Differences

"Oh, no!" JoAnne cried as she looked at the emotionally charged face of John in the back seat of the station wagon. Mike Stoker was driving and Roy was in the back seat with Johnny. Roy had his arms around Johnny who was obviously sedated again and fighting to keep his eyes open.

"How could they, Roy?" JoAnne asked as soon as her husband climbed out of the car.

"It's okay, Jo, they found him not guilty," Roy assured her before reaching into the back seat to drag his partner out of the car. "I'll explain just as soon as we get Johnny into bed." Mike appeared at Roy's side to help him get John inside the house.

"It was really overwhelming for him there, Jo; you wouldn't believe what it was like." Roy's eyes also told of the overwhelming feeling, but Roy was smiling. Jo was confused.

Once Johnny was in the guest room and stretched out on the bed, Mike took over getting his shoes off. "Hey look, I'll get him settled in and stay with him for a few minutes. You go fill your wife in. I'll bet you money that whole thing is going to be on the midday news on TV"

Roy noticed that Johnny was going, going, gone so he took Mike up on his offer. Stepping out of John's room Roy quickly took JoAnne in his arms as he searched his brain for the first words to explain.

"You had to be there to believe it, Jo," Roy started, then when Jo sat him down and encouraged him to start from the beginning and the story began to unfold. Beginning with the Judge's explanation of why there was a trial in the first place, to the questions asked of Dr. Winslow that helped Roy better understand what was happening in his partner's head all this time. "And then the rally outside the courthouse, Jo, they were all there cheering for Johnny; there had to be over a thousand people there. Hook, Captain Hookraider was there, he was out of uniform as was everyone that was with the department. Brice was there with his neighbors and the guys from the station. I never did see Marco but his mother was there with all of the relatives and Mike said he saw him."

"Well if there were that many people then I can understand how you might have missed a few." JoAnne was sharing her husband's joy.

"You know how Johnny is, he was so embarrassed by all the signs and chants calling him a hero and all, but he needed it so much, Jo. He needed every bit of it. Dr. Winslow had seen the people from the window of the Judge's chambers while he was there listening to the little girl give her testimony and he practically herded us all outside with a cattle prod once the verdict was given.

"Chet was there," Roy continued on excitedly. "He was holding a sign that said something about Johnny needing a bucket of cold water thrown on him, not handcuffs. And all the nurses and pretty girls, that's not blood on his face, its lipstick."

"I can understand how overwhelmed Johnny must have been but why is he so out of it right now?"

"Dr. Winslow was there to testify about John's diagnosis and treatment. When he found out that John hadn't slept well last night, well, he waited until the rally died down and convinced John to take something; he wants him to sleep as long as he can now."

The midday televised news did indeed show the rally as well as an interview with Mrs. Kingston. She was holding both of her girls tight and exclaiming that she was in agreement with the verdict handed down by the Judge. She talked for only a moment of the fear she felt at having her children taken from their home but now that she knew the full story and mostly because the girls were taken someplace they would be safe she felt an understanding of what Johnny must have been thinking and held no resentment or anger toward him.

Roy debated on waking Johnny for dinner but thinking he'd wake up on his own soon, allowed him to sleep. Johnny did wake after the late news had finished rerunning the story about John's acquittal and the rally. JoAnne was quick to warm him something to eat and they both sat with John and munched to encourage him to eat.

The next morning Hank Stanley arrived at Roy's house. He had one more little thing that John needed to deal with and he was determined to see to it that he didn't deal with it alone.

"John, there's a little issue that has arisen since you left your apartment. The station has been flooded with mail that you had forwarded there." John looked at his Captain in confusion; he had been assured by his Captain that there was no problem having his mail forwarded there until he was able to get another place to live. He was already planning to move from Roy's house the next day to stay with Chet for a while because JoAnne's mother was coming for two weeks.

"There's a really big possibility that at least 90% of the mail has been generated by all the news coverage you've been receiving as a result of the shootout and other thing." Hank read his underlings confusion, his words trailing at the end of his explanation. "The post office would like their bags back."

"Bags? Did you say bags, as in more than one?" John questioned. "Just how many bags are we talking about? How big are these bags?"

