In Too Deep
(Chapter Twenty Five: Drunken Honesty)
It had been nearly two months since they had decided to give their relationship another chance. They had agreed to take things slow, but Olivia had no idea they would be moving this slow. In fact as she stood here now staring at her own reflection in the mirror she wasn't really sure that their relationship was moving at all. Or if there even was a relationship to be moved.
Elliot had told her over dinner a few months back that he was still in love with her, that he wanted to be with her and that he wanted to make a life with her. But as of now he was not even officially his girlfriend. They had shared drinks a time or two and dinner once, but he had not so much as even kissed her good night. Maybe he didn't fully understand that when she had agreed to date him, she thought they would start dating right away.
Olivia exhaled and dusted some blush onto her cheeks. She touched up the dark eyeliner that brought definition to her big brown eyes and applied some lipstick. She pressed her lips together and pulled the clip from her dark wavy hair allowing it to fall down around her face.
She stood up and pulled on her favorite pair of jeans. They were tight and hugged every curve of her body just right and made her ass look amazing. She buttoned the fly on the jeans and pulled on black tank top, misted on some of her most seductive musk, grabbed her purse and headed out the door.
She climbed onto a barstool at the end of the bar and ordered a glass of wine. Tonight she was drinking alone. But that was no reason she shouldn't look fantastic doing it. She pulled her Blackberry from her purse and sent a text to her non-existent boyfriend in an attempt to get him to join her.
Elliot's reply was a simple 'I can't tonight' with no further explanation. Sometimes it almost seemed as if he were ignoring her. This was really starting to frustrate her. No, it was flat pissing her off. Who the hell was he to treat her like this. And how stupid could she be to continue to just sit around and wait for him. He was divorced now. His wife was no longer the problem and yet he still was not here with her. They were not a couple, they weren't even sleeping together.
Olivia bit her lip in frustration as she finished off her third glass of wine and ordered another. She thought to herself how desperate she must look. All dressed up for a man who wasn't even here. Sitting alone at the bar drinking red wine and not even speaking to anyone. She could have done this at home in her pajama pants.
She was dressed to kill. And if she were to ask, any man in this bar would probably be honored to take her home tonight. Yet the one man she wanted more than anything didn't seem to want her.
Olivia combed her fingers through her hair. This wine wasn't cutting it. If anything it was making matters worse. Wine had always had an effect on her. A glass or two here or there was good for relaxation, but anything past that just made her….well, horny. She dipped her finger into the glass and traced it around the rim. God, it had been over six months since she had gotten laid.
She exhaled and flagged the bartender once more. This time ordering her classic vodka martini straight up with two olives. Tonight she needed something hard. Boy did she.
He brought her drink and they exchanged a few friendly words then he went on about his business. Olivia had known him, Jake the bartender, for about seven years now. He was an attractive man with dark hair and brown eyes and a smile that made women melt.
He always smiled at her and had a certain charm when he said her name. They had flirted often, but never really dated. She wasn't quite sure why. But there was a time in the past when they had an arrangement. When a shot of tequila was more than just that. It was the offer to end a lonely night.
Olivia would have a rough day at work and come in to unwind. Sometimes ordering a shot of tequila. That was their signal. They would flirt for a while and exchange smiles across the bar for a few hours. Then after he closed down the bar he would walk her home, just a few blocks down the street. They would exchange small talk and a night of incredible sex together and in the morning when she woke up he would be gone. No responsibilities, no obligations. Just two extremely compatible adults with an understanding. It was understood. She didn't even really remember how they had come to this agreement. It had just kind of always been that way between them.
Of course she hadn't met up with Jake in quite some time. Several months before she and Elliot had began their affair and relationship. She watched Jake from across the bar, until he caught her staring and smiled in her direction.
Olivia laughed as she placed the tooth pick back into her empty martini glass and he walked over to her.
"Hi Olivia," she said with a smile sitting down another martini in front of her.
"Hello, stranger." She said back flirting with him.
"So how's life?" He asked with a sexy smile.
"Wonderful," she said sarcastically.
"And where is your partner tonight?"
"Hell if I know," she replied taking a sip from her glass.
"Ahh, that thing between you not going on anymore?"
"What thing?"
He stared at her for a moment.
"Come on now."
"No, we are not exactly seeing each other right now."
"Not exactly. What does that mean?"
"It means that I am not dating anyone at the present moment. But I have a few offers on the table."
"Oh."
"What about you? Any special lady in your life?"
"Just you."
