Being buried deep in the darkness of the hotel room, Gon broke out into a panic. He reached out to touch the nearest light source and flicked the switch on. The lights almost blinded him at first. It forced his hazel brown eyes to water up a bit, to adjust. He still forcefully looked around, taking note of the bed he was in, and the desert full of used tissues on top. That's when the realization hit him.

Sleep crying.

Gon couldn't recall when he shut his eyes and drifted off to bed. But checking the clock which read, "5:30 am" he could guess he'd been sleep for a while.

Raising both his hands up, he placed them on the larger male on top of him. "Killua." Gon spoke out recognizing that bob of white hair from anywhere. "Come on, S'more. Get up or roll over.." He urged lightly as he shook him. "You're crushing me… you're crushing our lil princess... uhh.. the baby. You're too fucking heavy for thiiiiiisssssss." The last part was more of a groan from his lips as he felt light pink ones mash against the corners of his mouth.

"Hush.." Came a groggy tone from over him. Fluttering open robin egg eyes, blinked back at coffee toned. Killua spoke, "I can move without you being loud." He gave Gon another quick kiss before he slowly rolled over in the bed.

Feeling a bit more breathing space, Gon took in huge deep breathes. He inhaled and exhaled and repeated the process a few more times to take in the smell of just the two of them in the room together. His black hair was pressed wildly against the pillow as his brown orbs marveled up at the ceiling. A huge part of him still couldn't believe that this was happening right now.

"I can't go back to sleep." He concluded.

What he wanted to say was, "I lose it sometimes. It feels like I'm there, but I'm not there. I know I'm here, but where really is here? Killua... do you know where here is? Does being alive make you here? Is our baby here? Are you really here with me? Help me please."

Killua knew Gon was trying to sound brave but the sound was more shameful. It made Killua's heart hurt a bit as he found himself unable to assist Gon. He could tell him, "It's fine.." Over and over again but that doesn't really make a difference.

"You need to." Killua recommended, he let out a grunt as he turned over a crunching sound along with a heavy thumping followed. "Oh shit!" He cursed rolling his shoulders, he sat up straight in the bed. The covers around him falling to reveal his shirtless body, as he stretched. His eyes darting around to see the mess he'd fallen asleep around: the book, the dozen of pamphlets and,

"You almost crushed my phone." Gon criticized, reaching for the cellphone under the cover. He was about to ask what the hell Killua had been doing with it, but the screen unlocked to his touch to read, 'How to avoid triggering a schizophrenic attack.' in the search bar. At the words, tender brown orbs narrowed as if trying to match up with what was happening around him.

"You're a burden, always mooching off people just like Ging." The voices gave a steady reminder, "Look at you. Making Killua do so much extra work. He's pitying you. Even after you never gave him a drop of pity… He feels so so so bad for you."

Rough sharp nails tipped up peach skin, drawing the owner's pupils upwards to ensure they read pink lips speaking, "Gon, you're powerful and beautiful no matter what the voices say."

"I really don't need..." Gon gnawed on his bottom lip cautioning himself, "I'm making you do so much, Killua. I made you leave your family, I made you go to that Hunter's party, and I feel like you joined Chrollo because of me. So I don't need you to do anything more. I-"

"I'm not doing this because I need to." Killua held Gon's face steady to lock their eyes together, "I want to do this. Don't forget it." He countered sternly, his voice almost going into a deep throated animalistic growl. "Everything I've done is because I wanted to do it."

That made a bit of relief come over Gon, it reassured him that this was no where close to pity.

"The Hunter's party?" Gon recited.

"I was drunk as hell!" Killua fired back his face going a tad bit red at the smug expression on Gon's face. The sight made him stress, "But I mean it was still my fault." His relaxing touch briefly left Gon's face as he recollected himself, "I mean what I said, about not forgiving myself for hurting you or the child. I won't stop feeling bad, especially because you saved my life. You were always saving my sorry ass."

