Here I am with a new chapter before making my way to Munich for a WWE house show tomorrow. Unfortunately the Shield won´t be there which makes me extremely sad...somebody gimme a hug :´( lol
I hope you all enjoy the new chapter (as much as possible lol)!
Thanks for all your reviews and messages. You will never know how happy you make me with them! They always put a smile on my face.
Thank you once again pezziecoyote! You really are such an amazing beta reader. And a huge thank you to everyone supporting this story. You all know who you are 3
Enjoy & review, my lovely people!
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Chapter 25: Where to go, what to do?
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"What do you mean you're going back to Germany?" Roman asked, looking at his fiancée wide-eyed, not being able to fathom what he had just been told.
"I'm leaving, Roman," she said nonchalantly before quickly getting up from the rocking chair she had been sitting in. "There's nothing to still keep me here."
He immediately stood up and followed her into the kitchen, watching her as she took a bottle of water out of the fridge.
"What the hell are you talking about? There's nothing to keep you here? Are you serious? What about me? I love you, Karolina," he said, his voice almost a whisper. He was completely shocked.
She looked at him with sadness in her eyes. She knew he wouldn't understand why she wanted to leave. But he had no idea what she was feeling deep inside. Losing Joshua was killing her. It felt like she was dying herself.
"I love you too, Roman. But maybe that isn't enough. Sometimes love simply isn't enough, you know? Have you ever thought about this being a sign?" she asked before taking a sip of her drink, her eyes never leaving his.
"A sign? What are you talking about? What kind of sign?" he looked at her intently, not believing that he was having this conversation with her in the middle of the night. A conversation that was so essential and important.
"This right here. All of this. The things that happened between me and Seth, losing Joshua..." she said before sighing heavily. "Maybe we're not meant to be, Roman. Maybe this was a sign to tell us that we don't belong together. We...maybe we need to stop seeing each other."
He looked at her shocked, his lips parted as he wanted to say something but no words would escape him. What was she trying to tell him? Was it over? Did she really want to go back to Germany? For good? Was she serious about this?
"Are you...are you...breaking up with me?" he asked, insecurity and fear reflecting in his eyes.
Nervously she ran a shaky hand though her hair. Was she? Was she really ending things with him? She honestly didn't know herself. She had the feeling she needed to get away. Maybe she just wanted to run, hoping she could forget about all the pain. But even that would probably not help. Nothing would help to heal her broken heart.
"It's for the best, Roman," she said quietly, her heart wrenching in her chest when she saw the tears in his eyes.
She hated doing this to him. But maybe that was the right thing to do. Maybe they both had to get away from each other to become happy again. Maybe they would be better off without each other. Who knew?
"No, it's not. Please...don't leave me. I...I need you. Karolina, we can make it through this together. Please...," he said pleadingly, a silent tear streaming down his cheek.
And he wasn't even ashamed of his tears. He had all the right in the world to cry. Not only did he lose his son, no, it seemed as if he was losing his girl as well.
She couldn't leave him. He needed her. He loved her. They belonged together and he was sure that they would survive this. But they needed to stick together and fight. But she didn't even give them a chance. She was giving up before even trying.
"I'm gonna pack my stuff tomorrow and try to get the earliest flight back to Germany," was the last thing she said before quickly passing him and leaving him behind in the kitchen all by himself.
But she wouldn't just leave him in the kitchen, no, she would leave him for good in just a couple of days. He couldn't let that happen. He had to fight for her. He needed to convince her to stay in the States. If she wouldn't stay with him, maybe she would remain in the same country as him. If that was the last thing he would do.
He quickly made his way into the living room, immediately grabbing his cell phone and starting to text a message to Shannon.
Shannon, I really need your help. It's very important. Karo just told me she wants to go back to Germany. And she is dead serious about this. Please help me. Talk to her. Tell her she needs to stay. Please. I can't lose her as well. They took my baby boy, they can't take her away from me. I wouldn't be able to get over this. I'm losing my strength. This is such a nightmare. I can't take this anymore. Please...Shannon...help me. Roman
He pressed the 'send' button and hoped that Shannon and Dean were still awake. Considering how late or even early it was, they probably were fast asleep. He couldn't even blame them. He wished he would be able to sleep himself.
He sat down on the couch, burying his head in his hands and taking a deep breath.