"They're about so big," Hank said, holding his hands out to approximate the size. "I have four in the back of my truck right now; I just picked them up from the station. While I was there I was informed that there are three more that have been sent to headquarters."

John followed his Captain to his truck to see the four bags there before slumping down on the bumper unable to deal with the volume of material on his own.

Cap stayed at his side while Roy ran into the house and made a quick call to Dr. Winslow who suggested that a spare room somewhere be set aside and that as many people as were willing to help got together.

Cap had such a room, it wasn't fancy but it had a door that could be closed when things got too overwhelming. The rest of the gang showed up, each bringing something to eat and something to use as a letter opener. Dwyer, Brice, Bellingham, and the other paramedics who had worked in Johnny's apartment that night arrived too, their counselor had recommended it. The first order of business was to open the envelopes. Even Hank's and Roy's children had fun helping with that task. Hank had found an old baby's playpen in the rafters of his garage. Once it was set up the bags of mail were dumped inside. Three boxes that had once contained paper towels were set around it to toss the envelopes and junk mail into.

Following Dr. Winslow's suggestion, the letters were scanned by someone other than Johnny. Since some of the other men had been in the thick of things the night of the shooting, Hank assigned himself, Mike, Marco and Chet as scanners. The mail was then divided into several piles. The negative mail that was inevitable was quickly hidden, usually under their bottoms, the mail offering praise and admiration needed several piles. Checks and cash that had been sent to help replace furniture or pay for moving expenses was placed in another, while offers of places to live were stacked in yet another.

It had only taken one afternoon to get all of the envelopes opened. Before the money and checks had even been added up, Johnny made a couple of calls and knew where he wanted it to go. It would be donated to an organization that helped women and children escape from abusive homes. A press release was written and Captain Stanley graciously agreed to read it in front of the news cameras.

Those who scanned the letters were able to get all of the negative ones and keep them from the eyes of those who had put their lives on the line and the rest were shared and read aloud. It turned out to be a wonderful group therapy activity and Johnny was quick to tell the others that had been there that the words that were being read applied to them too.

"Just because the news gave out my name and not yours doesn't mean this praise belongs to me alone."

John had made a point to avoid watching or reading the news coverage involving himself but as the letters were read aloud it was apparent that more information than he wanted revealed had gotten out. This would end up being the topic of conversation during John's next several therapy sessions.

The letters containing offers of a place to live were looked over as well. Cap and Roy did their best to steer John away from the roommate situations, most of which were girls offering him a place with them. John had acted tempted as he looked as some of the pictures that were included in the letters but in truth the prospect of sharing a place with three to four women wasn't all that appealing.

There were a few from little old ladies who were offering him a place in their home free of charge if he'd just take care of them so they wouldn't have to go to a nursing home. John had to decline those offers as well.

Locations that were too far away were pulled from consideration. Realtor business cards were set aside for the time being as were the big apartment buildings and the basement apartments.

With the help of his friends, John was able to come up with a manageable list of places to look at and Chet and Marco drove him around so that he could look at them from the outside and also check the surrounding areas before he made any form of contact with the person making the offers.

Four days later John moved into a small apartment complex consisting of only six apartments. There was no pool or club house but there was a huge park and shopping centers within walking distance. The apartment had two bedrooms, the rent was right, the tenants were screened through the police department before being allowed to move in and the landlords were a happily married couple whose children were on their own. John was lulled to sleep his first night there by the sounds of the crickets and the smell of fresh flowers that floated through his bedroom window. His fridge was full with welcoming gifts from the other tenants.

Three days after moving into his new apartment Johnny was back on duty. His first duty assignment was to participate in a safety fair. There were several fire trucks, engines, ladder trucks, snorkel trucks and of course a rescue squad and an ambulance. Also attending the safety fair were police officers who were talking about stranger danger and drug prevention and also doing fingerprinting for child identity kits. There were two bicycle shops there showing safety helmets and knee and elbow pads while the nursing students from Rampart operated a booth to check blood pressure and answer other medical questions.

