Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer created it all.
I am extremely honored to announce that Full Moon Rising won in the Shimmers for the Pawn Award (Best Post Breaking Dawn). It is by no means a testament to my writing skills, but more to the fact that many of you went over to vote. I can only say that I am so appreciative. You cannot even imagine what it meant to find out about the award.
On a similar note, I received an email from the Giggle Snorts to say that the outtake story Family Tradition won runner up for the best Short Fry. I had no clue I'd even been nominated, so I very much appreciate whichever reader did so. The banners for the winners were hilarious!
For those of you that haven't heard of it, a CanonTour is being sponsored by solareclipses. It is a contest to generate more canon stories and is anonymous. Voting on the Pre-Twilight stories round begins September 1st. I plan to submit a story; as well as, some of the other great vampire authors I know. Please go over and give the site a visit. You can find information here:
http:/www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/3041014
or
http:/thecanontour (dot) tumblr (dot) com/
I ENCOURAGE you all to consider submitting stories…they can range from 2000 to 15000 words. I'll even supply my meager skills to anyone who wants my help.
Lastly, I'm not certain who nominated "Forever," my one shot, for the Emerging Swan awards, but I wanted to sincerely thank you. That story has a very special place in my heart, and I hate to admit (being a canon writer for the most part) that it is probably my favorite story of all the ones I've written. Please go check out the nominated stories.
A path is only a path and there is no affront,
to oneself or to others in leaving it if that is what your heart tells you to do.
Look at each path closely.
Try it as many times as you think necessary.
Then ask yourself one question.
Does this path have a heart?
If it does, the path is good,
if it does not it is of no use.
Carlos Castenada
Jacob POV
I'd been an ass for the past week, and I knew it. Poor Ness, I was going to have to make it up to her. I was sore as hell from all the walking I'd done at the funeral, and I'd just about caved during the night and asked her to get Edward or the Doc for some painkillers. The venom from the werewolf had just about done me in, and I'd only been bitten once. I shuddered to think what would have happened if I'd been tagged more than once. The wound on my leg had healed, but it was going to leave a nasty scar. At least before, when the newborn had gotten me, the damage had all been internal. This was my first battle scar, so to speak. I hope it was my last.
The sound of the birds outside had made me stir from sleep, and I turned my head to see bronze ringlets on the pillow beside me. She was most likely exhausted, having catered to my needs through the night. I sat up, barely holding back the groan that wanted to tear from me at the pain. I moved to the bathroom to take care of my morning ablutions and then hobbled back into the room, towel around my waist, to admire the angel gracing my bed.
She'd rolled onto her stomach, her arms trapping her pillow beneath her. Her hair was a chaotic, tangled mess spread across my pillow, her exposed back, and the bed beside her. I loved to get ensnared in the silky strands, to see it strewn across my dark skin, the fiery highlights glistening in contrast. Moving to the end of the bed, I admired the graceful arch of the dainty foot that stuck out from under the covers and smiled to see the delicate nail polish. Alice had gotten hold of her again. It wouldn't last long; the polish unable to truly bind with the impenetrable veneer of her nails. I knew, though, that Alice had done it to pamper my wife…while I'd grumped.
There was no time like the present to make up to her though. My leg still ached, but suddenly another part of me throbbed more.
I moved over to the bed, dropped my towel, and slipped myself stealthily onto it and put my hands under the covers, before moving my lips to her exposed leg, nibbling at the delicate arch of her foot. She twitched in her sleep, mumbling my name. I smiled, realizing that even in slumber, she recognized my touch. Placing soft kisses along the fine bones, I nipped her big toe, before sliding my hands slowly up her lower leg, enjoying the feel of her smooth skin underneath my fingertips. While nibbling the skin at the back of her knee, I registered the slow change in her breathing as she awoke.
The electricity in the room rose noticeably higher.
I smiled, realizing that she was waiting in anticipation to see what I would do. Using my fingertips to massage my way up her upper thigh, I skimmed over the perfection of her ass before wrapping my hands around her waist and down into her lower abdomen as I peppered kisses along her spine. She was tiny, having returned to her pre-pregnancy size. It still amazed me that she had not one single stretch mark and that her stomach was even more toned than mine. She'd always be this way…tiny waist, slightly flared hips, perfect firm breasts. I, on the other hand, could fall into pudginess if I didn't keep up the phasing, my body taking over when the magic faded. It was a good thing I liked being a wolf, I realized. There were worse things than being stuck in a youthful body with a wife who was more beautiful and perfectly formed than the world's top model. But, whether or not she'd looked like a goddess or whether she'd been plain…she was still my Ness…my imprint, and I would love her for the rest of eternity.
Nibbling up her spine, I came out from underneath the covers and moved the locks of hair to nuzzle at her neck, bringing her body to mine. My erection settled between the cheeks of her butt, and she moaned appreciatively.
"Good morning," she said softly, pushing herself more firmly against me.
My soft growl told her just how much I appreciated it.
"I'm so sorry I've been a grump," I said sincerely. "What can I do to make it up to you?" I asked quickly, sending my breath fanning across the sensitive skin of her neck.
She chuckled softly and moved her hand to come around and capture me. "Well, I have been doing all the work lately…" she left off suggestively.
Fire raced across my skin as she softly squeezed me. I couldn't control the shudder that shook me.
"I think I can make up for that," I said, barely recognizing the low, gruff voice that came out of my chest.
"Well, that is definitely a start," she sighed as I snaked my arms around her, taking her breasts in my hands. "Mmm…" she moaned as I rocked my hips into her and the ache in my leg was immediately forgotten.
"Mama and Daddy are anxious to talk with us about the babies," she murmured against the skin of my chest. Her lips were just above my still pounding heart.
