When I calmed down, I walked out of my room to get a glass of water. As I was making my way down the hall, I heard Daryl and Merle talking about me. I stopped to listen.

"I don't know what the hell happened to her." Daryl said. "She used to be such a sweet little girl."

"I know." Merle said.

"We used to be so close, now…it's like we can't even stand to be in the same room."

I became saddened. It's true.

"Maybe cause ya babied her so much."

"I didn't baby her." Said Daryl.

"Ya kinda did."

He sighed. "Well, I don't know what to do with her anymore."

"We could kick her out." Merle said nonchalantly.

Merle?

"I can't believe I'm sayin' this, but…I'm just about ready to."

I gasped.

Daryl? You would really do that?

They started talking about something else, but I wasn't listening. All I could think of was my brothers throwing me out the door.

I waited for a quiet moment then I walked out. They both looked at me. I just went into the kitchen and got some water. I didn't say anything or even look at them. They stayed quiet until I left. I went right back into my room.

I can't describe this feeling I have right now. I just feel like…shutdown. I gotta stop being such a stupid bitch.

The next morning, Daryl and Merle were no where to be found. I didn't sleep in that late. Where could they be? I looked around to see if they left a note or anything, but I didn't find anything. Oh well.

I took this opportunity to do something nice for them. I decided to make a cake. I gathered all the ingredients and got to it. I contemplated writing I'm sorry on it but just decided not to. I sat it on the counter when it was finished.

I sat down for a little and waited. They didn't come home so I decided to do another project. I started cleaning the house. I picked up little things and tidied everything up. I did the dishes and took the trash out.

That took up a good few hours. They still weren't home.

Around five in the evening, I decided I would make a nice dinner for all of us. I figured they would definitely be home by then. I set the table, made everyone their plates and sat down.

I waited for as long as I could. I reheated the food several times. I just decided to eat my dinner, they could still enjoy theirs when they got home.

I finished my food and did my dishes. I waited some more, I watched it get dark, but they never came home.

I wrapped their plates with plastic wrap and put them in the fridge.

I sat on the back porch with a cigarette. Maybe they just went on a run. Daryl sometimes comes in real late. Maybe something bad happened. No, don't think like that. Maybe they realized that they are better off without you, and they took off leaving you behind. No! They would never do that me! They just talked about kicking you out last night. I started breathing heavily. I felt like I was going to throw up.

Then, I got that feeling that I had last night. I leaned back and everything else around me began to blur. I looked at the cigarette in my hand. What if I just…I moved it closer to me leg. I gasped at the pain. It hurt very bad but I didn't stop. I grimaced then did it again in another spot. It hurts so bad but I love it! I kept doing it. I made a complete circle on my leg and filled it in.

Breathing heavily, I looked at my creation. If anyone saw it, they would know what I did. Good thing I could hide it.

I took a bath after that to try to relax and calm myself down. The hot water made my burns feel worse. I started crying very hard. I couldn't stop. I sobbed loudly.

I finally got out and put clothes on but my mind wasn't working right.

I opened my closet door and went inside. I laid down on the floor. That's where I slept that night.

I got up the next morning, I went into the kitchen to eat something even though I wasn't hungry. Daryl and Merle were in the living room. Neither of them acknowledged me. I noticed the cake on the counter wasn't touched. I opened the fridge and the food I made for them was still on the plates, untouched. I became very sad. I slowly closed the door and went back to my room. I can't even eat now.

I laid on the bed and cried for a long time then came that feeling again. I glanced over at my knife on the end table and had a thought. I picked it up and stared at it for a long time. I held it to my wrist and started breathing very heavily.

Just do it! Do it! Do it!

No, I can't do it. I took it away from my wrist. I should get some water or take a shower or something to help calm me down. I got up and tripped over the blanket hanging off the bed. I screamed as the knife sliced in between my middle and index finger. It was bleeding pretty hard.

I ran to my bathroom and put it under cold water from the sink. I frantically looked for bandages and stuff, but I didn't have any in my bathroom.

I ran to Daryl's room and checked his, he didn't either. I started crying because it was really starting to hurt.

I walked out to the kitchen. Daryl was sitting on the couch doing something with his crossbow. I was looking around but trying to be quiet. I wasn't having any luck finding anything. I slammed one of the draws harder than I wanted to. I sniffed and a sob escaped.

"What are ya lookin' for?" Daryl said.

I didn't answer right away. "Where do we have like b-band-aids and stuff?"

"Should be in the hall closet."

I sniffed again and wiped at my tears, I tried to hide that I was crying by keeping my head down.

"What wrong?" Daryl said standing next to me. I didn't even hear him walk over.

I slowly turned around, Daryl saw all the blood running down my arm from my hand.

He gently took my hand and immediately brought me to the sink and turned the cold water on, he held it under the water for me.

"What happened? What did ya do?"

I sniffed. "I was…c-cleanin' my knife and I tripped." I lied. Another sob escaped.