To John's dismay he was assigned to answer questions about the fire engine while Roy and Brice talked about the squad. It didn't take long for John to get over his assignment disappointment as the children, most of them too small to really appreciate the details of how many gallons of water the truck held or how long the hose was. Most of them just wanted to touch the big red truck and climb on it and sit in it pretending to drive. As John helped them up and down his thoughts turned to little Samuel Danielson and what he remembered Dixie telling him as he drifted off to sleep that first time in the hospital. He was starting to wish little Samuel could be there at the fair when he felt a tentative hand brush his shoulder from behind.

John turned around in response to the touch and found himself face to face with Mrs. Danielson, her daughter standing respectfully at her side and the three boys already climbing into the hose bed of the engine. When Cap and Mike quickly took over supervising the children in the cab of the engine Johnny knew there had been a reason for his assignment.

"Hi, how's your leg doing?" John was unable to think of anything else to say.

"Fine, it's almost all healed up now." Mrs. Danielson was just as lost for words as Johnny was. They both turned their attention to the boys in the hose bed, all three of them holding onto a hose that Chet had obligingly attached a nozzle to. They were pretending to spray water on some imaginary fire as Chet supervised and told them that real firemen took turns being in front.

Both Johnny and the boys' mother laughed when the youngest of the three quickly pushed his way to the front.

"I won't be surprised if Samuel turns out to be a fireman when he grows up," Mrs. Danielson said softly. "He sure loves these big red trucks."

Not able to think of anything to say Johnny just smiled and fought to keep the moisture building in his eyes from spilling out.

"There are no amount of words or anything I could give to tell you how thankful I am for all that you did for me and my children," Mrs. Danielson blurted out while Johnny was still focusing his attention on the boys.

John turned to his guest and hesitantly placed his hands on her shoulders. "You just take care of those kids and do everything you can to be happy and enjoy your lives together. That's all the thanks I'll ever want. Just be happy."

John could no longer contain his tears but only a few snuck out and rolled down his face.

"We're going to be moving to the far north corner of the state." Mrs. Danielson wanted to give John the thanks he had asked for. "The social worker who's been working with us helped me find a job at an agricultural college up there. I'll actually be teaching classes on how to milk and manage dairy cattle and then in the evenings I'll be teaching gardening glasses to impoverished families as a means to supplement their food budgets. There's a day care and preschool right there next to the dairy barn for Samuel and a combination Elementary and Jr. High just across the road from the campus. I'll have housing and health insurance and my wages will be enough to get us by. I'll also be allowed to attend classes to finish my degree while I'm there. I know for someone like you this all must seem rather mundane but for me this is a dream job." Mrs. Danielson was releasing a few tears of her own.

Just then young Samuel was pulling on the reel hose when the reel it was rolled on moved with his efforts to pull. Samuel found himself falling face first over the edge of the engine.

Moving with the speed of a fireman, Johnny caught the young boy before he hit the ground. "Whoa there buddy, if you're going to be a fireman you need to learn to keep your feet under you not on top of you," John spoke as he quickly made sure the boy was unharmed. Once he was sure the child was uninjured John couldn't resist the urge to tickle the boy and soon his two older brothers were joining in on a wrestle and tickling match that ended with Johnny just pulling all three of them close and holding on.

"You boys just learn to be happy," John said through his tears. John turned his gaze to the girl standing respectfully next to her mother. "And that goes for you too, young lady. I want you to learn that being angry never accomplishes anything worthwhile, but love and hard work will make everything good possible."

"I want to see that fire truck," four year old Samuel said as he pointed to the snorkel truck and ran off. His older twin brothers ran after him and before Johnny was able to offer the hug he wanted to give to their mother, three mentally handicapped teens from a nearby group home tackled Johnny wanting the same treatment they had seen him giving the other boys.

With a silent tearful acknowledgement Mrs. Danielson and her daughter left in pursuit of her sons and Johnny wrestled with the other boys before gaining some control and starting to teach them some things about the engine. From time to time Johnny would look around till he found the Danielson family. They really looked like they were enjoying themselves, well, at least the boys were. Johnny was sure he'd never see them again after today and that left him with mixed emotions, but mostly he was relieved that things were working out for them.

