Disclaimer: See Chapter 24.
Note: Hope you're ready for this! Guys, I'm incredibly upset over Roman's injury... I really hope he heals up fast and perfectly, because watching isn't going to be the same without his handsome self on my screen. *Sigh* At least Dean's back... Anyway, hope you like it! See you Friday! Enjoy! -JJ
Forbidden You
Roman looked up from the kitchen table at the sofa bed that was once again pulled out for Cody. He let out a silent sigh, setting his pen down on the papers before he stood from his spot, stretching. He knew Cody was asleep, the other man still tired from the rush flight up to him, not to mention their rough morning. He sighed, resting his hands on the table. He'd never meant to treat Cody like a dirty secret, but he didn't know what else to do in that moment. He had a lot that he needed to think about and just the idea of Maxine knowing about Cody seemed to make things so much worse.
He looked up at the clock on the wall, sighing when he read six. He had to start getting ready to go out to dinner. As much as he wanted to stay home, he knew he couldn't just back out last minute. He walked past Cody's sleeping form and into his bedroom, flipping the light on so he could change.
He pulled his shirt over his head, sighing as his hair slapped heavily against his back. He really just wanted to stay home. His thoughts trailed off to Cody, how after breakfast they hadn't really spoken, instead Cody had sat on the couch more or less in his own world as he sat there.
Cody's lips were pursed tight, his heart still pounding in his chest, the hurt sharp as it coursed through him, sending little jolts of pain all through him. His blue eyes were focused on the floor as he thought about leaving. It was obvious that he didn't mean as much as he hoped to Roman, it would just be easier to go home, back to Florida, back to what he knew.
Roman sighed as he washed the dishes, watching as Cody sat there silently. He walked over after he was finished and dried his hands, sitting down next to him. "I'm sorry," he murmured, taking a breath and looking towards the wall. "I didn't mean to hurt you like that." He only heard silence. "Look, I know I fucked up, but could you say something? You know I hate the silent treat—"
Roman turned his head, smiling instantly when he realized that Cody had fallen asleep sitting up, his fist under his cheek, his elbow on the arm of the sofa. At least Cody wasn't ignoring him. He shook his head, reaching over and touching Cody's shoulder, gently shaking him awake. "Hey, if you're still tired I'll pull the bed back out."
Cody nodded, Roman's deep voice slurred together in his sleepy mind. It wasn't the words he was listening to; it was just how calm, how soothing the voice itself was. He stood, rubbing his eyes roughly with a fist as Roman pulled the bed back out for him. He crawled up onto the mattress without being asked and curled up under the sheet, Roman draping the quilt over him.
Roman leaned in, pushing some of Cody's hair back away from his forehead, really looking over the sleepy face. "I love you Cody," he breathed, the other man already lost to the world of dreams. "I love you so much."
"I love you too Ro," Cody murmured in his sleep, one hand coming up to rest on Roman's hand next to his head. "Never stopped."
Roman's heart lurched in his chest, those words heavy even for him. He moved Cody's hand up to his lips, pressing a light kiss to the back of it before he set it back down next to Cody, pulling back completely.
He knew he had to work on something, focus on something other than the huge mess he was in. He had a lot of soul searching to do and a lot of things to think about and a short amount of time to really do it in. Not to mention he still had to really sit down and work on his lesson plans for when classes resumed Monday.
Roman looked in the mirror after he finished trimming his beard and shaving away the light stubble on his cheeks. He looked a little tired, but after everything, who wouldn't, but he still looked gorgeous. He smirked, wiping away the wetness and applying some aftershave.
He walked back into the bedroom, grabbing his shirt for the evening, a black long sleeved shirt, plain, with a pair of dark blue jeans with white stitching. He looked over himself, knowing he looked good. He grabbed his brush from the dresser and easily brushed out the knots and tangles, settling on pulling it back into a tight bun at the base of his neck.
Roman's mind was still focused on Cody as he gave himself a good sprits of cologne and walked out of his room. His gaze fell to where Cody was slightly stirring. He walked over, sitting on the edge of the bed and lightly running his hand down Cody's arm. "Hey," he started, blue eyes fluttering open and resting on him.
Cody could barely breathe with how good Roman looked there above him. He moved to sit up, looking the other man over, the musk cologne almost suffocating him. It wasn't overbearing but with how close Roman was, he just wanted to drown in the scent.
