Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.

CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE: The Point of No Return

"Quil sided with Jake, I guess?" My words were far more bitter than I'd expected them to be. I glared sullenly up at Embry, who sat before me on the bed, tending to my closing wounds. He, to my eternal shock, glared right back.

"No. He's actually too pissed off with the pair of you—he's with Claire." I almost scoffed aloud at his words—as though Quil was being forced into spending time with Claire. As though I'd done him a disservice. Please. I knew all too well the constant tug from imprinting; there was no way he was unhappy spending time with Claire.

"And Seth?" my voice became nervous. Was he mad at me? I didn't know if I could bear it; the very thought of him being upset…

"He's outside," Embry confessed, dabbing at the right side of my neck, now. "Sam doesn't want him seeing you until your wounds are completely gone."

The pricks around my neck, large red dots from where Jake's canines had sunk in, were healing abnormally slowly. Or abnormally for me, anyways. It was still faster than the average human's and I suppose for that, I had to be grateful.

"Why not?" I said.

Embry shot me a pointed look that clearly said, "You're stupid." He wiped away the last of the dried and crusted blood, grimacing as he spoke. "Seth'll flip when he sees your neck. Then he'll go crazy on Jake."

I resisted the urge to snort. "So? Jake can handle him."

"Uh, yeah, he can," Embry emphasized. The "you're stupid" look hadn't gone away; if anything, it had become more pronounced. And like lightning, it hit me.

Fuck, I was stupid. Of course Jake would have no problem fighting off Seth. Seth, who even I could beat in a fight. And if I could beat him…and Jake had just injured me… My heart lodged uncomfortably in my throat as I was rendered sufficiently speechless.

If Seth attacked Jake, what was Jacob capable of doing to him?

As though reading the look of blinding panic in my eyes, Embry was quick to soothe. "Paul has him pinned down outside—Sam's orders won't work on him right now."

Relief flooded me—Paul could handle my sneaky little imprint, I was certain. I nodded sluggishly. The adrenaline had all but worn off, and in its place was a bone-deep weariness I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to sleep off. "Imprint trumps alpha."

It was Embry's turn to scoff. "Tell that to Sam."

Sam.

I felt my insides coil and writhe; I hadn't breathed a word of what happened in the fight to anyone, and Embry had respected my obvious wishes and kept quiet. I knew it would come out eventually—something of this magnitude was impossible to contain.

Submit, Jacob's wolf had ordered. Submit, he'd said.

And submit, I did.

I didn't want to think about what that meant, but I was unable to stop my mind from wandering. The last of my punctures closed over—I felt it, even without Embry's quiet hum of approval and relief—but I gave no outward notice to it. Too wrapped up in worry, I sat, immobile, distant, shut off from the world.

I had submitted to Jacob—or if not Jacob, then his wolf. Jake didn't want to be Alpha—ever, as far as I was aware—and yet his wolf clearly did. I'd felt it, I'd heard his wolf thrumming with pleasure when I flopped down, belly-up, and openly displayed my obedience. And before I phased out, I heard the wolf, Jacob's wolf, whisper, "Pack."

I felt like a fucking animal and I hated it.

I hated even more, perhaps, that I couldn't even blame Jake for it. I tried, Lord knows I did, but I couldn't. What had he done that I, on the most base, animalistic of levels, hadn't deserved? I'd kept Bella from seeing him, I'd omitted that fact to him, I insulted him when he found out, and then I spurred him into attacking. Had he messed up? Sure, if you were looking at it as a strictly man vs. man fight.

But it wasn't man vs. man. It was as much internally combatting the beast as it was us combatting each other. And it was a fight everyone had lost. Except maybe Jake's wolf.

What did this mean? Was I part of Jacob's pack? Did this apply to everyone? What about Seth? Would Sam ever bow down to another Alpha? If he didn't, would I get to see Seth? Had Jake even accepted his Alpha status?

My head reeled with questions, and soon Embry simply left me. He saw he wasn't going to be getting any conversation out of me any time soon and, after taking all the bloody towels out of my room, he left, the dish of water in hand, leaving me wallowing in my misery and guilt.

I couldn't get Jake's words out of my head for the life of me. He's the only thing you've got left, so you're holding on with all you've got.

