Disclaimer: I do not own any of Sm's characters, I just play with them.
Rating: Mature!
Beta: Jessipooks
Pre-readers: Mist/LuvinJ
A/N: I just want to tell you guys how great the reviews have made me feel. I'm so happy to see that there is someone out there enjoying the new version of this story. xoxo August
Fallen From Grace Chapter 22: Opening Doors...
JPOV
My heart was pounding in my chest as I watched her flee down the hall. Why was she here? How did she know where I was? Did she come here for me? Well, if she did then why would she run away? No, there had to be another reason for her to show up here.
The elevator doors closed and I took a step back. My head was filled with so many thoughts and questions that it made me nauseated.
I left Forks to get away from her and yet here she was in Colorado and at the same lodge. This all seemed too surreal. The elevator doors open and I was half hoping she would be standing there but when I cautiously stepped out there was no one.
Looking around the lobby area my heart began to ache with such a deep sorrow. In those few seconds that I saw her I had felt more joy than guilt. The past twenty-four hours since I had arrived I couldn't seem to shake this overbearing sense of loneliness. It was such a foreign feeling for me. I've always gotten along just fine on my own but now, that I was far away from home and my church, I found myself lost.
What was I supposed to do? Every day I had a purpose. Here on this vacation of sorts I had no purpose other than trying to figure out whether or not I wanted, no deserved to remain in the priesthood. Father Michael had given me his words of wisdom and I knew he gave them to me from his heart but I couldn't shake this feeling of guilt. I broke my vows. It really didn't matter if I did it for lust or for love. It was a sin no matter what color you painted it.
Scratching the back of my head I looked around the room in hopes of spying Bella but I found no clue of her whereabouts or reason for being here. I dug out my cell phone from my coat pocket and dialed Father Michael's number to see if he knew why she might be here.
The call went into voicemail.
"Really?" I suspected he was ignoring my calls. He probably feared I was going to try and convince him I wanted to return home.
Turning toward the front doors I started to make my way out and head towardsmy original destination which was to a small book store that I overheard a woman telling her friend had some really good books on sale. If I was going to be stuck up in my room for the latter part of this trip, I thought I might stock up on some light reading.
I started to leave when I felt the need to look around the lobby one more time. I spotted her heading into the dining room area. My heart nearly leapt right through my chest. Looking back at the doors I debated on what to do next. Leave or go after her?
My feet moved forward and before I knew it, I was only a few feet away from her. She wasseatedat a table and a waitress was already taking her order. Sucking in my upper lip, I made myself continue forward with my goal of sitting down with her.
"Thank you." Bella smiled at the waitress.
"Hello Bella." Sitting down in front of her I saw the fear in her eyes.
"Hello Father Jacob." Bella gulped hard, fidgeting with the napkin in front of her.
"I...well...I'm not Father Jacob at the moment." I coughed nervously.
Her head shot up and she gave me a bewildered look.
"I'm on retreat. Taking my first vacation in...well ever ...so I left the collar back home." I tugged at the black sweater I had chose for today's outing.
"Oh." Bella's eyebrows scrunched together.
"Here you go miss." The tall waitress with dark brown hair sat a cappuccino and a muffin in front of Bella. Her eyes casted over me and then her smile lifted even higher.
"Can I get you something sir?" She offered.
"I would like the same as her please."
"Okay." She looked between Bella and me for a moment before leaving our table. Bella looked like she was ready to run at any second. I'm sure the waitress wondered if I was bothering her somehow.
"So you're on vacation. How nice." Bella bit into her muffin, keeping her eyes lowered.
"Yeah. Father Michael thought it was overdue."
"Well, you work very hard and everyone deserves some time off."
"Why are you here?" I was dying to hear her excuse for being here. I'm a man who believes in signs and this one was loud and clear from the man up above. He obviously put her back in my path to see if I wanted her more than my passion to serve him.
"I'm actually working, no vacation for me." Bella picked up her drink and sipped on it.
"Oh. It's a great location to take pictures. Everything is so beautiful here."
The waitress appeared at my side and placed my order in front of me. She continued to frown between us.
"Thank you." I smiled politely.
"Your welcome. I'm over there if you need anything further." She look directly at Bella with her statement before she walked away.
"I think she thinks I'm bothering you." I chuckled uneasily.
"You are." Bella's head lifted and her eyes locked with mine. I saw the anger and pain screaming from them.
"Bella. I'm sorry about what happened. I wasn't sure what to say or do. I've never been in that position before."
"That's stating the obvious." Bella's eyes shot out daggers at me.
"I honestly don't understand what I did wrong."
"Jake it didn't seem to mean as much to you as it did to me."
"Are you kidding me? It was the best night of my existence."
"Funny, that's not how I remember it. You acted like you couldn't get out of my house fast enough."
"I was scared Bella. Come on...I just broke a vow, a vow that I took very seriously. You might not care about consequences for your actions but I do. It's part of who I am. If you can't see that then maybe you don't know me as well as you thought you did." My voice grew hoarse and I looked down to see my hand curled up in a fist next to my drink.
"I get it Jake. I get that you felt awful for being with me but I never forced you to do it. You made that choice. I hate how you make me feel like I'm not good enough for you." Bella's eyes brimmed with tears.
