Chapter 25 - Home Bittersweet Home
"Calming Chaos"

They had been riding for…how long, Jocelyn lost count. Not that it was that long, but that she was too distracted to keep track. Tyron kept her mind busy. He told of news from Mirkwood. How Silvana was doing and how much she missed her. But mostly, they joked and laughed and kept the conversation light.

Until one day, Anna and Gaerlin were riding ahead silently, and Tyron and Jocelyn were laughing as usual, when they suddenly rode into a clearing. Jocelyn noticed the rock on the far side, and the color drained from her face. Tyron looked from her to the clearing, to her again.

"This is it, isn't it?" He whispered. Jocelyn nodded.

Anna dismounted, gathering her pack, and looked to her daughter to do the same. After a moment she complied, and began following her mother to the middle of the clearing. But Tyron quickly dismounted and stepped in front of her. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but was silenced by Jocelyn's gaze. Tyron wanted to tell her how much he loved her and how he would do anything to be with her, but he didn't have to. She knew.

"Goodbye, Tyron. I'll never forget you." She leaned up to place a soft kiss on his fair cheek. With that, she walked around him, and to Gaerlin, whom she hugged. He smiled at her,

"Don't forget what I told you. Face to the sunshine." She smiled back, and followed her mother to the middle of the clearing.

Jocelyn had to admit, she was a bit afraid. More than a bit, actually. She didn't know what to expect; last time she went through the portal, she was unconscious.

"How does this work?" She asked, when her mother stopped.

"Just think about home." Then, Anna took Jocelyn's hand and closed her eyes. Jocelyn did the same.

Suddenly, it seemed the ground beneath her disappeared. She was falling, and a tingling sensation engulfed her senses. But, as suddenly as it had disappeared, the ground beneath her reappeared. Afraid to open her eyes, she waited for her mother to speak.

"Here we are." Anna said. Jocelyn fluttered her eyes open. She was at the bottom of a ravine. Pieces of junk were scattered around. From her jeep, she imagined. "Let's go home." Anna said, and began climbing up the steep hill to the road. Jocelyn followed.

When they reached the road, they began walking. They walked and walked and walked until night started to set in. No cars had yet passed, and no words had yet been spoken. Until finally, Jocelyn's ears pricked up at the all too familiar sound of a vehicle engine.

"Mom." Jocelyn said, to alert Anna of the car approaching. Much to Jocelyn's surprise, Anna stepped in the middle of the road.

"Mom!" She exclaimed, and Anna growled back,

"I'm sick of walking." The car slowed to a stop beside them, and the driver rolled down her window.

"Is something wrong?" The kind looking woman asked. Anna talked with her for a moment, and Jocelyn tuned them out. She had turned her eyes to the stars. They looked the same as the stars she saw in Middle Earth, and she wondered if Legolas was looking at them, too.

"Jocelyn!" Anna yelled, to get her attention. She snapped her head to the car, and saw her mother holding the back seat door open for her. Jocelyn climbed wearily in, as Anna took the passenger seat. Before long, the ramblings of her mother and the old woman, and the steady rumble of the engine put Jocelyn to sleep.

"Wake up, sweetie." Her mother cooed to her. Jocelyn groggily lifted her head. "We're home." Jocelyn sat up and exited the vehicle as her mother thanked the woman again. The night was too dark to see the details of the house, but Jocelyn knew what it looked like. She could see the outline of the porch and imagined the vibrancy of the blue shutters against the white paint of the house.

Anna led Jocelyn by the hand onto the porch and fumbled to find the spare key. Jocelyn just looked around, though not much could be seen. It didn't feel as good to be home as she thought it would. Her mother found the key and ushered Jocelyn indoors. Anna flicked on the lights and bustled about, while Jocelyn just stood there.

She turned her head about, taking it in. This was where she had grown up. Silently, she climbed the stairs and placed her hand on the doorknob of the second door on the right. Her bedroom. With a deep breath, unsure why it was so hard, she stepped inside and flipped the light switch. Every trinket and stuffed animal that lay neatly in her room had a story. And she remembered every one of them.

Sudden tears ran down her face, as she sat on her blue comforter and held her soft brown teddy bear. Sorrow weighed heavily on this time that should've been joyous for her. Because all she could think about was what she was missing. What she had left behind in Middle Earth. That thought stayed with her in the chaotic days that followed.

Jocelyn stayed indoors mostly. Staring out the window, or sleeping to escape the pain. But sometimes, when they didn't have visitors, she'd sneak out on the porch swing, and just take in her surroundings. The cool Michigan breeze caressed her face, and she was glad it was familiar. But the sense of peace it had once given her long ago was gone. She could feel nothing anymore.

Many times, Anna would watch Jocelyn. From the kitchen window, she'd see her daughter absently finger the star around her neck as she stared into the distance. Anna placed her hand on her own pendant, and looked down, as if to be sure it was still there. The silver metal that had shone so brightly from love before had now become dull and plain. The distance between the Merenfaers and their loved ones dampened the glow on the tokens.

