HELLO! I wanted to post, and I got a review too, so here's the twenty-fourth chapter of ONAAT!
Thoughts.
Singing = boy
Singing = girl
Singing = both
Enjoy!
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To Find That Spark
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I bit my lower lip, tapping the pencil against my chin and staring at the music sheet before me, my feet moving with impatient movements.
For the past week, between the practices and the different jobs, I had been trying to come up with some lyrics for the song Haruka gave me a few months ago. I had completely forgotten about it, to be honest, but now I wanted to work on it.
I wasn't calling upon the Muses, I hadn't lost enough faith to do that. Not that I blamed them, of course, I was grateful for the blessing, but I wanted to do it myself. I was a part-time Composer, after all, and writing had always been a passion. I just had to keep pushing until I found something. Plus, I wanted to give it to Haruka, as a thank you for all of her efforts.
We all saw how stressed she had been in the passed few days. Almost overworking herself, I had to force her to go to sleep and always was the one who brought her lunch. Otherwise, she'd forget to eat.
Poor Haruka. She's probably terrified STARISH will be disbanded if she can't do it, but I know she can, we all do.
With an heavy sigh, I put down the pencil. Nothing more would be done today, that I knew too well.
Glancing by the window, I smiled lightly when I realized it was raining. Stretching, I quickly changed into a shirt I knew would dry easily, before running outside.
I spread my arms, closing my eyes to fully appreciate the soothing fall of the drops of cold water on my skin. It had been a while since I last was able to stand in the rain like that and, just per usual, I felt a certain numbness overcome me. I felt good, calm, relaxed.
Sitting down on the stairs, I simply enjoyed the rain while it lasted.
After a few minutes, though, the doors behind creaked open. I tilted my head to the newcomer, only to find a scowling Ranmaru.
"Yo" I simply greeted, feeling too good to pick a fight.
His eyes widened a little at the lack of incentive, but they soon came back to their usual collected and somewhat grumpy selves.
"You're going to catch a cold, staying in the rain like that" he warned. "And don't you have better to do than lazing around? The UtaPri Award is coming soon, shouldn't you be practicing?"
"I don't catch colds" I shrugged as the corner of my mouth twitched upwards. "And what is it that I hear in your voice, Ranmaru? Could it be worry about STARISH's fate?"
"Tche, as if" he grunted. "But to be so arrogant… you don't seem to care enough, do you?"
At that, the calmness inspired by the rain disappeared, and my eyes narrowed at him. He simply raised an eyebrow at that reaction.
"STARISH means everything to me. Don't you ever dare assume otherwise" my voice cut through the heavy air like a knife.
"And yet, you gambled your place in this Agency as if you had nothing to loose" he sneered.
He thinks back to his old group, I then realized. He believes I'll leave them at the first chance I get and destroy the group just like his old teammates did.
For some reason, I was somewhat hurt by that. Hadn't I proved enough times that I cared about STARISH and the boys? That I would never hurt them, or at least not intentionally?
"I'm not leaving" I finally bit out, turning my back to him once more. "Not as long as they want of me"
There was another grunt, and he opened the doors to go back inside.
"They're the family I've always wanted to had" I admitted before he could fully close the door. "If I made this bet, it was for them in the first place. If worst came to worst, then I would still have been able to stay here with them, even if it's with a different Agency. You have to understand, Ranmaru… if I ever had to choose between them or my career, they would always be my first choice, without hesitation"
Silence ensued. Then, he scoffed.
Something warm landed on me as the door snapped close behind. Surprised, I lifted the unknown object, only to realize that it was his jacket.
I laughed.
He's such a tsundere.
"What? Nanami is…"
All of STARISH was about to have a group interview. Everyone in their tuxedos –yes, even me-, we were waiting to be called on stage.
Cecil decided to use this moment to express his worries about Haruka.
"I can confirm" I then sighed, shifting on the couch. "Haruka doesn't seem like her usual self. I barely dare to talk to her. She's so focused on her work that she forgets to eat and I have to force her to take rests. She's never leaving the room either, and it's starting to really freak me out"
"The arrangement is extremely important" remarked Tokiya, standing before a mirror. "The fate of STARISH depends on it… and yours too, Ary. She must be under a lot of pressure"
"We're talking about Nanami" then said Masato. "She must be trying to handle it all by herself"
"Haru-chan? All by herself?" repeated Natsuki.
"The lady doesn't tell us anything when she's in pain" added Ren. "Now, doesn't that recall of someone?"
"Hey, I'm not that bad" I protested.
