25.
Ariadne kept her eyes closed for a few minutes after she awoke, replaying everything that had just happened again in her mind. She still couldn't quite believe how much Arthur had told her. Perhaps he was the sort of person that, once the flood gates were open, there was no stopping him; perhaps he had been wanting to tell someone about it, to let it all out after bottling it up for months. Whatever the reason was, she felt grateful, and in some way honoured. Arthur was certainly not the kind of person that went around bleating his secrets to any and everyone. It touched her that he had chosen her, of all people, regardless of the – slight – pressure she had put him under. He could have ignored her if he had wanted to, told her to mind her own business. But he hadn't – and that made all the difference in the world.
Ariadne jumped as she felt someone's fingers wrap around her wrist, the touch soft, gentle. She opened her eyes to find Arthur bending over her, easing the needle from her vein as he set about packing up the PASIV. She noted with some frustration that he refused to look at her, choosing instead to stare at the tubes he was now winding around his hand. Why was it he could relax around her in a dream, but couldn't bring himself to look her in the eye once back on the surface? Did he already regret telling her everything? The idea stung her. She gripped the arms of the lawn chair as she watched him, waiting for him to turn back to her.
But he didn't. He spent an inordinate length of time carefully packing away the PASIV, his hands working slowly – far too slowly to be convincing.
'Arthur,' she said, keeping her voice low so as not to draw the attention of Denley's goons. 'Arthur, will you just look at me?' He acted as though he hadn't heard her, though she could tell from the clench of his jaw that he had. 'Arthur, for God's sake, will you just stop that for one goddamn minute?'
He paused, his hands poised over the silver case of the PASIV. But still he refused to look at her. Ariadne swung her legs over the side of the chair and leant closer to him, staring up at the side of his face, willing him to turn toward her.
'Why won't you look at me all of a sudden? Did I do something wrong?'
Arthur closed his eyes for a long moment and sighed. 'No, of course not.'
'Then what the hell is going on? You can't have a conversation like that with someone and then just ignore them afterwards.'
Arthur let his arms drop to his side, but still offered no explanation. She felt her impatience increase with every moment of silence that passed. It was hard to believe this was the same man who had been looking at her with nothing but concern and sorrow in his dark eyes mere minutes earlier. Now he was back to being the coldly efficient Arthur she had hoped was gone for good. He's like a damn schizophrenic, she thought irritably.
'I'm sorry,' he said finally, dropping onto the lawn chair next to hers. 'This has nothing to do with you. It's not personal.'
'The hell it isn't,' Ariadne snapped. 'You don't act like this with the others. They all relax after one look at your face. But me? I just get more annoyed.'
Arthur met her angry gaze with a sympathetic one of his own. 'I promise you, it's nothing to do with you.' There he goes with the promises again; he seemed to be doing a lot of it lately. 'I'm just ... trying to keep things together here. Everyone's relying on me to get them out of this. I can't afford to mess up again.'
Ariadne said nothing. She considered Arthur's candour with some discomfort – it wasn't like him to confess his concerns. He was usually so cool, so confident in his ability. Perhaps the events of the last few days had knocked everyone's self-assurance, not simply hers. It was a strange thought, to know that even Arthur – the virtually infallible Point Man – harboured doubts about himself. It unnerved her somewhat.
'It still doesn't explain why you're behaving like this. You're not responsible for everyone here, you know. We're all adults. We have to work together to get out of this.'
Arthur shook his head, but didn't reply. She wished she could see into his mind, to know just what it was he was thinking. She noticed the circles under his eyes had darkened since she had last seen him at the airport; he looked exhausted, something she had never observed before. He always seemed so alert, ready for anything. But now ... it was as though he was carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, and she wasn't sure he was strong enough to bear the burden. Not alone, at least.
'You blame yourself, don't you?' she said quietly. 'For everything that's happened.' He said nothing; only looked at her with those dark eyes of his, that managed to be both expressive and inscrutable at the same time. 'It's not your fault,' she insisted, reaching out to take his large hands in hers. She wanted to smile when he made no move to stop her. 'I know you have some crazy idea that it's your job to protect everyone all the time, but you've got to let it go. You can't do everything. Not alone.'
'Ariadne, you have no idea what my job is,' he said, staring down at their hands as he spoke. 'I failed in my duties after the Inception. I'm just trying to make amends now.'
'But you don't have to do it alone. We're all here. We're all in this together, just like the Inception. We're a team. Just because you couldn't trust that asshole Denley, doesn't mean you can't put your faith in others again. You'll burn out if you try to take on everything yourself.'
Arthur nodded slowly, still seeming to study her hands as they grasped his. After a few moments he extricated his right hand and reached into his pocket, pulling out his totem and rolling it around in his palm. Ariadne watched the movement for a while, mesmerised by the ease with which he wove it through his fingers. She had often wondered why he had chosen a die as his totem, but had never had the courage to ask. Perhaps now, when his previously impenetrable guard seemed to be slowly dissolving, was the best opportunity.
'Can I ask you something?' she said, aware that she had uttered the same words not so long ago. To her relief he nodded, his eyes still trained on the small red cube. 'Why did you choose that as your totem?'
Arthur paused in his activity and closed his fingers around the die, as though to shield it from her. She felt a pang of disappointment when he pulled his other hand from hers. She had gone too far this time.
He raised his head to look at her, the same sadness she had seen in the dream dwelling deep in his eyes. 'Cavendish,' he said simply, seeming to force the solitary word past his lips.
Ariadne stared back at him, contemplating his short answer. She didn't know what to say.
