Co-authored with the effervescent SailingAwaySoftly.
Disclaimer: Don't own it, but we're working on that.
-_-_-_
Bee was shaking in her boots. She had agreed not only to simply become Spock's wife, but also to bond mentally and physically with an emotionally unstable Vulcan. She sifted through her mind for her reasons for consenting. She obviously did not want Spock to die. She respected and admired him, even considered him a friend despite their turbulent beginnings. She had, on occasion, entertained the notion that Spock meant more to her than she realized. But these were vague daydreams that she would never have dared to act upon.
She was still in her uniform. Unable to think of anything else to do, she stood outside his quarters and anxiously waited him to finish his shift. Despite his seriously altered state, he had insisted on carrying out his duties. This left her some time to think about everything that had happened.
A part of her felt incredible wonder in the fact that Spock had simply walked into her quarters, explained the entire situation, which obviously pained him, and then basically asked her to marry him. Feeling her knees weaken slightly at that thought, she slid to the floor and rested against the door. She didn't have to do this. She could have refused Spock, and they would have just gone to the colony and found someone with which he could bond, since his first bond mate had apparently died in Vulcan's destruction.
But she did want this. She had to admit to herself that behind her carefully constructed barriers, she was indeed attracted to Spock, and her subconscious had no trouble in filling her head with dark dreams that only confirmed her secret, deep desire to act on that attraction. She squeezed her eyes shut and let her head fall back against the door with a dull thud. She had been stupid. Now she knew she was in way over her head because of some childish fantasy.
When she opened her eyes, he was standing before her. She hastily stood to her feet, but kept her eyes from looking directly into his, afraid of what she would see there. Observing the rest of him, she noticed that he was deathly pale and that he was shaking slightly. Was he anxious, or was it just a result of the hell his body must have been going through?
"We must proceed quickly," he said through clenched teeth. "The longer we wait, the worse I will become."
She nodded mutely and followed him inside.
That's when Bee thought she was going to lose it. She wanted to scream, to vomit, to run away in terror. But she was rooted to the spot. He turned to face her.
"You are afraid," he stated simply.
"Yes," she whispered.
He reached out suddenly, and Bee flinched slightly, but in a moment of unexpected gentleness, he merely brushed one finger against her cheek.
"I am sorry," he said, his voice rough. "Truly, I am. I have no right to ask this of you."
Bee shuddered slightly. Part of her wished that he did think he had that right. It would have been easier if he had really wanted her too.
He slid his hand up to her temple. His fingers were burning with blood fever, and she waited apprehensively for him to enter her mind. When he did, she let out a soft gasp. Not only was he in her mind, but she could see his too.
Distracted by being inside his head, it took Bee a moment to realize that he was speaking to her. He was searching for her subconscious. Once he found it, Bee felt as though she were swallowing his mind. A moment later, the sensation had passed, but Spock said that he was going to guide her through his own mind now.
His subconscious was likened to a lake. The water was black and still, and Spock told her to dive in. Doing her best to mentally follow his directions, she complied. She felt his shock as she entered his subconscious, and suddenly she was encompassed in him. His very essence, or whatever it was that made him Spock, wrapped around her own mind and branded itself into her. A moment later he pulled her out, and she mentally took a deep breath.
Then she was back to herself, her mind was her own.
"The meld is complete," he said. His voice was low and still rough, and a sense of urgency had made its way into it.
Bee could have honestly died right there. The mind meld hadn't been so bad. She had been mentally bonded to Spock, but for some reason she thought that it would have made her feel calmer about the physical bond, and it didn't. When she had been drowning in his emotions, she had realized just how much he had kept hidden within himself, and just how close it was to breaking the surface. If he channeled all that physically… Well, Bee began to worry about her well-being.
-_-_-_
It was obvious that there was going to be no foreplay. Bee hadn't expected as much, so she wasn't too bothered by it. But what did bother her was that it was also obvious that Spock was in complete control of the situation. Once they moved forward, there was no way she would be able to stop him. Surprisingly, her body seemed to respond to this revelation.
Spock's eyes widened slightly. Well, he had definitely noticed. His eyes were dark and wild – frightening – but there was still that small measure of control that kept him together. Bee's heart was threatening to explode out of her chest from anticipation.