Roman smiled, cupping Cody's cheek gently. He knew he had to tell Cody that he was leaving, but he didn't want to ruin how his heart was beating, how the butterflies were once again flapping and fluttering in his belly at the sleepy look on Cody's face.
Cody pulled back after a moment, rubbing his eyes as he yawned. "That late already?" he asked softly, knowing that Roman hadn't dressed up for him, this was all for Maxine. He wouldn't admit how much it stung.
"Yeah, I have to leave in a few minutes," Roman confirmed, eyes focused on Cody still. "If you get hungry, you're more than welcome to anything in the kitchen and there's some delivery numbers on the fridge. Just tell them to put it on my card."
Cody nodded, refusing to look up into the grey eyes. He felt Roman's fingers under his chin, turning him so their eyes could meet. "You shouldn't keep her waiting Ro," he murmured, finding just as much pain in those eyes that he felt. He knew this was hard for Roman, having to suddenly choose between the two of them. "I'll be here when you get back."
Roman nodded, leaning in and pressing a kiss to Cody's cheek. He pulled back, Cody's face turning towards his. He paused, their lips scant millimeters apart. He could feel the air shift between them, the heat intensify as they stayed there. He sucked his lower lip into his mouth, wanting nothing more than to push forward, but he knew it would only do more harm than good.
Cody was the one to pull back, breaking all contact between them, hating just how hard it was. He'd told Roman what he wanted: he had to keep his resolve. It was either Roman wanted him, and only him, or he didn't want him at all, there wasn't going to be a middle ground. "Have fun," he muttered, almost sarcastically as his eyes fell to the sheets.
Roman swallowed the hurt as he stood. He didn't answer Cody's comment, knowing that he would have a nice evening with Maxine, it wasn't like she was unpleasant to be around, but he also knew that his mind was going to be focused on Cody most of the night. "Cody, I—"
"Don't," Cody interrupted, his blue eyes meeting grey. "Just don't. Go out, figure things out with her. Think about what you want but don't you dare say something that you might not mean."
Roman stood a little taller, his eyes narrowing. "You don't have to believe me, but I've always meant it, even when you didn't want to hear it," he returned, grabbing his coat from the back of a chair. "I won't be out late. Eat something."
Cody only nodded, his lips pursed tight as he listening to Roman as he opened the door and left. He groaned, covering his face with his hands. What was he doing? It was pretty obvious that Roman wasn't going to drop everything and come back to him. He couldn't believe he'd even agreed to stay until the weekend. He just wanted to go home.
He shook his head, dropping his hands into his lap before he got up from the sofa bed and walked over to where his bag had been hidden behind the chair. He rummaged quickly through it, finding his phone and looking over it. He had a few missed messages and plenty of calls, but all of them were going to have to wait. He just wanted to hear someone's voice.
"Hello, Cody?" Bo asked, his voice soft, shocked. "Hey, what are you doing calling me? How's things up there?"
"Awful," Cody answered, finding comfort in the other man's voice. He knew he should've called Seth or Dean, but he didn't want to hear either of them trying to tell him what he should do. At that moment, he just wanted someone that would listen. "I miss you, and the store."
Bo smiled as he looked around the empty store. He felt eyes on him and when he noticed it was Damien he mouthed that it was Cody. He saw the nod from his boss before he was motioned to go in the back for his phone call. "Sorry, I'm still at work."
"Fuck, I'm sorry Bo, I can let you go," Cody started, stopping only when Bo told him Damien already knew and he was in the back. He sighed, laying back down on the sofa bed, cradling the phone up to his ear. He didn't tell Bo about what was going on, instead just catching up a little, trying to focus on something other than how bad his heart was aching in his chest.
"You sound so sad," Bo finally said, sitting down on a box, cradling the phone to his ear. "What happened?" He heard Cody's soft exhale and he knew things weren't going anywhere near as good he or Cody had hoped.
"I don't really want to talk about it right now," Cody murmured after a silent moment. "I just need think about some things but at the same time I just want to come home. At least there I knew where I stood with everyone."
Bo felt a jab at his heart, wanting nothing more than to travel through the line and hug Cody to him. "Hey, don't talk like that," he encouraged gently, looking up to see Kofi walk into the back with him. "You knew it wouldn't be easy, nothing this important ever is. It would be great if everything just fell into place though."
