I DON'T KNOW WHAT DREAMS ARE MADE OF BUT I KNOW WHAT THEY FEEL LIKE...

Stupid Bella

I had disappointed Charlie and I felt awful about it. He was fuming on the other side of the phone. I cannot lie, however. His reason for being angry with me was absolutely comical. Unlike my expectations, Charlie wasn't angry about the engagement to Jacob, he wasn't exactly happy about the pregnancy, though.

"At least it's with a boy I can trust to be there for you" was what he said. So I knew he would have rather had us wait to have children, but at least it wasn't Edward, right? Not that he could have children, anyway, because he is a vampire. Even if he could, I would much rather be with warm, loving, Jacob instead of a monster.

Charlie finally called be me back the next day while I had been reading to pass the time. Jacob was at work and I missed him even though we spent some time together in the morning; I made him what he said were the best omelets, ever. And he kissed my lips and my enormous pregnant stomach and said 'I love you both' before he left. It was nice, but it wasn't enough. I missed him. It was crazy how clingy I was but I knew he missed me just as much so I did not feel bad about it.

I was a little nervous to answer the phone when the caller I.D read 'Forks, WA' I thought maybe Edward was calling back. But I answered anyway. It occurred, later, that the number should have told me right away it was my own house. Stupid Bella. Anyway, I decided to just lay it on him real quick after of course asking how he was and telling him that I missed and loved him like crazy. There was no use in beating around the bush and prolonging the inevitable. He asked me how my life was and I told him that I had much to tell him and made him promise not to kill me.

"Dad" I hesitated. "Jake and I are going to have a baby, and get married. And I know it is really irresponsible and all, but I am not sorry. I love him. And before you get too mad, remember that you told him to kidnap me. And Jake is taking such good care of me so don't be angry with him" I exhaled after that. I had used one breath to say that entire thing. It was difficult but if I had paused I may have stopped. He waited a long time before he responded and I was certain he had a few swear words for Jacob and I. I was surprised when he said

"I have to admit, I'm extremely jealous that he is taking care of you and I am not. It's like you don't need me, starting a family of you own. But at least it is with a boy I can trust to be there for you" he sighed. He was angry, I could tell. Sad. And I knew right away that it was because he was so lonely. I felt bad. I promised him that in a few months once we were completely settled, and had our baby, we would be back in forks. He was excited about seeing me and meeting his grandson,

"Are you sure it's a boy?" I could hear the smile in his voice. I knew that the first thing he thought of was when he and Billy would take their grandson fishing. Typical. I sighed playfully.

"Yes, dad, We are" we knew because Jacob had told me the werewolf thing didn't affect female family members so this whole 'let's grow way too fast and make mommy really fat' complex the baby had going on right now made us sure it was a son.

"Have you been to the doctor yet?"

"Yes" I lied. For one I didn't want t be poked and prodded. Two, I didn't want to be looked at like another teenager who couldn't keep her legs closed. And three, I didn't want to have to explain why I was a month pregnant and it looked like 7.

I would make it a point to tell dad if he ever asked that I had been pregnant before we left and either didn't know or I didn't want to tell him. I was leaning more towards the latter because that seemed to be what would have happened if anything about this situation were normal. But hey maybe I would get lucky and he wouldn't ask. He would just assume. Then Charlie said something that caught me so off guard that I felt stupid for not bringing it up before

"Have you picked a name yet?" stupid Bella.

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You would think that the thoughtful Jacob Black would have thought while he was at the book store that a baby book or two might be a good idea. I still love him but gosh, so dense. So I took my fat ass outside and trekked to the bookstore. It was warm outside, but I wore a sweater. It was comfortable because it was stretchy. I didn't feel so confined, now that I had gained weight. Even though it was the middle of the day, the street was busy. And I mean busy. And unlike in Forks no one paid any attention to anyone else. I was just fine with that. After Charlie had asked me about names it occurred that I never really put much thought into anything other than our family being complete. I needed to know basic things and my child's name. holy crow Jacob wasn't the only dense one. Again, stupid Bella.

After two name books and some others on what society considered 'good parenting' I was ready to leave the bookstore. I was excited to see that the woman behind the counter was pregnant too. Even more that me! I felt less ugly. We smiled at each other. It was like we shared a joke no one else got, us pregnant women. I was excited to go home and read all about babies!

Within my reading the grosses thing I found out was that new born babies had no knee caps. That was weird and sorry in advance little son of mine but I will touch you where your kneecaps should be until they develop. And if you don't like it consider it payback for what you've done to mommy. Considering even though I was only complaining about being fat I was also pretty sick. Not in the morning though, mostly at night. Because, I was sure, he knew I wanted to sleep. You little Brat! I love you.

Around 4 or so Jacob was back from work. I handed him a name book as soon as he walked in and He laughed at me. He flipped through it quickly. Not really reading anything his eyes scanned over, I was sure. Jacob Laughed some more when I handed him the 'parenting manual.' He didn't bother flipping through it. He put it on the couch and shook his head at me.

"Bella, please tell me you have not been obsessing over this. You know how bad you can get" wrapping me in his warm embrace, he smiled, letting me know he was joking. I kissed him and replied with a sly

"I'll show you how bad I can get" I winked at him. He followed me into the bedroom.