And then everything happened all at once. She was on her back on his bed, and he had somehow just ripped the clothes from her body. She'd known he was strong, but she was still surprised and more than a little frightened. He was on top of her, the burning weight of his body against hers. A second later, he was inside her, and Bee cried out because it hurt. What she hadn't expected was to actually feel a strange pleasure in the pain. All she could sense was him. He was all around her. It was like being inside his mind again.
All she could do was to hold on to him. His skin was feverish and slick with sweat. Bee buried her head in the place where his shoulder met his neck, digging her nails in his back. This elicited a low growl from Spock. She sucked in a labored breath as she felt her internal organs seemingly combust. She had never experienced such an explosive feeling before, and she literally saw stars.
Then nothing.
-_-_-_
When Spock had finished, he fell to the side so as not to crush her small form with his weight, and he was immediately himself again. The madness was completely gone. Not just reined in, but eradicated.
To his horror, he realized that she was unconscious. It had not taken very long, only ten minutes, but he was still shocked. He instantly feared that he had harmed her, but when he checked her pulse, it seemed normal enough. She appeared to be asleep. He fell onto his back and was soon sleeping himself.
-_-_-_
Spock awoke first the next morning, but he found himself unable to move. Bee's body was pressed into his side. At that moment, she stretched a little in her sleep, and Spock was horrified. There were bruises on her arms in the shape of his hands, his teeth marks on her left shoulder, and another smattering of bruises on her sides. Guilt, shame, and self-loathing seeped into his mind. He had hurt her. She had not known what had been in store for her, and he had broken her.
Bee turned, still asleep, and rested her head against the side of his chest. Unsure of what to do, Spock kept very still, not wanting to wake her. Then a curious notion found its way into his logical head.
Tentatively, he reached out and placed his fingers on her temple. He wanted to see her mind again, to really see it this time. He was aware of the enormous breach of privacy he was committing, but as he could not completely remember the events of the night before, he needed to seek the answers from her.
Bee had fashioned her mind in a very organized sort of way. He seemed to be standing in a stone corridor with a high vaulted ceiling. Along both walls were a dozen ancient-looking wooden doors. He turned to the first one on his left and tried it. It swung open easily.
It was empty and seemed to be pulsing with a strange half-light. Since this room was at the forefront of her mind, Spock concluded that when she was conscious, this was where her waking thought processes occurred. However, since she was now asleep, he guessed that her current mental activity was occurring in her subconscious – a place he was curious to explore again now that the bond was in place.
He left the first room and entered its counterpart on the right side of the corridor. This door opened easily too, but this time he was overwhelmed by a wave of emotion and excitement. He found himself watching the scene from a few hours before being replayed from her point of view. This must have been her surface memory. Spock's first instinct was to leave, but he found himself curious as to how she had seen him.
He could feel her emotions at the time, and he trembled as his senses were filled with fear, wonder, and excitement. She had been afraid of him, but she had wanted him. Spock was surprised at how uncontrolled he looked, and he dreaded the day when he would lose his control again. He left before the scene could end, anxious not to relive it.
Spock no longer felt sure about exploring her mind, but he pressed on. The next few doors were all memory, progressing from short-term memory to long-term memory. Her memories of her earlier years were behind heavier doors. Spock found her childhood interesting, but after the death of her father and sister, her teenage memories were tainted with sadness and the determination to suppress that sadness.
He moved on to another door, but this one was harder to open. He had to exert quite a bit of force to open it, and he felt slightly guilty about it. Spock waited for the memory to surround him. It was dark, and waves of past nervousness and uncertainty rippled through him. She was about sixteen or seventeen, approximately, and she was with a young man of about the same age. From her emotions, Spock quickly realized that this was the first sexual encounter Bee had experienced. He mentally closed his eyes, but he could still feel her confusion, disappointment, and shame. He left the room, the door slamming closed behind him.
The next room he entered did not hold memories. There were wild colors, sharp contrasts, and warped noises. He recognized this as her perception, her mind's eye. Curiosity peaked, he waited for the brilliance around him to settle into a definite form. To his surprise, he saw a mirror of himself, but he was markedly different. The image was a couple of inches taller than his actual self. This made sense, as he was considerably taller than Bee. His ears were more prominently pointed, and the angles of his face sharpened. His eyes were deep and almost black. The reflection's voice was like silver, calm and controlled, yet decidedly mysterious.