The black haired boy shook his head, "Really?" His eyes sparkled a bit as his lips curled up to show some of his pearl teeth, "What's so wrong with that? Everyone needs someone to lean on. Besides you came through for me that time I lost my nen in NGL."

"Oh you were stubborn back then, you still are."

"I'm not!"

"Yes you are, you've got a heart too big for your body. You love and want to save everyone."

"What's wrong with that?"

Killua laughed a bit, "Haha!" his eyes closing as he fell back in the covers to lay beside his lover. "It's ironic, because sometimes you save people like me." Blue ocean eyes shined brightly as a pale finger reached up to playfully tap Gon on the nose, "Back when we were 12, you saved me before I even knew I had to be saved. That's when I fell in love with you."

"You…did?" Gon's face flustered red as he recalled the first time Killua and him came together. The smaller boy could barely look Killua in the eye as he sputtered, "I..I l-llloveee, you. When, really you were traveling the world with your sister. I discovered I missed your company. Ya know, you're the cute kitten type."

At that Killua quickly barked out, "I-I.. I'm not! I'm not!" He shyly pulled the cover over his red face trying to hide. He denied,. "I'm no kitten.. I..I'm a.. I'm a big bad lion."

"Kitty." Gon teased, he started to giggle stroking Killua's soft fluffy hair.

The white haired boy tucked his head down, secretly enjoying the head massage he allowed a smile to grace his lips. Until there was a loud banging at the door. That made him tense up as he hissed, "Who the heck?"

Gon withdrew his hand, "Don't know." He elbowed Killua murmuring, "You go answer it."

"Fine." Killua grunted out disappointed he was being kicked into doing this madness. He dragged himself out the bed and sleep walked to the door.

Carelessly he yawned swinging it open, allowing the light to leak in from the hallway over the darkness inside. At the brightness rush, Killua had to narrow his eyes for them to adjust, he started to blink them rapidly. Unable to focus on the two figures he was able to make out standing outside the door until a familiar voice hit his ears.

"Big brother?" A sweet tone asked out concerned.

From the sound of the voice Killua questioned, "Alluka?"

"Yeah!" Alluka grinned brightly as she clapped her hands together before launching herself at Killua.

"How did you get here? What are you DOING HERE?" Killua muttered, slick horrified. What if his parents had sent them to discover his location? What if they were using them as bait? What if this was a trap and he'd been set up?

She called out pleasantly, "It's me, big brother! And Kalluto is here too!"

"Kallu--oof!" Killua grunted at the sudden weight on top of him as Alluka tackled him to the ground.

Alluka was enjoying the reunion giggling pleasantly, "Did you miss us?"

"Alluka… Kalluto… what the heck are you doing here?" Killua criticized, his eyes finally adjusting to the sight of them.

Kalluto combed his fingers with his good hand, the other one was noticeably wrapped up. He calmly walked inside his dark eyes scanning over the place as he disclosed "I can't believe, you're actually this much of a snake." His orbs fell on Killua and he snarled, "OUT OF EVERYONE WHO EVER SCREWED ME OVER IN MY LIFE, YOU BY FAR ARE THE MOST A-"

Throwing a pillow at Kalluto's face, Killua scolded him. "I did everything I could to keep you out of harm's way." He struggled to rise to his feet with Alluka still on top of him, "Don't yelling at me for doing the right thing. Who told you to come here?"

Kalluto blinked rapidly as if being told that was a worst blow to the face than the pillow just was. He took a deep breath, unable help being pissed off, he couldn't help being furious, he couldn't help being…

"Do you know what they did to us?" Kalluto demanded unable to hold back the rage cracking in his voice.

Killua's accusing expression didn't change one inch. He just kept on glaring at Kalluto like his whole entire existence was a mistake.

Kalluto didn't even frown at this point, he just shook his head disgusted. "Do you even care what they did to us?" He took a few more steps towards Killua. Accusing, "You don't do you? You don't care!"

"I said shut up!" Killua growled back.

