Safe In My Arms
Shadow of an Echo
A/N By the end of this chapter it might become a little clearer why I have been deliberately misspelling Tesla's name, it was to make the correct pronunciation of something else a little easier to understand.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sweet Child O'Mine
Grimmjow was down on the floor, his kids had him pinned, the three little ones looked very proud of themselves for this feat of strength. There was quite a bit of giggling and a few scuffles, one got serious enough their father had to intervene when Tsume had his hand wrapped around his sister's tail and wasn't letting go. Amon waited until Grimmjow had settled that, before pouncing on both his elder siblings, grinning widely from the top of the pile on Grimmjow's stomach.
Grimmjow's laugh was non-stop at this point, and he had all three of them drawn up in his muscled arms; ignoring their indignant protests from them wanting to play more. He did let them go, but not before ruffling up their hair and stroking their backs.
Of course they were right back to trying to pin him down, and he didn't mind the game at all. Letting them crawl all over him, carefully wrestling back when they showed signs of getting braver, and pushing them just a little harder each time. It was how he was trained, and how he had raised his previous children, playing that kept getting a little more intense as the child grew.
It didn't bother him that the game was being watched, if pressed he might even admit he was showing off a bit for the room full of Betas. He was a good father, he knew it, and humility wasn't exactly a trait he possessed a large amount of.
"He's preening isn't he?" Ichigo asked Szayel, getting a break while Grimmjow entertained the kids. Szayel and him were on the bed, Ichigo had propped himself up and pulled the heavily pregnant Beta into his lap, laying Szayel's head on his chest so they could both see what was going on in the rest of the room.
"Yes he is," Szayel agreed, "But it's good for the children so we might as well let him get away with it for awhile."
Ichigo chuckled, "And the fact that the Espada of Destruction is currently being swarmed by tiny Hollows has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact you want to leave him at it right?"
"…No." A slightly too long pause gave him away. "It is amusing though."
Szayel was the only one ranked below Grimmjow left in Las Noches after Aizen was killed. During the recovery period before they discovered Ichigo it didn't take a genius to figure out who Grimmjow's favorite sparring partner was. Ulquiorra was good when he was looking to bust things up, but when Grimmjow was tired of getting his ass kicked, he smoked Szayel out of his lab.
Their shared laughter was interrupted when Szayel's up to this point calm baby woke up, doing the oddest kind of stretch/flip/kick combination. Szayel could do little but stare at his stomach and try to describe it, "It feels a bit like he is trying to swing off my ribs by his toes."
"Does it hurt?" Ichigo asked in concern, laying his hands over Szayel's which were attempting to evaluate more of this strange movement.
"I'm probably going to regret saying this, but he seems to be missing my organs at the moment, so it doesn't really hurt. Uncomfortable when he stretches forward, you remember that much, my skin is really tight so when he pushes it that doesn't feel very good." Szayel explained, glad for once he was explaining this to a concerned Beta rather than an Alpha, at least Ichigo would have a clue what he was talking about. There were some very nice perks to being in a band these first time mothers didn't realize, but he did, and he was not going to take them for granted thank you.
If Ichigo's hold got a little snugger around him, Szayel wasn't about to complain, "I'm glad he isn't hurting you too much."
"I think he is going to be tall, he is stretching so far now, getting big but not horribly heavy," Szayel mused suddenly, stroking the roundness, feeling his son press against his hand.
One hand left his stomach to come up and run through his hair, he loved that and Ichigo knew it, "You would know more about guessing things like that than me, I only have three to go off of, but he could be very tall."
Szayel hummed softly in thought, "I don't know, this is the only time I have carried a single child, so really I don't know much about guessing size either. I'm just, well, hoping." Nnoitra had been so extremely tall, there was nothing wrong with wanting the baby to have some physical mark of being his, a claim that was obvious and not just the blood in his veins.
Ichigo understood the drive quickly, "Hey, it's okay to hope he is tall, even as far as to wish him having black hair, or violet eyes. Nnoitra is his father, I helped you have him, but as far as I am concerned this baby is loved because he is yours. I do not expect you to be able to move on so quickly as to not wish your son had no trace of him, multiple mates or not, he was your Alpha and it's perfectly all right to mourn. You have us to help keep the baby and yourself safe while you grieve, so allow yourself the time you need."
