features Holly in it!