"There ya have it, Alluka! You obviously wanna hear him say it himself." Kalluto fired off, waving his good hand in the air to motion at his brother. He sneered, "He doesn't care. He never cared!"

"Stop saying that! How can I care, when I don't know what I'm supposed to be caring about?" Killua hollered. He didn't know why he was yelling at this point, but maybe it was because he was tired of being accused for something he didn't understand. His blue eyes darted around searching and scanning for any clues or hints of anything to help him figure out this puzzle.

Alluka's happy face expression seemed to crumble, "Big brother… you don't even know… what you're supposed to care about?" Her voice suddenly spun out on the verge of tears, "How could you forget about me?"

Alluka stood up, taking a few steps away from Killua. Bangs bounced falling over her crystal blue eyes that threatened to pour. She looked so hurt and damaged from her torn up expression. It made Killua feel even more guilty for not comprehending what the problem was.

"Forget about you?" Kalluto stiffly raised his bandaged up arm. Making sure his voice fell heavy, "He is partially responsible for this! All he did was leave you! And ya know, he's been gone mostly all my life and when I see him again, I GET THIS!"

"What are any of you even talking about?" Killua hissed looking them up and down. They looked so distraught and it was tugging on his heart strings. Really hard. It was like this nagging feeling filling him.

The purple haired girl uttered, "You said you would send for me." She didn't seem to be able to meet her own older brother in the face anymore.

That sudden reminder hit Killua like a ton of bricks. How could he have forgotten to send for Alluka? Why did he leave Alluka with those terrible people back home? Well no.. not home, that place never was a home. It was a prison. A prison that he'd left his little sister in.

Guilt washed over Killua, "Alluka, I'm so.. So.. sorry." He reached out to touch his sister's soft hair to comfort her, "I'm such an idiot. I di-"

Yanking away from him Alluka snapped, "You NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEFT ME!" There was tears falling from her eyes now, "But you did! You ran off.." She looked around bitterly, "Here! I don't even know where here is, but YOU'RE HERE!"

"Alluka, let me explain.." Killua started to plead his case, yet Alluka slapped his hand away. She kept backing up further away from him with each step he took near her.

The girl was going off like a firecracker now, "No! There is nothing to explain!" She was crying wildly and dry heaving as if the sudden realization was just now hitting her. And when she suspected it before, she never took into account how terrible it actually felt, yet now that she did…

SHE HATED IT.

Her whole entire body was shaking with sadness, and betray filled her heart making it throb with regret from ever being so foolish. Alluka didn't want to look at Killua, she didn't want to be around him, she didn't want him to breath the same air as her. Not after he sliced her heart wide open like this, not after he threw her kindness away after taking it for granted all these years.

"Yeah, smart ass." Kalluto said sarcastically rolling his eyes. He gave Killua a rough shove away from Alluka. "Save me from the streets, but fail to liberate me from the real threat of my life…" He stole a somber glance at his big sister, "Over our lives."

Shaking his head, Killua was unable to hold back his emotional wave of shame. "Listen to me, would ya?" He placed a hand on Kalluto's shoulder making sure his eyes didn't break away from his own, "Mommy always loved you, okay? You were always her favorite. I thought… I never considered that they would…"

"Beat me? Burn me with acid?" Kalluto was unable to hold back a cold laugh, "Haha! You really are an inconsiderate bitch, to never assume just because you're not there when it happens, it.." He bit his tongue then made a tight first with his good hand. "Look what they did to my broken wrist.."

"I.. I can't.." Killua stumbled out, looking at Kalluto's wrapped up arm.

Kalluto yelled at him, "Yes, you can! Unwrap it, damn it! Un-fucking-wrap it!"

In all honestly Killua didn't really want to. But he did it anyway, he did it because he knew if he started acting weak around Kalluto everything about his ego would crumble. Killua knew he should be playing easy going big brother to the rescue, but how could he? Not like this, not in a crazy family like this… What could he do to comfort them?