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My legs were wrapped around Jacob. His arms were wrapped around me. It was a good way to be. Skin to skin, nice and warm, and very in love. How could I have ever snuggled up to Edward? He was so cold and hard. Not just on the outside. He wasn't very loving; I think he was only ever intrigued with me. Not really in love. He didn't appreciate me, he just observed. Jacob did both. And I was so thankful for it, he had no idea. I kissed his chest adoringly and my lips tingled from the heat of his bare skin. I liked it. Jacob broke the comfortable silence we had been laying in for nearly an hour

"I'm glad you finally came to your senses and came to me. i love you, just so you know" I looked up at him, surprised. He just winked in response. He could read my mind, I was sure now.

"I'm glad too Jake, you have no idea" I answered. Kissing him some more. He held me tighter and kissed my head lovingly. Then, he laughed a little

"Really Bella, name books?" oh he thought he was SO cute. I pinched him playfully. He licked me in return.

"ugh, jack, gross!" I laughed. He was such a jerk! I loved it.

"so anyway" I said with a mock attitude. "what should we name him?" I asked. Jacob thought for a while.

"how about Alexander? I've always liked that name" I wrinkled my nose.

"you don't like it?"

"I like it as a name, but I don't think it goes with 'Black'" I answered truthfully. He blushed and smiled wide. At some point we were going to be the 'Black' family. So the last name would of course be the same.

"I like it because it means 'defender' so it fits his origin. He is one made to defend people. As descendant of my tribe."

"Well, what about 'Alec' it means protector. That fits a better. Even though, to me, it still doesn't go with our last name." I purposely threw 'our' in there. Jacob kissed me for it. I giggled so he continued.

It took us forever to stop arguing and pick a name. Play arguments. Not that it really had to be done today, but we were having fun. Going through the books and fitting names together. For now, we were settles on 'Alexander Iren Black' so together his name would mean 'defender of peace' and we knew we would raise him to live up to his name. With the middle name Alexander sounded much better. We were happy. So we called the one person we knew would celebrate with us right. Steven.

He brought non-alcoholic sparkling cider. To replace the wine none of us could have because we were all underage and I was pregnant.

"I'm mad you didn't name even think to name him after his favorite uncle?" Was the first thing Steven said when we told him the name we had picked. But he told us later that he liked it a lot and it was a very deep name. perfect he said.

"Well, Sam doesn't really fit that well with our last name" Jacob replied playfully. Steven jumped on him. They laughed and wrestled to the couch. Jacob won. I laughed. They really looked like wolves at that moment. The played like cubs and it was adorable. When they finally helped each other up and came back to me Steven asked when the wedding would be and i knew it was because Jacob had said 'our last name'

"One crisis at a time" I replied, laughing. Jacob pouted playfully. Steven and I laughed.

We toasted to 'forever and happiness' and I was glad. Steven and Jacob touched their glasses to my stomach instead of my glass, simultaneously. I wasn't sure if they had planned it or if they were just equally stupid but we all broke out into loud, uncontrolled laughter.

We all eat a celebratory dinner of baked chicken with mash potatoes and green beans. Yes, a whole chicken for my wolf boys and like 4 boxes of mashed potatoes. It was good if I do say so myself. The chicken was seasoned expertly. So were the potatoes. I had no green beans. Yuck. Jacob and Steven had no problem eating what was left.

So then we went to the movies, because we were young and that was the only way we knew how to celebrate. We got huge buckets of popcorn that the boys devoured. I wouldn't let them touch my skittles or even look at them! I sipped my coke as the movie began and for the millionth time I was thankful that I had Jacob and that I was able to sit through a romance. It was cheesy. The boys, who had picked our movie might I add, made fun of it. I laughed when practically the whole theater turned around to shush them. That of course made them louder. Rebellious little things. I was so happy.

We went back to mine and Jacob's apartment when the movie was over. I let Steven drive my truck. I was surprised he didn't talk about the rough noises it made. My poor truck had been through too much. When we got back, we sat on the couch and I vowed silently not to fall asleep on this couch with them again because the last time I woke up so hot and sweaty I thought I was going to die of a heat stroke. So we stayed up until four in the morning, half of that time Steven spent rubbing my stomach and saying

"Hello in there, little Steven" he was SO funny.

Not.

Jacob played jealous, telling his cousin to 'keeps his hands off the merchandise' we laughed. Steven continued. So, in retaliation Jacob told me embarrassing stories of Steven. Like the time he tried to look attractive in front of a group of girls, trying to get out of his car all suave and had forgotten that his seat belt was on and ended up tangled in it, and on the ground outside of his car in front of the girls. Steven hag begged Jacob not to tell anyone. Ever.

Oh well. It was well worth it. We all got a good laugh and I assured Steven that I always had embarrassing moments like that and that I was surprised I had gone the whole day without finding something to trip over. I'm sure i made him feel better.

We spent the rest of the night in laughter. teasing each other and telling stories. Jacob playfully told an 'embarrasing' story about me.

"this one time, she dated a vampire!" he howled with laughter. As did Steven. clever.

"Bad dog" I answered, hitting him on the nose with my index finger. we all laughed. i pet his head, for effect. his hair was growing back, all spiky. i wondered briefly if he would cut it, again.

It had been a good day; I spoke to Charlie, hung out with Steven, named my son, and had Jacob. I had a good life and I appreciated it. I hoped things would stay this way. Maybe just maybe my bad luck was finally over?

Stupid Bella.

A/N : do you think her bad luck is over ? heehee. review lets talk about it because i dont think it is.