HERE TO STAY

PART II: New Beginnings

Chapter 24

TOBIAS

He stared at the cold, unmoving body on the ground. He had done it; he had killed Marcus, his own father. He was dead—and he wasn't going to come back to life.

But regardless of how he had felt about Marcus, nothing felt worse than the loss of Christian. The grief, was all-consuming, it tore him to the core. Nothing, nothing in his life could even begin to compare with this loss—not even his mother's. Sure, she had been the centre of his life but after she was gone, Christian became his everything—his rock, his best friend, his brother, his family. He had given Tobias everything and yet, he had given him more… he had given his life up for his—it the ultimate sacrifice. And if it was reversed, Tobias too, would've given up everything if it meant saving his family.

Tobias' entire body felt like it was on fire; his throat was burning and his flesh felt like it was going to melt right off his bones. He could feel this itching sensation all over his body and he began to claw at his own skin, desperate to relieve himself of the agonizing pain.

He felt a tug on his arm, "Come on Tobias. We have to leave now." Her eyes motioned towards the door. "They would've heard the gun shot by now and they'll be coming for us. We have to go." She gave one last pull at his arm and he let her drag him out the door.

Soon enough they were running. Tobias didn't feel anything, not even the thick mud sloshing beneath his feet or how Tris was trying to comfort him. He felt sick to the stomach; how was he supposed to live now knowing that he had just killed a man?

"Tobias we have to go." She urged, her hands still pulling him along. Her palm was soft and it took away the searing pain—she took away all his pain. She was healing him, her presence having a soothing quality. All he wanted was to hold her close, and just this time, for her to tell him everything was going to be just fine.

Everything after he had pulled the trigger was a blur, he didn't even remember running, he didn't remember how they had escaped, all he could feel was well… nothing. He felt empty, lost?

His feet soon fell into the same rhythm as Tris' as they fled the scene. He had tripped over, fallen, gotten back up, but he had barely remembered anything. It was all happening so fast, he couldn't comprehend what he was doing anymore. And he began to drift in and out of consciousness, old memories resurfacing. His eyes began to close and he felt the warmth of childhood memories embracing him.

"Tobias?"

"Yes?" He hummed, legs kicking away as he launched himself off the ground. The swing swung higher than it had ever gone, and Tobias felt like he was flying—well, at least how flying would've felt to a eight-year-old.

"Do you think you'll remember me?" He looked over at his best friend who was sitting on the other swing. His had stopped moving a while ago, and he seemed rather sad than happy. "Do you think we'll be friends forever?"

Tobias slowed the swing and grinned at his friend, "Of course Christian. We'll be best friends, forever and ever, till the very end."

"Tobias?" He heard his name once again, and he could feel himself drifting further and further from the comfort of old memories. Soon enough, he was brought back tor reality. Tris looked over him uneasily, worry and concern painted across her face.

"Yes?" He hummed, the familiarity of it all bringing back some sort of trance of happiness. His insides glowed and he felt a little bit better.

"We have to keep moving." She coaxed and he nodded numbly at her order.

His feet were still pounding on the ground as they continued to sprint, leaving the abandoned warehouse far behind them. Her palm was firmly pressed into his, pulling him along when he slowed. She didn't give him, urging him to continue. But it was all a strain, both physically and mentally.

As he got lost in the sound of footsteps sloshing in the mud, his thoughts drifted elsewhere and once again, he was consumed by his long, forgotten memories.

"It's not too late right?" His friend called to him.

"Too late for what?" Tobias answered.

"To run away together…" Christian suggested, and the thought hadn't actually crossed his mind once. He didn't want to think of the fact that he'd lose his one and only friend. He didn't want to deal with the loss of another person in his life.

"No." Tobias whispered. "I don't care where we are Chris, all I know is I want to be with you always." The ten-year-old naivety was expected, but Tobias actually contemplated on the idea. He couldn't comprehend what the real world was actually alike, but in his mind, nothing was clearer than the need to spend the rest of his life with his best friend.

"Always and forever?"

"Forever and always."

