A.N/ -I really am sorry!
Her heels echoed the grounds of the courthouse as she made her way over to Kalinda, a person who she had only known for more than a month, but had grown a close relationship to. It was one of the most strangest combinations, considering they were both, completely different people, but it had seemed that fate had just brought them together, at a time where she also needed someone to confide in, someone who wasn't Will or Veronica or Owen, someone who had no judgements and knew nothing about her. Kalinda was the perfect comparison.
Not many people at the firm knew about Alicia and Will's situation, it had only been a several days since they found out about the pregnancy, and so far, Kalinda and Diane were the only ones who knew from the firm. Both reaction stunned, and a little shocked on Diane's behalf, but overall happy for the both of them, even though there was a little hint of worry in both woman's features as they found out how many weeks Alicia was in, and the heavy bits of nausea she was still experiencing weren't settling anyone.
Even the worried eyes of Kalinda's were a little obvious, Alicia noticed as she walked towards her, then again, her body language and the current aching of Alicia's legs weren't much reassuring, especially when Kalinda noticed them tremble.
"Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." Alicia shook her off. Slipping into the car, she had to glance down at her stomach as another clench took place. What on earth is going on with you? She thought to herself. Since early that morning, she had been experiencing firm cramps that made her crunch her knuckles and bite her lip, she tried her hardest to hide them from Will, but ultimately knew it was hopeless as he took one look at her and instructed her to head home straight after court. But of course, she was going to ignore him, and drive straight back to the office to gather her belongings so that she could study at home, in the warmth and quietness of their apartment, finally able to have some quality time to herself as the kids were with their grandmother for the afternoon.
She was grateful for the comfortable silence that surfaced through the car ride between her and Kalinda, even more so when she hadn't mentioned anything about the constant movements of Alicia's in her seat, trying to tame the roughness in her current body.
As soon as they reached the twenty eighth floor, Alicia headed straight for her own office, passed the conference room in which the partners seemed to be celebrating something, a glass of champagne broken out. She caught Will's gaze from a far and offered him a reassuring smile before turning her back away, moving her hands back down to her abdomen and feeling another, sudden attack, caused her to cringe yet again. Before she could gather her baring's, she heard a voice in the background and turned to see David Lee walking towards her.
"Alicia, were celebrating the new client base, we received a phone call from Neil Gross, he's wanting to ship his business here. Join us." She was a little stunned at David's offer, considering he hardly ever took much interest with her, but then again, the recognition of the fact that approaching Neil Gross was all her idea, was most likely the reason everyone seemed to be seizing to her.
She nodded her head, absent mindedly and offered her best feign smile whilst she walked into the large room, full with lawyers, clinking their glasses together. She stood next to Will, barely a metre away and took the glass of water he offered her, a loving smile playing on his lips.
"I thought you were going home?"
"Soon, I just had to grab a few things."
"Do you want me to come with you?" the light concern in his voice, and the innocents of it was most adorable, it caused her to refrain herself from reaching up and placing a kiss on his lips, something she was accustomed to doing at home.
"I thought you and Diane had that meeting with Neil Gross and his team?"
"We do, but I can leave it with Diane if you need me to come with you?"
She couldn't help but smile at his words, before placing her hand on his forearm and lightly shaking her head. "No. Stay here, I'll be fine, let me know when you're coming home so I can reheat dinner."
"Are you sure?" his eyes were mixed with hesitation, and worry. She tried her hardest to feign her own hesitation, but she nodded anyway.
"I'm sure, Stay Will. I'll be fine."
Leaving him with a reassuring smile, she made her way out of the office, this time the pain in her stomach getting to her as every step she took caused her inner self to tremble. The ride back home was short lived, suddenly feeling the gratitude in the fact that the apartment was only a few blocks away from the firm, in which, as soon as she reached the elevator, she was finally able to brace herself against the wall and breathe in heavily. The feeling was getting worse, to the point where she felt like something heavy was weighing down her stomach towards the ground and the constant pain in her lower back wasn't easing.
