Thanks for seeing Ana the way I do..strong and ultimately teaching Christian that he can only move on by giving up control. I hope you enjoy the softer side of Christian Grey!

Chapter 25

Anastasia's eyes were like lasers piercing my soul. She is right, I don't feel better. What I feel is a something so completely foreign it takes a few minutes to sink in. I feel remorse. I was so dead set that she would run and never look back that when she stood her ground and stuck to her promise all I wanted to do was beg forgiveness. The pain in her eyes was more than I can handle. I gather all of the belts, whips, canes, anything that I have used for that purpose in the past and immediately discard them. I am suddenly sick to my stomach at the thought of hitting her. I cannot get her eyes and words out of my head. I have to make this right or I know it will no longer be my dead mother that haunts me it will be Ana. I am unsure of what to do. There is only one person that can help me right now. As the phone is ringing I realize how late it is, but I don't hang up. I can't. I need help.

"Christian, is everything okay?" The voice on the line is concerned and confused.

"I fucked up and I need your help to fix this," I am practically begging.

"Okay, what happened, I need all the details if you expect me to help."

I spill my guts over the phone. Every last detail about how Ana confessed her love and how I decided to break her by letting out my innermost monster. I continue with how she took every bit and didn't run away. I explained all of my feelings of remorse and regret also divulging that I discarded all of the discipline items in my playroom.

"Well it seems that Ana has proven what I have been telling you for 6 years. You are not a sadist, Christian and I believe you may be in love with her," Flynn speaks calmly.

"How can you say I love her when I did that to her?"

"If you didn't care deeply for Ana her reaction would not have provoked such strong feelings. You have used those items on many other women and never felt one ounce of regret and yet with her you want to throw it all away so you will never hurt her again."

"I never want to see that much hurt in her eyes ever again. I couldn't live with myself if I ever caused it," I say sobbing.

"Christian, you have trusted Ana with everything. Not even Elena has such extensive knowledge about your background and Grace certainly doesn't know of your lifestyle choices. Ana on the other hand knows it all and she is still there. She is showing you unconditional love; the likes of which you have never known. It will take you some time to accept this, but it is obvious to me that you on a subconscious level understand it," he explains.

"So how do I make this right John? I can't lose her," I am so desperate.

"Go to her and explain why you did what you did. Tell her what you just told me. It is that simple. Good bye Christian and good luck."

Dread fills my thoughts. What if I am too much for her? Could I go back to my old life if she left me? Would I even survive? How could I have allowed her to get under my skin so quickly? The thought of not being with her is far worse than anything I can imagine. I go to the bedroom and find her asleep in my bed. I kneel next to her staring. She is stronger than I ever could be. I learned to be a submissive years ago from Elena and in a controlled environment I accepted many beatings. However, she had never agreed to be my submissive. There was no training of how to mentally submit to such discipline and yet she took all of it. She is the strongest human being I have ever met and to be in her presence is captivating. I stroke her hair as tears roll down my cheeks. I lean in and softly kiss her lips. Her eyes slowly open.

"Christian? Why are you crying?" I say concerned.

"Ana, I am so sorry. Will you ever be able to forgive me? I promise I will never touch you that way again."

"Why did you think you needed to do that in the first place?"

I start from the beginning. Explaining what I was like as an angry teenager and how Elena showed me how to release that rage at the age of 15 through BDSM. I continue on to how I felt I was a sadist because I got pleasure in causing brunettes pain to punish my mother. As I talk Ana begins to cry. I wipe away her tears continuing with my confession. I tell her everything I told Flynn about never wanting to hurt her like that and how I threw away all of the punishment tools. Finally, I say something I thought I never could.

"I love you Ana!"

"That bitch! I knew there was evil running through her veins," It is all I can do to contain my anger over what Elena did to him.

"Ana? Did you hear what I just said," I am a little confused at her reaction.

His words force me back from my thoughts of hurting Elena. I realize that in all of this he has just confessed his love and my heart is so full.

"I'm sorry Christian I did and I love you too! I am happy that you realized on your own that you never want to hurt me physically like that again because I had already made up my mind to do whatever it takes to prevent entering that room with you in that state of mind again. Quite honestly you scared the hell out of me. I was ready to run, but once I saw your face and it was full of regret and confusion. My subconscious overruled my pain and I decided to give you a chance to explain once I had gathered myself."

He gets in the bed and cradles me in his arms.

"Ana I am so sorry, I don't know if you will ever know how sorry I am. I realized when you turned to me that if I lost you I would lose everything. You have given me hope for more and I don't want to let the demons that haunt me destroy that." Without thinking I turn her to face me. I pull her hand toward my chest. If she can endure the beating that I gave her and still love me, surely I can endure her touch. It is the least I can do to show her how much she has already healed me. Her eyes are wide never leaving mine.

"You don't have to do this," I say with tears welling in my eyes.

I can see the physical and emotional pain that he is in even before my hand touches his skin. I want him to stop. I can't stand to see him like this.

"You're wrong I do, have to do this. I want you to touch me. I need you to touch me," I am pleading with myself to let it happen.

Her hand makes contact with my chest. Fire shoots through me. The memory of the physical pain I once endured is overloading my senses. Ana tries to pull back, tears streaming. Her face is full of love and sorrow for what I am going through, all the more reason she is the one to break this dreadful curse. I hold her hand steady not allowing her to pull away. My breathing is erratic and labored. I lock my eyes on hers. She whispers through her tears, "I LOVE YOU!" Slowly the pain begins to subside. My breathing steadies and my fear is replaced with pure love for this woman sitting in front of me. I physically hurt her less than 1 hour ago and she sits here in agony over my pain, not hers. She reaches her other hand to touch my chest and I am not fearful. Then she leans down and kisses each scar softly with her lips. I can feel myself healing from this inside out. The pleasure that rises in me is unlike any I have ever felt. I give her control and she takes it. I would expect her to lash out, to try to hurt me or be forceful. She does quite the opposite. She kisses me softly on the lips. Moving to my ear she again declares her love. Tears lace my eyes at the love she is displaying. Again she kisses my chest and then down my arms. I reach and remove my t-shirt from her body. I want to feel her skin on mine. She rises and slides her body onto me never taking her eyes off mine or her hands off my chest. I am usually so controlled with my orgasm, but the pleasure I am feeling is far more than anything I have ever experienced. She moves her body slowly at first and when she sees that I am totally comfortable with her control she speeds her rhythm. Simultaneously we rise. Likewise we fall over the edge. She collapses with her head resting on my chest and I sit holding her, stroking her hair in awe. I hold her for a long time, not wanting to remove myself. Finally, she rises cleans us both and lays, head on my where we both fall to sleep.