Cody chuckled, nodding. "Yeah, but that only happens in chick flicks," he added, finding that talking to Bo had lifted him up a bit. "Thank you."
"For what?" Bo sounded just as confused as he was. "I'm just sitting here talking to you instead helping close the store up. It's not like I did anything."
"You made me feel a little better," Cody answered, feeling his eyes grow heavy again. It had been a long couple days emotionally and he was just so drained. "I'm going to take a nap," he murmured, rubbing his eyes. "I'll be back this weekend so stay out of trouble."
"Psh, what time do I have? Between here and the bar and classes starting back up Monday," Bo laughed, smirking as he scuffed the toe of his shoe on the ground. "Take care of yourself Cody. We'll be here when you get back."
Cody felt his chest warm at the comment, knowing that if everything went south with Roman he still had his friends and family back home. Maybe him and Bo could try again if they felt like it in the future. He said his goodbyes, apologizing for taking him away from work before he hung up and set the phone down next to his pillow, his thoughts traveling to what Roman was doing. He let out a heavy sigh, telling himself not to think about it before he drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep.
Roman eased the door open around eleven, poking his head into the dark apartment before he stepped in. He shrugged his coat off, walking around by memory. He didn't know if Cody was awake and he didn't want to accidentally wake him up by flipping the light on. He stumbled on a stray leg of a kitchen chair and cursed as he let out heavy thuds on the floor. "Fuck," he hissed, a small lamp flicking on. "Sorry, didn't mean to wake you."
Cody shook his head, yawning. "You didn't. I was just laying here with my eyes closed," he answered, curling his legs up towards his chest, looking over the other man. He looked almost exactly like he did when he'd left, his hair just a little messy. It made Cody's heart stammer in his chest, butterflies running rampant in his belly.
Roman walked over to the bed, sitting on the edge. "Did you eat?" he asked, concerned that Cody had once again skipped another meal. It was funny an almost thirty year old male would skip most of his meals if no one reminded him to eat. It was just one of Cody's bad habits.
Cody nodded. "I made some soup."
"Not noodles?"
Cody chuckled, looking pleasantly amused as his eyes met Roman's. "You don't have any," he retorted, the smile refusing to fade from his lips. He watched as Roman went to stand. "You can stay here." He could only hear Bo's voice in his head. You knew it wouldn't be easy.
Roman felt his heart jump in his chest, a smile broadening on his lips. "Let me change really quick," he said gently, walking into the bedroom and shutting the door. He took a moment to breathe, telling himself not to fuck this up any more than he already had. Quickly, he stripped of his jeans and shirt and pulled on a pair of sweat pants and a black tank top. He felt almost anxious to be around Cody as he walked out, the other man already sitting up, the pillow behind him as he leaned back against the cushions of the couch.
Cody looked over, his heart starting to pound even harder when Roman pulled his hair down and tied it up in a loose ponytail. He tried to smile, his mouth going dry as he patted the spot next to him.
Roman walked over to the other side of the sofa bed and sat down next to Cody, leaning back on the comfortable cushions. He sighed in contentment, turning his head to look at Cody. "You still tired?" he asked softly, watching as Cody shook his head. "You up for some popcorn and a movie then?"
Cody couldn't help but smile as he looked down at his knees before he looked back at Roman. "Sounds like a plan," he answered, watching as Roman got back up and walked into the kitchen.
"The movies are in the side of the entertainment center. It's kinda like a hidden compartment going on," Roman called from the kitchen, rummaging through his cabinets for some microwave popcorn. "Just pick one out. You want hot cocoa?"
Cody smirked, chuckling as he got up, stretching upwards. "Sounds good," he called back, walking over to the entertainment center and searched around for the door. "This is some James Bond shit Ro." He finally found the door and opened it.
"I know, I think that's one of the perks of that thing," Roman returned, unwrapping the popcorn and putting it into the microwave. He watched as Cody searched for the perfect movie before he knelt down to work the TV and DVD player. "Be careful with the drawer, it's touchy."
Cody only nodded, getting the DVD in and the TV on the right station. "This one okay?" he asked, turning back to look at Roman, listening to the beep of the microwave as it finished up. He saw Roman's nod and he stood, walking over to him, taking the bowl of fresh popcorn while Roman made their drinks.
