So…. I'm back?

I have a lot of reasons why I haven't updated in so long, but I won't bore you lovely, lovely readers that still read this story, so here we go with the next chapter!

Apparently word had spread around school of Marley's fainting episode, and it was apparent that rumours were swimming and flooding through the hallways when the brunette herself heard a few, passing through the following Monday morning and exhaustedly reaching her locker. She twirled the combination as another whisper teased that she had been in hospital. She rolled her eyes. Luckily, the only people at school who knew the true events of the early hours of Saturday (and therein the cause of Friday's unconscious spell) were Mr Schue, Sue Sylvester and Ryder. The girl planned to tell Katie at some point, and perhaps Lana, but elsewhere she strived to leave the rumours unsatisfied, not giving into any lie a student had made up out of pure boredom. She just hoped the lies wouldn't become too severe.

Finally opening her locker after fighting against a clouded mind, she reached to fetch and swap books, but was halted by a softened grip on her waist. She sneered, sensing his fingers aching to turn her around and face him, but she vowed not to satisfy them yet. So he was forced to mumble into her ponytail. "What are you doing here?"

Not predicting such an ominous response, she gave in and peered at him over her shoulder. "What do you mean "what am I doing here"? Last time I checked this was my high school."

It was obvious that it wasn't the response Ryder had wanted either, but he somehow expected it from her. When things seemed darkest, it was bizarre how she would brush things off; act like they never occurred in the first place. It almost scared him, and led the boy to believe there was something rooted deeper, but he huffed through his nostrils and humoured her façade, albeit shakily – turbulence caused by his overwhelming guilt and care for her. "I know that, I-I meant…" Ryder exhaled again, then lowered his voice. "What are you doing in school? Marley, you were really sick…"

Without turning around, she sucked in a breath as a form of preparation for what she should have seen coming earlier. She knew that he was just trying to protect her from everything, but it didn't alter her in anyway as she made the final exchanges in her locker. "Yeah, I was really sick. But I'm okay now, alright? I feel fine. I promise."

"Mar, this isn't just an "I feel fine" situation – you were in hospital. Unconscious. For hours. Doesn't that ring any bells?" He sighed, leaning a hand against the top of the lockers as she shut hers. With the lack of progression, it felt like he was talking to the locker and not the girl who rummaged in it. "You need to rest."

The brunette spoke monotonously and began venturing down the hallway, glancing over her shoulder at him before she left – a sign, beckoning him to follow her. "I rested all of yesterday. And I don't know if you remember, but in the early hours of Saturday it was you I was resting with..." She sneered, hoping that the reminder would pose as a barrier in the inevitable exchange – it did, for a moment, as he caught up to her stifling a blush – but Ryder knew by now how to tackle her playful teasing. He attempted to object again, triggering a sequence of drawn-out exhalations from his girlfriend. He persisted nonetheless, until Marley had no choice but to stop in her tracks, pulling them away from the middle of the hallway. She didn't want annoyance to get the better of her again, so stroked his forearms as a way of therapy as she attempted to fix him in the meantime. "Ry, I get that you care about me. And I'm glad you do. It's just… I don't have time to stop. I know I was at the hospital, but I'm not really that hypoglycaemic and it was only a precaution. I honestly think my parents were being overdramatic about the whole thing." She smiled shyly, but discarded the expression upon seeing that he didn't reciprocate. "I honestly feel fine – I'm on my medication, my blood sugar's fine right now. I have the all-clear from, like, everybody. Except from you, babe… please, just trust me on this."

The boy shuffled anxiously under her comforting words and intense blue-eyed gaze. "I'm trying to, it's just- Mar, you can't expect me not to worry about you… during the time in that waiting room, I was petrified… I…"

"Really? My parents told me you were asleep for quite a lot of it." Marley raised her eyebrows, stifling a laugh.

The boy turned embarrassed, as he did so easily at her hands – thankfully, he managed to laugh before the brunette felt any pang of guilt. He smirked. "Well, I was dreaming of you then."

