A/N- Sorry for the long delay, still preparing for Shortaki Week.
Hot, nearly scalding water poured down over me and mixed with my tears as I sat huddled in the shower. There was a small part of me that knew in some small way that Phoebe was right. If I hadn't been such a coward and faced my situation like she had told me to, then who knows how far our relationship could have gone. Ignoring our relationship hadn't been the mature thing to do, it had been the stupid thing and immature thing to do. But that didn't change the fact that my best friend, the one person that I trusted more than anyone in the world had lied to me in order to manipulate me. Was I just supposed to forget that because she was right?
A knock on the bathroom door startled me. Was Phoebe coming to apologize or chew me out more?
"Helga?" Arnold's voice called instead. "Helga are you okay?"
"Arnold!?" I shrieked and jumped up so fast that I nearly slipped on the wet tiles.
Oh cruel yet wonderful fate to send me my angel in my lowest hour. Arnold was the man I wanted to impress the most with my maturity, not let see me at my weakest. I scrambled to turn the water off and pulled on my robe.
"What do you want football head?!" I snapped. My voice sounded thick even to my own ears. "In case the running water didn't clue you in, I was trying to take a shower here!"
I was blustering so that he wouldn't be able to tell how upset I was, but of course he see right through it.
"Helga," Arnold said my name with such firm gentleness that new tears sprung to my eyes. "Tell me what's going on. You sound like you're crying."
I sighed and leaned my forehead against the door. It was exhausting to keep everything in all the time, but this was more than a delicate situation.
"I um, got into a fight with Phoebe." I mumbled finally. "We… had a different opinion on how to handle something. Phoebe did something that upset me and I said some things that upset her back."
"What kind of things?" He asked gently.
I didn't answer. I couldn't answer. What could I say? We got into a fight because I couldn't tell Arnold that I had feelings for him? That I played mind games with him to keep him close without committing or risk my own heart? Or better yet, that I slept with him out of desperation because Phoebe lied about him leaving?
"I can't tell you." I mumbled miserably.
There was silence on his side for a while and I wondered if he had gone away. But then I heard him sigh.
"Can you come out?" He asked softly. "It's hard for me to work my 'fix everything with kindness' powers on you when there's a door between us."
A small laugh escaped me even as tears slipped down my eyes. The temptation to cry in my beloved arms was too much for even me to resist. Making sure my robe was securely fastened and I didn't look too much a crying mess, I finally stood up and opened the door. Arnold stood on the other side, a gentle and loving smile on his lips. He held his arms to me and I just lost it. A fresh round of sobs broke through my throat and I nearly knocked Arnold down running into his arms. He teetered for a moment but held me firmly in his arms, rubbing soothing circles on my back with his fingertips.
"There, there," He whispered. "Everything will be okay. I'm sure you two can work things out."
"But I messed up so badly." I pushed him away and started pacing. "I can't even tell you what I did because you'd probably never speak to me again. I've been so stupid lately that I barely recognize myself. Without Phoebe I have no one to talk to and you would hate me if you knew the truth!"
Arnold placed his hands firmly on my shoulders to get me to stop and looked me in the face. "That's not true. You can tell me anything. I could never hate you."
"You would." I groaned. "Because right now I hate me."
"Well you shouldn't." Arnold gave my shoulders a firm shake. "Helga, whatever mistake you made I'm sure it's not nearly as bad as you think it is."
I bit my lip, feeling the walls of my resolve start to crumble. Why could he always do that to me? Just one look and I wanted to confess everything to him.
"Arnold, I-"
"Helga, are you in there? I wanted to talk to you about something." The door suddenly opened and Jacob was right there staring at me and Arnold. It was like déjà vu. Jacob popping up out of nowhere while Arnold and I were in a compromising position, but this time I was the one who was barely dressed. But this time, Jacob's face immediately turned livid.
"What the hell you creep!?" Jacob stormed over to Arnold and yanked him away from me. "Now you're trying to creep on her while she's getting dressed? What are you some sick pervert!?"
"And just what the hell do you think you're doing here?" Arnold yelled back. "Why are you just coming into my girlfriend's room without knocking first?"
Girlfriend!? My jaw dropped and I stared at Arnold in shock for using the most potent word so easily. Arnold wasn't even looking at me though, instead he stared at Jacob with a mixture of triumph and anger. But then Jacob scoffed and rolled his eyes.
"You wish, kid." He growled, his glare darkening.
"It's the truth." Arnold grabbed for my hand and held it, even though it was still limp from shock. "Helga and I are back together Jake, and as her boyfriend I would appreciate it if you would leave now. My girlfriend isn't exactly decent right now."