He thought about everything that had happened during the last seven days. Karo going into early labor, the C-section, Joshua being gone, Seth appearing out of nowhere...and then saying goodbye to their son. And now here was his fiancée telling him she wants to go back to a country thousands of miles away and breaking things off with him. It was unbelievable. Everything seemed so surreal.
His life was worse than a nightmare. It was a cruel and sad reality. He still wished someone would pinch him and wake him up, telling him that he just had a bad dream. But that wasn't going to happen. It never was.
After a few more moments, the beeping of his cell phone interrupted his thoughts, immediately bringing him back to the sad reality he was living in.
It was a message from Shannon. Thankfully she was still awake.
She WHAT? That's not gonna happen. I will not let her get away with that. Where is she now!? Is she still there? We'll be there in the morning. Don't let her leave until then. She probably feels like getting away right now but we all know it's not a wise decision. Let me talk to her. Don't worry, Roman. We're here for you. Please never forget that. Everything's gonna be fine. Shan + Dean xx
He sighed heavily and leaned back on the couch, staring at the ceiling with half-lidded eyes. He hoped that either Shannon or Dean could convince her to stay. But deep down he was afraid that Karo would still leave. She could be really stubborn about things like that. But if she was really going to leave, then he was sure that they were done. And the thought alone hurt him incredibly much.
He couldn't lose her. She was the love of his life. What would he even do without her? He would be lost. His life wouldn't make sense anymore. He needed her in his life. Why didn't she understand this?
...
It was early the next morning that Roman was woken by the doorbell. He had fallen asleep on the couch, not wanting to put her under pressure by sleeping in a bed with her. Maybe she needed some time to herself to think things through. Maybe it was easier for her to think without him by her side constantly.
He still had no idea why she wanted to leave. Didn't she love him anymore? Did he do something wrong? What was it that made her decide this without talking to him about it beforehand? It was devastating.
He shook his head frantically, wanting to get rid of these thoughts while slowly making his way over to the front door, opening it after rubbing his eyes tiredly.
"Hey big man. Is she still here?" Shannon asked before quickly hugging her Samoan friend and passing him to get into the house as fast as she could.
"I guess she's still upstairs. I crashed on the couch last night. I thought giving her some space might help," he said truthfully before fist-bumping Dean who was following behind.
"I'll go check on her. You guys might as well prepare breakfast in the meantime. I'm fucking hungry," Shannon said, not even turning around to look at them and quickly making her way upstairs, taking two steps at a time.
She took a deep breath before softly knocking on the bedroom door, listening closely to see if Karo was still asleep or if she was awake already.
"Roman, I really don't wanna..." Karo started but trailed off when seeing one of her best friends in front of her. "What are you doing here, Shan?"
She quickly turned around again, rummaging in her closet to sort out the clothes she needed to take with her in her suitcase. The other stuff would go back to Germany in a container soon. She only needed the most important things for the first few weeks.
"The question is what are YOU doing here?" she snapped, closing the suitcase and sitting down on top of it.
"Packing my stuff?" Karo more asked than stated, not wanting to be bothered by her friend's stupid questions when it was pretty obvious what she was doing.
"I can see that, smartass," she scoffed, rolling her eyes at her. "And why are you doing it?"
Shannon looked at her friend intently, knowing her well enough to understand that Karo didn't have any idea herself. And she would make her see it as well.
"I'm going back home. Where I belong." was all she said, putting her clothes on the bed while her friend stubbornly kept on sitting on the suitcase.
"You belong with Roman and nowhere else," she tried to reason, but Karo simply ignored her.
There was an uncomfortable silence between them and the tension was almost unbearable. Karo had put a wall around her and it was difficult for Shannon to get through but she wouldn't give up that easily. She had promised Roman to try everything she could to convince her to stay.
"Karo, don't run. It's doesn't make sense. I know why you're doing this. You think that if you go back to Germany that you can forget about all of this. But that's not gonna happen. Joshua is gone and you can't undo it, even if you go back to Europe. You can't escape your problems or your pain if you move somewhere else. It will follow you wherever you go. You're not alone in this. Yes, you carried that baby inside of you for more than 8 months, but Roman suffers just as much as you do. I don't wanna say you're selfish, but you're not thinking about him either way. You guys need to stick together," she explained, hoping she could finally reach Karo with her words.