"Ugh. Please don't tell me those words actually just came out of your mouth." Marley mocked disgustedly, but struggled to keep a straight face. "Your sickly remarks are enough to cure my blood sugar completely."

But the light moments always seemed to fade into darkness these days, and inevitably, the colours dulled as they began walking down the corridor again. Ryder grew more serious. "Even if you're not sick, you still had a lot taken away from you that night…" His words threatened to shake her abruptly as she desperately tried holding herself together – she squeezed her eyes shut upon being reminded of that haunting occurrence. "You still need time for you… time to, like, properly take it in; talk to your parents, decide what you need to do next-"

Marley turned around abruptly, stopping them walking once again, finding herself weaker listening to his desperate pleas. "No. Ryder… I-" She sucked in another breath, trying to compose herself still. Everything seemed so much slower; so much harder, now that she was so exhausted by everything – with not even a future to motivate her. "I don't think taking a day off is going to help me get into college. But let me know when a university puts that as one of their requirements." She replied sarcastically, bitterly – by now, Ryder had learnt that it wasn't to be taken to heart. It was understandable that she would be a bit infuriated at the news that everything was crumbling into ash around her. She began walking again, briskly, taking his hand and squeezing it – it was little things like that which proved to him she was still grateful for his support. "Besides, I had to come in today. It's the day they announce the prom king and queen nominees."

"Oh, of course." Ryder rolled his eyes, always finding prom and any other high school excitements nauseating. "But good luck."

"For what? I don't want to be prom queen." The brunette scoffed, casting her cerulean gaze in front of them emotionlessly. "Thinking about last year's catastrophe makes me consider not even going to my senior prom."

"Yeah, well, it didn't seem like a catastrophe for you at the time…" Ryder breathed teasingly combatting her previous advances.

Somehow it acted to cheer her up. "Of course it was, and you know it…. Oh, God, I don't want to think about it! Anyway… see you at lunch?"

"Definitely, your majesty." He sneered, earning him a reciprocation and a playful slap on the arm.

-(x)-

It was now every day that Glee Club practice would steal after-school slots, as well as Cheerios practice – so the brunette had to juggle both, amongst all other turmoil taking place. She nibbled on her lip anxiously, walking into the auditorium for Glee Club practice and wondering if she was going to quite literally stomach the next hour or so. Walking in, Marley winced as Sugar approached her. She threatened the urge to roll her eyes upon the girl's nasally congratulation – it just so happened that the brunette was amongst the announced nominees for Prom Queen, to her utter disappointment. Still, she managed to slide her backpack off one shoulder and throw it to the side, grabbing a bottle of water and attaching herself to the cluster of club members surrounding the stage.

Luckily, before her headache could claw onto her temples any further, a voice shooed it away slightly. "I'd congratulate you, but…"

"….You know I'd rather not hear it?" Marley chuckled, finishing Ryder's sentence as she took a sip of her water. The room in the air seemed thick and hot, but somehow made her shiver on impact.

And so the session began, as Mr Schue commanded everyone to get into their first places for another Nationals run-through, giving Marley a look of concern, which the girl nodded and dismissed with a tired smile. She was grateful, at least, that two people in the room knew what was going on besides those swirling rumours and whispers. She hoped that she could silence them all together – that this could be her secret, and that people would stop fussing over her – or better: that this wouldn't be happening to her in the first place. She wished for that, harder and harder, despite how impossible it was; she wished harder as she tried to stay composed in practice, but her breath was growing shorter, and her head pounding. Aching for relief as her stomach and throat burned familiarly, she waited until the song was over before asking to be excused. Mr Schue dismissed her without having to hear some sort of made-up reason, and the group watched with questioning eyes as she rushed out.

Thankfully, she wasn't too late, rushing into the nearest bathroom and spluttering, disgusted in herself – if there was anything worse than the tuna sandwich that Ryder had forced her to eat at lunch, it was seeing it in reverse. Finally confirming that she was finished, she flushed the toilet and exited the cubicle with haste, but a red, white and black uniform stopped her. An infamous face, with piercing eyes cast down at perfectly manicured nails. "Wow. Why am I not surprised, of all people, to find Marley Rose tossing cookies in the bathroom?"