"I'm sure your grandparents are just as anxious," I added.
"They'll just want to know that everything is going to be okay. I don't think they're going to be happy with what Quil told us."
"Me either, Ness. Me either…"
We heard the noises from below us begin to filter up, and she quickly threw on some pajamas, throwing me my sleep pants just in time. I'd barely gotten them on before the door burst open and William and Stefanie came running through it. They jumped onto the bed, carefully avoiding my leg, but still managing to squirm in between us.
"Nonno said we could come up," William said, grinning broadly.
I bet he did.
"William kept trying to sneak up, but he got caught every time," Stefanie tattled on him. Her bright green eyes ran across my face as if she was attempting to assess whether not I felt well enough to be up. As much as her coloring was mine, there was a way that she held her face, or at least narrowed her eyes, that was all Edward. It was easy for me now to imagine him as a green eyed human.
"Daddy, are you okay?" she asked.
I grabbed her, wrapping her into my arms so that I could blow raspberries on her stomach. As the sound of my lips against her skin filled the air along with her shrieks of laughter, I heard my two best friends stepping into the room.
"Daddy…" Nessie's voice called out over the girlish laughter "…I remember you doing that to me as a baby."
"You're still little enough for me to do that to you, Ness…" Edward threatened, his eyes glinting, and I felt Nessie go still beside us. She was incredibly ticklish and lived in horror of someone getting her. Usually the culprit was myself or Emmett. But this time, it looked as if Nessie might get stalked by her own father.
I peeked over Stefanie's thrashing body to see Edward approaching the bed and Nessie's panicked eyes. She started to leap out of bed just as he got to the side, but instead of grabbing her, he snatched William off her lap.
"NONNO…NO!" William squealed, but it was quickly cut off when Edward threw him over his arm, baring his stomach at the same time. Edward grunted loudly before attacking William's stomach. I chuckled as he interspersed his attack with comments on the stench in the room. I couldn't tell if William was laughing more from the ticklish attack or the acknowledgement of his new-found reign as the "King of stinkdom."
Bella sat beside Nessie, wrapping her arms around her daughter's shoulders. It was pleasing to see the contentment in her face as she watched her family. I felt a warm flush of peace surround me, knowing that she'd gotten the wish she'd shared with me so long ago. We'd gotten to keep each other, and we were a big happy family.
Edward chuckled briefly as we released the twins to fall onto the bed, allowing them to catch their breaths. Then he straightened up and surveyed me carefully.
"Jacob, how is your leg feeling this morning?" Edward asked quickly, assuming his doctor mode.
"I'm sore, but okay. You were right to tell me to keep moving last night."
He smirked, and I knew that he was about to be a smartass. "I usually am," he said.
I rolled my eyes at his pompous attitude, but it was hard to get mad at him since I knew he was teasing. It was also impossible to take him seriously because at the present moment William was crawling up his back like a monkey; pulling his hair like there was no tomorrow. Most individuals would have gotten annoyed at the persistence of my son, but not his grandfather. I snorted thinking of Edward that way, and he smirked in acknowledgement of the direction of my thoughts.
"Nonna, did Grandpa Charlie used to do that to you?" Stefanie asked Bella abruptly as she climbed onto Nessie's lap.
"Huh? I don't remember. I was just a baby when Renee left with me. I only saw him once in awhile and he isn't the most touchy-feely man I know…so to be honest, I'm not sure. I'll have to ask him," Bella laughed. "Can you imagine the feel of his mustache against your skin?" she asked waggling her eyebrows, causing Nessie, William, and Stefanie to giggle hilariously.
"Well, you'll get to ask him today," William pointed out. We'd be spending the day moving Charlie and Sue to the reservation. Bella nodded in affirmation.
But first we'd be meeting with all the others, to discuss what Ness and I had found out about Stefanie and William's propensity to venture into the spiritual world. It had pleased Sam immensely that, as a whole, the Cullens had automatically assumed that the wolves would be included in the conversation. I wondered if Carlisle really knew the honor he bestowed on them when he'd called Sam to arrange the meeting. It was actually hard to remember the long-standing distrust and hatred that had ruled us for so long.
"Allow me to help you up," Edward said politely, holding his hand out to me and pulling me to a stand. He then pulled several bubble squares from his pocket. "Some pain killers to take the edge off…if you need them," he indicated.
I held my hand out to him thankfully, but at the same time hoping I wouldn't need them.
"We'll meet you downstairs," Bella said softly, before turning to leave with her husband.
I smiled seeing them join hands before they walked out the door. She really had found the love of her life and even my only slightly enhanced human hearing heard her satisfied giggles as they walked down the hallway.
"I've got William and Stefanie," Ness said, giving me permission to begin the arduous task of making it downstairs.
The noise was deafening as my former and current pack mates attacked Esme's cooking. I wanted to laugh as I saw the guys shove at each other to get to the dishes. I remembered when they refused to come in the house; much less eat anything that Esme had touched due to our tribal animosity toward the "Cold Ones." Now, it was if they were immune to the smell. It was ironic that, as the mixing of our two groups occurred and we noticed less and less to support any hatred, my son would cause newborn vampires to avoid him because of his smell. I couldn't quite determine what might make him so much more intolerable to vamps than any of the rest of us, but I was glad he was.
"Jake! Come sit by me," Embry called out as I came into the room, patting an empty chair beside him.
Quil sat to his other side and was stuffing a large spoonful of an egg and bacon casserole into his mouth. It didn't even look like he'd breathed before another one went in. Paul and Sam sat opposite of them at the large table. They barely looked up from their plates as they wolfed down the food. Charlie sat at the other end of the table while Seth sat next to him. Sue, sitting at Charlie's other side had the grace to reach over and smack Seth's head when he reached over Charlie's plate to grab another biscuit.
