Chapter 25

"But I'm…I'm…" Nick stuttered. "We're…just let me in would ya? I need to see her."

"I'm sorry but I can't do that." The nurse's stubborn reply grated at Nick. He just wanted to know what had happened and hold her hand through it. His mind threw up incomprehensible scenarios that frightened him to the bone. If she was pregnant had something happened to the baby? If she wasn't what had happened to her then, to make her collapse? He wished fervently that she had just done a pregnancy test or gone to her doctor before now so they'd known for certain one way or the other. Because now Nick was being forced into a terrifying limbo.

Another nurse emerged from where Jennifer had been taken then and looked Nick up and down. And then she smiled. "Are you Nick?" she asked kindly.

He nodded eagerly. "Yes yes. Can I see her?"

The nurse nodded back. "Yes. She just asked for you. You can go in."

"Thankyou," he breathed in a rush.

"But Nick –" the warning came before he sprinted from the room. "Before you go in…you should know…"

Nick just stared at her, afraid of what was to come.

"Jennifer has suffered a miscarriage."

Nick sucked in a breath again, and again, didn't let it out. All that came out of his mouth was a loud sob that he couldn't hold back. His hand flew to his mouth as his frown deepened and he looked at the nursing staff in horror for a few moments.

When he reached the door he hovered there, suddenly so uncertain. He could see her huddled in the bed, facing away from him. She looked so small. It pulled at his heart strings and right then a brief fantasy skidded through his brain, where he wished he could whisk her away to somewhere like Belgrave and just spend every waking moment with her, not worrying about the rest of the world. They could start over somewhere else. He was sure of it. Not Belgrave. He could never take her back to Belgrave. But somewhere else. Somewhere where they could be free and could start again. Where they could forget the last twelve months.

He stepped lightly into the room and walked over to her side. He pulled a chair over so he could sit down and his eyes could be at her level. When she sensed him there she opened her eyes, and Nick's heart broke at how overwhelmed and crushed the expression was that she wore.

"Oh Jen…" he whispered, a lump in his throat already. He leaned down and kissed her forehead tenderly.

She cried silently, the tears slipping down her face as if she wasn't even aware of them. "We had it for such a short time Nick," she whispered back.

"It was still ours," Nick replied before he broke down too, so devastated that they'd lost their child. No matter how unprepared they were for it, no matter the circumstances under which it was conceived, no matter who either of them were seeing at the time, no matter what they were dealing with in their lives, that baby was still theirs. Theirs. One single sliver of tiny hope, gone. It could've righted all their wrongs.Nick stood up abruptly from his chair, knocking it over in his haste. He let go of Jennifer's hand as he walked quickly from the room. He kept his head down when he got out to the hallway, not wanting Jennifer, or anyone else, to see him cry. I can't handle this he thought, feeling like his world had ended. He leant over, his hands on his bent knees, his head drooped, his tears splashing onto his shoes and the linoleum floor.

But Jennifer still noticed. She turned over on the bed to face the doorway, able to see Nick's shirt sleeve as he stood outside the door.

When he came back in a few moments later, having dried his eyes and gathered himself together somewhat, she reached out sadly to him, holding his arm on the bed. "I know I know," she whispered, sobbing with him.

After a while she spoke again. "But Nick…" she whispered, sounding almost frightened. "Matt can never know okay? Never." Nick looked up and into her eyes. "It'd kill him."