Chapter 25: More Guy Talk

To Zen's surprise, Jumin picked up right away. "Zen…" he said in a smooth, measured voice. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

Zen paused to scratch the back of his neck, maybe stopping to reconsider what he was about to do next. Was he really basically going to eat crow right now and ask the Trust Fund Kid for help? MC's bright, sweet smile flashed into his mind, the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. Damn right he was.

"I'm just going to cut to the chase, dude," Zen said. It was the equivalent of having to jump off the high dive and into the water - at some point you just had to do it. "I'm not happy about it, but I need your help."

"Why do you need to be happy about asking for my help?" Jumin asked. Zen imagined him leaning back in his chair seriously looking confused. God, he was a serious piece of work.

"Look, Jumin," Zen sighed. "I'm really not in the mood…"

"What, no defamation or disparaging remarks?" Jumin asked in such a way that Zen couldn't tell if he was mocking him or not. "Should I be concerned?"

Zen sighed. "Just listen, ok?"

So Jumin listened as Zen described the earlier events of the day… How Echo Girl had been an extra pain in the ass all day… How they'd been working for hours and were still trying to finish shooting the same scene… How Director Kim had gotten the bright idea for Zen to take off his shirt for the scene so everything would go smoother... How the prospect of taking off his shirt forced Zen to confess that he got a new tattoo…

"You put permanent artwork on your body..." Jumin said, sounding concerned.

"Well, yeah… that's what they call a tattoo…" Zen replied.

"Tattoos are for whores and sailors," Jumin said.

Zen laughed. "Well, maybe a hundred years ago, but not today… Now a lot of people have them."

"I assume Jaehee knows," Jumin mused. "I wonder why she did not inform me…"

Why did everyone in the world worry about what Jaehee would think about his tattoo? It's not her body, even if she did think that, as a fan, she'd laid a certain claim to it. Still, Zen had to admit, he wasn't looking forward to her finding out about it.

"No, Jaehee doesn't know," Zen said, sighing. "Not yet anyway." No, that wasn't going to be a fun conversation. Zen tried to imagine how Jaehee would react… Would she get outright angry or would it be the silent treatment? Nah, Zen thought. It was more likely she'd get passive aggressive about it. She wouldn't immediately say anything at all, but then never let him live it down with an endless stream of off-hand comments. Death by a million cuts.

"Zen," Jumin said in that business-like tone Zen loved so well. "I'm curious as to why you would choose to alter your body in such a… irreversible fashion."

"Is that a question, dork face?" Zen said. He was starting to get annoyed. Why did that arrogant jerk always have to phrase everything like it was a statement? It sounded so, well… arrogant.

"Now there's the Zen to which I am accustomed," Jumin said, chuckling softly. "Yes, that is the kind of statement that requires an answer."

Still not a question, Zen thought, angrily. "Do you know what love is, Trust Fund?"

There was a significant pause on the other end of the line before the CEO-in-line finally cleared his throat.

"Well, if you do indeed intend for me to answer the question," Jumin sighed, sounding a little bored. "Love is a feeling coupled with the proximity of the object, making the object either a source of great joy and overwhelming desire or a constant reminder of abject loneliness, depending."

"Wow," Zen said, his red eyes popping in surprise. "That is probably the grimmest definition of love I have ever heard, Trust Fund. Somehow you manage to make it sound unappealing." And seriously, Zen thought. What's this thing about "the object"? WTF...

Jumin sighed. "Well, yes, I do struggle to understand what the hubbub is all about…"

"The hubbub?" Zen blurted, not bothering to contain his laughter. What a freaking douche. "What are you like, from the Irish old country? God…"

"However, I am starting to become more accustomed to the potential benefits of such feelings," Jumin went on. "For instance…"

"Wait, whoa there, cowboy," Zen said, interrupting. He was pretty sure he didn't want to hear the details regarding Jumin's love life, which was strange because he usually liked to act as a source of expertise on the topic and give advice to anyone and everyone, whether they wanted it or not. "Let's just leave it at 'yes, MC and I got matching tattoos', OK, Trust Fund?"

"So you defiled her body too, then…" Jumin said, sounding irritated.

"What? She made the choice…" Zen started and then stopped. "No, forget it. I don't need to explain anything to you."