"Manners!" she scolded him.
Seth attempted to look ashamed, but it didn't work. He was too used to he and I being the only ones at the table to eat. He was just attempting to make sure that he got his fill. Jared sat to his other side laughing, grabbing what he could all the while. Charlie just shook his head at the chaos and then reached around to catch Bella's shirt sleeve as she came in the room with another dish.
"Right here, Bells, or I might not get anything."
Bella rolled her eyes at him and proceeded to set the casserole directly in front of him and Sue. She kissed Charlie's forehead and continued back into the kitchen. A collective groan of appreciation went around the table when Rose, Alice, Esme, Anna, and Bella came back through the door laden with several hot dishes a piece. My love followed with baskets of biscuits and Carlisle followed up balancing jugs of orange juice and milk. The frenzy of the wolf packs softened when they realized there was more than enough to go around. I was still afraid someone would take a chunk out of the other, but at least for the moment a truce seemed to take place. Nessie swatted hands away as she made me a plate.
When she caught me looking at her in amazement she chortled. "Don't expect this kind of service much longer. I'm only pampering you until you're totally healed. Then you can fight them off on your own."
Sam grinned broadly at her words and the fact she'd just called me out in front of the others. When I saw his face as we heard the backdoor open and saw Leah come through it, I wanted to mess with him. He was actually pleased to see her, I realized. He slapped Paul's arm and made a pushing motion for him to make space, making room for her beside him. Man how things had changed.
She smiled as Paul hastily pushed his chair aside and Esme put a chair in the space. Leah, who was wearing a whit tank blouse and skort, sat down as Alice put another plate and fork in front of her.
"Sorry I'm late. I had to work to do after we left the get together, and I ended up staying up late. I had every intentions of being here early this morning…" she cut her eyes over to Esme and Carlisle "…but I overslept." She actually blushed, making me wonder what the hell was going on. Leah looked up to see me staring at her. "What's your problem, Gimpy?" she called out, causing the others to howl out in laughter.
"I was just wondering what could make you blush?" I challenged, wanting to know what would break through her tough-girl image.
Carlisle spoke up then. "I'd actually congratulated Leah on her first big win at the DA's office. She'd been assigned a particularly hard case and she really impressed them. She and I were talking about her next case. It's dealing with medical malpractice."
I realized then why Leah would seem timid. She'd had to rely on Carlisle and his vast medical knowledge to form the outlines and bsis of her prosecution against the defendents. It was hard for her to admit she needed help with this particular case as she was stubborn and persistent in getting the information she needed to win her cases I wryly quirked my lips as I noted her diffidence in contrast with her normal tough demeanor. . Our Leah… our "Bitch"…as the Volturi had called her. Before I could tease her, she asked, "Where are the little ones?" having realized that half the crew was missing.
Edward answered her. "Out in the back yard. Emmett, Jasper, and Henry have them. We made the boys let them eat first for fear of them not getting fed. Emily is watching over the whole group to keep Emmett, Jasper, and Henry in line."
"I'm not sure who has it worse then," she dead-panned, comparing the children/vampire group to the wolves.
Honestly, I was with her. I wasn't sure of the two which one I'd rather be in charge of. When Ness set the plate before me, I grinned at the helpings and then slipped a piece of bacon under the table to Fang. He'd been waiting patiently for me, so it was the least I could do. Nessie glared at me, knowing exactly what I'd done.
"Jacob Black! That dog is getting fat from all the table scraps."
"Nah! He's just building up muscle mass to deal with those vamps back home," I responded to her retreating back as she quickly walked back to the kitchen.
A second later, I heard one of the cabinet doors open up and the sound of the can opener. Fang's pathetic whine sounded throughout the room. His thoughts on the choice of real food versus canned dog food was very clear.
Jared laughed before adding, "I wouldn't want any of that nasty stuff either." He proceeded to sneak a piece of ham under the table. I heard Nessie's huff as she heard Fang chomping down on the offering.
"You know…I remember the days when this table was used for family discussions. Now we have a pack of dogs eating on it, and one hiding out underneath," Rosalie sneered from the doorway of the kitchen, her delicate nose scrunching in a disgusted manner.
"You're the one who added the leaves to the table, Blondie. If you didn't want company, you sure have a funny way of showing it," Embry retorted uncharacteristically, and Rose's startled gaze jerked to my brother.
The pack froze for a moment and all stared at Rosalie, unclear as to whether or not she was going to tear into Embry or not. I would've run had she given me the look she gave him.
Then Rosalie gave him a crafty look, her dark amber eyes glinting. "Embry, you know something…I just realized I have the answer to your dilemma. Did you get a good look at Nahuel's sisters during the battle with the Volturi? Maybe it was a Tanya/Nahuel thing…we were so distracted by the battle you didn't have a chance for that imprinting thing to happen. There are three of them…how many wives do the Quileute histories say the chief can have?" She looked to Sam for the answer, and he began coughing, having almost choked on the food he had in his mouth.
"They are quite attractive," Anna added in from the glass doors, snorting at the horrified look on Embry's face.
"If you don't leave me alone, I'm going to find the first girl I can and get married. It'll happen when it is supposed to…" he snarled out. As if his threat would impress them.
"Huh? I can help that process. Babe, hand me your phone, I'm sure I can get ahold of Tanya and convince her and Nahuel to come for a visit right now. We can hold him here until they arrive, with the three sisters in tow." Rosalie smiled politely as Emmett, having just walked in from outside, handed over his black smartphone.