"Haru-chan admires you a lot, Ary-chan" then replied the tall blond. "When she sees you handling everything on your own, she thinks you're really strong. Believe it or not, but she wants to be as strong as you. Or at least, that's what she said once"
"But I'm not alone!" I started panicking. "I always have loads of people helping me out, and you guys too! I couldn't have made it this far alone, no one can!"
"Yet you always have difficulties to ask for help" retorted Masato, merely stating a fact.
Unable to deny it, I crossed my arms over my chest with a huff.
"Girls" grunted Syo my way. "Why are you all so damn difficult?"
I was about to reply when we were called on stage. Biting my lower lip, I followed as we headed outside.
We have to do something, to help her. Pushing herself that way, she's loosing sight of what's really important. Haruka, I'm so sorry… it's my fault again.
The interview was done thirty minutes later. Everyone had some time before their respective jobs, so we went to the nearest café to get something to eat.
Haruka… what can I do to make it up to you? I never was strong, not alone. I'm sorry, I should have seen it before. If I-
An hand fell on my shoulder, and I raised my eyes to Natsuki, who smiled reassuringly at me.
"It's not your fault, Ary-chan"
"… are you a mind reader?" I blinked at him.
He chuckled.
"You always tended to take the blame for everything" he simply said with some sort of resigned acceptance. "But you're not at fault. To be honest… I think all of us kind of look up to you, in one way or another"
"… what are you talking about?"
"Well" he shrugged, waving his hand a little. "Haru-chan always admired you because of your talent. Syo-chan looks up to you because of your strength, in body and in mind. Masa-kun admires your determination. Ren appreciates your honesty, Cecil-kun admires you as an Idol and a role model, and Tokiya values how you have your way with words and how easily you can reach out to others and bring them together"
I felt my cheeks burn, but kept silent, not really knowing what to do with this information. He smiled, and ruffled my hair.
"As for me… I love the way you treat your friends. How you care for them, tend to them. How you understand them. I admire your passion, and your compassion for others"
"You make me sound faultless…" I grumbled, shoving my hands in my pockets and looking away, somewhat embarrassed.
An arm slung around my shoulders and Syo rubbed his knuckles against my head.
"You're far from faultless" he retorted, grinning as I struggled in the headlock. "You're arrogant, sometimes too honest, you keep thinking you can do everything on your own, you disregard yourself to help others… trust me, there's a lot of flaws to talk about"
"Geez, don't I feel loved" I drawled, managing to break free.
I lost my balance, but Otoya caught me.
"It may sound weird, but I think we all came to consider you like our little sister" he then said with a slight blush as he grinned. "You've always been there for us, always helped out… you're like family, Ary!"
Gazing around, I remarked we had stopped walking and they probably had been eavesdropping all along. Then, I realized they were all nodding in agreement, and I felt my eyes water a little. Instantly, I darted ahead and rubbed my eyes so that they wouldn't be able to see the tears. I however bumped into Ren, who chuckled.
"There's no need to cry, Kitten"
"I'm not crying, you jerk" my voice cracked a little as my throat constricted. "I'm not- I'm not crying. Why would I cry for something dumb like that?"
But the tears rolling down my cheeks said otherwise.
Why am I crying? I feel happy, so why?
An hand gently ruffled my hair –they seemed to have an habit of doing so- and Tokiya smiled down at me as the tears kept falling.
"Let's go home, Ary"
My heart twisted painfully, but it was a good kind of pain, the one that made you realize that you were alive and present and happy.
"God… you know…" I sniffed, finally managing to calm my little fit. "Ayden would have loved you guys. Like, a lot. Damn…"
Masato handed me a tissue and I erased the last traces of tears, before shooting them a half-glare.
"This never happened"
"Hai, hai" smiled Cecil.
Huffing, I spun on my heels and headed for the damn café.
Damn me, loosing control over my emotions like that. But… it's been so long, since someone said these things to me… All along, I had my doubts. I loved them and Haruka and Tomo-chan and STARISH so much, yet always doubted to loved me back the same way. But now… now I see that there wasn't anything to worry about. Is that why I cried? Why I felt so happy? Because I now know for sure… that this dream… no, this reality, won't end anytime soon?
My eyes widened slightly, my heartbeat suddenly fastened.
I… know. I know… I know what to do!
The boys exchanged amused glances at the black-haired girl took the lead in hopes to save what was left of her dignity, or so she said.
Everything Natsuki said was as true as it could be. Whether she knew it or not, Arya was probably one of the most important parts of STARISH. If Haruka's songs had been what brought STARISH together in the first place, Arya was the one keeping them all together. Since the Academy, she brought them all closer with her honesty, pushed them to understand each other and taught them to always look from each point of view before making decisions.