A few minutes later they were both settled back on the sofa bed, their drinks on the side table while the popcorn sat in Cody's lap. Cody himself wasn't too invested in the movie, he'd actually seen it probably a thousand times before, but he'd just wanted something familiar between them.
Roman saw the small yawn the Cody let out, the dark head moving to rest on his shoulder. He smiled, wrapping his arm around Cody's shoulders, pulling him in close to his side. He sat there attempting to watch the movie and not feel the heat of Cody's body against him. He tried to relax, letting his cheek rest against the top of Cody's head.
"Hey Ro," Cody asked about half an hour into the movie, his voice soft, almost worried. He swallowed hard, closing his eyes for a moment. He looked down at the popcorn bowl, now already near empty.
"Hm?" Roman asked, looking down into Cody's averted gaze.
Cody was quiet for a long moment, the words begging to be said but his voice refusing to come out. He took a breath, letting it out very slowly. "Do… do you really love her?" he finally asked, heart pounding, his stomach doing flips. He was sure he was feeling nauseous just waiting for Roman to answer.
Roman stiffened, taking a moment to think. He thought about Maxine and how they'd met, how she'd instantly made him laugh with her humor, how she was sweet, and very open and caring. She was nice and they could easily just hang out. His thoughts turned to his night out with her. They'd gone out to dinner at their favorite place, laughing and talking and overall enjoying themselves. She'd told him terrible jokes that he'd found beyond funny. In short, she had been the one to pick him up after Cody and she made him feel like he was worth loving again, that his love life didn't have to end with Cody.
"Yeah," he finally answered softly. "I do love her." He felt Cody shift, pulling away from him, knees once again back in Cody's chest. He knew he'd hurt Cody's feelings but he couldn't lie. He wouldn't lie anymore. He'd done enough of that to last a lifetime.
Cody could barely think. He hadn't expected the truth to hurt so much. He bit his lower lip, wrapping his arms around his knees as he looked down at the quilt. "I'll leave Friday," he murmured, thinking that maybe it would be better if he just went home. He'd done enough to ruin Roman's life, he didn't want to do it anymore.
Roman moved before he thought, his hand shooting up to gently grasp Cody's chin, turning his face so that their eyes could meet. He shook his head, eyes begging for Cody to reconsider. "I don't want you to leave like that Cody," he murmured, his other hand coming up to cup Cody's smooth cheek. "Please, just don't think about it."
Cody jerked back, growing a little irritated. "How the hell am I not supposed to think about it Roman?" he asked, pushing Roman's hands away again once they rose to touch him. "The man I love is in love with someone else. That fucking hurts. Why should I stay?"
Roman groaned, rolling his eyes as he turned towards Cody a little more. "Just because I love her, doesn't mean I love you any less," he retorted, jaw tight. "You can love more than one person at a time, Cody. You've done it, Seth's done it. Fuck, I think even Dean's done it once or twice. That doesn't stop how I feel about you at all. It's different with her."
Cody shook his head, flipping the covers back so he could get up. He felt Roman's hand on his wrist, not tight, just enough to get his attention. "Roman, I'm not doing this. Let me go!" he snapped, finding himself being pulled back into the bed, his body being forced down on the mattress. "I'm not kidding Roman, let me go."
Roman refused to let go. "Not until you understand that just because I'm with her doesn't mean that I don't love you. Fuck, I love you more than you'll ever understand," he tried to say, Cody struggling against him. "Please, just hear me out."
"No!" Cody yelped, forcing Roman back so that he was over the other male. "I don't want to hear any of it." He felt the hot tears in his eyes, the burning his throat as he looked down into grey eyes, his hands holding Roman's hands down, legs straddling Roman's waist. "Then why won't you be with me?"
Roman sighed, sitting up and wrapping his arms around Cody, holding him close. He wanted to tell Cody that he wanted that, that he wanted them to be together, but it just wasn't that easy. Maxine didn't deserve to be left like she didn't matter and he had responsibilities there in Iowa City. He leaned in, pressing a kiss to Cody's cheek. "Shh," he eased, the hot tears splashing into the collar of his shirt. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"It's just not fair Roman, none of this is fair. We were so happy. Our life was perfect and then it all went to hell," Cody whimpered, his fingers clawing at Roman's shirt. "I fucked up so much after the wreck. I wouldn't admit how much you meant to me. Even when I couldn't remember, I wanted you. I was living a huge lie with Drew and I only hurt you and I fucking hate it. I lost you Roman. I ruined everything."