After he left them…

At the sight of Kallutos' arm Killua couldn't help but let out a broken gasp. He knew what his mom poured instantly, "Battery acid." There was scarring from severe 3rd degree burns up and down it. The skin seemed to have turned red and melted in on itself mashing together in a weird broken way as it kept trying to heal itself.

Tears didn't even swell up in Kalluto's eyes, it was like the young boy had no more tears to cry. He just stared at his big brother glaring lament of hatred with each breath he took. Killua had nothing to say, as he found himself trying not to gag up his dinner the more he looked at how damaged Kalluto's arm had become. It was sick… His parents were out of control, this was TOO FAR.

"They did this to me when I showed them my broken wrist." Kalluto spoke out hoarsely, "Mommy told me, if I was stronger my wrist wouldn't have been broken in the first place. So she did this to me." The whole time chanting, "I'm doing this so you don't end up like that boy! That boy he done ran off and betrayed the family. That boy he is so foolish!"

Alluka let out another loud sob, "Do you know who that boy is?" Boldly she demanded her big brother, "DO YOU?"

A sad broken smirk crawled it's way on Killua's face, as he tucked a strand of white hair behind his ear. "I'm that boy." He confirmed without a moment's hesitation. "Aka, the rogue prodigy." His blue eyes flushed full of sorrow as he looked at his siblings, "And I'm sorry I did this to you."

"No you're not!" Kalluto hollered, as he snatched his bandages away from Killua. He began furiously wrapping up his own arm. "You have that nasty smug look on your face, like you have no regerts! You don't regret it! You'll never care! Not even.."

"We don't choose what family we're born into. It's not our power decided. What is in our power…"

"It never crossed your mind to be slightly sorry! You're only fake sorry!"

Alluka kept on crying, "You used to not be like this. You act so different now." Her face twisted into one of pure fury as she pinpointed the source of her disappointment. Letting it all out with one angst filled scream, "BECAUSE OF HIM!"

Her pointer finger landed on Gon who was quietly watching from the bed.

Gon looked at them numbly, suddenly feeling out of place in all of this. "I..Umm.." He couldn't over the hurt expression that streaked Alluka's face so all he could do was utter, "I didn't mean to take Killua away from you both."

Kalluto delivered a mean right hook to the side of Killua's face. That forced his big brother to drop him, as he struggled to scrambled back up to his feet as he screamed, "I'm not gonna be like you! I'm not gonna be that boy I won't leave others to suffer as I live a life of luxury! I'm gonna grow up and help people!"

"Get him! Get him, Kalluto!" Alluka cheered.

"Shut up! I don't like you!" Kalluto said harshly, "You dragged me out here to see him!" He pointed at Killua rapidly as if he could fire bullets out of his finger tips, "THAT BOY WHO DOESN'T EVEN CARE ABOUT YOU! OR ABOUT US! YOU THOUGHT HE'D BE YOUR HERO, WELL YOU'RE WRONG! HE REPLACED YOU FOR GON, AND THAT STUPID BABY IN HIS BELLY!"

Unable to deny that as the truth Alluka grieved even harder. "I'm no one.. I'm no one anymore.." She had a melt down, rocking in place and hugging herself, "No one ever cared about Alluka Zoldyck."

"AND NO ONE NEVER WILL!" Kalluto rubbed in the pain more desperate for reprisal.

"You take that back!" Killua huffed out, "I do care! And you care too! Why did you help her if you don't care?"

"The same reason why you, lied to her and said you'll send for her." Kalluto sat out coldly, "To use her! To get what I wanted from her: for her to go wish granting mode so she can heal my arm."

Killua took a sharp breath in—He wanted to disprove Kalluto's point. To lie over his point. Yet Kalluto had overheard everything and Killua had accidentally proved his claim like it was a fact. Therefore after being busted in a lie Killua had to create another lie to cover up an even bigger cover up lie.

KILLUA HATED BEING CAUGHT IN A LIE!