He woke up from the flashback with a jostle. When his eyes snapped back open, he realized he had only been gone for a second, but it had felt like an eternity. Eternity… an eternity he had promised to Christian. It had been ages since that conversation, and Tobias wondered why he had never remembered it earlier. It seemed he had pushed all these memories far from his mind, into a place where no one could touch them because they were too painful. All the memories with him and Christian were all but a distant speck. He couldn't remember all this time, because he hadn't wanted to. It hurt him to remember how he had lost his best friend—how he had been taken from him.

"I'm going to miss you Tobias." Christian wrapped his friend into a hug, tears balling down his face as he clutched onto Tobias' shirt. They hugged, and neither had wanted to let go. They knew even for an eleven year old, when they let go, the other would be gone. And that terrified them both.

Tobias choked on a sob as he reluctantly let go, but the pressure from his mother's hand on his shoulder told him it was time. As they pulled away, Christian leaned in and whispered, "Remember what you said. Best friends till the end."

When he came back to, he was crying. Real tears were leaking from his eyes and the more he tried to will them away, the faster they poured. Soon, he found himself sobbing quietly as they slipped further into the night. He had broken his last promise to Christian. He hadn't been there for his friend, he had abandoned his only real friend. The promise to be friends forever was lost into the night.

"I'm so sorry Christian... I really am. I'm sorry I couldn't be stronger... I'm sorry I wasn't there for you in the end. But I'll make it up to you... I can promise you that." he whispered but the voice soon faded into the moonlight, "I'm so sorry... This—this is all my fault... You died because of me. It's all my fault." His voiced slowed and he sagged in utter defeat.

Tris had now slowed to a brisk pace and his arm fell limp by his side as the distance between them closed.

"It's not your fault." She whispered but he shook his head, disagreeing.

"Yes, it is. He gave up his life for me Tris." His voice floated away with the wind, it was so soft that Tris barely caught it. Her eyes turned gentle, and she gave him a tiny squeeze.

"He gave up his life for us, Tobias." She spoke firmly. "He saved us both."

He turned looked at her curiously. "Back then. You looked surprised… you looked like you knew him… You knew him didn't you?"

She sighed, "I met him by chance one night after we… after we had a break, and well, I didn't know it at the time, but he was into me." She lowered her eyes, "I didn't know… I didn't know that you two knew each other. Maybe if I was more careful, maybe if I knew sooner, maybe he wouldn't have looked so betrayed… Maybe he wouldn't have died bitter."

"He probably died hating me." He muttered, his gaze now on the ground. He kicked a pebble furiously and it flew far away. "He died thinking I took his girl."

"No… he knew I was still hung up on another guy." She avoided his gaze, "He didn't ask, but he wanted to be there for me… He wanted to be the one… But I said no, that I couldn't do it… I'm as much to blame as you are."

"He didn't deserve to die Tris. He was my best friend! And I left him there, I—I couldn't help him."

She tilted her head to get a look at him. Slowly and carefully, she lifted her hand to touch his cheek. One hot tear rolled down and touched her finger. She didn't know what she felt, but it was a strange sensation; it felt like somehow, all hurt and the grief was beginning to go away. "He died knowing that you loved him. He didn't die hating you! If he hated you, he wouldn't have died for you, he wouldn't have tried to save you. But he did, he saved you Tobias, he saved both of us." She choked on her words, "Maybe he felt he owed it to us, that he had to die for us to be happy. Perhaps, in some weird way, he knew, his death would only draw us closer. Maybe that's why he did it… To make sure we would get to live, to love."

He pulled her close, needing to feel the comfort of her against him once more. They stood in the cold, the wind constantly nipping away at their tender flesh. The grief had been overwhelming, but being with Tris made it better—for a brief moment, he didn't feel like he was drowning in despair. He actually felt okay. "I don't know how I'm going to live without him… I wish—I wish I could've told him that I loved him one last time." He took a deep breath in, "I miss him Tris."

She nodded, "I know you do. I miss him too."

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, I didn't have Internet for the past week. Anyway, I apologise for that and the short chapter but I found it only fitting that it ended like that for Christian.

If you have any questions, feel free to message me and I will try to answer you as best as I can and even include it in the next chapter if possible. As always, it would make me smile if you left me your thoughts. Thanks for reading!