She walked, painfully, into the apartment, shutting the door behind her, she took in for the first time that week, a quiet, tidy apartment. With the kids still with Veronica, and Will still at work, she was able to take advantage of her situation and moan in pain as another cramp took place. She had no idea what was going on with her body at the moment, but if she had learnt anything over the course of her first two pregnancy's, it was that this was not a normal measure of the first trimester, the pain wasn't supposed to be this bad. But as much as she would like to loath in curiosity, and analyse the current situation, there was just no time or energy and so with every twist of her stomach, she made her way towards the bathroom, barely able to walk on two steady feet.
Reaching the mirror, she took in her appearance and sighed. It was a wonder why anyone hadn't stopped her way through the lobby, her body was visibly shaking and for some reason she was sweating.
Closing her eyes, she seized a deep breath and remained still, until she felt another, sudden attack, this time in her lower back, ten times worse. "Ohhh" she gaped in pain as she instinctively moved her hand to her stomach and that's when she felt the bleeding.
Opening her eyes in horror, she glanced down feeling her legs tremble, she saw the blood and felt her heart stop for a brief second.
This was it.
The paranoia she had been experiencing in the last month, the sure feeling that something was going to happen to this baby, that fate and reality had intervened in her and Will's blissful, happy life and that timing, was never a good factor in their pledging to each other.
She felt her legs tremble to the ground and let her feet take over as she slowly leant towards the tiled floor, her moans echoing the bathroom as she felt her body take over and the blood pour between her legs.
By now, she was crying hysterically, because of the pain and also the circumstance. She crawled her way towards her handbag, reaching the phone she pressed speed dial to Will's number and hung on it until it reached voicemail. She felt all defences crash around her and curled up into a ball with the phone pressed against her ear. Glancing back at the screen of her phone, her eyes fell on the familiar name and she pressed straight onto it.
The wait felt like years, and when the dial tone finally cut off, she breathed a sigh of relief between her sobs.
"Yeah?" Kalinda sounded busy, the curiosity of where Kalinda could possibly be subsided as Alicia jumped forward.
"Kalinda… Where…. Where are you? Are you with Will? I need to talk to him"
"I'm not at work, I just left, heading back to the crime scene. Why? What's up?"
Her answer was muffled by a loud screech as she felt another stab through her stomach, the current pain was unbelievably painful, to the point where she felt more tears roll down her cheeks. The sound was audible through the other line though, and as soon as Kalinda heard the commotion, bells rung and eyes shot up.
"Alicia? Are you okay? What's going on?"
"Kalinda…" she whimpered "I think I'm having a miscarriage. The baby… There's blood."
The sound of Kalinda's heels jogging along the hallway echoed the entire apartment, but by now Alicia's sobs turned into soft whimpers as she laid on the tiled wall, staring off into space as she waited for the ambulance to arrive. The touch of Kalindas on her shoulder brought her back to the present, gazing up, she saw a mix of panic and hesitation in the woman's eyes.
"The baby.." was all she was able to pronounce through the hoarseness of her voice.
"I know…. The ambulance is coming Alicia, you're going to be okay." Even though Kalinda's words were partly true, that wasn't the actual matter at hand. She didn't care whether or not her health was in condition because all that could come to mind was the baby and what was happening to it.
What were they going to do if she was to lose this baby?
What was she going to do?
How was Will going to react?
Questions that flooded through her mind, but merely any of them were important enough to her, the question that took over her mind was why had this happened to her and Will? Why couldn't fate let them live, just once, in a fairy tale.
She felt herself zone out as the paramedics arrived, and once she was settled in the back of the ambulance, with Kalinda by her side, she finally closed her eyes and let her own unconsciousness take over.
/
He felt his whole entire world stop as he read the message from Kalinda, followed by all the missed calls he had from Alicia. Just the mere mention of 'Alicia' and 'Hospital' was frightening and the idea that something could have happened to the baby was destroying him each minute it took to drive towards the hospital. His heart was pumping vastly, his head was spinning with thoughts, and his hands were visibly shaking. He didn't know which circumstance was devastating the most, losing Alicia, or watching her lose their child along with him.