It made his insides feel all funny and his mind roar with displeasure. All his ideas swam struggling to stay afloat to push back up their self-made 'canoe' of lies. Each time he thought he might just sink to the bottom and fall into oblivion. He'd disappear into a void of scandals, cheats and destruction driven rage.

Why was he like this?

Why couldn't he face the music?

As if reading his mind Kalluto yelled out all the answers to his questions, "To get attention? To get your way! To be more glorious and benevolent?" His voice cracked a few octaves as if thinking about it pained him. "Why does anyone lie, Killua? Why if not because the truth is something they're afraid of and lose them clout?"

"I didn't tell you to pick up my damn habits!"

Kalluto gave another punch to Killua's sides, "YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE OUR ROLE MODEL! You're not even doing that!"

Killua coughed up a bit of blood, "Cut it out already." He snatched up Kalluto lifting him up easily like he was light as some stuffed animal. "You got some nerve punching me."

Kalluto kept howling, "Let me go!"

Alluka cried out, "We came to help you! We saw your videos on Youtube, we saw theee..em on snapchat. We w-eeere.. So..so impressed.. We were like, wow.. That is our big brother doing that."

"Videos…?" Killua uttered suspiciously, "What videos?"

Glossy eyes narrowed as the 13 year old challenged, "The ones with half a million views." Kalluto insisted pulling out his phone he said, "Look don't play dumb."

Killua shot a look over at Gon who looked equally horrified.

Tapping on the screen Kalluto elaborated, "Who can resist a clickbait title, 'Hunter loses control of nen in public' then the fact it has a picture of Killua with that weird dark nen encasing his bloody nails. He looks like a real killer."

"That.. that's my nen!" Gon shouted accusingly, "THAT IS FROM THE HUNTERS PARTY WHEN I CONFRONTED KILLUA!" He sucked on his tongue, "It's just…."

"Oh don't worry. You're in the video too." Kalluto said pressing the play button. "Not only that, but you're a main attraction."

"That is so awesome!" Gon found himself enthusiastically driven as he let out a cheer. All his worries faded away as he decided to bask in his internet fame. A calming smile washed over his face as he hummed happily. "I have over half-a million views."

Killua didn't seem to share his lover's amusement. "Hold on." He questioned, "Who recorded and posted that?"

Kalluto raised an eyebrow as he checked the YouTube account announcing the name, "Some person named Savage Spider XD 4067."

"What…?" Killua's face paled recalling that he never considered Chrollo's part in this even the slightest.

"Don't say what! Didn't you plan this?" Kalluto demanded, "You teamed up with Chrollo because he recorded you acting crazy so you could get Gon famous."

"Awe Killua, you shouldn't have!" Gon chirped endearingly.

Under normal circumstances Killua would have lied his ass off and said, "Of course! I always know what I'm doing. I knew that you'd love it." But on the contrary that Killua was currently getting called out on lies he wasn't willing to say another.

"Gon, I didn't." Killua said. He turned to his little brother, "You said that Chrollo recorded this?"

Kalluto nodded, "Yeah."

The joy fell flat on Gon's face and confusion washed over him. "That… that can't be right though. Chrollo said he was about to run us over and claimed to save our lives."

Killua shook his head, "No… no, it is right. Because I met Machi at the party." His white locks fell over his eyes as he recalled, "She was the one who directed me towards you."

"Hmm? But.. but SHE WAS IN THE CAR WITH CHROLLO WHEN I SAVED YOU!"

"Which means that Chrollo could have also been at the party. If there was enough time in between."

"Neither of them are Hunters tho…"

Kalluto scoffed lowly, "Do you really think that someone rich like Chrollo can't pay their way in a party?" Flipping his hair arrogantly he boasted, "I've been able to get in plenty things for the right price."

Guilt filled a spot somewhere beside their little princess and made Gon's stomach flip-flop.

The voices in his head mocking,"Wow.. good work digging yourself a way out of this deep hole. Oh—oh wait! You can't dig upwards! It's not possible~looks like you're doomed."