Emotional reaction accompanied her physical perception. She was slightly intimidated by him, but she had it within herself to match that if necessary. She had high respect for him, and she found him fascinating – physically, yes, but mostly intellectually. And there was something else, something that felt partially trapped, as though she had purposefully suppressed it. Attraction. Yes, she was attracted to him, but the depth of it was obscured. This surprised him. His intellect stimulated her mind, certainly, but Spock was surprised that she also was physically attracted to him. He had never considered himself lacking in that particular area, but his overwhelmingly logical essence transcended his appearance and usually made him intimidating to humans.
Yet Bee was just as logical as he was. It didn't intimidate her as much because it made sense to her. He understood this, and he realized that it had been almost the same with Nyota. She had not been as logically-minded as he, but she had still been controlled. This only added to his curiosity, and he left the room.
The next few rooms stored learned behavior and information. The two rooms containing her mathematical processes and understanding of the Vulcan language seemed infinite and were similar in construction. Equations and verb conjugations flooded his mind, and he could not help but be impressed.
Starting to fear she would wake soon, Spock proceeded to her subconscious mind. It was located at the end of the corridor in the form of a trap door. Above was a stained-glass window portraying a bumblebee of all things. Spock found this amusing. He heaved at the handle of the trap door and lifted it open. Below was a dark, narrow staircase, and he hesitantly began his descent. When he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, the trapdoor above him swung shut, and he was momentarily thrown into darkness.
A few moments later, his eyes adjusted, and he saw a faint bluish light. It grew brighter as he approached it, and he was drawn to reach out and touch bright little orb dancing in the air before his eyes. When he did, everything around him shattered, and he was thrown into the deepest part of her mind. When everything was still again, her mind was practically humming with energy as though it were electrified.
He proceeded with caution, and he soon realized that she was dreaming. Again, he was surprised to find himself there. In her dream, they were in his bed asleep, similar to their present situation. Spock looked much like himself, his face characteristically calm and serene. Bee was pressed against his side, her head resting on his chest. Her hand was splayed across his stomach, her leg draped over his.
He was assaulted with a wave of powerful emotion. The dream emitted contentment more strongly than anything else, but there was an underlying pulse that burned in Spock's mind. It was lust. She lusted for him. He realized how possessive Dream Bee's position was of Dream Spock's body. He was shocked more than anything else. This was far beyond the attraction he had seen in her perception room.
Spock did not know what to think. He cared for this little human woman, certainly. He admired her, for she truly was highly intelligent. He definitely found her interesting, both physically and in personality. He had concluded that her mastery of the Vulcan language had depended largely on the fact that it was well-suited to her personality. Physically, she was not what most humans would call particularly attractive, but nor was she by any means plain. Her face was interesting, her eyes holding all the emotions she otherwise rarely expressed. Spock noted that she was actually very similar to him, though definitely not quite as controlled. His self-mastery was natural and nearly flawless. Bee's control was learned and sometimes forced. But still, the similarity was undeniable.
There was nothing much going on in her dream. They were both still asleep. However, Dream Spock began to stir, and he seemed surprised to find himself there. He turned to still sleeping Dream Bee, hesitated, then bent and placed a lingering kiss on her forehead. Suddenly everything around Spock exploded, and he felt as though he were flying. A few moments later, he was back at the forefront of her mind in her waking consciousness. The room was no longer empty. It was practically electrified with energy, a hundred thoughts exploding at once.
Huh? What? Where am I?
Last night.
Spock.
OH SHIT.
He's still asleep.
If I move I'll wake him up.
Shitshitshit.
Wait. He's not asleep. He's…
NO. No no no no no no no no.
He's in my head.
Spock broke the meld and opened his eyes. She was staring at him, her eyes wide.
"Forgive me," he said. "I was curious. I should not have done that."
"How much did you see?" she asked.
He hesitated. "I explored your mind quite… thoroughly," he finally answered.
She paled completely. Then she blushed. Spock found it oddly endearing.
"I was intrigued by what I saw," he said.
She smiled nervously. "Listen, about last night…"
"I am sorry," he said. "I hurt you. I am so sorry."
Bee made a quick analysis of her body. "They're just bruises," she said. "I feel fine. I… I feel incredible, actually. You don't have to be sorry." She averted her gaze and blushed once again. "You would have died, and I – I, uh…" She slowly looked back up at him and leaned slightly forward. He blinked once and waited for her to continue.
"Yes?" he said after a moment.
Her mouth opened slightly, and her eyes searched his face. "Commander Spock," she said after a moment, "I'm going to kiss you now."
-_-_-_
A/N: Be happy and review! We'll post a contest winner next chapter!