I could tell that Embry wanted to throw a plateful of food at Rose, but out of respect for Esme he didn't. Instead he sneered, "Bring it on…"
Rose began laughing then, pleased that she'd riled him and tossed the phone back to Emmet, but true to form, the bickering lasted only as long as it took Embry to bring a forkful of food to his mouth. The table that the Cullens had mostly used for "family discussions" and which had been thoroughly pressed into service to support the wolf feeding patterns soon was empty of food and littered with pans and plates.
As if on cue, Henry, Emily, and the kids came through the door just as we all began carrying the dishes to the kitchen. I lightly pushed Esme out, promising that we would cleanup, and then followed her back into the dining room from the kitchen to ensure she would listen. Jasper was the last one in from outside and closed the door, cutting off the frigid air. I could tell that he seemed relieved and wondered as to the source, but of course Emmett was the one to enlighten us as Sam and Emily's kids pulled off their coats and hats with Henry's help.
"See, Jasper? They made it through playtime without bloodshed. You can breathe now," he teased.
I found it funny to see Jasper do exactly that. It was a poignant reminder that he would hold his breath for the possible event of blood being shed. I wondered in that moment if he still suffered from the almost undeniable thirst if he was exposed. Alice, however, seemed totally unconcerned.
"See, Jazz…told you everything was going to be fine," she trilled out before skipping over to twirl in front of him, so that he captured her by the waist to then lean their connected bodies back against the wall.
With that, the Cullens moved to their mates as if they were magnets drawn to each other. Emmett and Rosalie leaned against each other, as Anna and Henry took their place beside them, covering the wall space beside Jasper and Alice. Carlisle took the seat at the head of the table, with Esme to his side. Charlie and Sue resumed r seats next to them.
The wolves followed suit. Gabe walked over to Leah, standing beside her, placing his hand on the back of her chair…as grown up as a young boy could be. His sisters crawled up into Sam's lap, while Paul stood up from his seat to give Emily a space to sit by her husband. Rachel had remained at home with Nicole who'd woken up vomiting. I suspected she'd eaten one to many marshmallows at our celebration. The other imprints had remained home as well, allowing the wolves to attend the meeting without distraction. It hadn't been a sign of disrespect, just a result of a late night spent around the campfire at La Push. I could imagine each one of them rolled up in their beds, enjoying the time away from their snoring significant others. Emily, however, was the historian of our tribe, and her knowledge was as invaluable as anything we'd gotten from Old Quil.
I turned and smirked as I caught Bella sneaking a kiss from Edward. They'd remained in the background near the entrance to the kitchen, as if to reemphasize the tangible change in power here. I imagine that the freedom must be a heady thing for him. The look of adoration on his face would have pissed me off years ago, but now it made me happy…probably because of the way I'd spent the morning.
"Bella!" Edward said quickly in an undertone, and I observed her face as she broke from him and turned to glance at me. A bare twitch at the corner of her lip was the only sign as she protected my thoughts from him. Poor girl…always having to protect Edward from the big, bad wolf.
I heard Nessie chuckle as she came to stand by me, a toddler on each hip. They were getting so big, and she was so tiny that it almost looked comical. I pulled them both from her, resting them on my good leg. And as everyone around us settled for the conversation, even Fang decided to get in on the "discussion" by jumping quickly up on Charlie's lap. "Well, I guess we're all here," Charlie noted in humor, seeing the dog turn to Carlisle as if he was giving the patriarch the permission to begin.
Carlisle's golden eyes lit with contentment, and I wondered what his thoughts must be. Here in this room was the representation of all he'd ever hoped to acquire; a large family with of grand and great-grandchildren, his mortal enemies now friends, and Edward…a man who believed in his own soul and accountability. Even with the threat of another enemy and the unknown of William and Stefanie's gifts, Carlisle must be a man well pleased with his life, I realized.
"Don't look at me," he said softly. "Jacob and Renesmee are the center of attention in this moment."
And with those words I began to squirm…not from the slight throb of my leg, but because every eye turned our way. I shared a look with Nessie, then glanced around the table at each person before I began.
"We spoke with Old Quil before we moved everything to Volterra," I told them, but of course they knew that. "He knew it wouldn't be long, in fact he was surprised that he'd lasted long as he did. I think that he hung on by pure will long enough for us to see him, and we are grateful that he did so, because he told us a great deal about our tribe's legends of spirit-walking."
I remembered how weak he'd been, barely able to rasp out his words. I'd really wanted Edward to be there, so that he could see it all, but I'd known he was occupied with the chaos at the castle. "I'll let Ness tell you what he said, since she'll remember it perfectly," I admitted.
She smirked at me, knowing that I was avoiding the retelling, before she settled back into her chair and began. "You know that between you and Seth, you'd remember it all," she teased, before turning to look at her babies. "If not, William and Stefanie could." She wasn't giving me any slack and continued through my soft growl. Then her voice became firm as she recalled the conversation, echoing my Quil's intonations as he spoke our ancient legends. "You all know the stories of Taha Aki. And how he spirit walked; how Utlapa stole his body and destroyed his own body to prevent Taha Aki from rejoining the physical world, trapping him in the netherland between here and the spirit world; and how Taha Aki joined with a great wolf and was able to transform back into his own body, thus giving rise to our wolves." Nessie paused for a brief moment and gazed around the table at each of the wolves, taking their measure. "Grandfather Quil told us that, as we know, Taha Aki forbade the Quileute warriors from attempting to spirit walk because he'd been afraid that they would face danger from their bodies being stolen by their enemies, but that wasn't the only concern. Spirit-walking had many inherent dangers even before the potential for theft came to light, including the bigger possibility that a spirit might get lost along the way."
I felt Stefanie and William stir uncomfortably on my lap.
"Want to explain?" I asked softly, knowing that they would be able to synopsize Old Quil's concerns better than we could. The rest of the wolves looked steadily at us, waiting for more information.
