Disclaimer: Angst-y. The chorus of this song is "I'll loose myself in anguish for tonight / Help me get over you." xD I never actually read the lyrics of this song til now. It's really depressing actually xD Also, it's the remix. I like remixes. It's really weird because the remix of this song is about a minute shorter than the actual song, but a lot less screamo. Yea, the remix is definitely better.

August 16, 2012

DSD 25: Apology (remix)

Sweat drips in my eyes
Screams of lust we cry
Tonight you are everything
You're everything…You're everything to me
No more as I wake from this perfect dream
I can not stay and live this lie
For I now must think
only of myself

"We can't do this anymore, Derek," Stiles panted coming down from the high of sex. He watched Derek's eyes bore into his and he couldn't remember any pair of eyes more beautiful. Stiles wished it could be different. Different somehow, anyway. But it wasn't.

"Derek, you know why this, us, can't be. We'll get ourselves killed like this. They–"

Derek put a finger to Stiles' lips as Stiles hovered over him with worried brown eyes. Stiles was so beautiful: his soft pink lips and soft chocolate eyes, his carefree smiles and lackadaisical moans when they thought they were alone. Stiles was the last person Derek could ever thought he'd fall in love with – first of all, Stiles was human and thus a threat to his survival. But, he did fall in love with Stiles.

Somewhere deep in Derek's heart, he wished he'd never approached Stiles, never fallen in love with him, never allowed Stiles to fall in love with him back because Stiles could have had a regular life with a regular human. He wouldn't know pain. He wouldn't have to meet Derek in the middle of the night and watch over his back for anybody who'd followed him. He could have had somebody who'd be able to hold his hand in public and maybe have a family with.

But, he'd chosen Derek, a poor choice in Derek's mind, and Derek hadn't pushed him away. Perhaps, in Derek's too innocent, too hopeful mind, he'd thought that love was all they needed, that somehow it'd all be okay.

…and to think that you would not be
Scared or surprised
I had severed all these ties
This is the end… (this is the end)

"We can't do this anymore, Derek," Stiles whispered as he stroked Derek's face, eyes full of sorrow, "They're getting suspicious when I disappear off in the night. They'll be onto you soon enough."

Shaking his head, Derek kissed Stiles' forehead. "Stiles, you're everything to me. I would never leave you."

"No!" Stiles shouted uncharacteristically, "You don't get it! They'll come for you, Derek, and I'm just holding you down. Because of me, me, they might be able to finally hunt you down and catch you. I can't let you die because of me... I can't! I won't." As he continued, his voice got quieter and he curled into a ball, feeling a panic attack coming on. Derek grabbed both Stiles' wrists and wrenched them from his face. Stiles looked full of fear and pain.

"They won't catch me, pup. Not now, not ever," Derek reassured Stiles, but Stiles just shook his head.

"If they knew, they'd use me against you and then they'd kill you and it'd be my fault. Let's end this before that happens. As long as you're alive, it'll all be okay," Stiles whispered, but Derek was more focused on his moving lips rather than his words and kissed him deeply.

I'll lose myself in anguish for tonight,
Help me get over you

"Derek! Derek!" Stiles panted, holding Derek's head tightly in the palms of his hands and deeply kissed him as they both buckled and groaned to the rhythm of their lust.

"Stiles, I love you," Derek whispered as he moved faster in need. They hadn't met each other in weeks for fear of getting caught. Stiles made sure that he wasn't being followed.

"Derek, I love you, too," Stiles hissed, eyes open to drink in any detail of Derek he'd missed over the last year he'd known him. This might be the last time they could meet. The hunters were getting closer and closer to Derek. The mattress felt harsh against Stiles' back, another reminder of their secret relationship. They could only meet in dingy shacks or far into the woods, keep their voices down, and pretend to not know each other any other time.

It was a lonely and harsh love, but Stiles wouldn't have it any other way. And now, Stiles had to push Derek away for his own safety. Stiles saw the hunters pass by his house more than once, probably

I feel so numb to see this bitter end
It has come to this
One last kiss
Broken pieces will not mend
to Save our past
to Save our past now

Derek strode through the wooden door of a cottage they'd used often to meet and found Stiles pacing the floor. When Stiles saw Derek, he immediately rushed to Derek.

"Why'd you come here Derek? Why?" Stiles screamed.

"You know why, Stiles," Derek stood in front of Stiles solemnly, but his eyes were swarming in emotion.

"I tried to warn you in the text. I tried! They have my dad, Derek, and I couldn't not do it! And–"

"I know, Stiles, I know," Derek nodded slightly. He'd known something was wrong the minute he read the text. It lacked everything that made Stiles, Stiles. He sounded sweet, not sarcastic, and seductive, not subtly charming. It didn't even have a single emoticon.

"I'm so sorry, Derek. I led them to you and now–!" Stiles held his hands in front of him as if he could already see the blood on them.

"Stiles, Stiles," Derek whispered, trying to calm him down. He pulled Stiles close and smelled Stiles probably for the last time. Stiles smelled like Stiles: sunshine bottled in a skinny warrior with a soft heart, wrapped up in sarcastic kindness. "I knew that this was a trap, Stiles."

"Then, why'd you come? Why'd you have to be so stupid?"

"Because if didn't, they'd have killed you and your father. Because I love you Stiles, why else?" Derek smiled a sad, charming smile that Stiles had fallen in love with, only it was sadder now. Sadder and it was as if Derek was saying his goodbyes. Stiles held onto Derek closer as if they both could melt into each other and disappear from all their problems.