I flinched at the memory; it wasn't true. It couldn't be true. Jake had missed the mark on this one, an uncommon occurrence for my best friend—or who used to be, at any rate. He thought I loved Seth for the imprint, because Seth was a break in the constant fear I felt for my future. But he had gotten it backwards—I didn't love Seth because he brought me relief from the fear. Seth soothed my fears of the future so successfully because I loved him. I recalled a saying I'd heard ages ago that had never made sense to me, but was so obvious now. Immature love says 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love says 'I need you because I love you.' That was how I loved Seth—desperately, dearly, with a raw, unfettered sort of longing that never went away, no matter how close I was to him. And for that, for that love, I needed him. Because how on earth was I supposed to live without it? Without him? I couldn't. It was inconceivable, the very notion of it made my stomach roll over.

Jake's words stung, I wasn't going to lie about it. Of course, it really wasn't anything I hadn't deserved, at least in the eyes of Jake's wolf. I deserved the puncture marks, and more.

I couldn't recall much after the fight than the sound of Seth, bellowing at Jake as he appeared from the forest, and the feel of Jake being forcibly ripped from my neck. Sam was there, yelling at him, yelling at us both because he knew all too well there was no way he'd have acted like this without strong provocation. Provocation I, of course, had given him. Leah and Embry had carried me upstairs, Leah threw some clothes over me to cover what little of my nude body she could, and then Embry had asked—demanded—for her to leave, to leave me to him. I listened to Sam outside for the few seconds he and Jake stayed in the open. Paul had helped in restraining Jacob from coming into the house after me, and Jared and Sam had slowly but surely pushed him into the cover of the woods as the sun rose.

I could barely make out the sound of Seth's wolf, jaws snapping as Paul fought to keep him back away from me. Other than Embry, no one was allowed to go near me—I'd heard Sam say that, too.

"Until I figure out what's going on, Jacob and Lucy are to be left alone." But my wounds kept bleeding for longer than they should've, and Embry wrangled a compromise out of Sam. He was allowed to help clean me up, get me healed, then leave me alone. I'd just pushed away my only ticket of information to the outside world for the foreseeable future, all because of my sullen attitude. And I was sullen, though it wasn't just for my hurt pride.

The biting sting around my neck hurt almost as much as the invisible wound around my heart. As Jake's jaws clenched down on my flesh, he'd done the same thing to my soul. Though I was in the wrong as much as he—I had, after all, attacked him with as much vigor as he'd attacked me—I couldn't shake the feeling of…of betrayal I felt.

Jacob Black attacked me.

The words were all so wrong—more than wrong, I simply couldn't comprehend them. I couldn't wrap my head around the fact that my best friend had actually sunk his fangs into my throat and squeezed, deep. Deep enough to leave scars for the next three hours afterwards, anyways. My fingers lifted to shakily touch the punctured flesh, tender and still healing. It all replayed in one great, horrid loop—Jake jumping, both of us phasing, Jake biting and grinding fangs into my skin. It hurt, but not nearly as much as the betrayal. Jacob hadn't done so much as kick me since we were seven and I had trampled over his sandcastle when he ate the last two cookies (he was only allotted one).

My eyes closed, only to open once more. I couldn't sleep. All I could see was Jacob's anger, Jacob's hatred. Too scared to drift away into unconsciousness, I stayed awake until exhaustion took over and forced me to deal with my nightmares. I curled up on my mattress and tried my best to sleep, despite the constant wetness in my eyes.

I woke up late Sunday afternoon to see Paul standing in my doorway.

Rubbing at my eyes, and hitching the sheet a little tighter to my chest, I shot Paul an irritated glare from my place, flopped over on the mattress.

"What time is it?"

"About four," Paul said mildly, leaning comfortably against the bedpost. "You feeling any better?"

I didn't answer, instead looking over to the flecks of blood on the carpet next to me. I scrunched up my nose in distaste. Blood didn't really bother me, but that didn't mean I got a kick out of looking at anyone's blood, much less mine.

"How bad was it?" I asked, swinging my legs off the mattress, stretching them out with a satisfying crick and crack. The wolf in the doorway took a few steps into the room.

"Pretty bad. You had blood gushing out, with it being a neck injury and everything. Don't you remember?"

It was kind of hazy, to be perfectly honest, but I didn't really care. All that mattered was finding Seth first, then trying to work things out with Jacob. And talk to Sam. And—fuck, Jake probably would want me to go talk to Swan or some shit like that. Ain't no way, ain't no how that was happening, but Jacob Black was nothing if not perseverant.

"Yeah, most of it," I lied, carefully stroking the most vulnerable skin on my body, just under my jaw. I couldn't feel the marks, which meant it was healed over, but I knew from the way Paul was staring at me that they hadn't vanished. Why not was beyond me; wolves don't scar, certainly not from such pinpricks like those, but I didn't like thinking about it. It made my stomach curl with dread—like I knew something had gone wrong.