Yes, Arya taught them many things indeed and, whether they liked it or not, she forged her place in their hearts. As a fellow member of the group, as a talented Idol, as a close friend, as a great confident, and as a sister.
They all knew how she looked at them. How she grew attached so easily to them, how she yearned for their love and friendship yet never dared to ask. She just came along, believing her feelings would always be hers alone.
How wrong she was.
"Guess we tend to forget to tell her, uh?" remarked Otoya with a slight smile.
"Girls" Syo grunted once more for only answer.
"She always blushes a lot when she receives these kind of compliments, though" Natsuki pointed out, not really understanding why his friend felt so easily embarrassed by praises.
"That's what happens when people aren't use to it" answered Tokiya, his face darkening a little. "Arya has been alone for years before meeting us. She was used to being considered a tool by her family. Also, while we all know about her honesty, the world of show business is all but frank. She mustn't have received much praises in her life before, and those she did received must have been backhanded or fake"
They kept silent for a moment at his analysis.
"Well, it is funny to see all flustered for once, though" couldn't help but say Syo.
They could only agree. After all, it wasn't everyday that Arya actually acted like a "girly girl", and seeing her blush wasn't a common occurrence.
Cecil was about to add something when his eyes were drawn to the necklace hanging around the girl's neck.
It was glowing.
Inspiration, at a moment like this? You truly are something, Ary.
"Guys!" she exclaimed, whirling around to face them, all memories of her sooner embarrassment for now forgotten. "I know how we can help Haruka!"
"Haruka!"
The the girl turned to me. For a second, I was startled at the dullness of her beautiful eyes.
Her spark isn't there anymore. What have we done to you, Haruka?
"Ary, what-"
"Tonight!" I clasped my hands on her shoulders, forcing her to look at me in the eyes. "I've got a surprise for you! Meet me at the central place at nine!"
"But-"
"And don't tell me you have to work!" I added, waving a finger before her face. "You need to take a break! So, tonight?"
She opened her mouth, closed it, before nodding mutely.
I grinned.
"Good! See you there!"
And with that, I ran away and headed for the Agency's music studio. I had a very special song to record.
Haruka showed up at the meeting place exactly on time, punctual as usual. Looking around, she however couldn't find her friend in all the crowd that was surrounding her and the darkness that was slowly befalling the city despite all the lights.
Where could Ary be…
"Good evening, everyone!"
Haruka startled at the familiar voice, coming from the speakers around a gigantic screen just on the other side of the street. Lifting her eyes, she saw Arya waving at the crowd, well, her recording at least.
"I'm Ritsukera Arya, of STARISH!" she winked. "I hope all of you are currently having a nice evening"
"Look, look!"
"No way!"
"It's Arya-sama!"
"You think she has a new solo?"
"I hope so! I still have chills from Breakaway!"
"Tonight, I've got a special song, for a special someone" she pursued, a mike appearing in her hands. "Just read between the lines, alright?"
The girls around started cheering. Ever since Arya's apparition with Scars to your Beautiful, the female fans were much more open towards her.
Whenever I was frightened
Or if I ever felt alone
I turned to the night sky
And a star I call my own
The cheers died down to leave place solely to her voice.
Somewhere I could run to
Just across the milky way
If you like I could take you
It's just a light year and a day
Ary… you've grown a lot since we first met, haven't you? This song, my song… it's beautiful, thought Haruka with a slight smile.
We can sail away tonight
On a sea of pure moonlight
We can navigate the stars
Bring us back home
In a place so far away
We'll be young, that's how we'll stay
Every wish is a command
When we find ourselves in never
Neverland
But, the smile then slipped as she looked down. That's why I have to make a song… that can beat anything. So that you don't leave us, so that you can continue to grow like you're doing now.
Through all my make believe
There's some reality
In your reflection
There's much more than you see
All that you hope for
You hope for today
Is the love someone gives you
In an unconditional way
I'll beat HEAVENS… and you'll stay with us. STARISH won't be disbanded, not if I can do the perfect song, the usually shy girl clenched her fist.
We can sail away tonight
On a sea of pure moonlight
We can navigate the stars
To bring us back home
In a place so far away
We'll be young, that's how we'll stay
I promise, Ary, Haruka looked back to the screen. I promise I won't let you and the guys down.
And with your hand in my hand
I am closer now to finding
Neverland
"That song was beautiful!"
"She's such a great singer!"
"I wish I had a voice like hers!"
"Do you know when we can get that song?"
I hid a smile, readjusting the hood over my head. No need to be spotted right now, I had other plans than to sign autographs all evening.