She smiled and laughed. "Good answer."
Olivia could feel the strong buzz from the wine and vodka combination she had been drinking all evening starting to kick in. She watched Jake as his eyes shifted from hers to stare at the door behind her.
"Speak of the devil," he said raising an eye brow.
Olivia took a deep breath and turned around on her barstool to see Elliot walk in.
"I thought you couldn't make it?"
"I didn't think I could."
"Oh," she replied turning back around and tapping her finger gently against her empty glass. She was even more frustrated with him now that he was standing here in front of her.
Jake brought her another martini.
"What can I get for you Detective Stabler?"
"Just a beer."
"So where have you been all night?" She asked as he sat down beside her on a barstool.
"I had dinner with the kids. Then headed back to the station to finish up a little paperwork. Then I headed over here."
"You turned me down for paperwork?"
"No, I just didn't know if this was a good idea. You know, when alcohol gets involved lines tend to get crossed and…."
"And that would just be horrible, right?"
"Olivia, you said you wanted to take things slow. So that is what we have been doing."
"What things, Elliot? We have barely even spoken about anything that didn't involve work. We are not even dating! What exactly is it that we are taking slow?"
"A relationship. The next step." He rubbed his hands over his face. "God Olivia, what is it that you want?"
"Nothing," she said turning away from him with tears in her eyes.
"I didn't mean to snap at you," he said exhaling deeply. "I have just had a lot going on and I'm a little stressed out. I have Kathleen pulling her usual shit. Kathy is up my ass about everything that is going on with the kids. And she wont stick to our custody agreement. Until tonight I hadn't even seen my children in almost three weeks. I have just been so busy dealing with all of that I have not had any time to deal with this."
"I'm not something you have to deal with Elliot," she said softly.
"I didn't mean it that way."
She raised her eyes and looked into his for a minute.
"Elliot, what is this?"
"What are you talking bout?"
"I'm talking about this. Us. What are we?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean are dating? Are we even a couple? Because it doesn't seem like it. You hardly talk to me. You never touch me. We rarely ever see each other outside of work. I know I said I wanted our relationship to move slow, but I was assuming that we would at least have a relationship."
"I'm here. Okay? You fired off your little text and wanted me here, I am here."
"What is your problem?"
"My problem? I don't have a problem."
"I'm just trying to talk to you about important things and you are being a complete ass to me!"
"I didn't come here to argue with you Olivia."
"I'm not trying to argue. I'm just trying to figure out what is going on with you?"
"Nothing, is going on with me. I'm just trying to adjust to everything."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"I don't think so. Look maybe it was a bad idea for me to come here tonight."
"Elliot, please stay."
"Liv, I just don't know that I am able to give you what you need from a relationship right now. I just have a lot of shit going on that I need to sort out and I really don't think that…."
She was staring at him trying not to cry. How could he be so sweet to her then turn around and act like this. He was killing her.
"Yeah," she replied softly turning away from him.
"I'll see you later. I think I just need to take a walk and sort some things out."
"Elliot."
"Yeah?"
"Don't bother coming back around until you know what you want. I can't keep doing this. I wait for you because you say that you love me, that you want to be with me. And every time you just leave me waiting." She could feel tears on her face. "I can't wait anymore."
Elliot stared at her for another minute then turned to walk out slamming the door shut behind him.
Olivia turned around and wiped the tears from her face. As she looked up at Jake and ordered another martini.
"You okay?" He said sitting the drink down in front of her.
"I'll be fine. I should be used to it by now."
"Olivia…"
She took a deep breath and raised her head to look at him.
"I'm okay," she said forcing a smile.
They talked about random things for the next several minutes, then she excused herself to the ladies room. She came out of the stall stumbling just a bit. She was alright until she stood up and walked and now she was really feeling the effect of the alcohol she had consumed.
Olivia leaned over the counter and stared into the mirror. She didn't know why she let herself get this upset over Elliot anyway. Obviously he didn't want her or he would have been here with her now.
She took a deep breath and walked back out to the bar. She climbed onto her barstool and smiled her sexiest smile at Jake as she downed the last of her martini. She flipped her hair and combed her fingers through it tucking a strand behind her ear as she pressed her lips together. She was determine to make something good of this night.
"Another martini, Olivia?" Jake asked as he cleared the empty glass.
"No. Give me a shot of tequila."
He stopped and looked at her in confusion. Surely she just meant she wanted a drink. Jake poured the shot and slid it across the bar as he handed her a salt shaker and a slice of lime.