'He was a professional gambler,' Arthur explained, gazing back at the die in his now-open palm. 'We were hired to find out whether he was cheating the casinos in Vegas. He was the best they'd ever seen, and they resented the success he had.' He paused, clenching his hand into a fist around the die once more. 'It's a reminder of what could happen should I lose myself in the dreams, of just how dangerous our job is. If I ever end up in Limbo ... '
He trailed off, leaving the sentence unfinished. Ariadne knew what he was thinking – he didn't need to explain it further. The die would serve as a reminder of what had happened before, of what he could not afford to let happen again. It would ensure his sanity in an insane world, so that he never lost sight of himself in the most perilous of all dimensions – the raw, infinite subconscious that was Limbo.
Ariadne was struck by the complexity of the man before her. Just when she thought she was getting somewhere with him, was beginning to understand him, he turned around and surprised her yet again. He appeared to operate on a switch, alternating between the cold, efficient Point Man she was so used to, and the softer, more vulnerable man sitting so close to her now. At times she felt at home in his company, as comfortable with him as she was with her friends back in Paris. They had conversed so easily during their training sessions together all those weeks ago, moving from Penrose Steps to paradoxes, from dreams to reality. But he was so changeable; inviting and approachable one minute, cold and distant the next. She never knew quite how to act around him. He would offer her the hint of friendship with one hand, stealing a kiss from her at the most inappropriate of times, and then slap her with the other, hiding behind his sense of duty and principles before she even had the chance to consider his proposition. He had confided in her within the confines of a dream moments after snubbing her in the real world. What on earth was she meant to think?
She rubbed her forehead with her hand as she fought against the onslaught of her own thoughts. She didn't want to think about her complex relationship with the Point Man – it hurt her head to even try – but she couldn't stop the questions that flooded her mind.
'Arthur?' She waited until he looked up at her, making sure she had his full attention before continuing. 'Do you trust me?'
Arthur frowned. 'What kind of question is that?' Ariadne made no answer, only waited for his. 'Of course I do. You're a part of the team, I trust you all.'
'Then why did you ask Eames to fill your dream with his subconscious and not me?'
She realised how childish she sounded, like a jealous sibling fighting for the attention of a parent. But she had to know. The thought had niggled her throughout his dream, though she had tried hard to ignore it. He seemed more willing to talk now, and she wanted to take full advantage of his change of heart while she had the opportunity.
'I would have thought it was obvious,' Arthur muttered, pursing his lips into a thin line. 'I didn't want him to show up and jeopardise the time we had.'
Ariadne didn't know what to say. Whatever explanation she had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this.
'But ... he only showed up with Denley's men. When – I was frightened, or something. When I felt threatened.'
'He shot me, too, in case you've forgotten. The first time I went under.'
Ariadne felt her gut wrench as she remembered the incident – how could she have forgotten? But it hadn't been the same. She trusted Arthur – she would never feel endangered in his presence. She couldn't ...
'That ... was different,' she said, trying to gather her scattered thoughts. 'I was confused. I thought it was a trick. I thought they were trying to manipulate me to get what they wanted. It wasn't until the second dream that I knew it was really you.'
She stared at him, willing him to understand, to accept her feeble explanation. Arthur stood up, slipping his totem back into his pocket as he looked down at her.
'You know I would never hurt you, don't you?' he said quietly.
Ariadne could see his jaw muscles tensing as he waited for her answer. He seemed the picture of patience on the surface, but she noticed the uncertainty in his dark eyes, the fear that she would refute his statement.
She followed his example and stood up, wishing she were that much taller so she could look him straight in the eye. 'Of course I do,' she replied, trying to convince him not only with her voice but with her eyes, too, just like he had done with Cobb and Saito. 'There's no-one I feel safer with, Arthur. I trust you with my life.'
I always have, she added, wishing she could say it aloud. But her spoken words were enough. She fancied she could see the tension seep out of his body as he took in her answer. He nodded once, twice, and – was that a ghost of a smile that passed over his lips? She returned the gesture, the corners of her mouth twitching ever so slightly. It was done; she had finally managed to clear the air with him. She was far from knowing everything about him, but it was a start. They could move on from here. One step at a time.
Ariadne started at the sound of someone coughing from behind Arthur. He turned, affording her a glimpse of Cobb standing over his shoulder, watching them with a curious expression on his face.
'Eames said you were ready to talk,' he said to Arthur, his gaze flicking to Ariadne for the briefest of moments before returning to his partner.
Arthur nodded. 'I need you and Yusuf for this one,' he said, the traces of his previous uncertainty all but gone from his voice.
He was back to being the consummate professional, and Ariadne couldn't say she was too disappointed. As relieved as she had been that he had finally shown some sign of human weakness, that he had opened up and let her glimpse the emotions she had known he must feel, she knew that he was much more comfortable in his role as the team's organiser. They could depend on him to sort things out, no matter how tough the situation.
But this time, he wasn't going to do it all alone. This time, they would all share the burden. She would prove how capable she was. She had to, if they had any hope of pulling off Arthur's mysterious plan.
One thing was certain – it was going to get a hell of a lot more interesting from here on out.
A/N: Whew! More A/A for you - you just can't stop me once I get going, it seems. But the last line is true, I promise - I really do! Things certainly will get more interesting from here. In the next chapters - the gradual revelation of Arthur's plan. I had to get all the pseudo-angst out of the way first, you see. ;)
Anyhoo, I hope it wasn't too much after the previous two chapters of exposition. But at least Ariadne has finally got her wish, getting to know the ambiguous Point Man that little bit better (don't we all want that? :P) And Arthur - well, the poor guy doesn't know what he wants, as usual. It's all new to him, this half-confessing-his-feelings lark. So be easy on him. :)
See you soon for the next chapter! Likely when I get back from work tomorrow, if I have the energy. 12.30am now, 6am start ... not the best beginning to another work day, but I'll survive! Hope everyone has a great day themselves, anyway.