Paul rolled his eyes and dropped into a crouch, sitting at the end of my mattress. Draping his arms over his bent knees, he leaned forwards, staring at the blood just like I was.

"Jake was bang outta line," he said finally, not looking at me. I sighed very quietly, but not quiet enough. Paul turned his gaze to me for only half a second before looking back at the carpet. "He was. And because I know you, and I know how much you love the fucker, I know you're beating yourself up over nothing. It's stupid, Lucy."

"I'm not beating—"

"You are, and everyone knows it. Why do you think Jake's running laps of the forest?" His rhetorical answer stunned me, but not for the reason he thought.

"Wait—what are you talking about? Jake's running laps?"

"Yup."

His short answer irked me. "Well shit, don't ramble. It'd be a shame to answer my questions for once in your life." Paul rolled his eyes and I would've sworn I heard him mutter something about theatricality and drama queens, but he saw the glower on my face and, to my delight, hastened to remedy the situation.

"No one knows what he's doing," Paul admitted with a faint scowl. "He's running it human, and we aren't to speak to him until he comes to talk to you," he said with a note of finality.

I digested this as I watched Paul get up and head for the door.

"Sam said Seth can come talk to you tomorrow," Paul said from the doorway, hand braced on the frame.

"Uh…ok."

Paul nodded at my stilted, tense response and took off. Was I supposed to know what that meant? Irritated with everyone, I threw myself back against the mattress once more and relaxed into the sheets.

Oh, right—talk. Fuck, I'd totally forgotten the events from Friday with the girls at the locker. Did Paul really mean for me to deal with that now? Talk about unfairness… I wrinkled my nose in displeasure; didn't I deserve a break? Seth would understand. It wasn't like I was mad at him or anything. Well, not anymore. My anger had all but evaporated in all the chaos with chasing the redhead and being attacked by Jake.

No, I decided stubbornly. I didn't have to talk to Seth about this just yet. I mean, what good would it do? We'd both be upset, hurt, and confused. No, there was no reason to drag this up just yet. Later, I promised myself, like maybe next week. Seth had a math test anyways—could I really be so selfish to distract him like that, all to satisfy my own troubles? That'd be completely wrong of me. Yes, I was positive of it: there was no way I could talk to Seth right now. Absolutely none.

You've got to be kidding me. The snarky comment that came from within me was forcefully brushed aside; I had already made my mind up on the matter. No talking to Seth—about that anyways.

Knowing Seth wouldn't be coming by until tomorrow, I spent my day lounging about the house, mostly in my room. Paul flitted in and out of the building, but rarely went far. I had the distinct impression he'd been ordered to watch me and make sure I didn't hurt myself, but I knew if I asked and got that answer, I'd freak out. So I just kept my mouth shut as I scribbled down answers to my homework.

By ten at night, I was exhausted. I tried not to let Paul find out, considering I'd only been up for six hours or so and I fucking knew he'd flip his lid if he thought I was having troubles healing. (Which, you know, I kinda was.) The scabs fell off and the skin was closed over but it was still tender and sore. I avoided touching my neck in fear of tearing the skin unintentionally; Paul eyed the wounds with such suspicion, as though they were going to tear open at any given moment.

"'M gonna go finish my homework," I slurred, rubbing discreetly at my eyes as I got up off the couch and stumbled away into my bedroom. I felt Paul's concerned gaze follow me down the hall until I was safe inside my bedroom—damn, I didn't even recognize the man anymore. Where was the kickass douche that beat up fifteen year olds for the hell of it?

In the end, I could barely haul myself into the bed before I had slipped into the land of nod once more.

I hadn't been asleep for long, I knew that much. Maybe two or three hours, at most. Large rough hands brought me into consciousness. Soft, warm, nimble fingers I felt I should recognize right away. And I did—I just couldn't put the name to the face, yet. Not in my state of drowsiness.

The room was dark when I opened my eyes, my front pressed against the wall. A gentle hand was clutching at my shoulder, and had I been completely unconscious, I still would've felt the urgency, the desperation, the fear. I didn't move, even as the other hand pulled back my hair, revealing my neck. The large, quarter-sized dots that stamp my skin in two semi circles around the juncture where neck meets shoulder were almost healed. But not quite—the skin was slightly raised, I felt it as his fingertips traced each one.

My pillow was wet—I distantly recalled the feeling of tears smattering my pillow and horrid embarrassment welled inside me for all of two seconds before I finally—finally—woke up.