"Are you sure about this?" He asked as she picked up the shot glass in her fingers.
Olivia stared seductively into his eyes.
"I know it has been a long time," she said with a shy smile, "but I'm sure."
And with that she took the shot and motioned for another.
Jake set her up two more times. They sat at the bar for a while talking about everything but sex for about another hour. He was trying to distract her and give her time to sober up a little before she ordered another drink.
Olivia ordered another shot and Jake questioned her for a moment, but made it for her. She took the shot and leaned across the bar to whisper into his ear.
"Do you have anything?" She asked quietly.
He stared at her for a minute a little confused.
"Condom?" She whispered.
"Oh," he replied as he smiled and handed her three quarters from his tip jar and pointed toward the men's room.
Olivia laughed as she climbed from her barstool and went to retrieve their protection for the evening. She placed the quarters into the machine and turned the knob. She turned to walk out of the men's room but stopped for a moment and placed her hand against the door frame as she glanced over her shoulder at the machine on the wall.
"Better to be safe that sorry," she mumbled pulling three more quarters from her pocket and putting them into the machine.
She returned to her barstool and waited for him to close.
"Last call if in fifteen minutes. Do you want anything else?" He asked as he winked at her.
Olivia laughed again. "Set me up," she said softly.
One more shot down and she placed the empty glass on the bar in front of her. Jake walked over to clear it and she leaned across the bar to whisper into his ear once more. This time instead of talking she kissed him passionately.
Her kisses tasted like salt from her shots and her breath smelled like tequila.
She giggled and sat back down on her bar stool to wait. Just a few more minutes.
"Give me another," she said as she tapped the bar in front of her.
"I don't know, Liv." He leaned across the bar to look into her eyes. "Maybe you aught to stop here so that you can still function later on."
"Lucky for you, that is not a problem."
"I know, honey. But I really think you should slow down."
He handed her a glass of water.
"Here, you'll thank me tomorrow."
She giggled again and took a sip.
"Fine, I can take a hint."
Ten minutes later he locked up the back doors and helped her off her barstool to walk toward the front door. Olivia stumbled and staggered and could barely stand up. She was wasted and now mumbling random things that made no sense to him at all. She tripped over nothing almost falling into the floor.
"Are you okay," he asked as she leaned back against the wall and slid down it to rest for a moment in the floor.
"I'm good," she said with a laugh as she brushed her bangs from her eyes. "It just all kind of hit at once."
"Yeah? Lucky for us you only live a block and a half away."
She smiled up at him as he helped her to her feet.
"Here," he said helping her to her feet.
Olivia stumbled a few more steps and almost fell again.
"Change of plans," he said as he picked her up and leaned her over his shoulder.
Olivia laughed again as he spun around and walked out the front door. He hair was hanging down and her arms dangled beside it.
"Hey," he heard from behind him as he turned around to see Elliot standing behind him.
He sat Olivia down on the side walk and leaned her back against the building.
"Can you wait here with her for a second while I go get my car?" He asked Elliot.
Olivia giggled almost deliriously, as she sighed and continued to ramble random one sided conversation.
"Where are you taking her?" Elliot asked as he brushed her hair from her eyes and tipped her chin up for her to look at him.
"She asked me to take her home. I was going to just walk her back, but then I realized she was this bad off and I figured I would just drive her."
"I've got her," Elliot said as Olivia groaned and twisted his tie in her fingers.
"It's okay, man. She asked me to."
"Yeah, well I am now asking you not to. Thank you. But, I've got her. I can take it from here."
"Okay."
Elliot lifted Olivia and carried her to his car, sliding her into the passengers seat.
He drove her back to his apartment and helped her inside. He sat her on the couch and made her a cup of coffee, but it didn't seem to help much. She was so drunk.
"Where is he?" She mumbled in her ramblings.
"The bartender? I left him back at the bar."
Elliot helped her toward the bedroom and gave her some clothes to change into to sleep in.
"He was going to take me home."
"Yeah, I know. And God only knows what he was going to do while he was there.
She pulled her clothes off and stood in her bra and underwear as she stared at him.
"I asked him to."
"To, what?"
"To, stay. You know. Sex."
Elliot rubbed his hands over his face once more.
"I'm going to…" he pointed into the hall. "You get changed. You can have the bed."
He turned and walked out before she could tell him anymore about her intent to have sex with a stranger. He got there just in time.