-0-

Standing at the corner of the booth where his daughters were being fingerprinted and helped to create their own ID kits, Doug Kingston watched one particular fireman and the way he interacted with some of the children he was showing the fire engine to. His neighbor Charles Dwyer, had explained to him about the warning John Gage had received during his trial when he handed him a hand written apology for the pain and hardship he had caused.

Doug had long forgiven the paramedic who had taken his children. He realized when they were together in the elevator that John Gage had no memory of what he had done. The sleepwalking thing had been well explained to him not only by his neighbor but also by his therapist who was teaching him a lot about himself and why he was yelling all the time.

Letting his wife know where he was going, Doug stepped up to Charlie Dwyer and waited for him to finish his conversation with the other firefighter he was talking to.

"Oh, hi, Doug. Is there something I can do for you?" Dwyer ended his conversation when he noticed his neighbor obviously waiting to talk to him.

"Um, yeah, I would like to talk with Mr. Gage for a minute, and I um, thought if you walked over there with me we could make sure no one got in any trouble with the police or anything like that."

Charlie Dwyer gave a quick glance to Mike Stoker, whom he'd been talking with about John and how he was doing.

Mike gave a subtle nod of his head and both he and Charlie escorted Doug over to where Johnny was wiping a new set of sticky hand prints off the side of the engine.

"John," Mike reached out and placed a hand on Johnny's shoulder to get his attention.

"I'm cleaning it, Mike, don't worry; the last kids had chocolate bars and I didn't catch it until after they'd climbed on the engine." Johnny didn't turn around because he recognized Mike's voice so he just talked as he continued to rub the engine clean.

"Johnny," Mike repeated and this time John turned to look at his friend. He saw Charlie standing there too, then noticed Doug Kingston standing next to Mike.

"I wanted to talk to you for a minute." Doug spoke quickly before Johnny could say anything. "I was hoping that if these guys were with me you wouldn't be afraid and we could talk for a minute without getting the police involved."

"You didn't need to go that far," Johnny commented, "at least not on my account."

John looked over at Mike who had taken an 'at ease' stance, his feet apart, hands behind his back, eyes straight ahead, he was rooted to his spot and looked rather protective.

"It's alright, you guys don't have to stand guard, I promise I won't do anything and I more than deserve whatever he wants to do to me." Johnny tried to dismiss the guards but both men remained steadfast.

"It's nothing like that," Doug again spoke with a speed to his words that was less than casual. "I just wanted to say that there are no hard feelings. I understand what happened and I'm pretty sure you'd never do anything like that under normal circumstances."

"Thank you, and I'm still sorry for what I did, the circumstances don't make what I did right."

"Maybe not, but maybe your actions weren't all that wrong after all." Doug moved forward with what he really wanted to say and didn't stop now that he was taking, even if Johnny looked totally and completely confused.

"My dad was a drunk and he used to knock my mom and us boys around a lot, broke my arm twice, my brother's, too, and his leg once. I thought as long as I never drank any alcohol and didn't hit my wife and kids that I must be an okay dad. I never realized the harm I was doing to my kids or my wife by always yelling at them. The doctor who was taking care of you, he helped me find someone I could talk to. Someone who could help me to understand the things I just told you. They're trying to teach me how to hold a baby now. I've been spending time in a high risk nursery, filled with babies of mothers who took drugs while they were pregnant and now the kids are addicted. I thought my kids cried a lot but I'm learning differently. Most of all, they're showing me how to touch the babies and talk to them. No one ever did that before and I felt like a real loser because I didn't know what to do. All that stuff I said to you about how you should have handled that guy with a gun and I'm terrified of my own little babies. Now I'm even learning how to change diapers, if you can believe that. I'll tell you something else, after you've held a baby that's too sick to cry, boy, one that does sounds a whole lot different to ya, if you can understand what I'm saying."

"I can." Johnny offered a smile with his words.

"I still have a lot to learn but I'm starting. I kinda wanted to do this before but didn't know how or where to go about it. That doctor who was taking care of you got me started. Gave me some stuff to read about how my yelling all the time was hurting my kids. Look I didn't mean to take up all of your time I just wanted you to know that thanks to you I'm learning how to make some changes in my life, and even though what you did was a bit scary and all, it made a difference in my life that I never thought was possible."