"You know, most people just buy the woman they love jewelry," Jumin said, and then paused. "Oh, but I suppose an actor's salary doesn't cover such discretionary costs…"

Man, this dude really knew how to piss him off. "I didn't want to buy her jewelry…I wanted to show her my love in a unique, lasting forever kind of way," Zen said, thinking longingly of the way MC's tattoo heaved up and down with her breathing while they made love... How beads of sweat on her skin made it glisten, rolling downward between her breasts. Every time he saw her tattoo while they were in bed, in the shower, peeking out from the open collar of her shirt, he got to think about how much they belonged together… How they were a set, a pair. Damn, he thought. So much better than jewelry.

"Well, I suppose that is one way to say forever," Jumin said, wryly. "However, I would still have just gotten her diamonds."

"Whatever," Zen said, trying to brush off his irritation. He still needed Jumin's help, after all. "Look dude, I still need your help…"

"If it's money you need…"

"It's not money," Zen said, feeling his irritation level rise. "Look, just listen OK?"

Zen went on to tell the businessman the rest of the story… How when he showed Director Kim his tattoo, he got really excited and called a meeting with the writers… How they emerged from that meeting room with a new plot line for More Than Friends Season 2… How they planned to exploit the tattoo that he and MC shared…

"I hate to be the one to break it to you, Zen," Jumin said when Zen got to the part of the story where Echo Girl was threatening to get her own tattoo and make it a matching threesome. "But I am unfamiliar with the process of tattoo removal…"

"Look," Zen said, utterly exasperated. This man, a member of Mensa? Really? How? "I… we… don't want them removed."

Zen closed his eyes red weary eyes and massaged them with his fingers. Why was talking to this man so painful? Simple human concepts seemed to evade him. Desperately he reached for a comparison or analogy Jumin might understand.

"It's like... What if someone liked Elizabeth the 3rd so much that they wanted to take her away from you and make her theirs?" Zen said, hopefully.

"Well, that has happened once before…" Jumin said.

"Yes, yes," Zen coaxed, encouragingly. "...and how did that make you feel?"

The other end of the line was silent for several moments. While Zen waited he glanced carefully over each shoulder to make sure he was alone. There was no way he was going to give Echo Girl the opportunity to humiliate him again. Finally the businessman spoke.

"Zen," Jumin said, his voice sounding strange, maybe a little unsure and tentative. Zen picked up on the difference right away. "I thought we agreed we wouldn't speak of this…"

"What are you talking about, Jumin?" Zen said, cocking his silver-haired head to one side. He thought about it for a minute, and then a light bulb exploded in his head. Oh, god, he sighed. MC.

"Answering your questions would require full disclosure on my part…" Jumin went on.

Shit, Zen thought. Was he unintentionally stumbling again upon Jumin's warped sense of emotions, especially in relation to romantic love? Not to mention he most seriously didn't want to hear about anything that happened between Jumin and MC before they were together… or did he? A sudden fear, a wild apprehension, gripped his heart. Before he could make a decision about what he did and didn't want to hear, it was too late because Jumin was still talking.

"It felt as if a gigantic emptiness had been created within me… but at the same time it was filled with something new…" he was saying.

Zen felt his jaw drop and his stomach began to churn. It was like watching a car crash or something just as awful happen in slow motion. He couldn't turn away. He couldn't stop looking. He just felt compelled to let it happen, and so Jumin went on.

"I was filled with such despair but she was there, always helping, always comforting…" Jumin continued, sounding awfully wistful.

Wait, what does he mean comforting? Zen thought. His mind began to swirl in directions he didn't like. Jumin's hand cupping the back of MC's head, lifting her lips to his face… No, it couldn't be… MC and Jumin? No, that was impossible…

Jumin was suddenly very quiet on the other end of the line. Zen swallowed hard, feeling every anxious moment tick by, waiting for him to go on. Goddamnit, why wasn't he saying anything?

"Jumin?" Zen all but croaked after several moments. "Are you still there?" Zen couldn't believe how agitated he was. His heart was pounding so hard in his chest, he was sure Jumin could hear it. Was he really on the brink of losing… well everything?

"Now, really Zen…" Jumin said, softly and in an almost patronizing voice. "Would you really never forgive her? For something that happened before you were together?"