"Derek Hale. You are under arrest for werewolfism and terrorism. Please step out of the house with your hands on your head," a voice yelled over a megaphone. Floodlights were pouring into the room, but Stiles wouldn't let go of Derek.

"Stiles, you have to let go. They can't see you like this," Derek breathed in deeply, "You have to say that I coerced you into meeting me. That I threatened you and your family and friends."

"No! Don't make me say that! Please don't!" Stiles shook his head in Derek's chest.

"You have to. Please. For me." Derek pushed Stiles away and held him by his wrists an arms length away.

(this is the end)

With vacant eyes, Stiles watched as Derek made to the door where undoubtedly, a dozen hunters waited for him to bring him in. Stiles looked around the room, seeing only memories of their relationship over the year. Derek stumbling over a small wooden coffee table numerous times. Derek adding some fire in the brick fireplace. Derek holding him close with a loose, woven red blanket on the armchair. Derek and him on the mattress on the floor as the moonlight fell on a perfect night.

Then, something in Stiles' head clicked. Something wasn't right with this situation. They told him they'd only bring Derek in for questioning, but they didn't need a dozen hunters for that, right? Multiple guns cocking answered his question.

"No, Derek!" Stiles ran towards Derek who was opening the door.

I'll lose myself in anguish for tonight,
Help me get over you
One last false apology,
Help me get over you

Stiles didn't feel the bullets that ripped into his body as he stood as a bodyguard between Derek and the hunters. Not all of the hunters had hit him and not all of them had fired shots, but the damage was done. Stiles fell into Derek's arms.

"Stiles, you idiot!"

"Derek, you gotta run."

"No! I can't just leave you."

"Remember what I said all this time? You remember. I told you I would never be the reason why you died. Don't let me be the reason you died."

"But that doesn't mean you can go and sacrifice yourself for me!" Derek's eyes started to fill with anguish.

"Haha. Well, it worked didn't it? Now the hunters are all running around, scared shitless that they hurt a civilian." Stiles coughed and could taste his lungs.

"Shhh, Stiles. Don't talk." Derek tried putting pressure on his wound.

"No Derek! I told you!" Stiles coughed. "You have to go! You have to run! You're important for the rebellion. I'm just another human–"

"You'll never be just another human, Stiles. Never." Stiles put a bloody hand to Derek's mouth.

"Shut up, Derek. You need to run. I will not let my sacrifice go to waste by letting you just stay here like an idiot."

"Don't say that, Stiles. You'll be fine. You'll be fine. You won't die." Derek chanted as he looked into Stiles' dulling eyes.

"Idiot. Don't count me out yet, I'm not dead yet. But I would if you died. So, run, idiot, run."

Tears in his eyes, rolling down his face, Derek nodded. "Who are you calling idiot, idiot. Getting yourself shot."

Stiles laughed a breathy laugh. "I love you Derek."

"I love you too, Stiles. But this isn't goodbye," Derek asked desperately.

Stiles scoffed and coughed at the same time, "Of course not. I'll see you around." Stiles patted Derek's cheek encouragingly. The last thing he saw was Derek's back jumping running towards the back door. Then he heard gunfire that didn't cease and a hunter saying, "I need back up and an ambulance! Derek Hale, that son of a bitch, used a human shield when he walked out of the house and now a human is in critical condition and Derek Hale has escaped. There are people chasing him but–"

In my mind
Blood drips from your eyes
A beautiful
Last goodbye

"The doctors say that he doesn't remember a thing. Not a goddamn thing. Not where Derek might be hiding his base. Not what his plans were. Goddamn it! I bet he must have placed the boy under a drug that's undetectable in primary lab results!"

"Go easy on the boy. He was used by Derek for about a year. It's lucky he doesn't remember anything. No trauma which is good. Who knows what the monster did to that poor kid. And worse still that Derek's still somewhere out there."

"Yea, sorry for blowing up on you. You're right. It's better he never remembered anything that monster did."

Hearing the conversation through the doorway, Stiles sat up straighter in his white hospital bed in his white hospital room and looked out the window. He had the IV taped to the back of his hand and drugs that made him sleepy pumped up in his system. Gently turning his hands over, Stiles remembered when he'd last kissed Derek and the last time he'd touched him.

He'd woken up days ago with full memory, but had refused to talk. He flinched at the officers' touches and hadn't eaten. They'd took that as a sign of trauma and probable memory loss. They didn't realize he refused to talk because he didn't want to say that Derek forced him to do anything and he didn't want to incriminate Derek either. He flinched at their touches because they were the ones who shot him and wanted to kill Derek.

It was easier to play the amnesiac. Everything else they thought, they assumed for themselves. It was easier for them to think that Derek brainwashed and raped Stiles than to think that Stiles willingly fell in love with Derek. In the back of his mind, Stiles was disgusted with himself for allowing everybody to think so lowly of Derek, but knew it had to be done.

Stiles had to grow up stronger and more powerful so that he could find Derek and help him. He didn't want to be a burden to Derek ever again. Stiles continued looking out the window. For now, Stiles had to live as if life was okay without Derek, but hopefully, some time in the future, they'd meet each other again and be together.

Stiles wasn't sure if it was idealistic or not, but he'd make it happen. He'd meet Derek again.

Word of the Day: impetuous (done without much thought)

Song of the Day: "Apology (remix)" by Alesana which is pronounced like "Alice Ana."

Hi, Curious6! Thanks for reviewing =]

PunkIggy: I'll write a Spanish drabble if you help me edit it ^.~

And kat: Derek's fighting for werewolf freedom.