Tilly composed herself before grabbing her books only to rush back into the bathroom when she heard Jen called out for her, she's already missing her downstairs. Tilly couldn't help her emotions, it's a bit of an overreacting on her part but it scares the shit out her just the thought of losing Jen. She wiped the tears and splashed some cold water on her face. 'Get it together Tilly.' She whispered to herself in the mirror.
'There you are..' Jen said when she heard Tilly finally coming downstairs.
Tilly gave her a weak smile and slumped down on the other end of the couch where Jen was sitting. Lucky for her the light was dimmed and Jen could hardly see her face plus she was busy flicking through the channel.
It was hard for Tilly to focus but giving all her best to stay calmed, for how much longer' she has doubts it'll go far. Knowing Jen can pretty much read her like a book, 'Hands' she thought. Tilly remembered how hands fascinate Jen as they were expressions like eyes, well if Jen sees her eyes right now she's screwed. If she remained focus on her revisions for a little while then maybe Jen will think she's got tired eyes? Then her thoughts lingered back to her hands, which were both clenched hard at her book. 'Fuck this' she thought followed by a groaned which Jen noticed.
'You ok?' Jen asked. She moved closer to Tilly rubbing her back.
Tilly stiffened at the touch.. 'ahh.. errm, yah' she answered leaning her head to Jen's.
'How long do I have to wait?' Jen whispered lovingly on Tilly's ear.
Tilly could almost melt at her lovers adoring means.
'I just started so I say half an hour or so.' Tilly replied as she gently took a hold of Jens face with her other hand hoping Jen doesn't make another move that involves looking at each other. Jen frowned slightly disappointed but thought it's best to leave Tilly to her revisions. If she leaves her alone the faster she'll get done and then she can have her back for the rest of night.
'Ok..' Jen said stealing one quick kiss on Tilly's cheek. Tilly had lost it, Jen was too much for her to resist. She dropped her book and pulled Jen in for kiss, her hands quickly maneuver their way all over Jen. Cupping her face then pulling on her top back to her face again. Jen was oblivious of Tilly's inner turmoil and went with it. The kiss was hard and rough, Jen felt the need for air so she pulled away and got a glimpse of Tilly's face. Tilly knew she's been caught out the way Jen looks at her, she tried to pull Jen back for a kiss but Jen resisted.
'Have you been crying?' Jen asked cupping Tilly's face who can't look at her in the eye.
Jen knew something was wrong and at the same time confused as to why her lover all of sudden had a changed of mode. 'Tilly…hey babe.' she said lifting Tilly's chin so their faces are leveled. Tilly had tears in her eyes causing more worries to Jen.
'oh Tilly, please tell me what's wrong.. Did I hurt you?' Jen pleads wiping the tears on Tilly's cheeks.
Tilly shook her head. 'Nothing's wrong, I'm just being dramatic. I ahm..'
'Liar.. Tell me, did I say something that upset you?' Jen insisted
'what? No.. I ahm, I just remembered something sad and I…'
'Are you having doubts? You think this isn't gonna work, don't you?' Jen asked glaring at Tilly.
'Please tell me Tilly.. I thought we are in this together. That we'll try to gain each other's trust. And that no matter what circumstances we get, you and me will withstand it. Even if our own family will go against us I know we can manage because our love for each other stands above it all.' Jen explained cupping Tilly's face the whole time.
The mention of family threw a big punch on Tilly's stomach. How can Jen say that when moments ago she told her that it scares the shit out her on the thought of losing them. When in fact Tilly pretty much all for Jen, she doesn't care who comes in the way. Tilly shook her head as she looked down.
'When you were telling me about your family, Liam and your Mom.. how they helped you get back on your feet. And didn't judge you after what you've done…' Tilly started. She felt the need to look deep into Jen's eyes so she could see how this had affected her sudden outburst. Jen just stared back at her, she was confused but knew Tilly will make it clear so she remained silent.