"How can you say that? I'm the one who isn't good enough. I'm supposed to be the strong one but that night I let go of everything I knew, just to have you."
"That's just it. You had me but now you don't want me."
"I do WANT you. I want you so damn much that it literally hurts to be this close to you and not touch you or kiss you. You are all I can think about since that night."
"Then why didn't you call me or come by to check up on me? You're not acting like a man who wants me. You ran off Jake. I gave you a part of me and you gave me nothing in return. Why can't you see how good we are together?" Her voice was filled with raw pain and a single tear trickled down her face. Reaching across the table I caught it before it dropped from her chin.
"I can see it but I just don't know if I'm ready to commit to us. I would have to give up so much of myself and my life. You're asking me to abandon everything I've worked so hard for." I hoped she understood that I had a lot on my mind and a lot to consider. She was thinking with only her heart and not considering the consequences of such a life altering decision.
"I get that. I'm not that selfish that I don't comprehend the weight of your decision. It comes down to this, Jake. You need to decide who you love the most. I know it sounds awful to ask you to love me more than God and I'm probably going to burn in hell for it but I need you to choose me."
"I want that more than anything Bella but I'm afraid. I'm so scared." My voice cracked.
"Scared of what?" Bella moaned.
"I'm scared that after I leave the church that something bad will happen. What if I choose you and then something bad happens to you?"
Bella gasped, covering her mouth with both of her hands as she stared at me with shock.
"I'm serious. I don't want anything bad to happen to those I love. I can't take it Bella."
Bella reach out and took my hands.
"Honey, God didn't take your mother from you because you did something bad. It was just her time to go. We all have an expiration date on this planet. It doesn't matter how faithful we are, we all have to go when it's our time."
I knew she was right but it didn't take away my deep seeded fears.
"I know but I still can't help but wonder."
"Jake, I promise you that if God is going to take me now or fifty years from now it won't matter if you're a priest or not."
"I know but...what would I do with my life Bella? I've done nothing but this for the past ten years. Sure, I have a couple of college degrees but I won't be able to work with the church nor will I ever be able to attend it again.."
"There are other religions out there that we could try." Bella spoke with earnest.
"If I leave, how could I look at myself and not feel like a quitter." I whispered anguishly.
"Because you would be leaving for love Jake. You didn't commit any horrible sin. You did the most natural thing and fell in love. Or did you?" Bella's cheeks suddenly turned pink as she sucked in her breathand waited for my answer with sheer terror in her eyes.
It dawned on me that Bella wasn't aware of how deep my feelings ran for her. I had never used the word "love" when I spoke of my feelings about her. Thinking back to our earlier conversation I realized I used the word "want" quite often. My feelings ran deeper than just "want", heck I was totally in love with her.
Bella stood up abruptly, rummaging through her purse she set some money down and began to march away from the table. I was speechless. My head was telling me to take a second and think, really think before I chased after her. My heart was begging with me to just go with my gut and go after her and stop trying to overthink everything. Sitting as still as a statue I was aware of the waitress picking up Bella's tab and clearing off her area but I couldn't move or give her a sign that I was actually alive.
"Sir? Sir are you okay?" Her voice shook with nervousness.
"UH?" I finally broke out of my state of denial and looked up at her.
"Are you okay?" She repeated.
"I sure hope I will be." I pulled out my wallet, threw down my payment and rushed out of the room.
XXX
BPOV:
My eyes wouldn't stop filling with tears while I rush to the elevators. I had to get to my room. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I was feeling like such a fool for just assuming that he loved me.
God! How stupid can I be? I just assumed that because he slept with me it meant he was in love with me. Guys sleep with women all the time and that doesn't necessarily mean they have any feelings for them. Geez! How naive can I be? It's not like I haven't gone through this before?
"Bella wait!"
My pity party was interrupted by the sound of Jake's voice. The elevator doors opened as I turned my head to find Jake running toward me. Looking back at the vacant elevator I debated on if I should give him a chance to explain his feelings for me or if it would be better to just leave before he could cause more damage to my already crushed ego.
I started to step in the elevator but he stopped me dead in my tracks with what he said next.
"I love you Bella. Don't leave me." He shouted.
The people who were gathered in the lobby all turned and looked at the commotion.
"What are you doing?" I cried out.
"I'm telling you Isabella Swan that I love you." Jake replied.
"Are ...are you sure?" I gulped, my stomach was starting to flutter with a thousand butterflies.
"Let me show you just how sure I am." Jake whispered before pulling me into his arms and kissed me with all the love he possessed.
"Oh Jake." I let the tears break free. They were happy tears.
"Your room or mine?" Jake asked.
"Uh?"
"I want to show you Bella how much I love you. So choose your room or mine?"
"Mine." I answered and couldn't help but quiver with anticipation when I realized that today I was blessed with Jake's love and in a few minutes his body as well.
XXX
A/N: This story is not over by no means. Jake still has to make the decision to leave the church and if he does what will they do? How will everyone respond to his choice? Plus Paul/Leah still have to tell her parents the news of her pregnancy. Will Paul stand by her side or will he leave town as fast as he can? How will it end for our two star crossed couples. Can they find love even when everything seems to be against them?