"Seth," I murmured instinctively, and my hand stretched out behind me to latch onto him, any part of him. I was rewarded with a wet, tired chuckle.

Oh. Not Seth.

"No," he said softly, unnecessarily. And I wondered how stupid I could be, not knowing him sooner. Disappointment and surprise fought for dominance in my heart—was I happy to see him or sad that it wasn't Seth? I flopped over onto my back and stared up at him—he'd changed almost impossible amounts since last I'd seen him. A day? Less? I couldn't be sure.

It didn't matter, I realized, as my fingers ghosted across the skin under his eyes, too stunned to speak. The red swollen skin looked so painful. I couldn't imagine how long he'd been crying, how much his head hurt. I hadn't seen him look anything like this since the funeral—the funeral—and I felt sick just looking at him.

"Lucy," his voice cracked on my name. His head leaned slightly against my fingers, and his eyes closed. I stared blankly up at him as his mouth trembled. "I'm so, so sorry." His breath caught in his chest, and I couldn't care less what the hell had happened with me and him and Sam.

How could I ever be scared of you?

We tumbled off my mattress as I launched myself into his arms, hugging him fiercely. His apologies were endless—"so sorry, I don't know what happened, I swear! I'm so, so sorry"—and I believed every word of it. He tucked my head under his chin (I still had a hard time believing he was this big, that he was the same boy I made sand castles with) and squeezed the ever-loving-life out of me.

"I know, Jake," was all I said. "I'm…I'm sorry for what I said." But not what I did. I couldn't apologize for that—I couldn't. It was something programmed into me. I couldn't even honestly say that I wanted to feel some regret or remorse—no, I was completely certain in what I had done. I was glad that I had gone to such lengths to keep him safe.

But I hated hurting him. For that, I was sorry.

He didn't say anything for a long time, and when he did, I had to strain my ears to hear him. "I didn't mean a word of it," he said lowly. My heart jerked unsteadily from within my ribcage. "None. I just — I really don't know what happened, Luce."

"Yeah, me too," I said with equal softness. Paul was in the next room, I was certain of it. I was also pretty damn certain he was lying in his bed, wide awake, listening to our every word and monitoring the scene should things get out of hand. Stupid wolf, I thought fondly.

I hugged Jake tightly as he continued to apologize. "My wolf — it just…exploded. I couldn't contain it, it's never been so angry. One minute I was yelling, the next…you were…I had…" Jake pulled away, covering his face with his hands. "God, what have I done?"

"It's ok," I said instinctively, because it definitely wasn't, but I so hated seeing him like this, I was helpless to do anything but lie.

Jake ploughed on, tugging viciously at his short locks. "I talked to Sam — he's…he's still Alpha. I'm not…Lucy, I don't know what happened, but I'm not stepping up." I nodded mechanically; I'd expected this. So I still answered to Sam then. Good. That was good—it meant I could be with Seth still.

So what was with the disappointment I felt?

Jacob was oblivious to my unhappiness, too caught up in his guilt. He rocked back and forth, muffling his miserable words with his hands. "It's ok, Jake." I repeated, more firmly. "It's ok. I – I should've told you about…what I did." My awkward stammering brought Jake slowly out of his misery. Casting his sullen gaze towards me, I flinched at the flicker of anger and…guilt?

"Yes," he said somberly. "You should've, but I understand why you didn't. But…Lucy, I meant what I said. It's not your job to make sure I don't get hurt. I'm a big boy, Luce," he drawled sarcastically. "You gotta trust that I can take care of myself. Lucy, you can't interfere in things like this."

"It was for the good of the Tribe —"

"You didn't do this for them," he said instantly, brow furrowing in reproach. "And you didn't tell me about banning Bella because you knew I'd stop it."

My heart sank.

"You're going to talk to Bella." My voice was flat, even to my own ears. It wasn't a question; I knew he missed her. But I'd hoped, foolishly, that he'd sit back and allow me to keep her away from him, to just simply accept the fact that she was out of our lives now, for good.

"I already did."

My mouth fell open a little, my eyes widened. He…he did what? I leaned away from him, pressing my back against the wall. The feeling of betrayal came roaring back. "You did what?"

Jake was entirely unapologetic. "I called her. Earlier today. I needed to make sure…" he swallowed, "that you were wrong. About…about her disappearance."

Oh. Oh. What I had said before — I bet it's all a set-up. I told him Edward was probably changing Bella as we spoke; I should've known it'd piss him off enough to call her. Damn it, how had I encouraged him to do the very thing I was trying to stop? Before, when he had first phased and was forced to stay away from Bella — things were easier then — I had accidentally given him the idea to tell her about the wolves without actually saying anything. And now I had provided the motivation he needed to pick up the phone and talk to her, as opposed to ignoring her at every turn.