"Keep it under the water." He directed. "I'll be right back."

I took a deep breath and calmed down.

He came back and sat some bandages and rubbing alcohol on the counter.

"Let me see." He turned the water off and took my hand, he examined the wound. "It doesn't look too deep, I don't think you'll need stitches."

I nodded.

"Here, this is gonna burn." He poured a little alcohol on it. It didn't sting that bad. The alcohol made it bleed more, he held some paper towels on it until the bleeding slowed down. Then he wrapped it for me.

"Ya okay now?"

I nodded.

"Ya gotta be more careful."

"Thank you." I said quietly.

He patted my back.

I sat down on the couch and cried some more.

"I thought ya said ya were okay?"

"I am."

"Then why ya cryin'?"

I didn't respond, just continued to cry.

"Does it hurt?"

I shook my head.

"Well…are ya scared or somethin'?"

I shook my head again.

"Then what is wrong?"

I didn't say anything.

We sat there for a while not talking. I continued to cry.

"Le…go lay down."

I got up without hesitation and went to my room.

I laid there for a while and cried, eventually I fell asleep.

I woke up at some point because I had a bad dream. I quickly sat up in bed. I was breathing heavily and sweating.

I tried to calm myself down. I glanced at the clock, it was 3:30.

I couldn't get back to sleep after that, my dream really bothered me. It was about my daddy. I've been having a lot of those lately.

I wonder what Daryl would do if I got in bed with him? I used to do that all the time when I was little. Surely I'm too old for that now. But…do I really care?

I got up and walked across the hall, quietly I opened his door. He was laying on his side facing away from me. I tiptoed in and got into his bed as quickly and quietly as I could. He didn't wake up. I put my arm over him and got comfortable. I smiled; I missed this. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

Things were better for the next few days. No one argued and we were all nicer to each other.

The one day, the three of us were all chilling in the living room. We were talking and there were actually a few laughs. It was definitely one of those better days.

"So, I gotta ask Le." Merle said. "Are ya done bein' a bitch?"

I rolled my eyes. "Are you?" I smirked.

"I never was."

"Ya made me walk home in the pourin' rain at night. And all I was wearin' was a tank top and shorts!"

"We all had our moments." He said.

"Yeah, let's not ruin this one." Daryl said.

We looked at each other and laughed.

"So, I was wondering if I could maybe…go out with some friends tonight?" I asked Daryl.

"Don't ya always do that?" Said Merle.

"Yeah, what are ya askin' me for?"

"Well, I didn't know if I was…still grounded?"

"Oh yeah. I forgot about that." Daryl said rubbing his chin. He looked at me and smirked.

"What? Ya forgot." I sat back. "I could've just went out."

Daryl chuckled.

"Wait, wanna hear somethin' funny?" I sat back up. "The one day, the first day ya grounded me, I was talkin' to Corey outside about a party…that I couldn't go to. Well, he suggested I sneak out and I said, 'no thanks, I choose life."

We all laughed.

"Yeah, right?" Merle said. "Daryl's the soft one."

"Oh yeah and what would you have done if I was supposed to be grounded and snuck out?"

He didn't answer me.

"You'd probably still be in the same spot ya were when I left."

Daryl laughed.

Merle threw his head back then shook his head. "Good to have ya back, smartass."

I smiled. "So…about tonight?"

"What did ya guys have in mind?" Daryl asked.

"We was just gonna have a fire and hang. Only a few people this time."

"Hmm." Was all Daryl said.

"So…can I go?"

"I don't care, but don't stay out real late if ya plan on comin' home." He warned. "Ya know how I feel about that."

"Okay, so maybe like twelve? One?"

"Get home before one."

"Okay."

I wore long pants and a hoodie even though it was warm out. I figured it might get cold later, plus we were going to be outside so it would keep the mosquitos away.

We were all sitting around the fire talking, drinking and smoking. This was different from our usually parties. It was a lot quieter, I thought it was nice. I liked it. We didn't have all the people over that we usually do. It was Colby, Cassie, Lauren, Anthony, Corey, Jay and I. We were all having a good time.

At one point, all the guys went down to the lake. Us girls stayed by the fire.

"So…I thought about tryin' Meth the other day." I blurted out.

Lauren gasped. "Oh my God, Le. No! I won't let you!"

"Shhh." I looked towards the guys, I don't think they heard. "Keep it down, will ya? I don't want anyone else to know."

"You can't do that, Le." Lauren shook her head. "It's so bad."

"I know, but—"

"I don't think it's that big of a deal." Cassie shrugged. "I mean…as long as you don't like do it more than once."

"Yes, it is a big deal!" Lauren said. "I swear if you do that shit…I'm not gonna be your friend anymore."

"Okay, jeez." I put my hands up. "No one jump to any conclusions. I said I thought about it, I never said I was gonna do it."

"Well…you better not." Lauren said.

I sighed.

We started a game of dares. It was really funny.

"Cassie." Corey said. "I dare you to kiss someone."