Roman felt his heart lurch in his chest, the pain of still scabbed over wounds being ripped back open. He couldn't help but have a small smile on his lips, knowing that this was something they needed to talk about, something they needed to set straight. "We can't change the past Cody," he finally said, Cody's tears starting to slow. "I wish we could, fuck I wish we could go back and change all this. I would've done so many things different but we can't. We both have to let it go now."
Cody nodded, pulling his face back from Roman's neck, one hand coming up to wipe away the stinging tears. "God, I'm such a mess right now," he muttered, chuckling lightly. "Crying like some sissy bitch on you like this."
Roman smiled, hands coming up to cup Cody's cheeks, his thumbs pushing away the offending tears. "You know I don't care," he answered, looking deep into the sparkling blue eyes. He sighed, his hands starting to tremble, Cody's hands resting on the backs of his own. His brows furrowed as he felt the same rope between them slowly pull them together, their lips meeting gently.
Cody's hands instantly clung to Roman's, his eyes closing as he lost himself in the chaste kiss. After everything, this was where he wanted to be. Here in Roman's arms. He knew things wouldn't be as simple as crying and falling into each other and moving on, but for a moment he could forget that, he could forget how much emotional pain he was in. He just wanted the man in front of him.
Roman's hands slid down Cody's cheeks, one moving back to cradle Cody's head as the other slid slowly over the rapid pulse, down Cody's chest down to his hip. He mind wasn't focused on the logical at that moment. He just wanted to be with Cody, wanted for them to be as close as they could be.
Cody gasped, his hands sliding into Roman's hair, the other man's tongue slipping into his mouth, tenderly touching his own and reacquainting themselves. He groaned, his body pushing into Roman's, wanting to melt into the other man, making their bodies one being. His fingers tugged at the elastic, his entire body moving without thinking.
Roman held tight to Cody as he laid them back on the sofa bed, side by side. He pulled back, running a hand through the short brown hair. "I love you," he murmured, diving back in to kiss Cody's lips again, this time a little firmer, his body wanting, needing more.
Cody hummed into the kiss, his lips turning up into a smile as much as they could with his tongue battling Roman's. He pulled the other man over him, his legs spread for Roman to settle between them. He groaned, Roman's sweet weight perfect against him. His body was growing hot, his hands already sliding through the long loose hair as it encased them, blocking the entire world out. He breathed in through his nose, that same scent of rain filling his nostrils. He'd missed that scent.
Roman was propped up on his left elbow to keep from crushing Cody's body with his, his other hand on Cody's belly, ever so slowly easing up under the hem of Cody's shirt. Once the pads of his fingers touched warm flesh he groaned, his fingers splaying out to touch as much as he could.
Cody whimpered, Roman's hand sliding slowly up his torso. He jerked away from Roman, grabbing the hem of his shirt and pulling it up and over his head, tossing it off to the side. He was breathing hard, his eyes focused heavily on Roman. He swallowed, smashing his lips against Roman's.
Roman groaned, Cody's hands pulling at his own shirt. He sat up, pulling it off and throwing it to the oblivion of the floor before he dove back into kissing Cody's lips. He felt hands running all over his chest, dull nails scraping over both nipples. He hissed in pleasure, his thumb flicking over one of Cody's as his lips moved down to Cody's neck.
Cody's body arched up into Roman's, bringing their hips together, their half hard cocks scraping against each other through their clothes. "Please Ro," he breathed, lips touching his neck, his breathing starting to become labored.
Roman smiled, missing hearing those words from Cody's lips. "Your heart's beating so fast," he murmured, the rapid pounding of the artery against his lips. He felt Cody nod, the wanting whine filling his ears. His lips moved lower, pausing only when he felt Cody squirming under him.
Cody pushed Roman onto his back, looking over the half naked man, his face and chest just as flush as Cody's though less visible on his bronze skin. He straddled Roman's hips, pushing their arousals together as he leaned in and kissed Roman's neck, his lips moving lower, down over the strong chest. "I want you Roman," he murmured, pulling back and looking right into the grey eyes.