I placed my hands on Haruka's shoulders, coming from behind, and she jumped at the sudden contact, before relaxing when she realized who I was.
"Come on, before we start attracting attention" I grinned, pulling her behind me.
Haruka… your eyes are the same as sooner. Did you not understood? Or are you simply too blinded by your own insecurities to see the hand reaching out for you?
"A-a festival?" stammered Haruka in realization when we arrived.
"Well, I've always wanted to see one" I shrugged. "You know, being from another continent and everything. Let's go!"
"But… I-"
A loud growl interrupted what she was about to say. She flushed red, and I laughed.
"Well, someone's hungry" I joked. "Come on, there are loads of food stands here"
Well forced to follow me, we soon found ourselves enjoying some tokiyaki at the nearest stand we could find.
"I-I'm so sorry…" she mumbled, apparently embarrassed.
"For being hungry?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Well…
"Haruka, have you been eating properly?" I frowned a little at her. "I've been trying to feed you but, to be honest, I don't know if you ate even half of what I got you"
She looked down at the plate in her hands.
"I-I was working…" she bit her lower lip.
"It's not enough of a reason to not take care of yourself" I replied, poking her forehead gently. "I won't insist too much though, seeing how hypocrite that would actually be coming from me. However, I have to insist that you accompany me on my tour of the festival tonight. We haven't had time for the both of us in a long while, now, and I'd really enjoy catching up"
"A-alright, Ary" she offered a somewhat hesitant, but genuine, smile. "I-I'd like that too…"
"Great! Then let's eat, and we'll be off!" I cheered.
We tried many of the diverse attractions in the next hour: shooting at different targets, fishing gold fishes in the pond, a few Karuta games and we even bought festival masks. By the end of the night, Haruka's smiles and laugh become more genuine, but the spark still had yet to come back in her gaze.
Well, guess it's time for phase two.
Walking down the hill, slowly making our way away from the festivities under the starry sky, I waited for Haruka to engage the conversation.
"Ano… Ary? Thank you… for tonight. I had a lot of fun" she fiddled with the edge of her dress.
"Me too" I nodded. "We should do this again. It was nice"
"Yeah… and, your song was amazing too" she added, more shyly.
"I'm glad you liked it" my lips stretched in a smile. "To be honest, I passed a lot of time on this. I wanted the lyrics to be perfect, so I passed most of my free time on it. I wanted the song to be to the same level as your composing skills. You really are an amazing Composer, you know?"
At that, her step faltered, before stopping completely. Surprised, I turned around to face her as she looked at the ground.
"I had no idea… you were working this hard" she bit her lower lip.
"It was more fun than work" I shrugged. "And… I wanted to sing your song. I'll do anything I can to keep it that way, too"
Some sort of resolve then hardened her features and, for a second, I was scared.
"Me too, I'll do anything!" she assured. "I'll make a song that will beat HEAVENS"
Wait, what? my eyes widened.
"Beat… HEAVENS?" I repeated. "Haruka! What the hell are you talking about?"
"I-I won't let you guys be disbanded, I won't" she gritted her teeth. "I can't. If STARISH looses, you'll be disbanded and yourself will have to join them and-and"
"Haruka, calm down!" I grabbed her shoulders, growing worried. "Beat HEAVENS? Where did you pick that up…"
She stiffened, not really knowing what to do or say. I took a deep breath.
"I love them" I then said. "Your songs, your music, your talent, everything! I love them because you put your soul and spirit in your compositions, because everything you create is another piece of your heart too big to be true. But right now… it's not about beating them, Haruka! You can't beat people with music!"
"But if I don't-"
"You can't beat people with music!"
She started shaking, but I didn't let go, my message needing to come across.
"Music is about reuniting everyone, about sending a message, about making people happy!" her eyes snapped focused at that. "Isn't that what you wanted to do all along, Haruka? To make those listening to your songs happy?"
She shook harder, before hanging her head down as tears started streaming down her face.
A little more…
"Winning, loosing… none of it matters" I said, softer. "What matters is how hard we work, how our fans listen, how we all do this together"
"I… I lost sight… of the most important thing…" she whispered, hiding her cries in her hands. "I… I'm sorry… I've failed as a professional…"
Unable to stop myself anymore, I hugged her tightly. Instantly, she answered at the embrace with somewhat of a desperate surge.
"You don't need to do this alone" I rubbed circles on her back as she sobbed in my shoulder. "You don't need to put so much pressure into something like that… why would you do something like that anyway? Weren't you the one telling me to rely on you and everyone else?"
"I-I need to be strong, like you!" she almost screamed, still in my arms. "You're always doing stuff like this as if it was nothing… but I can't let you leave us now! I-if I can do anything to help, then I will!"