"Too easy." She kissed Colby.

A few people woo-ed.

"Okay, Corey." Cassie said. "I dare you to give Le a lap dance."

A couple people laughed. Corey came over to me without hesitation. He sat on my lap and moved around. It was really funny. He pulled down his shorts a little and his underwear had hamburgers on them. I laughed.

"Nice undies!"

"You can kiss my hamburger ass." He said.

The whole scene was so funny! We all laughed.

"Le." Corey said. "I dare you to…kiss me."

I stood up and walked over to him. I gave him a peck on the cheek.

"Aw, what the hell was that?" He asked.

"Hey, ya didn't specify." I laughed. "All right, let's see here." I looked around at all of them. "Lauren. I dare ya to…take off one piece of clothin'."

She stood up and reached behind her. At first, I thought she was going to take her shirt off, but she unhooked her bra and threw it on the ground.

"Get it, girl!" Cassie yelled.

"Okay, Jay. I dare you to make out with Le for…thirty seconds." Lauren said.

I looked over at him and he winked at me.

"Are ya okay with this?" I asked him.

"Yeah, I don't care."

I walked over to him. He pulled me down onto his lap and we started making out. Everyone else counted to thirty.

"All right." Someone said.

I pulled away, but he pulled me back and continued to kiss me. Finally we pulled apart and just looked at each other for a moment.

I went back to my seat.

"Alrighty here." Jay said. "Le…I dare you to make out with one of the girls."

I gave him a stupid look. "You pervert!"

The guys laughed.

"Ya gotta do it or ya lose."

I looked at Lauren and Cassie.

"Not me." Lauren said.

I laughed.

"I'm down." Cassie said.

Everyone except me woo-ed.

I thought about it. I suddenly became self-conscience.

"No." I shook my head and took a drink. "Not drunk enough for that."

"Aw." All the guys yelled.

"Sorry, babe." I said to Cassie.

She blew a kiss to me.

"I guess we're done with that then?" Corey asked.

"Or we could play another round." Said Lauren.

"Let's do somethin' else." I suggested.

"Come on, one more round!" Anthony said.

I glanced at Corey. "Fine." We both said.

"Cool!" Cassie yelled. "I'll go first." She looked around. "Le. I dare you to sit on Jay's lap."

I rolled my eyes without them noticing, I got up and sat on his lap.

"Yeah!" One of the girls yelled.

"I think I'm gonna go." Corey said.

"No, stay." I said.

"Nah, I gotta go." He walked passed everyone. He looked kind of upset.

"Cool, guess we're done then." Anthony said and put his feet up.

"What?" I got off Jay's lap and went back to my original seat.

"We wanted Corey to leave and we knew he liked you so—"

"Corey likes me?" I cut Lauren off.

"Oh like you didn't know?" Cassie said.

I let out a nervous laugh.

"Well anyway…we made you do all that stuff cause we knew he'd get mad and leave."

"Aw guys. That's not right." I said.

"Who cares." Colby finally spoke. "We don't like that kid."

"Yeah, you're the one who invited him." Cassie said.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know."

"Yeah, ya didn't know he liked you either apparently." Anthony said.

"Yeah, seriously." Colby said. "How could you not know?"

"He talks about you all the time." Lauren said.

"He's a broken record." Cassie said rolling her eyes.

They were all talking at me at once. It was starting to get to me.

"Be right back." I said and went into one of the back rooms.

I was suddenly overtaken by emotions. I started crying. I stayed in there for a long time.

I heard a knock at the door then Jay came in.

"Hey, you okay?"

I sniffed. "I don't know." I admitted.

"Don't listen to them out there. They're all immature kids."

I tried to laugh.

"I just…I just feel like I did somethin' wrong."

"You didn't know." Jay reassured me. "And if it makes you feel any better. I didn't know either."

I slowly looked up at him. "But—but ya went along with all their dares?"

"That was all me. I didn't know what they were doin'."

I smiled.

There was a brief silence.

"I guess I messed things up with Corey. I'm gonna have to talk to him tomorrow or somethin'."

"You really didn't know he liked you?"

I blinked. "You did?"

"You must be really bad at reading signs."

We laughed. He put his arm around me.

We stayed like that for a while.

"So, could I ask ya somethin'?"

"You can ask me anything."

I took a deep breath. "What's Meth like?"

"What?"

"Meth." I said nervously. "What's it like?"

He paused for a moment as if he was thinking what to say.

"It's hard to explain."

"Well, is it…scary?"

"It can be. Not all the time. In fact for me, it's never scary."

"Is it fun?"

"It's the best."

I looked down. "I've been thinkin' about tryin' it."

"Have you?" He seemed like he got excited.

I nodded. "I don't know if I should though."

"Don't worry. I'll babysit you."

"What if I hate it?"

He shrugged. "Never do it again."

I sighed. "I don't know…I want to but…"

"Come on, it'll be fun. I'll look after you, I promise."

I smiled. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Let's do it."