William looked up to me, his big brown eyes solemn before glancing to his green eyed sister. He grasped her hand protectively, and then looked to Edward. A slight blush to his cheeks, William turned back around to me. "When I was with Stefanie, and we followed Nonna and Nonno to England on our spirit journey, I could see the shadow people...they talked to us," he admitted in a low voice.
I nudged him to continue. It was only then that he looked to his great-grandfather. "Angels and demons, Poppa. They were all around us."
"What…" Carlisle mouthed in shock, his eyes widening as he looked sharply toward Edward. I'd known that he and Edward would find this bit of information intriguing. As if they needed anymore proof to make their beliefs tangible.
"Light and darkness," Stefanie added, as if that should explain it all.
I looked to Nessie to spill the beans.
Seeing my look she jumped in, knowing how Edward and Carlisle must be feeling. "Spirit walkers are like shamans; they have to be chosen, according to Grandfather Quil. These shamans walk in the otherworld to commune with the souls around us in order to maintain the harmony between the tribe's spiritual and physical needs. Grandfather Quil proposed that the reason Stefanie and William's gifts to see beyond were so vibrant initially was because, in effect, the spirits haven't had the ability to commune with us in so long because of Taha Aki's edict. Specifically he said, 'Once a shaman is called, he or she will develop a relationship with the other person serving as a guide, who will work with and through the chosen one or ones and reawaken that which is needed.' He wouldn't explain any further, or couldn't…I'm not sure which."
Edward had forgotten all about attempting to stay in the background and came forward to kneel beside me.
"William, Stefanie…let me see, please. Take me back to the visions you had when you followed Bella, Demetri, Heidi, and me."
He closed his eyes to focus on their thoughts and William and Stefanie grew unnaturally still, as only vampires can. They were like perfect sculptures, honed to perfection by a famous artist. Just a foot from them was another perfectly still, perfectly formed and pale marble masterpiece. I'd never seen Edward this way. It was eerie. My eyes remained glued to him as they remained still for several long moments, wondering what he saw in their thoughts. I couldn't quite put a word to the look on his face when he opened his eyes, with a completely black gaze when he looked at the twins.
"You can't go there again…promise me! It isn't safe!" he hissed out.
"Edward?" Carlisle said softly, attempting to calm him.
I was amazed to realize that Edward was shaking. The Burning Man had returned…
"They didn't just see the world from the bird's perspective, Carlisle," Edward muttered agitatedly. "It is like William said; like and dark shadows swirled around them as if they were waiting for an opportunity to attack. It was almost like Van Gogh's interpretation of the afterworld…I could see the specters…and there were many!...howling above their heads. Carlisle, if they were to become distracted by one of them…" he left off, unwilling to give voice fully to his fear…our fear…that they would become lost.
"But we were together and we were okay…" William started and then halted quickly at Edward's glare. "Well, at least until the end," he squeaked out.
"Edward, you aren't going to be able to stop it from happening," Seth interjected quietly but firmly. "They are as much captive to their gifts as you are. At least Bella can shield you, but for them, they aren't as lucky. Old Quil…he said that they were chosen? So something has determined to use them, and we can't stop it. It will happen whether or not we want it to. All we can do is help them somehow."
"How do you propose that to happen?" Edward snarled at him in frustration. He stood and started pacing.
"You," Seth said gently, stunning Edward into silence. This was the crux of what I'd known would be the unfairness of it all. "You just followed the journey in their thoughts; you heard Stefanie…or at least partially heard her, and you sensed her spirit within the raven." Seth glanced over to Carlisle seeing his worry. "I know it's unfair, Edward. You have to deal with Aro's mess of memories and now this, but you're the only one that can do it. And Jasper too…" he said, looking over to the quiet vampire.
Jasper straightened from where he'd been reclining and moved closer to us. "Me?"
Seth nodded his head sympathetically. "Yes, you sense their emotions when they are asleep, right?"
Jasper nodded his head sharply.
"You can influence them, make them brave. And more importantly, if you ever felt them growing weak, you could tell us, so that Edward can help bring them back." Seth noted. "I think that's the only way we can figure out how to do this spirit walking journey safely. It is what Old Quil suggested. They'll grow stronger as they practice, and hopefully they won't need you long to learn how to handle their gift. "
Emily stepped in then. "Our stories indicate that our medicine men, our shamans, had companions whose primary responsibility was to keep them oriented to the physical world, but I don't know much about how those individuals worked to keep their shamans grounded here in the physical world." She paused, and turned her scarred face toward Jasper, and then Edward. "Usually it was someone who was close to the chosen one…that could hopefully reach them if the demands of their journeys became overwhelming. Your bond would be much stronger…" she left off, speaking about Edward's and Jasper's undying love for my twins and their ability to know exactly what was occurring.
Edward raked his hands through his hair.
"Nonno?" Stefanie said quickly, drawing his attention back to her and William.
He gazed in adoration at her and William before his face twisted. "I'm nobody…a nothing. I shouldn't even be in the position I am, and certainly I should not be the life line for Stefanie or William." He was tortured as he looked back to them. "I can't do it. I'll fail and the consequences of that are inconceivable." He spun toward Carlisle. "Please…" he begged his father.
Carlisle began to say something, and it was obviously not something Edward wanted to hear, because he snarled loudly and then walked swiftly out of the room and through the door outside. I could see that he blurred back and forth in the back yard in agitation.
"JASPER?" Bella called out, already following her husband.
"He's scared, Bella," Jasper responded, but we wondered if she even heard him. Carlisle was hot on her heels.
"Daddy?" William looked to me, confusion clear in his tear filled eyes.
"Your Nonno loves you so much that he is afraid that he'll let you down. He doesn't want to disappoint you, or do anything that might hurt you."