"I'm confused." Killua blurted. The boy looking between his two siblings, "You came here because you saw a video of Gon and I so you took it upon yourselves to help us?"

"Well Kalluto came home last night and… I wanted to see you again." Alluka confessed still sniffling lightly. She paused briefly, "But the video was a huge impact to encourage us.. me. To help my big…" Kalluto elbowed her making Alluka correct, "Our big brother."

"Help?" Killua repeated as if the idea finally dawned on him. He'd been looking at this all wrong, his burning fury for them had encased his heart blinded him from the truth right before his eyes.

Here was his little brother and sister coming to him for help.

"I'm not sorry." Killua truthfully admitted, "But I'll do better now. If you still, ya know.. Have hope for me."

Alluka closed her eyes clearly not interested in accepting any apologizes from Killua right now. Kalluto did stop kicking and throwing a fit, he just let out an unhappy sigh.

"I hope you're happy now." Kalluto spoke out bitterly, gazing down at the floor to see the carpet beneath Killua's feet. He knew the older boy was holding him up, but he didn't know for how much longer and he didn't want to live his life guessing like this. He didn't wanna live his life caught up in a game of 'What if?' since that phrase can too easily change to, 'If what?' when it came to triggering people.

Killua responded, "I never considered that there was a reason you ran away to the Phantom troupe in the first place." He looked at Alluka his voice becoming more charming and endearing, "And I never thought about how much my company meant to you."

There was such thick syrup in Killua's voice that Gon almost felt bad for dragging him in this mess. Maybe they were both inconsiderate of others...too inconsiderate and naive to the point they even turned to Chrollo for assistance in discovering problems wrong with themselves.

Killua kept on running his mouth to smooth his way through a rocky uphill climb to get back on his siblings good sides. "I could never abandon you both. I'm not like Illumi. I don't WANT you to think of me like that." He lowered his tone gently, "If I could go back…"

"Nobody is questioning what you did or didn't do." Alluka sneered sharply, "We know why." Her words came off bitter as if a bad flavor was on her tongue.

Killua knew they were mad so he wasn't going to be foolish and ask for immediate forgiveness. He didn't deserve to be let off the hook that easily. So he slowly dropped Kalluto the the ground, "I'll get some blankets. You can both sleep on th-"

"We get the bed." Alluka insisted aggressively. "Kalluto, Gon and I will sleep on the bed. YOU CAN SLEEP ON THE FLOOR."

A really upset expression flashed on Killua's face as he dropped Kalluto back on his feet.

"If you would have stayed back and protected us, or sent for us like promised…." Alluka snapped softly dipping her face to her hands soaking up some of her tears. "It wouldn't have to be like this."

Killua grew gravely quiet for a second, then found his tongue again. "I want us to get along. I want us to be a big happy family." He opened his arms up as if expecting a hug as he called out: "Gon, Alluka, Kalluto and the little one. It can be just the 5 of us." A little smile graced his lips, "I'm not pleading for forgiveness, just…"

"I'd rather die before I put my trust in you again!" Alluka bellowed.

"And you never ever had mine." Kalluto retorted folding his arms. "In fact I wish I was never born!" Then you could be happy! The whole family would. You never worried about me anyway. You could be content with Alluka and Gon then everything could be perfect in your little damn fairytale world!"

"Kalluto that's not true. If I didn't care about you, I would have never..."

"Never what? You never did anything for me! If I wasn't born it wouldn't have mattered, my existence never made a difference."

Alluka grimaced a bit as she gave a dirty look at Killua. A new nerve being struck that got her upset, she threw her arms around Kalluto. Giving him a tight hug she muttered, "It's okay. I love you."

"It's NOT OKAY!" Kalluto lashed out violently. He shoved Alluka off of him declaring, "I don't need your love or praise or anyone's." Shakily he held his burned hand close to his heart uttering lowly as his eyes dripped water to the floor, "The damage is already..." Hiccuping he stressed, "done."