'I know you said they weren't very happy when they found out everything but they've come round and eventually supported you, stopped judging you. They think you made a mistake, well we all do. You were given a second chance. And look at you now, making the same mistake. Jen they will flip out and who knows what will happen.' Tilly added, hoping Jen gets it.
'I know they will, and it's going to be tough but they'll come round again. Plus Tilly this isn't a mistake.. she said pointing at both of them. 'It was never a mistake, I handled things badly.. Meeting you, falling for you wasn't a mistake at all.' Jen explained
'I was given a chance to make things right, not just for myself but to you and to everyone that was involved. Tilly you are not my student anymore.. Well in fact I am not a teacher anymore. We are not hurting anyone or breaking anymore laws so it's down to you and me.. if we can take the beating from our family and friends when they found out about us then we should be fine.' She added rubbing Tilly's hand the whole time.
Tilly wasn't convince..
'Jen they will go nuts. They won't accept this, us! I could care less about mine but yours…'
'What about mine?' Jen snapped.. Tilly stood up hands on her face.
'What if they won't come round the fact that the person that ruined your career is back in your life, worst you're back together.. ' Tilly implied
Jen got up and took a hold of Tilly hands.
'I don't know what's causing you to worry so much, what happened to "We will handle this together, no one can stand in our way" phrase you kept telling me, hmm?' Jen tried to lighten up the intense conversation. She smiled at Tilly but Tilly kept a straight face.
'My Mom and Liam won't be the happiest person in the world but I know them well enough to assure you they want the best for me and they want a genuine smile on my face, which I can probably prove you they haven't seen in a long time, I say at least 2 years . You of course being the first on my list of what's best for me.' She smiled at Tilly. 'And I don't know if I have mentioned it to you but my jaw's been hurting quite a lot lately from smiling so much.' Jen added.
'Jen I'm serious.. Do you really think that? What if they won't accept us?' Tilly tried to avoid the right word.
'Yes Tilly.. They have to… or' Jen stopped as she realized what Tilly is on about now. Tilly's eyes widen, a bit frightened at the sudden pause.
'or what?' Tilly asked.
Jen stared lovingly at Tilly, she felt bad for doing this to her, for making her worry so much. Jen felt so much love, this woman in front of her captured her heart since day one and the fact that Tilly undeniably feels the same gave her the warmest feeling inside. She was beyond content. Tilly didn't quite get what she meant when she told her about her family, about losing them. Jen should've made it clear that her Mom and Liam aren't as bad as she thought they were. Yes it's true, Jen is scared to lose them' who isn't? They are her family, her blood. Losing Tilly though, would crush her world. She's been a mess for 2 years without her and now that she's got her back she won't be able to cope if she loses her again.
Jen rested her forehead on Tilly's. 'I love you so much.' She whispered
'I have searched places, I've waited for years, I've taken all the chances, I've cried so many tears, seen so many faces, I've hide a lot of fears then you came back , my heart stopped searching cause I know you are the one. I am not really the type of person that opens up a lot, you know me, I like to save some to myself in case it gets tough but what could be worse than losing you? If I did lose you at least in the end I could say I've given my all, although I'd prefer to have for the rest of my life.' Jen admitted
'Jen, you will not lose me..' Tilly told her.
'I am not going to lose you… I can't Tilly.' Jen had tears in her eyes even at the thought of it.
'I know you flip out when I said I'm scared to lose my mom and Liam but Tilly without you my life is pretty much over. I won't have any direction, I'd be lost.' Jen cried. Tilly pulled her in for the tightest hugged she's ever given.
'You have no idea how much I love you Jen. I am not going anywhere, I am here to stay. I'm sorry for feeling the way I did. It just got to me really bad, but it made me realized that I can't be without you.' Tilly said as she pulled away from the embrace to look deep into Jen's eyes.
'I love you so soo much.' She added then she kissed Jen softly.