"But he would never do that…never," Stefanie emphasized.
"I know, Stefanie. I know. But Edward has to come to that conclusion himself," Esme said softly.
Seth had moved quickly to the window, and I grinned when I heard his words. "Looks to me like Carlisle and Bella are doing a good job of helping him."
"He'll be fine," Alice said softly. "Edward just doesn't believe in himself, so we'll have to do it for him."
Edward POV
I heard them coming and wanted to snarl. Of course Bella and Carlisle would follow. I cinched my hands in my hair, wanting to scream out loud. I couldn't do it; I didn't care what they said. It was too much. I would never forgive myself if something happened to William or Stefanie. What about the others…I couldn't handle any harm coming to them either. Worry about everything crowded in upon me, and glimpses of my life over the last year or so ran in a jumble through my brain. I felt totally incompetent and weak; they were crazy thinking I could be in charge of anything…Carlisle needed to take over at Volterra, with Emmett and Jasper. Jacob and Seth needed to find someone who could help the twins, and I needed to just go hide. This was me they were talking about…boy who breaks his girl's heart and starts an immortal war. Only Cullen child to leave the house and actively pursue a traditional vampire lifestyle, making my father and mother mourn.
I turned, digging up chunks of ground as I spun on my heels, beginning my next traverse across the back yard. Carlisle stood patiently just to the side of the path in the ground I'd made. I wanted to curse him and his patience. Bella moved to stand by him, and I almost wanted to even growl at her…at the love and understanding on her face.
Couldn't she remember all the things I'd messed up? Images of James, her haunted face in the aftermath of my departure from Forks, her mother's broken body…it all rushed into my mind. Of everyone, she should know what a screw-up I was. What was with them…were they masochists? Did they enjoy the pain I'd inflicted on them?
Nessie's and Jacob's face ran through my mind, with William and Stefanie's quickly following. I thought of Stefanie's namesakes…men who'd died, albeit gloriously, to insure my family's safety. That had been true sacrifice, and even though most would have seen it as a move solely motivated by revenge, I knew differently. Vladimir and Stefan had died to protect Henry and Nessie, as much as to settle the wrong that had been done to them.
Spinning again, I saw Carlisle attempting to catch my eye, and I snarled back at him. HE…he could do no wrong. It was as if he was God. His perfection in this moment irritated me, because it was an absolute contradiction to the mess that was me. Why he'd thought I could ever take care of the family, much less attempt to do right by the vampire world was beyond me. Maybe he really wasn't God, because God wouldn't make a big mistake like that. So perhaps, he was just a fallen angel. I felt like I did when I struck out on my own when it was just Carlisle and Esme for my family. I hissed.
Angels and demons, William had said. He was right; they'd swirled around them in droves, shadows of dark and light.
Another turn and I thought of the beings inside the house. The contrasts of the shadows in the afterworld reminded me of them. Our family…which is how I saw all of them now. We were contradictions of light and darkness both literally and figuratively. Mixes of pale and dark skin, hues of clean and soiled souls. What was it the Bible said…and I will be clean as driven snow. I realized then something I hadn't picked up on in William and Stefanie's thoughts. It was the faint glow around each of us…our souls as they'd labeled them, and I couldn't help but agree.
And that was yet another egregious error of mine! All the angst I'd brought to my and Bella's life over it, and it had been there all along. I'd just been too stubborn to see it.
Bella stepped in front of me this time, bringing me to a halt. "Stop," she said softly.
"Love, I can't…" then I snarled softly in frustration. Couldn't she see…didn't she know. I was a screw-up. Worry made me frantic, and it was if the waves of uncertainty crashed against my body like angry waves crashing into the shoreline at La Push. I felt my former self-loathing attempting to return with a vengeance, battering my mind.
"Edward, shush." Bella's golden eyes bored into mine as she grasped my hands firmly. "Yes, you can. I know you can. But if you don't want to, or think it will be unbearable, you don't have to. We'll find another way to help them. They wouldn't want you to be in pain. Not for anything."
Damn…she had to say that. Because in reality, I knew they wouldn't. But my babies would be in pain and possibly lost in a treacherous world if they fell victim to their gifts. Seth had been right, they couldn't control it. Couldn't control that they had the gifts, couldn't control their gifts, and certainly couldn't control the things that could hurt them. My fear was not that I would hurt them; it was that I would fail them. And…wasn't I failing them anyway, for not trying. In reality, it was the way I could let them down the most.
A terrified sob tore out of me.
"Son…"
I groaned at hearing The Voice, but a deeper part of me thrilled to be the recipient of his focus. It had been awhile since I'd received a Carlisle lecture. What could I say; I was still a boy at heart. I realized in that moment just how idyllic my years had been in a way, and another distorted justification for my hissy fit fell away. He deserved my allegiance and my care. I didn't want Carlisle to have to be responsible. It was my turn to shoulder the burden. I'd only been responsible for just less than two years and like the spoiled child I'd been, I was whining.
I closed my eyes, shutting out his concerned face.
Doesn't work, you know. I'll just keep talking, Carlisle thought humorously. I saw my own face from his perspective.
My groan only made him chuckle.
I opened my eyes and only as a child secure in their place with their parent, I glared at him. "Carlisle, I don't deserve the trust you place in me. I'm a wreck."
NO…
"Yes, I am!" I insisted. "I am barely hanging on through 'Aro's mess,' as Seth so aptly labeled it. They are too important to risk. I just wished there was another way, with someone who deserves the trust you are granting me." I pulled my hands from Bella's grasp and waved toward the house, then ran them through my hair again in frustration.