"What the fuck are you saying, Jumin?" Zen demanded. "Did you do something with my girlfriend?"

"Answer my question," Jumin said, a little more sternly, sounding a little more smug. "If I had, would it change your feelings for her now?"

"Just tell me what you did, you arrogant jerk…" Zen seethed through his teeth.

"Tell me first," Jumin urged. "Would you still have her?"

Zen felt his body go 0-60 with anger, no rage, coupled with fear. Confronted with the question, Zen didn't know what he thought about it. He didn't want to think about it. The world as he knew it was about to blow up in his face.

Then just as quickly as it had come, his anger subsided. Like a great calm comes sometimes just after a storm, he knew. Of course he still loved her. Damn, he knew it didn't change a thing.

Zen remembered how he had felt just hours earlier, the last time he was feeling jealous and what MC had said. "If you're feeling jealous of Yoosung, now that's ridiculous," she had said. "I love you and only you." He remembered in particular her voice and the way she said it. He remembered thinking about the strength of their connection and how stupid it was to be jealous. No, there was no way he was going to let anything stand between them. Nothing that happened now. Certainly nothing that happened then.

"Of course I'd still have her!" Zen shouted, filled with renewed passion, into the phone. "You think one petty kiss…" God, he hoped it was only one petty kiss… "Could change a thing between us? Because if you think that, you're more stupid than I thought!"

To Zen's surprise, he heard Jumin begin to chuckle. "Good, good job, Zen," he said. "You're making progress…"

Zen's red eyes went wide and his heart beat even more wildly. "What the fuck are you talking about, you arrogant piece of shit?"

"It's good to see you're finally getting a handle on your jealousy…" Jumin said.

"What were you testing me just now?" Zen said. Literally he was so angry that his vision was starting to blur and he was seeing red.
"You have to admit MC is too great a prize to go wasted," Jumin said in a calm, matter-of-fact voice. "If I can't have her, I will do everything in my power to make certain that the man who does is worthy… " He paused. "Why, Zen… I'm doing you a favor."

"A favor? What the fuck, Jumin?!" Zen was shouting into the phone. He didn't care who could hear him now.

"Yes, a favor," Jumin said. "You are aware that a man's jealous nature will ruin a relationship."

Wow, Zen thought. Just wow. So Mr. No Emotions now thought he was the go-to lovelorn, credible enough to dole out his expert advice on healthy relationships. Man, this man was twisted beyond repair. Zen shook his silver-haired head in confusion.

"So, you didn't kiss her, then?" Zen asked. He wanted, he needed to know for sure.

"Of course I didn't kiss her," Jumin said.

"You're a sadistic pig, you know that?" Zen said.

"Yes," Jumin said with a sigh. "It's likely why she would not have me."

"What?" Zen was really confused now.

Jumin was quiet for a moment, then he spoke. "I think I frightened her."

"You what?" Zen asked.

"I'd rather not go into the details," Jumin said. "Suffice it to say, it's a result I would like to avoid in the future…"

"Dude, you know there won't be a next time," Zen said, all the sudden feeling tired. They'd been over this. "She's my girl now, end of story."

"Zen, I realize we have an agreement, and I've learned to accept that," Jumin said. "I am not speaking in reference to MC…"

Zen realized all at once who Jumin was talking about… He was likely talking about Mi-Sun, the woman Saeyoung and Sarean had put in so much effort to find. The plan was for Zen, MC, Jaehee and the rest of the members to "stage" another attempt by Unknown to infiltrate the RFA in order to give Jumin another chance at love - and it looked like it maybe was working. Like MC and Lexi Ann before her, Mi-Sun was in the midst of planning a benefit party for charity. For the past week or so, they had all been communicating via the Messenger App and all seemed to be going smoothly, especially where Jumin and Mi-Sun were concerned.

"The RFA party is in less than a week…" Jumin was saying. "We haven't met in person yet, but I am already feeling strong urges and inclinations…" He paused, as if waiting for something, although Zen had no idea what. Then he went on. "Like I said, I know my past actions in regard to these urges were not ideal… Agh!"

Zen thought he heard hand slap against skin, like maybe Jumin had slapped himself in the forehead? He was about to ask if the businessman was OK when Jumin resumed.