Their neighbors, relatives, and family friends had all come to check on her. Every person that came wanted to know her story. And every time, Jocelyn locked herself in her room and told her mother to make them go away. And she did.

Of course, when Jocelyn's friends heard she was back, they all came. They were the only ones she'd speak with. One at a time, they fussed over her and asked her to tell them the story. Jocelyn would sigh and smile weakly before summarizing her tale.

Not the real tale, of course. Anna and Jocelyn had rehearsed a story that they used to explain Jocelyn's disappearance. They kept as many facts in as they could without revealing their secret. They said Jocelyn had crashed, lost her memory, woke up in Buffalo, and spent about a week there before Anna found her.

None dare ask more, for fear of upsetting her. Jocelyn was glad they left it at that. She didn't like having to lie to her friends. Her mother finally got her to agree to get checked out at the hospital. They took x-rays and cat scans and this and that until Jocelyn felt like a lab rat. They finally told her she was as healthy as a horse and let her go home.

The commotion she had brought with her upon her return discomforted Jocelyn. But, she figured that, to a point, it was good. There were people in this world who cared enough about her to fuss over her. A lot of people. The thought reassured her that she had made the right decision. It calmed her nerves. But the 'calm' she experienced was not true calm. It was only calm in relativity to the upheaval of emotions she'd felt in previous days.

Unbeknownst to her, Jocelyn was drifting further and further from reality. She spent more time in their back yard, and less inside. She said it felt better to be outdoors. Anna knew it was her subconscious trying to reconnect with the nature of Middle Earth. But she did not know what to do. She tried talking to her, but Jocelyn had nothing to say. She'd only stare up at the stars, or at the trees in the sunlight. Sometimes she sang. Most often it was a sad, haunting song about lost love…and rain:

Now there's all kinds of songs about babies and love that goes right
But for some unknown reason nobody wants to play them tonight
Hey I hope its sunny wherever you are
That's sure not the picture tonight in my car

And it sure ain't easin my pain all these songs like
Rainy night in Georgia
Kentucky rain
There comes that rainy day feelin again
Blue eyes cryin in the early morning rain

They go on and on
And there's no two the same
Oh it would be easy to blame all these songs about rain

Well I thought I was over you but I guess maybe I'm not
Cause when I let you go looks like lonely is all that I got
Guess I'll never know what could have been
Sure ain't helping this mood that I'm in
If they're gonna keep on playin these songs like

Rainy night in Georgia
Kentucky rain
Here comes that rain y day feelin again
Blue eyes cryin in the early morning rain

They go on and on
And there's no two the same
Oh how I wish I could blame all these songs about rain

So, at her wit's end, Anna contacted her husband. She sat in her bedroom and held the star on the chain around her neck. Whispering Elvish words, she reached Calenmir.

"Mellamin? What is wrong? I sense trouble in you."

"It's Jocelyn. I think she's fading."

"Ai, as is Legolas…but she is half-Elf, and raised as human. How can she fade?"

"I don't know, but I can't let this happen. I'm sending her back."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. If I don't, two innocents will die."

"Why not come with her, Anna?"

"Calenmir?"

"Come live in Rivendell with me. Our last meeting was too short and distracted by other business. We could be a family again."

"I tried that once, Calenmir. I can't bear to say goodbye again."

"I understand. Legolas should be in Mirkwood by now. Lago (Hurry), before it is too late. And know, if you change your mind, el suilanne an uir sí. Emelen ninnatha ir cenir adlen, meleth an cuilen (You are always welcome here. My heart shall weep until it sees you again, love of my life)."

"Ir adgevedim (Until next we meet). I love you still, Calenmir."

"And I you, Anna."

With that, their connection was broken, and Anna wept onto her pillows for her abandoned mate.

"Mom? I heard you crying. What's wrong?" Jocelyn said from the doorway, making Anna jump.

"Oh, Jocelyn." Anna's mind raced, trying to find words to tell her daughter. She wasn't sure how she'd react. If she'd be angry with her, happy, or if she'd not believe her and refuse to go. She hoped it was not the latter, but there was only one way to find out.

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A/N ha! Cliffhanger! Oh wow, I love it when I do that.

This chapter contained "Songs about Rain" by Gary Allen

--In Earth time, Jocelyn was gone for about a week. Though in Middle-Earth time, it was like…a few months.

Thanks reviewers! Crecy, loz-179, Nessa Inw, and to my anonymous reviewer, I completely agree with you on Legolas's yummy-ness!

Siruiszsecretlover - love you, and your enthusiastic review, and your story…and well, you! Did I say that already? Lol keep reviewing!!!! : )

Moonbunny77 - I got real ambitious one day and figured out that in Middle earth, 47.72 years pass for every year in Earth. I don't know if it's right, really, and I don't know how to break it down further into weeks and days, but I was proud of myself for even that. (Algebra was never a strong subject for me)

=Austin B.