Marley rolled glassy, red eyes and wiped her nose, tiptoeing around her colleague to the sinks. "Lay off, Bree."

The girl in question only smirked further, clearly delighting in the fact that she was evoking some sort of reaction. She persisted in a treacly, venomous tone as Marley washed and dried her hands. "Not until you tell me what the hell is going on with you... so, why the retching, huh? Did your geeky twig of a boyfriend finally put out, consequently infesting your uterus with tiny, four-eyed offspring?"

The brunette sniffed again, but with pursed lips and crossed arms as her stance grew menacing, facing her fellow cheerleader. "And when are you finally going to grow up and realise that creating gossip doesn't get you anywhere?"

"You say that, and yet, you're not denying anything, Rose." Bree chuckled, inspecting her nails.

The girl rolled her eyes again, in utter disbelief that the girl hadn't grown at all; that she still lived off unpromising leads and patchy, speckled rumours. "Of course I deny it. God, you actually feed yourself those disgusting lies of yours, sweetheart?"

"Alright, alright." Bree finally looked at her target, raising her hands up as if, all of a sudden, she was the victim in the scene. "All I want to know is why you just threw up all over the ladies' room. Can't you grant me that information at least, Prom Queen?"

Marley paused for a second, considering the way Bree had referenced her, before moving her head forward with raised eyebrows. "Is that it?" She began to laugh. "Is all of this because you're jealous of me?"

Bree stepped closer and sneered, looking her opponent up and down provokingly – as if this was a fair game to play at all. Her patronising tone failed to mask the toxic words which occupied it. "And why would I be jealous of you?" She stepped closer still, but Marley stayed put firmly – she had played this game so many times before. Her gaze didn't stray, despite how it was bloodshot and glossy with tears. "Last time I checked, I was the one who had everything I ever wanted. The football players, the popularity, the recognition, the respect… and the future." She spoke in a repulsively treacly tone. "Tell me, Marley Rose… how does it feel knowing that your one shot at your dream vanished before you even had a chance to try? Knowing that a silly little faint meant that your lifelong ambition was taken from you forever, and knowing that for the rest of your life, you're going to be rummaging in the trash; eating off the floor; picking off the goddamn street… until a college finally puts you into consideration?"

She said those things as if she knew that Marley was already telling herself the same; as if the monologue was just a reprise of the brunette's thoughts already. And she was right. Marley's insides twisted lethally, the acidic feeling worsening at the increasing irritation and anger – and suddenly, she didn't want to play this game anymore. She despised being knocked down even at her lowest. Her lip threatened to tremble, but she fought past it with husky, menacing words as she stepped closer, seemingly unafraid, even as she crumbled on the inside. "You can't scare me, Bree. You stole my chance, sure. But I still have something that you don't: I have compassion, and courtesy, and the strength and courage to continue after something knocks me back. Soon enough, people will stop serving things up for you on a silver platter, and then what? All you do is knock people down, and I know I was guilty of that a year or two ago, but now I know that if you knock people down, eventually they're going to claw their way back up." She spat her final words at the girl before exiting. "I only hope that for your sake, you wake up from your stupid daze sooner rather than later."

And once the bathroom door had swung shut, she could finally release – even slightly – with a prolonged breath. In, out. Trembling, like her. She turned her head to see a familiar silhouette further down the corridor and could assume his concern for her even in the distance. She pivoted on spotless white sneakers and paced over to him. "What are you doing out here, Ryder?"

"We're… taking a break." He gestured to the auditorium with a nudge of his head. "And Mr Schue wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Mr Schue… or you?" She sniffed, finally close enough so he could make out the blotchiness on her face.

He dismissed her comment. "Were you crying?"

"I was throwing up." She countered bluntly, sniffing again. Her heart was pounding still at the surprise encounter that had taken place minutes ago.

His footsteps seemed to interrupt her of further excuses as he met her fully and held her at the arms, which were laden in goosebumps amongst the hot summer around them. "What happened? Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'm fine, I promise." She wheezed.