Jacob was silent for a minute and I found myself growing anxious waiting for his reaction. Honestly I expected him to laugh and begin taunting me, but the silence dragged on until Jacob's eyes went to my face. I stared back at him for a moment and then finally gave the tiniest nod of confirmation. Then to my surprise, Jacob groaned and looked pained for a moment before giving Arnold a murderous look.
"I should kick your ass for leading her on," Jacob said, taking a menacing step towards him, "but I'm sure Helga will do that for me."
Arnold's hand gripped mine harder to the point where it was beginning to hurt. He stepped up to Jacob, pulling me a little behind him.
"I'm not leading her on, Jake." Arnold said firmly.
"Oh yeah? Then how do you explain this?"
Jacob then pulled an envelope out of his pocket and Arnold immediately paled. He tried to snatch it out of his hand but Jacob gave him a hard shove, knocking him onto the ground.
"Jake!" I snapped. "What the hell is your problem!?"
"I'm not the one with the problem, Helga." Jacob's voice suddenly softened and he looked at me with something akin to pity. "Don't think I haven't noticed how you've been acting around him lately. But before you go sailing off into the sunset with him, you should know he's a liar."
With that, Jacob held out the envelope to me, expecting me to take it. I stared at with a weird, twisted feeling in my stomach like I was about to open Pandora's box or something. My fingers trembled as I put my finger under the unglued flap and lifted it.
"Helga, wait!" Arnold jumped up with a panicked look on his face. "Before you open that, I can explain."
"Don't let him, Helga!" Jacob cut him off. "He'll just lie or explain it away. You need to see it for yourself and you'll know."
"Helga, please."
"Helga, look at it!"
"Helga, don't!"
"Helga!"
"Both of you, shut up!" I screamed and decisively opened it.
At first, my eyes didn't seem to be able to see what it was. But then slowly, the words "San Lorenzo" and "One Way" came into focus. The plane ticket began to tremble in my fingers as shame, humiliation, hurt, and anger all competed for dominance. This wasn't some phony, it was authentic. It was real.
"Helga," Arnold said slowly. "Please, I know this looks bad, but-"
"The ticket says one way, Arnold. I think it's clear what it is." Jacob said firmly.
"Get out." My voice was barely even a whisper. "Both of you, get out."
"Helga." Arnold's expression was hurt but still determined. "Just please let me explain-"
"EXPLAIN!?" The dam behind my eyes broke and my voice exploded out of my throat at top volume. "Explain that you're a liar!? That you used me for your enjoyment!?"
Arnold made a move towards me, but I shoved him and his ticket away.
"Don't touch me!" I shrieked. My entire body trembled with outrage and I couldn't stop screaming. "I can't believe I ever trusted you! Was this all just some sick, twisted game!? Was I just someone to mess with until you went back home!? Was I just your screw buddy until you got back to your real girlfriend!?"
"Helga," Arnold's voice became thick as he continued to stare me down. "You need to stop and listen to me before you say something you regret."
But it was too late for me to stop. Everything that I went through, all the emotional turmoil, fighting with Phoebe, and losing my virginity, flashed before me and made me sick to my stomach.
"I can't believe that I ever gave myself to you." I cried. "I hate you Arnold. I hate you!"
Arnold's face looked shocked and unbelieving and then it trembled and became angry.
"You hate me!?" He snapped incredulously. "I should be the one hating you! You're the one who took me on this emotional roller coaster! You're the one who continually played and toyed with me like it was some sick game!"
"Don't blame her!" Jacob started to step in front of me, but Arnold pushed him out of the way.
"No I'm going to say this to her." Arnold kept his eyes on me, his expression furious and hurt. "All I've ever done Helga, is want to get close to you again, but every time I tried, you pushed me away. I tried to respect that, but then you started to lead me on again."
"I lead you on!?" I snapped.
"Yes, you did!" Arnold yelled back, "Every time you kissed me, you lead me on. Every time you agreed to be alone with me, you lead me on. When you came into my room last night, you did that by the way, you definitely lead me on. And now you call me a liar and don't let me explain myself!?"
"There's nothing you could possibly explain about this Arnold." I said darkly. "It's a one-way ticket to San Lorenzo which means you aren't planning on coming back or taking me with you."
"Or could it possibly mean that I need to get my citizenship and birth records in order so I can stay in Hillwood for good. For you." Arnold said firmly.
Once again, my world flipped and my stomach cramped. I bit the inside of my cheek so hard that I tasted blood.
"Arnold…I..."
"Save it." Arnold shook his head and pushed past me, heading to the door. "I'm done Helga. I'm done with your emotional up and downs. I'm done you acting like you want to be with me one minute, and then acting like you want nothing to do with me the next. And I'm done with you expecting me to do everything and that still not being good enough. I'm just… done."
Arnold didn't even give me a second glance as he left the room. He just left me, standing there, more tears than I even knew I had falling from my eyes.