Fuck. If I didn't hate her so much, I could be the best match-maker ever. Pushing them together was all I was capable of doing, apparently.

"And?"

Jake shrugged, leaning back on his hands, propped up behind him. "I hung up before she could say anything. She sounded like herself." He paused for only a second, before confessing quietly, "I'm going to see her tomorrow."

Silence. Silence stretched between us like this great chasm of nothingness, cold and dark hands unfurling and pushing us apart. Bella. Bella Swan was pushing us apart. I had felt the distance months ago, not long after Jake's first phase. I had felt the separation take hold and grip us tightly in its hands. I had pretended, from then to now, that it wasn't happening, that I wasn't steadily losing my best friend to the human leech-lover, but this was it.

This was the point of no return for Jacob Black and Lucille Spencer.

As though reading my mind, Jake's eyes became laced with anguish. "I'm sorry," he said gently. But firm — he was certain in what he wanted. And he wanted her — he was choosing her over me, over his family. Disappointed didn't cover half of how I felt. Maybe this was the disappointment he felt when I chose Seth, over and over again. I'd always choose Seth Clearwater. Not just because of the imprint, but because he was Seth. Mine. My Seth. And if Jake saw Bella the same way I saw Seth…then how could I blame him for picking her? It rankled, obviously, but I couldn't be mad. I just…couldn't.

"Me too." She really was a danger to our Tribe, all things aside. If he was going to pick her over La Push's safety…over Seth's safety, then that was that. I couldn't stop him from seeing her any more than he could stop me from hating her.

"Can…can we still…?" Jake looked up to me hopefully. Damn, I wanted to be so furious with him, but the look in his eyes just melted my icy heart.

"I'll always love you like a brother," I mumbled truthfully, blushing hotly under his intense stare. "Obviously."

Jake chuckled in a wet laugh. "Sure, sure. Love you too, Lucy." But he knew. He knew things wouldn't be the same between us, ever again. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was time we let our friendship go unspoken; Seth was my priority now, just as Bella's humanity was his. There was no point in pretending. I didn't have the time to deal with my imprint's sneakiness and Jake's stupidity. Jake was right, in that sense: he really wasn't my responsibility now. Any claim I felt over him was gone. My mind brought up the image of Seth's face, twisting in jealousy as he watched Jake and me, and I knew I had to do this, much as I detested it. If Seth ever acted like he had some claim over another girl (other than Leah)… My heart leapt into my mouth. Oh yes, I'd kill her, no doubt about it.

So maybe it really was for the best…but it felt like the worst.

"I have to go," Jake said. He stood up, and I craned my neck as I watched him walk to the window. "I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"Yup," I mumbled, tears burning shamefully in my eyes. Talk. Not like two people who had grown up together, no. We would be different then. We weren't Jake-and-Lucy, joined at the hip. That had died when I phased – I was just too stubborn to admit it. We were just Jacob and Lucy, those two kids who grew up together and fell in love with other people. I had never loved Jacob that way, thank God, but I'd almost expected that I would, some day. In a clichéd way, like the whole best-friends-grow-up-and-fall-in-love. But that wasn't our lot in life, and it never had been — with or without the imprinting, I was meant to be with Seth. I had no business acting like the concerned girlfriend in Jacob's life. Just friends, good friends. That's all we were. If Jacob wanted to make mistakes and follow Bella around like a puppy...that's his choice.

I looked away as he swung one foot over the window sill and paused halfway. Jake's eyes burned holes in my skin, his gaze was so intense.

"See you, Luce." And with that he was gone.

I sucked in a deep breath as a single tear escaped. One tear, that's all I'd allow.

"Goodbye, Jacob."

Ack, I feel so bad for slow updates, but life gets in the way (curse you, life). I just wanted to clarify: Lucy and Jake are still friends. It's just different now, you know, no more casually touching or him sneaking into her bedroom. You know, the stuff Bella should've stopped doing when she chose Edward. But whatever, I'm not judging or anything... *rolls eyes*

Anyhow, I'm still figuring out what the hell is going on in Eclipse. I have things mostly sorted out, but the wolf-life in La Push is largely left up to the imagination in Eclipse, so it's a little more difficult, ya'know?

Hopefully I made all the reactions and emotions clear. I feel like sometimes I can't explain things the way I want... Meh. Thanks for reading! Reviews make my day ;)