"Don't lie to me. Please." He was scanning over her in milliseconds, sensing that she was being passively deceitful. His words weren't harsh, but were insistently calm. "What happened?"

Marley gritted her teeth as she felt her eyes welling up further. "Babe, I told you-"

Bree's timing was impeccable as she traipsed out of the bathroom, turning to find Ryder looking at her and delighting in how he connected all of the dots. She smirked, waved, sashayed off down the empty hallways. Marley turned around upon seeing her boyfriend's vision cast away from her at last, and she too connected the dots. She turned back to him cautiously. She knew he would try to pry her open. "Marley…"

But she didn't need to be pried open this time – her eyes were growing more distressed by the second, so he was surprised by the stability in her voice, though the fact that she didn't return his gaze came as no surprise when she was this vulnerable. "I hate this so much. I hate it. I feel so lost, so fucking lost… and now I can't even get through a few dance routines without almost passing out. And now the whole school is going to know. I hate this, Ryder…" But even with a confession, she hated showing him how defenceless she was, so bit down on her lip when it trembled. "And I know it's just a taste of my own medicine from the last few years, but… I'm so, like, sick of this... I'm sick of feeling worthless, I'm sick of all the rumours, I'm sick of being incapable to do anything and I'm sick of everyone looking at me like a charity case. And I feel so anxious all the time, a-nd…" She swallowed some of the anger rising up her throat, but her thin composure was crumbling more each second. She shut her eyes. "And I'm just… so lost. I don't know what I'm doing." She opened her eyes as some tears finally fled from them. She finally let her lip tremble. "Graduation is, like, 2 weeks away… and I have no idea what I'm doing, or where I'm going after." She sniffed as her voice was finally flooded with tears as well. "And you're going to Yale and I'm so proud of you… because even when this school gave you shit, you proved them all wrong but- but you're the only thing anchoring me down, Ry." She swallowed again and clamped her mouth shut to prevent a lamentation, staring down at their feet on the hallway's linoleum floor as if it would suffice for not being able to face him. "And you're gonna be so far away… a-and what the hell am I gonna to do… without…."

"Mar, don't…"

Her voice grew less frail and louder in volume, as if Ryder's attempts had only fuelled her anger. "I'm such an idiot, thinking I could leave this school with everything." Her eyes watered out of anger. "I'm so stupid… so naïve to think… to think that my future would line up with everyone else's; would line up with yours… and now not even you can fix me…"

"Don't speak like this, please…"

"But it's true, isn't it?" Marley yelled, her eyes finally squinting at him as a few more tears escaped hastily, fleeing from a bloodshot captivity they had known too well. Her gaze flickered fearfully to his left shoulder instead. "I'm so sick of not caring about anything, but it's like…" She sucked in a breath. "It's like I can't stop it… I can't stop myself from not caring, and feeling so lost, and lying awake at night just knowing that I'm…"

"Marley-"

"Past the point of saving." She finished. Her voice cracked and turned quickly into a whisper near the end, and Ryder couldn't bear it anymore. He let her sink into his plaid button-up, let her shake morbidly as her sadness vibrated through him with mumbled cries. He let her mascara run onto his shirt. He let her break away momentarily to breathe his air, and watched as she sucked it in involuntarily, helpless to her own shortness of breath. He let her curl her fingers over his shirt in distress. He let her sink into him again as he stroked her back and kissed her ear. He let himself well up too as she slowly got her breath back, but whimpered into his shirt; into his shoulder; into his neck.