"I realize now that perhaps I should've have let her go home sooner, that perhaps I shouldn't have insisted that she stay..." Jumin sounded truly perplexed. "I just couldn't bear to let her go…"

"Wait," Zen said. "Are you talking about MC again?"

Jumin was quiet for a moment, but Zen knew he was still there. He could hear him breathing, taking in deep, intermittent gasps of air. He seemed distressed, upset, like he was fighting something internally.

"You still there, Trust Fund?" Zen said, finally.

"Yes, I'm still here," Jumin replied with a note of irritation in his voice. "Damn it, Zen, this is already difficult… Feel free to step in at any time…"

All the sudden, Zen understood what Jumin wanted, what he was trying to do in his socially hopeless, backwards sort of way.

"Dude, are you like trying to ask me for help right now?" Zen asked. "Like do you want my advice?"

Zen heard the businessman sigh and then swallow on the other end of the line. "Like I said before, I need to make sure I approach the object of my affection in a more appropriate way."

Zen smiled to himself. Of course it would be impossible for Jumin Han to ever really ask for help. Classic jerk form, Zen thought. He decided to overlook it.

"Ok, well rule number one: stop referring to her as an object…" Zen said.

"I can do that," Jumin said.

"Rule number two: stop trying to control everything," Zen sighed, remembering how Jumin held MC hostage at his penthouse for days under the guise that Rika's apartment wasn't safe. "Remember what I told you when MC was at your penthouse? I said you had to let her make her own decisions, that you had to let her go home. I stand by that statement."

"And you see how well that turned out," Jumin grumbled. "For you…"

"Well, that's the thing," Zen said. "One thing you may not have considered is that it's hard for all of us." He paused, thinking about how hard it had been for him when MC was staying at a Jumin's penthouse. God, he had been so afraid that Jumin would take advantage of her then, or worse, that MC would decide she really liked that arrogant jerk. "That's a lot about what love is - it's taking a risk. I can't promise you you won't get hurt, but I can promise you it won't go well if you get all 'Jumin' on her."

Jumin sighed. "Fair point."

"Just try to think of her first, before you think of yourself," Zen said. "I know that's a stretch for you, Trust Fund, but maybe you got it in you."

God, Jumin really was a piece of work. Honestly Zen knew it would take a really special and patient person to put up with his sometimes crooked and sick behavior. Whoever that girl was, and maybe it was Mi-Sun, would have to be capable of seeing the more vulnerable, well-intentioned man who seemed to be trapped inside the more visible arrogant asshole self he projected to the world.

Zen sighed, shaking his head. Maybe, just maybe he was starting to understand how Jumin's twisted, mangled mind worked, how he just might think that baiting Zen's jealousy so sadistically might actually be instructive.

"You were really trying to help me just now, weren't you?" Zen said.

"Yes, of course, Zen," Jumin said, and then more cautiously. "We're… friends."

"Wow, Trust Fund, you got a lot to learn," Zen said. "You know how angry you made me just now? I could have killed you."

"Well, you have to admit my methods were effective," Jumin said. "You made the choice, under dire circumstances, to turn away from your jealous impulses and trust MC."

Zen sighed. Whether his methods were effective or not, that wasn't the point… But would Jumin ever understand that?

God, Zen really hoped that Mi-Sun was the one… if only to rescue him from moments like these.

Suddenly Zen remembered the original purpose of his call.

"Hey Trust Fund," He said. "I still need you to do something for me…"

Zen explained how the new plot line for More Than Friends Season 2 had to be approved by the executive team.

"That's you, dude," Zen said. "Just come up with a reason - any reason - why it can't happen and then it's over."

"I'm sure there's a legal reason that can be found to handle your problem," Jumin said. "I'll get Jaehee on it right away."

Zen felt a little bad about making more work for Jaehee, but not enough to say anything about it. He'd make it up to her later, somehow… Maybe with an autographed poster of himself, with his shirt off, of course.

Author's note: Aw, Jumin & Zen... Their relationship is so complicated ;-) Coming soon the next RFA party (and the new Yoosung!), more MC & Zen cuteness, and what's going to happen with MC's ex? Thanks so much (as always) for reading, commenting, reviewing, etc.