There were no tears, Szayel had shed his tears when he told his story, but he clung to Ichigo tightly as the words washed over him. Finally someone understood. He couldn't get up and walk away this time, not this time. Grieving was just as odd a process as loving was for Hollows, his Alpha had sacrificed himself, but it was in a way that made Szayel feel cheated. Nnoitra hadn't gotten to die in glory, he was killed while his mind was infected by lies and shadows. The only solace left to his Beta mate was the man who killed him understood that and gave him both the battle and the death Nnoitra would have craved had he been in his right mind. Aizen didn't care one iota about how his Espada died, he just wanted them gone when he no longer needed them.
Nnoitra should be there to see his belly grow with their litter, and see his son born to this world. It should be the Quinto's hand showing their boy how to hold a sword for the first time, and how to hunt and fight. A Hollow could move on after they lost their mate, this was true, but usually this fact was accompanied by another one, the knowledge the Alpha had knowingly and willingly sacrificed everything for them. It was an honor to keep living and raise the litter in the lost Alpha's name. Now there was a burning chasm between hatred and anguish because Szayel knew his mate should still be alive, there was no honor in his death, he couldn't move on like it was expected of him. If Nnoitra couldn't have honor in his death, then maybe, just maybe, he could have the honor of having a son that everyone knew was his.
And in one quiet little speech, Ichigo had let him know he understood, "You are only a little wrong." Szayel disagreed softly.
"How am I wrong?" Ichigo questioned, just as softly and a bit hesitantly, Szayel had a habit of shocking him.
"I do want the baby to look like Nnoitra, at least in some ways, but if you think I am going to let you walk away without claiming your part in helping; you have another thing coming. You do not have three children Ichigo; you have four. There are times I miss Nnoitra so much I can't breathe, but those moments started to lessen as you pulled all of us together, and even more after you and Starrk got me to talk. Watching your children grow up has helped me heal in ways I didn't realize were broken, so yes there is a long way to go, but my son has three parents, not two." Yep Szayel certainly had a way of shocking a person. "What I'm saying is I do miss Nnoitra, but that doesn't mean I am going to ignore what you did because of it."
Szayel wanted to laugh, because it looked like you might be able to knock Ichigo over with a feather. "I knew you weren't hiding that I helped, but you really think of me as his father just as much as Nnoitra?"
"Yes, because you are." Szayel answered simply. "It's okay if you weren't prepared for that, Betas usually only think of the children we carry as ours, probably why it didn't occur to you I would feel that way after you helped."
"Sometimes these instincts are annoying. It would be nice if we at least knew when our minds were doing something not quite under our control." Ichigo grumbled. He honestly hadn't realized Szayel put him on the same level of importance as Nnoitra that had come as a shock.
"That's the nature of instinct Ichigo, you aren't supposed to know, if you are aware of the thoughts going through your mind then it becomes a choice and it is no longer an instinct." Wow, he was actually progressing much quicker than most created Hollows, Ichigo was an impressive person, usually it took far longer for people to let go of their humanity. That fight between the vestiges of humanity and the developing instincts only added to the aggression problems in young Hollows. "Instinct is to act without thought. There is no choice involved, which is what made Aizen's ability to interfere with instinct so deadly and violating. There is no deeper core to a Hollow than the part the fuels instinct."
"My friends always did say I had trouble thinking before I acted, probably how I wound up in so many messes. When I see someone who needs help, I help them, and I rarely think about the consequences. I can't count how many times I have gotten hurt protecting someone else." Ichigo was thinking out loud, but Szayel was grateful for the insight into the way his mind worked.
"Ah so that explains it," Szayel realized. "If as a human you were already honing your instincts, which most humans have underdeveloped instincts since as a species you don't really need yours anymore, that could explain why you are dealing with becoming a Visored so smoothly. How long has it been, about a year?"
"Closer to eighteen months now," Ichigo corrected with a shrug that Szayel could feel.
"You have done more things by instinct alone in the last few months than most created Hollows would after eighteen decades. This is a good thing. The more the two sides of you war, the more violent the Hollow becomes. I am the youngest Arrancar still here, according to Grimmjow Nel isn't a whole lot younger. I am 200 years old, or right around there, and my advantage is I was born a Hollow. Had I been created I wouldn't be much better off than the Menos scrounging around the forest if I had even made it that far." He informed.