He stepped to me then and placed his hand on my shoulder. "Edward, you are entirely capable of everything you doubt at this moment…a place in leadership and the care of your family. Everyone has moments of uncertainty. It is what helps us remain accountable, to ourselves and others. Truly, I would worry if you weren't skeptical about your capacity to handle all this. Son, it is what makes you a good leader. I know you worry that you'll turn into Aro or Caius."
I startled at his words, at how truly perceptive he was.
He chuckled at the look on my face. "Edward, I don't have to be talented to know my son…or any of my children. That is part of being a parent. If you weren't gifted, I think you would be amazed at how much you would still intuitively know about Renesmee. You fear that the power will take over…that you'll succumb to its lure, to its temptations. Deep in their hearts, doesn't every man and woman have the same fear? But that is where we are strong; you aren't alone. You have a large and loving family who are behind you all the way. We will always be there for one another, and I trust that you will rely on them when you need them. I trust you."
"I trust you with my life," Bella added quickly. "I trust you with theirs," she said of the twins.
"I'm afraid, and I'm not scared to admit that, and you have more faith in me, than I do." I confessed to them both.
Bella reached out to grab my hand, and I felt the peace settle over me as soon as we touched. My angel…given to me by Fate. She pulled my other hand out of my hair, and it was then I realized that I'd continued to tug on the long strands in my agitation. A moment of clarity washed over me. Fate? Wait… I ran back through William and Stefanie's memories.
"Carlisle, Bella, come with me," I begged, dragging my wife behind me, suddenly intent on seeing something.
Stefanie and William were standing at the window when we stepped up onto the porch. They watched me solemnly, and I could hear their thoughts. They knew I hadn't been upset at them, but they were sad that I doubted myself. Alice's thoughts raced through their minds. So Alice was going to believe in me until I could believe in myself, huh? She grinned at me in astonishment, seeing what I was about to tell them.
"William, when you became disconnected from Stefanie…how did you find your way back?" I asked softly as we stepped into the room again. "We didn't have anyone calling to you. You were alone…" I left off, encouraging him.
Pulling Bella with me, I dropped down onto my knees on the floor in shock, when I heard him formulating his thoughts.
William spoke. "She knows you, right? The pretty lady?"
A visions of a ghostly woman filtered through his mind. It was her. It was the mischievous, smiling angel I had pictured. Fate.
"Yes, William. She does."
"Who is she, Nonno?"
"My angel." As soon as I'd recognized the back of the blondish hair in his memories, I'd known my course was decided. "She's trieded to get me to make the right decisions, kept me from giving up and from committing suicide, and she helped me finally come to peace with my soul. It would seem she is intent that you also are taken care of."
"Well, she told me everything was going to be all right and took my hand. The next thing I knew I was in bed beside Stefanie," he said in a soft and hesitant voice.
Carlisle growled lowly beside me, and I realized that I'd never told him the stories, so intent was I at keeping him from knowing the mental instability I'd thought I was experiencing.
"You will explain!" he demanded softly of me. His level of composure was misleading. He was furious and his thoughts overwhelmed me in their pain. When will he ever trust me…
"I trust you," I refuted his internal thoughts with the words he'd just given me. "I was being stupid, which we all know has happened once or twice in my life." I shrugged my shoulders in admission.
This earned a round of chuckles from everyone in the room and Carlisle's forgiveness as he realized I was being honest. I reached up and pulled him down into the floor with me, symbolically letting him know I wanted him near. So, as the twins crawled into my lap, I proceeded to tell them all…my thoughts and flights of imagination and how Fate had directed my life. It was cleansing in a way to reveal everything. And the entire time, I had two precious bundles sitting with me, a loving wife behind me, my father to my side, and family surrounding me. Individuals who would attempt to move the earth for me if needed. The words spilled out of me, tumbling like water over rocks in an effort to be released before I could dam them back up inside. When I finished and Bella laid her cheek against my back, I felt the most profound relief. I'd been laid bare, and it was a liberating experience.
The forest raced below me, deep green and verdant, and I felt the wind racing across my face. The tops of the evergreens swayed lightly in the breeze, and I could smell their distinct scent mixing on the wind along with the smells of the salty ocean water and the nocturnal animals that began to stir from their nests to brave the frigid weather in search of food. I could hear the waves of the ocean crashing close by and realized that we were near the cliffs. Deep within the forest, I heard a wolf howl, and suddenly I was headed in that direction. Sweeping through the trees, I marveled at the feeling. A heartbeat caught my attention, and the direction altered again. A raven, I realized. It was sitting on the top of one of the trees. Its nest was most likely on one of the cliffs nearby. The bird squawked when it sensed us near, almost like it was beckoning us.
"Stefanie?"
"Come, Nonno, he wants us to join him…"
Then, my whole view changed, and I realized I was seeing the world through the eyes of the raven as it flew through the trees, its great wings flapping, causing us to soar. We broke above the forest canopy and the view was majestic. A full moon hung in the sky, wisps of clouds floating lazily in front of it casting various shades of grey across the land. In the distance, I could see the light reflecting off the water, but we vaned our wings to veer downward and began racing along the tops of the trees intent on finding the wolf that had called out into the night. It was exhilarating. We were flying…literally. I'd always wondered as I watching the bald eagles fly how it must be to have such freedom. Now, I was experiencing it firsthand. I briefly wondered how the bird could handle our three minds in it.
"Nonno…its fun, isn't it?" William's thoughts came softly.
"Yes!" I answered enthusiastically.
A break in the trees ahead seemed to be our destination, and then I saw them…Paul, Sam, and Jared. They were in a clearing near the cliffs, romping. We flew down to soar between them, and I caught their startled thoughts.
Stefanie? William? The collective thought ricocheted through my head.
We squawked back at the question, and I wanted to laugh at their next thought.
Hope Edward is with them, or they are in so much trouble.