The next day, rumours had intensified into truths, and the cheerleading team gossiped about the girl who had spent the night with an IV and glucose pills instead of in a hotel room in Kentucky, preparing for her audition. Really, Marley had once believed – besides the shattering of all of her hopes and dreams and futures – that the accident wasn't as big a deal as her parents had made it out to be. But McKinley loved to amplify the truth, and so she was treated as if she was terminal; hopeless; worthless. She swore that Bree and the squad had taken every possible detour through the school so that they could torment the brunette more; so that they could walk past with a menacing, perfumed breeze, and the girl had no choice but to keep walking, keep her head down and her Cheerio uniform straight, holding Ryder's hand with increasing desperation. After her and Ryder had returned to Glee rehearsal the day before – after she had ensured her eyes were no longer red, and complex, and aching for her boyfriend's hands to dry them – Mr Schue made her sit out and get her breath back. She was thankful, but still only struggled when finally allowed to participate again. Those in the club still unaware of her health situation looked on again in miscomprehension, but she tried to erase their gazes with a roll of her eyes. In that sense, looking back on the day before, the blue-eyed girl could be glad that at least some of the school knew.

Bree brushed against her back as the girl exchanged books before Glee Club again. She shivered at the sweet-scented gust that wafted past her, and felt sick as she could practically taste it. Her stomach sank at the thought of Glee Club; the thought of letting another team down. She knew what she had to do, and had already told Mr Schuester.

Ryder would collect her from her locker at exactly this time, and she could feel his comforting presence gaining up behind her until he was tapping her on the shoulder. Marley could already practically feel his pain at what was about to happen, but he was unaware. "You ready to go?" He mumbled delicately into her air, as she smiled sadly and took his hand.

She waited until they had turned onto the hallway of the choir room, when he was just beginning to notice how uncharacteristically mute she had been. "Please, please don't hate me for what I'm about to do. I love you. Don't mistake this for me giving up on us." Ryder was already questioning her in his brain as she implied she was giving up on something, but before he could voice any of these concerns, they were turning into the full choir room. Mr Schue connected his gaze with Marley's across the room, saw a subtle nod and a panic-stricken glance, before he turned to the rest of the class to check everyone was here. The brunette gave Ryder's hand a final reassuring squeeze. "Go and sit down."

His eyes begged her for answers, but he was dismissed anyway as Mr Schue grasped the club's attention. He had no choice but to sulk in a front-row seat. "Right, everyone. Marley would like to talk to you guys before we start any further preparations." He turned to the girl in question, who was wringing her clammy, pale fingers at the front, and spoke in a hushed tone. "Are you sure you wanna do this?"

But Marley offered that same, sad smile at the man as he returned to his seat, leaving her bare at the front. She sighed, glancing over the faces of the crowd who – after a year – finally trusted her and believed she was a good person, somehow. She bit her lip, shut her eyes and sighed again, clearing her throat to prevent a gravelly tone – but it did nothing to terminate the quiver in it, still. "I…I thought about singing a song or something, 'cause that's what we do here – we share emotions by singing, or whatever- but…" her voice threatened to shudder even more. "But it would take me so long to find a song which had everything I wanted to say- it would take so long… so long to find a perfect last song. A swansong." The brunette inhaled their confused expressions like cold oxygen, and shivered. "And I've really given it some thought, but- for a lot of reasons, it isn't fair for me to continue here… and disappoint you guys, when you've all worked so hard- we've, all worked so hard. So… that's why…" She glanced one final time at the sea of faces before her, and spotted Ryder's – as confused as the rest of them. Her public speaking skills amounted to nothing if it meant letting them – especially him – down. She turned to Mr Schue, who regretfully nodded her on. "I've decided to quit Glee Club."

And to what happened next, she amounted to nothing still. A few murmurs of confusion arose, and then, she could hear the cogs turn in their brains. They all began to guffaw, shout, quietly shuffle in miscomprehension. Marley fought the urge to visibly cringe at the response, but she had expected no less. The group demanded answers to justify the betrayal. She was begging them now, screaming over their screams, pleading for the sea of faces to hear her out. "I'm not well…" she finally said, unsteady, rolling her eyes as she recognised how ridiculous it all was to be almost crying over Glee Club. "It's not right for me to continue, and get all your hopes up. I was worried. So then Mr Schue and I got to talking, and…" Apparently that had only fuelled the fire – that their own leader had given a hand in the treachery that was unfolding before their very eyes. She yelled over the voices again, pale hands now gripping at tassels on her Cheerios skirt to prevent the immense shaking in them.