Doug stopped talking; he'd run out of words to say. Johnny didn't know what to say either but he hesitantly offered his hand to shake. When Doug accepted it, he added. "I'm still sorry for what I did; thank you for forgiving me."

The two men were standing together in silence, neither of them knowing what to do or say next when the radios and public address systems came alive.

"Attention, all firemen and police officers, we have a missing boy." The announcement was followed by a description of the boy's size and what he was wearing and Johnny knew instantly they were looking for Samuel Danielson. John wasn't sure why but while the rest of the searchers were looking low Johnny looked high. Samuel Danielson was making his way to the top of the raised ladder on the ladder truck. He was two thirds of the way to the top and still climbing.

Before anyone else had seen him, Johnny grabbed two safety belts and made his way to the ladder truck. With his normal speed he had his belt on and the other over his shoulder and he was booking it up the ladder with a member of the ladder crew on his heals for backup.

Samuel was only three rungs from the top when Johnny caught up to him. "Hey there, Sam, my man, if you're going to be a fireman you have to learn how to use your safety equipment." John talked to the boy as he surrounded him with his own body the best his could to keep him safe while he placed the second safety belt around the boy and tightened it in place before shifting his helmet to the boy's head and tightening the chin strap to hold it in place.

"Wow," Sammy said as he turned his excited face to Johnny. "You can see everywhere from up here. I bet you can even catch a birdie up here."

"Well, not very likely." John smiled at his young rescue's enthusiasm. John then helped the boy up the last three rungs where he showed him the hose nozzle at the top and talked to him for a minute about how they used that piece of equipment to help put out a fire. "I'm afraid with all the water we spray on the fires that the birdies don't come anywhere near the top of this ladder."

"How big do I have to be to go to fireman school?" Samuel asked as John threw him over his shoulder. While he carried him down the ladder John told him how he needed to make sure he graduated from High School first with good grades and didn't get into any trouble.

Once on the ground John again gave into the itch to do some tickling before he unbelted his charge and handed him to his worried mother.

After checking her son over and properly chastising him, Mrs. Danielson placed him on his feet then turned to Johnny with the hug she had wanted to give him earlier. They both pulled apart in laughter when the twins stepped up to the ladder truck and asked if they could climb to the top now.

Hookraider was the one to say, "NO!"

-0-

John's first full shift back was a busy one but everyone could tell he was happy to be back. Still they were all watching him for signs of fatigue and to make sure he was handling his calls well.

Their last run before bed turned out to be a domestic violence case. The husband had been out with his friends at a bar watching some kind of a game and drinking. His team lost and he was in a bad mood before he got home to find that the garbage hadn't been taken to the curb yet. His son was trying to explain that there was a dog running around that kept knocking the garbage over when his father back handed him across the face knocking him over against a chair.

When the call came in at the station as a child down and announcing that police had been dispatched Hank told the engine crew they were going too.

When they arrived the boy was still unconscious on the floor, his cheek bruised and swelling and a large amount of blood coming from the laceration on the back of his head. Nothing unusual for a head wound but there was a lot of blood.

The whole way to the scene John had been very aware that the only reason the engine had accompanied them was to keep watch on him. Now that he was there Johnny was all business and quick to kneel at the boy's side.

"Cap, we're going to need a backboard and sandbags," Johnny called out the second his knees hit the floor.

Hank pointed a thumb over his shoulder and both Chet and Marco ran for the requested supplies. By the time they returned John was calling out vitals to Roy who was on the bio-phone talking with Dr. Brackett. While the paramedics worked on the boy the accompanying police officers had the parents in a corner talking to them. There was little that was said that could be heard loud enough to understand but the father was heard repeatedly saying he didn't mean to hurt him, and that he shouldn't have hit him.

An IV was ordered and started then the men started easing the boy onto the backboard and securing him in position.

"Nooo," the father cried out as he watched his son being strapped to the back board. The police officers who had been talking to him were now guiding the ambulance attendants through the front door. "What have I done?" The father then bolted for a back bedroom.

With full panic on his face, John sprung to his feet and followed. Before anyone knew what was happening, there was the sound of a gunshot followed by Roy shouting, "Johnnnnnny!"