Roman's heart flipped in his chest. He sighed, closing his eyes. "I… I don't have anything here for that," he murmured, unable to look up at Cody. He groaned, Cody pulling back from him. "I don't even have condoms."
Cody suddenly felt the lust filled haze start to clear from his mind, the words slapping him hard. "Wha-what about you and Maxine," he asked without really meaning to. "You don't use protection with her?"
Roman groaned, shaking his head. "She's allergic to latex, so we can't use regular condoms. She's on the pill. Besides, we've never done it here anyway. We always have sex at her place," he explained, covering his face with his hands, trying to calm down. He knew him and Cody could easily get off another way without actually having sex, but he hadn't been thinking that way when Cody had said those words and now with the talk about Maxine he was sure it had ruined the mood completely.
Cody was silent as he completely dismounted Roman and sat back on the edge of the bed. His mind was running faster than he could keep up. "Did you have sex tonight?" he asked suddenly, heart pounding as he looked Roman's flushed face over.
Roman dropped his hands, his focus on Cody. He looked at the other man like he'd gone insane. "No, why would you even ask that?" he asked, growing more than a little frustrated with the accusation in Cody's tone.
Cody was silent, turning his head so he didn't have to look at Roman. How was he supposed to say that he didn't want her sloppy seconds; that he didn't want to be used. His silence only seemed to further frustrate Roman, and he heard the other man curse.
"Fuck Cody, do you really think that I'd fuck her and come home to you and try and do the same thing?" he asked, pushing his hair back away from his face.
"Would you?" Cody hadn't realized he'd said it until he heard Roman get up from the bed and grab his shirt just to throw it at the coffee table. He looked over, Roman's entire body tense with frustration and anger.
Roman shook his head, breathing hard as he paced around the room. "I'd never do something like that to you, you know that," he hissed, stopping and resting his hands on his hips. "Dammit Cody, I care about you more than that. I love you more than that."
Cody sighed, covering his face a growling softly. His mouth had once again gotten him into trouble. "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. I'm just… I don't know Ro. I'm just pissed off I guess."
Roman sighed, dropping his hands as he walked back over to the bed and crawled over, cupping Cody's chin in one hand, making their eyes meet. "I'd never hurt you like that Cody," he said firmly, pressing their foreheads together. "I love you. Believe that."
Cody couldn't help but smirk, nodding. "I do Roman," he whimpered, moving his hands up to rest on Roman's shoulders. He turned his head towards the TV, the credits rolling. He looked down at the bed, the leftovers of popcorn and kernels in the bed, the bowl over turned on the floor. "I guess it's late."
Roman nodded, pulling back. "Yeah," he murmured, moving and standing. "I guess we should get this cleaned up."
Cody nodded, getting up and helping pick up the mess they'd made. "Hey Roman," he started after they were done, Roman walking back into the kitchen. He saw grey eyes on him and he looked down at his bare feet. "I'm sorry. For what I said, I know you'd never do that."
Roman felt the corner of one side of his mouth ease up into a half smirk. "It's fine. We've always had this problem with letting things get heated like that," he said, dumping the bowl into the sink before he walked back over to the sofa bed. "Get some rest." He kissed Cody's lips gently before he turned away towards his room.
Cody reached out for Roman's hand, stopping him as he started to walk away. He didn't dare look up from the floor. "Stay here with me, please. I don't want to sleep alone," he admitted, jaw tight. He felt stupid for asking, but he wanted to feel that body against him, make him feel protected and warm like it always had before, again.
Roman nodded, following Cody onto the sofa bed. He turned the light out and the TV off before he rested his head on the pillow, Cody's body slowly shuffling over to his, their chests almost touching. He knew Cody couldn't see his smile as he reached out and pulled Cody to him the rest of the way, their bodies fitting perfectly together like they always had. "I love you."
"I love you too," Cody whispered, yawning as his arm wrapped around Roman's waist, his face pushed into Roman's chest. For the first time in months he felt comfortable, he felt loved and fell asleep easily.
(A/N): Well, that was a lot. What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts. Things can only get better from here right? Right? Let's see! Onwards and upwards! Title is Forbidden You by Emphatic.
JacktheSinister_JaketheJust