Answer your phone. I'm with Alicia at the hospital, you need to get here as soon as possible.
Kalinda's choice of words weren't exactly calming, she could have explained it a bit more, but he was grateful that she was there, with the love of his life, in a place where he should have been the one to answer the call, he should have gone home with her instead of staying behind and he should have listened to his instinct from earlier on that morning.
But right now, there was no time to loath in guilt, because the current dilemma was much more important, and the possibility of Alicia going through this trauma alone, was killing him.
He rushed through the hospital and immediately met Kalinda in the emergency room, traces of Alicia's blood on her leather jacket, causing him to swallow with remorse. She looked absolutely terrified, he'd never seen her so vulnerable before. Kalinda's eyes fell into somewhat of relief as she spotted Will walking towards her, she waved out to him to come forward and without saying a word, she gestured for him to follow her.
The sight of Alicia laying on a bed, her hands covering her eyes as she had tears rolling down with what looked ten million different doctors and nurses, surrounding her, was heart shattering, he just knew, from one single sight that they had lost their child.
"What happened?" he mumbled through the hoarseness of his voice as he and Kalinda stared through the window.
Kalinda sighed, "I don't know. Everything was fine, she was complaining about cramps earlier this morning when we were in the courthouse but it was nothing serious…. Then she called me before but it was too late." The quiver in her voice was trembling enough for Will, on top of the extreme guilt and grief that suddenly took over him, he felt his entire world start to crumble. But before he could have a chance to break down, or gasp for oxygen, Kalinda interrupted him.
"She needs you." It wasn't much of a recognition but rather an instruction. "You probably want to break down as well, but you have to be the tough one Will, you can't let the grief get to you. I was with her in the ambulance… She's broken, and she's going to need you by her side more than ever." Even though he should probably acknowledge the fact that Kalinda, in this moment, was a completely different person from the distant, sly woman that he was accustomed to but all that could come to mind was the fact that, barely a week ago, he found out he was going to be a father, and now, that scenario was gone, as if a tornado had come in and swept his and Alicia's dreams away.
Kalinda was right, in order to survive this, for the sake of Zach and Grace, and Alicia, he would have to be the tough one. He would have to be the one to stand up for them in the best way possible, even under the most devastating period of their lives and the worst thing was, Zach and Grace had no idea about the baby. Alicia was planning on breaking the news to them that night. How was he going to explain to Zach and Grace the reasons of why their mother was in hospital?
His heart ached as he slowly walked into the room and met Alicia's eyes, she looked like someone had just ripped her to pieces. He felt tears sting in his eyes as she reached her hand out to him and he instinctively took it, before taking a seat closest to the bed and bringing her hand up to his lips as the two gazed into each other's eyes, mourning in utter grief.
One small tear escaped his eyes and rolled down his cheek, falling on her finger in which she wiped it away from his cheek before letting her own tears fall.
"I lost the baby." She whispered, the quivering in her hoarse voice mirroring his own emotions.
He couldn't remember the last time he had cried, he was a man who hid his emotions and was damn well good at it, but as he took one look into the woman who had his entire heart, and the affirmation she just whispered, confirmed his deepest worry. They had lost their child.
His body moved on its own, instinctively sitting next to her atop the edge of the bed, he took one look into her eyes that were mixed with devastation and grief. He let his face fall into the crook of her neck, the tears flowing on their own, and the feeling of Alicia's arms wrapping around him with fresh tears also flowing down her cheeks.
This has most likely been the most difficult chapter I have ever written and I am truly sorry! There aren't much words to explain my choice but I needed something that would really bring Alicia and Will together, in a poignant and sensitive way, and relatable way for both of them. I tried to warn you all in the last couple of chapters through Alicia's point of view. Please don't use tooo many capital letters in your reviews lol. And I promise to update early this upcoming weekend.