But she just scoffed, shaking her head with a fake and mocking smile on her face before continuing to put clothes on the bed.
"Just stop it now, ok? You have no idea how I'm feeling right now, so don't fucking act like it," she said through gritted teeth, the anger in her voice unmistakable.
"You know what? You're right. I have no fucking idea how you're feeling. I will never understand what you are going through. But I don't want to see you fall apart. You and Roman both need each other. You can't just run away. That's the easiest but not the best way," she countered, watching intently how her friend tried to act as she was convinced that her actions made sense.
She kept a straight face, pulling open drawers and throwing things onto the bed while running a hand over her face in exhaustion.
And that was when it happened. She broke down, falling onto her knees and sobbing uncontrollably. She didn't have the strength anymore to retain her composure. She couldn't keep lying to herself anymore. Who was she kidding?
"I have to go, Shannon. I can't stay here any longer. I...I...," she tried to explain but couldn't complete her sentence as tears were streaming down her face, her whole body shaking with sobs.
Shannon was next to her in record time, wrapping her arms around her friend and rocking her back and forth, trying to soothe her as much as she could. It was horrible seeing her like that and she wished she could take away all the pain but deep down she knew that there was nothing she could really do.
"Why, sweetie? Why do you think you have to go?" she asked, wanting to understand where her friend was coming from.
Maybe then she could help her. Maybe together they could find a solution to all of this if she would let her know what was going on inside of her head.
"Everything here reminds me of him. Joshua...I miss him so unbelievably much. I keep sitting in his room every day. I...I can't stay here. I need to get away. I need space," she confessed while tears were streaming down her face.
Shannon sighed heavily, a huge lump forming in her throat. She couldn't even imagine how hard it must be to be reminded of your dead baby every day. Not only was the thought stuck in her head, but she had to pass her baby's room constantly and that must be horrible.
"Do you still love Roman?" she asked, hoping her friend would give her a positive answer.
She had never seen two people who were so madly in love with each other like Karolina and Roman. They were meant for each other. And that wouldn't change any time soon. Or at least she hoped so.
"Yes...yes. I still love him. With all my heart. But that doesn't change the fact that we need a break. Instead of strengthening each other, we keep dragging each other own," she admitted, another wave of tears running down her cheeks. "Let me go, Shannon. Let me go back home."
Shannon closed her eyes tightly before hugging her friend even closer. The pain she felt must be unbearable. They all felt heartbroken after losing Joshua but nobody would ever know how hurt Karo must be.
"Okay," Shannon said all of a sudden. "Okay, I'll let you go home. Home as in San Francisco. Let's go back there. I'll go with you. You and me. Don't go away that far. Let's try to cheer you up over there. And if that doesn't work out, you still can go back to Germany. Deal?" she looked at her friend hopefully and it killed her to see her that sad and exhausted.
"I don't know, Shan. I think I'd rather go back to Germany. I think I...," she started to answer but she was cut off quickly.
"Give it a try. Please. Don't throw it all away. Come on, don't give up that easily," she tried to convince her, feeling how Karo finally became weak.
"You're going to stay with me? But what about Dean? Don't you wanna be on the road with him? " she asked, considering what her friend had just told her.
"Dean will understand. Nobody wants you to go back to Europe. You're part of our family, sweetheart. Please...go back with me to San Fran. You and me, like in good old times. What do you say?" she questioned, hoping she was able to convince her best friend.
Karolina looked at Shannon intently, thinking about her words over and over again. Should she? Would it be a good idea to clear her head back in California? Maybe it was. Maybe it was better than completely running away.
"Yes...okay...let's do it. But promise me that you'll let me go if it doesn't work out, ok!?" she asked, smiling weakly when her friend nodded her head in agreement.
"Perfect. Okay...look, let's go downstairs and tell the boys," Shannon announced, kissing her forehead softly before slowly getting up, extending her hands to her friend.
"Dean's here as well?" she asked, taking her hands and standing up as well, wiping her tears away hastily.
"Yeah...he's preparing breakfast with Roman. Come on, let's get this over with. It's only fair to let Roman know. He's afraid of losing you, Karo," she explained, making her friend aware of the fact that the situation at hand was extremely serious.
"But he is kinda losing me, Shan," she countered, breathing in heavily with her heart feeling heavy in her chest.