Another squawk in answer and I heard Sam's response. Excellent.
C'mon, follow us, was the next reply and we were off, chasing them through the forest as they ran.
We moved with the pack, circling the reservation. I heard Charlie's snoring as we swept softly on our wings by his and Sue's house, her old house. The rhythm of Sue's heart was soothing. Certainly they had to be tired after the move, but I knew that at least here they rested in peace and security. Each home in La Push was checked for the evening before we turned to the beach. There, as we circled high above, we were witness to the frolicking wolves as they jostled each other amidst the waves breaking onto First Beach. The moonlight glistened off the water that covered their coats, and I marveled at the joy they experienced from letting the feral nature of the beast within them take over. I wanted to laugh in delight at the exuberance of the fighting and play. It came out as gurgling croak.
We rose and then dove toward the surface of the water. Skimming across the waves, I noticed the shadows moving just below the surface. Aquatic nightlife that filled the waves in search of food. A squawk filled the air as the talons of our feet grabbed just below the surface to come up empty. A frustrated cry filled the air as we bemoaned the lack of food and then a yip captured our attention. Jared had caught a fish and threw the flopping animal into the air. A sense of savage excitement filled me as I felt my talons sink into the thrashing body…my avian mind remembering other such victims.
We were flying again, leaving the wolves behind to finish out their play before returning to their wives and families. The rocky cliffs just south of the beach were our destination. Another bird rose in the air to meet us…the raven's mate, I realized. Within seconds, the two shared the meal, their beaks greedily devouring the flesh of the Kingfish. I was amazed at the taste of the salty meal. It made my venom flow as I was able to enjoy the meal vicariously through the raven. The bird we'd joined with stood back for his mate to finish what was left, and I could feel the connection between them. A piece of information flowed through my mind, and I remembered reading that ravens also mate for life…how ironic.
When the female had finished what her mate offered, we took off in flight again, angling back into the forest. A din of noise ahead of us seemed to draw the raven's attention, and we moved in that direction. I was startled to see a teeming mass in the trees ahead of us and realized that it was a massive group of ravens pressed together, the black and purple of their wings reflecting in the moonlight eerily. We moved toward the group, and I felt the sense of safety when we flapped our wings to land on a branch buried deep within the mass. They'd huddled together for safety and warmth, I realized, banding against the enemies of weather and predators.
It was strangely symbolic of what we were doing, and it was with that realization that I felt us being tugged away from the raven as if an unseen force had forced our spirits apart. Stefanie, William, and I were soaring back through the woods, and it was bare moments before I saw our white house appear before us in the foggy mist. Then we were in the room, and I saw Stefanie and Williams cuddled to my sides, my arms around them as we lay on the bed. It looked as if I was asleep, but that I knew that was an impossibility. Feeling a moment of disorientation, I slowly opened my eyes to see the faces of my family looking down at me, Jasper in particular smiling slightly as he registered the emotions emanating from the three of us.
"Edward?" Bella said softly, attempting to keep from waking the twins.
I felt the blaze of their hybrid bodies against me and slowly moved to disengage myself from them, having become entangled in their arms. They rolled to one another as soon as I vacated the space between them, William wrapping his arms around Stefanie protectively even in sleep as Seth pulled a blanket up around them to effectively form a cocoon.
I couldn't contain the blaze of excitement that raced through me as we all moved to the far side of the room to talk in murmurs.
"It worked, Jasper, for you to relax us that way." He'd worked his gift to sedate us, producing an almost sleep-like state in me.
"What was it like?" Henry asked excitedly.
"Amazing, enthralling… and disorienting, I must admit," I let them know. I then filled them in, in detail, on everything that had occurred.
Carlisle quickly caught onto the symbolism I'd noticed. "Ravens mate for life as do us and the wolves. And in this walk, you saw the raven running with the wolves and them taking care of each other. In the end, the ravens huddled together as they do in the winter, joining in mass for safety." His golden eyes blazed at the information. "So it would seem that this vision wasn't sent as much for guidance as confirmation that we are doing the right thing."
I looked around to all those around me and saw their agreement.
"Man, I've never envied you your gift, Edward, but I have to admit in this instance I do," Emmett sighed. "What I wouldn't give to be able to fly like that."
His comment brought on a whirlwind of similar comments, and I grinned through it all. I knew not to expect every "trip" to be as fun, but I had to admit it, it was if Fate knew to throw me a boon before throwing me into a horrific nightmare. As Bella wrapped her arm around my waist, she smiled to hear William mumbling in his sleep.
"Come, let's go to our room," she whispered. We'd moved back into the house to be near the twins in the event that they decided to go off on an adventure on their own. "You've had a long day, and I think a back rub is in order."
The rest of my family snorted at the likelihood that the evening would stop with a back rub. I grinned at them as we exited, fully hoping that their thoughts would come true. The rush of my adventure with my grandchildren still flowed through me, and I had some clear ideas as to how I could funnel that energy. Unhappy with Bella's pace, I picked her up throwing her over my shoulder, much to the other's delight.
"Keep it quiet," Jacob called out. "Don't wake the babies…" he hooted.
I saw Bella stick her tongue out at him from his thoughts, but I flew down the hallway to our room, intent on finding my own little piece of paradise.
To my wonderful betas – I've forever said the same things about them – but I couldn't imagine a finer pair to whip me into shape:
Cold One Paul: Even with his incredibly busy life, he takes the time to make me sound so much more intelligent. Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy life to help me with this fic. You are amazing!
Crmcneill: Not only does he manage a red pen and the English language with the proficiency of an anal retentive autistic, he also manages to drive me half mad on a regular basis. For all the chaos you have in your life, you are a constant source of support. I can't even find the words to thank you.