Elliot walked back through the living room and fixed her a glass of water and took her two aspirin from a bottle them walked back to the bedroom. He walked into his bedroom noticing the trail of clothing leading to the bed. There under a thin sheet laid a completely nude Olivia.
Elliot sat the glass on the night stand as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"You should take these and drink this water. It will help tomorrow."
She rolled over to look at him, then sat up holding the sheet against her body. She took the aspirin and finished the glass of water.
"There you go," he said softly as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
Elliot stood up to walk from the room.
"El, where are you going?" She mumbled softly.
"To sleep on the couch. If you need anything, just call for me."
"Can you stay?"
He turned to look at her as she scooted over in the bed.
"Liv…"
She patted the bed beside her.
"Are you nervous because there is a naked girl in your bed?"
"I just really don't think this is a good idea. You have had a lot to drink and I just think it is better if we didn't."
"We don't have to. I just don't want to be alone."
Elliot sat down on the edge of the bed beside her.
"Okay, just until you fall asleep."
She smiled her approval and slid down into the bed tucking her sheet tighter around her body.
"I don't bite," she said looking at him.
Elliot smiled a nervous smile and laid down beside her. He turned to face her and stared into her eyes.
"Olivia, I am so sorry. I was a jerk tonight."
"I know," she replied. "I was there."
It was only a few minutes before she began to ramble again. She told him numerous random information, almost as if she were in confession. Then out of the blue she began to talk about her sex life. Revealing the fact that it had been a long time since she had sex and her intention in taking Jake back to her place. She also told him about the arrangement that she had once had with Jake.
Elliot laid beside her in the dark as she stared into his eyes.
"Elliot."
"Yeah?"
She raised her hand and placed it against his.
"I wasn't going to do it."
He just looked at her for a minute.
"I had already told him that I changed my mind. He was just taking me home."
"Why would you change you mind?"
"Because I realized it wasn't just sex that I wanted. And sleeping with him might make me feel better for tonight, but it wasn't going to fix anything." She paused for a moment. "I wasn't going t sleep with him Elliot, because I'm in love with you. I don't want to be with anyone else. And I don't want to be alone."
Elliot raised his hand and cupped the side of her face.
"You're not alone."
She smiled.
"You know what I mean. I waited for you. For you to ask me….To make me your girlfriend, officially. But you never said anything. You never held my hand or kissed me. What happened? Did you change your mind?"
"No. I didn't change my mind. Liv, I still want to be with you. I just…."
"Then just be with me, Elliot." She cut him off. "It doesn't have to be that complicated. I wanted to move slow, but I thought we would actually be together."
"Then we will. Starting tomorrow."
"Why tomorrow?"
"Because I want to ask you, but I don't want to do it while you are intoxicated."
"Well, by tomorrow I will probably just be hung over."
They both smiled.
"Then it is probably a good thing I brought you back here so that I can take care of you."
"That's sweet, El."
"Yeah. I'm not always an ass."
Olivia laughed again.
Things were quiet for a few minutes and she closed her eyes. She was almost asleep when she heard his voice again.
"Olivia."
"Yeah," she said quietly but did not open her eyes.
"The last time I had sex was almost seven months ago, with you."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
She smiled again.
"My last time was with you. And I want my next time to be with you."
"And every time after that," he added. "You should get some sleep," he whispered.
"Good night, Elliot."
"Good night, Olivia."
EOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEOEEOEOEOEOEO
It was nearing five o'clock in the morning when Elliot opened his eyes as he felt a strange tickle under his nose. He twitched his nose in an attempt to fight off a sneeze as he raised his hand to it in the dark.
He smiled as she shapes around him came into focus. This foreign object that had pulled him from his heavy sleep was the hair on the top of Olivia's head. He took a deep breath and smoothed his hand over the top of her head kissing it gently.
At some time in the night she had rolled over and curled into him in a fetal like position tucking her forehead tight into his chest the way she had so many times before. Out of what he could only describe as habit, Elliot had closed his arms around her holding her through the night leaving the top of her head to brush gently against his neck and chin with the soft movements of her breathing. And this was the position they were in when he had opened his eyes.
It was funny, he thought. That even though they were not together right now their bodies somehow instinctively found each other in the dark and formed into this shape. The form that they took when she melted perfectly into his arms. The soft curves of her body blending with his. As if at some point in time that had bee one large mass, then separated only to find each other once more.
He had been married to Kathy for over twenty years and held her through many nights sleep, but she had never fit in his arms the way that Olivia did. Like they were made to hold only her and now here she was again, back when she belonged. Because in his arms she was home.