"Idiot" I tightened a little my hold. "You're such an idiot… I'm only strong because the rest of you are by my sides all the time. I never was alone, Haruka. You always were with me, since the very beginning, remember?"
She fell silent, probably remembering all those times where she had been the one offering me her support, and finally stopped shaking.
"You told me to hold on" I insisted. "So I did. And I'm not letting go anytime soon, got it?"
"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…"
"It's okay, Haruka" I pulled away so that I could face her. "Happens to the best of us, okay? But… you trust us with your talent. You trust us with your smiles. You even trust us with your tears. So… trust us with your pain too, okay?"
I offered her a gentle smile and, after a few seconds, she raised her head and smiled back, the most genuine I had seen in a very long time.
"H-hai!"
Once her tears were dried, we started walking again.
"Ary… thank you" she said after a few minutes of silence.
"Anytime, Haruka" I grinned, ruffling her hair. "But you know, I wasn't the only one worried about you"
"Uh?"
I want you to try placing your hand on your chest
You'll be able to hear that warm sound
That kind sound is only your melody
Please believe in the supporting rhythm
She gaped as none other than our seven boys appeared from behind the hill. They had wanted to do something to cheer her up too, hence the song they were singing right now.
Happiness and courage and the days that lie ahead
The music you weave and even your tears
I want you to let me take on half of everything
I'll be by your side forever
I was greatly surprised by the lyrics. I had composed the music really quickly for them, but it would seem they had worked something out nowadays.
We love your song
We need you
You are who you are
Painting your dreams the way you are
We love your song
We need you
Let's follow this star road together
And then this symphony I shall give to you
No matter what walls lie in your way
Don't forget to smile
Made of love, stars and eight colors
For you, who dreams
Shine, songs!
I smiled softly as Haruka brought her hands to her mouth, apparently at lost at what to do. After a few seconds, she decided to speak.
"W-what are you all doing here?"
"Don't act so distant" instantly replied Syo. "We couldn't just ignore you when we knew you were worried"
"We thought of what we could do for you together!" exclaimed Otoya.
"The only thing we can do for you is provide the greatest vocals for your song" added Ren with a soft smile.
"At the very least, we wanted you to know how much we care about you" pursued Masato.
"We wrote lyrics for the song that Ary-chan wrote for us sooner" informed Natsuki.
"Everyone…"
"Haruka, our hearts will always connect to yours" assured Cecil.
"Everyone…" repeated Haruka, tears forming in her eyes again. "I'm sorry for making you worry. Thank you so much. Such a beautiful song… I'm so happy… I… I'll put everything I'm feeling in this arrangement!"
"Alright!" I cheered, latching an arm around her neck. "That's what I'm talking about!"
"We'll sing with all the happiness we have when we sing that song!" promised Syo.
"Right!" nodded Haruka.
She dried her tears, now smiling again and the weight on her shoulders seeming to have disappeared.
"Okay, then. Let's go watch some fireworks together" proposed the short blond.
"Fireworks?" repeated Haruka.
"We planned to invite you to watch fireworks with us" precised Masato.
"It was Ary's idea" added Ren.
"Well, saved for the dresses" I replied, eying their outfits with wonder. "What the hell are you guys wearing, seriously?"
"O-oi! Those are yukatas, idiot!" Syo waved his fist at me. "Traditional festival clothes!"
"All for not saying they're dresses" I deadpanned.
"N-NO!"
The rest laughed at our usual banter, and I felt myself relax when Haruka joined them. I was glad she felt better now.
Before we could pursue, though, the sky was illuminated by dozens of lights and colors. I felt my lips stretch in a grin at the beautiful display.
I always was a sucker for fireworks.
"Fantastic!"
"Amazing!"
"So pretty"
I glanced back to the orange-haired girl. She was smiling too, eyes once more illuminated by that special spark of hers. At the same time, I felt a little thrum from the necklace around my neck. Looking down at the stone, I felt warmth flutter in my chest when I distinctly heard a soft melody, as if the Muses were approving of my support.
And now… the real works begins for STARISH. Alright... let's do this!
Yeah! New chapter done! So, I know it should have been Tokiya, but I wanted Haruka and Arya to have a little girl time. Adding Tokiya in it would've been kind of weird too, so I just decided to give his place to oh-so-dear Arya. Hope you don't mind?
The song is Neverland by Zendaya.
Fun fact: I just discovered most of my fanfics are longer than the Harry Potter books. Just saying.
QUESTIONS FOR ARYA!
Keep reviewing, I love you guys!