One way or another she was going to leave him. She would go to California while he stayed in Florida. They were going to be separated and in a sense that meant losing each other. Who would have thought something like that would happen just a few months ago?
"But it will make him feel better knowing that you're with me. It will give him hope. And you both love each other. I know you will get back together," she said confidently, smiling at her friend sweetly.
Karo just nodded her head and smiled back weakly. She wasn't sure if this was still going to happen but hope died last, right?
Together they made their way downstairs, Karo's heart beating fast in her chest. She was nervous, not sure how Roman was going to react to the news. But hopefully he would be relieved. Then again it didn't matter how he felt about it. She was going to do it no matter what he was about to say. It was her own decision and nobody could do anything about it.
"Hey guys. That smells wonderful," Shannon said after entering the kitchen, pulling Karo with her as she had her hand in hers, not wanting to let her go.
"Bacon and pancakes," Roman simply said, not even looking at Shannon but staring at Karo intently.
It was Karo's favorite breakfast. She loved bacon and especially during her pregnancy she had been craving for it even more. He remembered that and hoped it would help her to make the right decision. And the right decision was to have her stay with him in Pensacola.
"Sounds good. Come on...let's start, I'm starving," she said and quickly sat down next to Dean, giving him a peck on the lips and thereby making Karo sit next to Roman.
The tension between them was indescribable. It felt as if they didn't know each other. As if they were strangers. It was a sad fact considering the past they were sharing with each other.
"So, Karo and I had a discussion earlier and I'm positive we found a good solution," Shannon said nonchalantly, immediately getting everyone's attention.
Dean and Roman looked at Shannon expectantly while Karo sipped at her orange juice nervously. She didn't want to tell them about the outcome but it seemed like everybody expected her to.
"Spill the beans, for fuck's sake," Roman said impatiently, not being able to bear the uncomfortable silence that was between them.
Karo looked at Shannon pleadingly, hoping she would tell them as she didn't have the strength. She had lost all of her strength seven days ago and was praying that soon she would feel at least a little strong again.
"We've decided that she's going back with me to San Francisco. I'll stop being on the road with you guys until she feels better," she explained, looking at Dean apologetically but he just nodded his head as he completely understood.
And Dean really understood. Karo needed her now. More than ever. He wanted her and Roman to get back together, even if that meant that he had to be without her for a little while. He would miss her. Extremely. But he knew that Shannon trusted him as much as he trusted her. Their love for each other was strong enough to survive this. For the sake of their friends' relationship.
"So you're not going back to Germany?" Roman asked, directing his question to his fiancée, if he could still call her like that.
"Not yet. I wanna see how I feel when I'm back in California," she answered, not being able to look into his eyes.
She knew that looking into his eyes would make her weak. It would break her heart even more and she really couldn't take that any longer.
"Why don't you stay with me Karolina? Why don't you give us another chance, babygirl? I don't understand," he said, relieved that she decided to stay in the States but still hurt she would leave him.
"I need to get away from here. Don't you get it, Roman?" she suddenly yelled, finally losing her patience. "I can't stay here. Everything keeps reminding me of Joshua. He should be here now. Crying, needing me to feed him...with me singing a lullaby to him. This house is so empty without him. My heart is empty..."
Once again she couldn't stop the tears that escaped her eyes. She hated to talk to him like that but maybe being honest with him would help them to work out the things that were bothering them.
She hadn't talked to him for almost fours days. She had kept everything to herself, not being able to share her thoughts with him. It wasn't fair. She knew it but there was nothing she could do about it. She just couldn't help it.
"I can sell the house. We'll buy another one. Karo, please...don't go," he once again pleaded, taking her hand into his and kissing it softly.
"Keep the house, Roman! I'm not even sure if I'm ever gonna come back," she said honestly, once again breaking his heart into a million pieces.
"You might not come back?" he asked sadly, a huge lump forming on his throat.
She couldn't do that. She couldn't leave him. They wanted to get married. Or didn't they? He didn't understand. He simply didn't. Why was she doing this to him? He sincerely doubted her love for him. How could she love him and be acting like this?
"Maybe I will. Maybe. I'm not really sure," she replied, letting go of his hand and slowly getting up. "Now if you'll excuse me...I need to pack my stuff."
And with that she went out of the room. And maybe even out of his life. For good. He was heartbroken. Once again.