"But… how sick are you?" Blaine asked, a discreet voice in comparison to the pandemonium around him. The others quietened down at his more polite plea for answers. "Temporary, terminal… what?" Marley bit her lip as her shoulders scrunched up slightly. "You don't have to leave now, Marley. We've come so far."

The brunette's eyes sank, realising that the rumours hadn't reached the Glee Club yet, before they inevitably flickered to Ryder's, who was more silently distraught over the decision she was making. She could tell he was thinking about averting his gaze away, but chose to stick with her instead. It felt like he was confused over being upset or being supportive – whatever it was, it gave some kind of strength to answer. "You shouldn't start building coffins for me, but… let's just say I don't have the stability to juggle both the Cheerios Nationals and this." She smiled. "I'm sure you'll hear about it soon. Bree apparently wants the whole school to know, so look forward to a Jacob Ben Israel interview." She tiptoed around it and was, for once, bathing in the uncomfortable feeling of a silent choir room. "I'm more than happy to help with choreo if you need it, but I don't think me competing is a good idea."

"So who said you had to quit?" Katie finally spoke, desperately trying to keep a hold of her friend's position in the club. "You don't have to compete, just… stay and help us."

Marley smiled genuinely at that comment, but misery still found itself tangled amongst the curled-up corners of her mouth. "You don't need my help anymore." She laced her thumbs between her body and the straps of her backpack. "Good luck at Nationals. You'll all kick ass, I'm sure." She spoke finally, watching as some members were shooting her and Mr Schue glares, others looked confused and distraught silently, and some tried to adjust themselves to the abrupt circumstances.

Amongst these was Sam, who found himself whispering into his friend's space. "Did you know?"

Ryder's exhale seemed to shudder as he comprehended it all for a final time. He clenched his jaw in sorrow of how she saw herself as a bomb, waiting to destroy all in her wake, afraid of hurting another innocent soul. Her junior self would laugh at the sight of her compassion, but it wasn't a joke to him. It was only heart-breaking to watch. "No." He bit his lip, letting his feet move to their own accord upon sensing the group's focus had been wavered to each other. He spoke to her in a hushed tone. "Mar, don't do this…"

She knew he would try to fight in vain, and had considered her means of offering mercy in advance. "I'm sorry, babe… I h-"

"Don't say you have to, because that isn't true and you know it. Mar…" He breathed. "You won't feel this lost forever. And we talked about this – you have to let the medication kick in, start taking things one step at a time – you don't have to sacrifice commitments for this. We're all here to help you-"

"I know you are." She replied instantly, matching the lull of his voice and his gaze as he looked back confusedly. "But I can't just rely on you guys… I'm gonna let people down. If I'm struggling now, what's going to happen in a week or two when all of the deadlines are really kicking in and graduation is even closer? You wanted me to take things slower; take a few things off my plate, so I am. I'm trying to be healthier. Please, just… support me on this. I'm sorry, Ry. I don't want to do this either."

"You don't have to." The chestnut-haired teenager reminded her hopelessly.

Marley sighed, taking his hands. "I love you, Ryder. But-"

"I love you too. You don't have to do this." He dismissed.

"This is just something I have to do. To make me better."

"Mar…"

"Don't you want me better?"

"Of course I do, but…"

"I want nothing more than to stay. But I just can't – not for now, anyway. Not until I'm sure I'm better." She sucked in a breath and released one of her hands from one of his, up his chest, to his cheek. He sank into it upon the invitation. "I would never do something like this if I didn't think it was for the best."

It was strange – looking back on the day's events – how he had made himself agree with her in that moment. How he had let her kiss him on the cheek with sunken eyelashes fluttering against his skin. How he had let her lips linger there for far too long. How he had let her hands finally release from him, latch themselves onto the straps of her backpack, and walk out – just like that. How he had no choice but to watch her go, and no ambitions to force her to stay.

I'm so dreadfully sorry for not updating sooner, but I hope to get the next chapter out soon! Only about 4 or 5 to go until the end, if my calculations are correct…

Until next time,

-Beth :)