"Szayel you're a genius." Ichigo stated as a thought hit him with the force of Kenpachi's Spirit Pressure.
"I know this, but why the compliment now?" Szayel wanted to know what brought this on.
The excitement was pouring off him, "I think you just discovered why the Visoreds have so much trouble with their Hollows, while Shiro and I get along. They fight the Hollow every waking moment, we don't." If fighting between humanity and instinct caused aggression, what would happen to those trying to deny they even had a Hollow, much less the instincts that came along with it?
"Aren't they already trying some experiments with getting in contact with their Hollows?" Szayel thought he heard a rumor to that effect from Kensei and Rose one of the times he was awake enough to listen, which admitted was getting to be rare.
Ichigo nodded, "Yeah, but I bet if they had a better idea of what the problem was it would help them succeed. They have had a century to wedge a spike between themselves and their Hollows, its going to take awhile to fix it unless they can find away to gain a little mutual understanding." He analyzed.
"It can't hurt to tell them, better they learn something twice, than miss something important," Szayel approved. He started fidgeting around in Ichigo's hold, "He's doing it again, whatever that is, he's enjoying himself. This one doesn't have a sibling to beat up, I guess he gets to take it all out on me."
"Hey, at least you don't have to worry about sibling rivalry, Grimmjow just had to get Hikari's tail out of Tsume's fist for the seventh time since they started playing; that has to hurt. You would think Amon would be the tail puller since he doesn't have one." Ichigo observed, shaking his head at his brood.
"That could be the very reason he isn't, self-preservation, if he pulled the other's tails when he doesn't have one, the other two could gang up on him for the slight. At least Tsume and Hikari have tails in common, so they share in each other's pain if they decide to fight dirty." Szayel realized, also watching the children play around with Grimmjow.
"I never thought of it that way," Ichigo conceded.
"Hey mind if we join you to get out of the way of Grimm showing off for Rose?" Lilynette asked, coming over with Hibiki in her arms, Starrk following her with Ran.
"Sure," Ichigo invited, "So you noticed the preening too?"
Starrk and Lilynette took time to get situated before replying. Starrk tucking himself up against Ichigo so the dominant Beta could drape an arm over his shoulder with Ran settled between them. Szayel had snitched Hibiki almost as soon as Lilynette had crawled up on the bed, so she was free to sprawl across her larger half's body much the same way Szayel was doing with Ichigo, turned so she could play with her daughter situated in Szayel's arms.
"It would be hard to miss the preening," Starrk spoke once settled. "I think the only thing growing faster than the children is the ego of the Alphas."
"Grimmjow definitely, but Ulquiorra hasn't been that bad has he?" Ichigo asked curiously.
Lilynette broke out in giggles, "This is the first time he has had to worry about raising Betas. Born Alphas are rare, so the Beta that produces them gets respect, just the same for a male producing a female Hollow, but Betas are stronger. These two are the strongest children he has ever had, add that to them also being female, and you get one very proud Alpha."
"He is just quieter about it than Grimmjow, for the moment anyway," Starrk added.
Szayel laughed too then, "I'm not surprised. As much as he doesn't act like it, he is still an Alpha, and that would be one of the fundamental things about them. You did give him something to be incredibly proud about, two somethings actually."
"Hey! Our daughters aren't things!" Lilynette protested, snagging Hibiki back from Szayel, nuzzling into her little face and making the baby giggle. The disgruntled expression from Szayel just making the theft all the sweeter.
Starrk and Ichigo were smiling down at the exchange between the two, the younger of the two switching his focus to the little girl that was looking around as intently as she could for a child of her age, with her fist shoved in her mouth sucking on her fingers. "Szayel does have a point, they are something to be proud of."
"I sometimes wish Ulquiorra would show his pride a little more. He holds himself back too much even now. I have another favor to ask of you Ichigo?" Starrk asked, gaining the attention of the other two old enough to know what was going on.
"What do you have in mind?" Starrk's favors were just as surprising as Szayel's, so Ichigo braced himself.
Starrk debated for a moment to come up with the best phrasing, "When you speak with Ichimaru, instead of taking Grimmjow, please take Ulquiorra. I realize you may not be comfortable taking a former Espada to meet one of Aizen's compatriots, but out of all of us, I think Ulquiorra has the most to gain from being present at the discussion. Aizen has taken the most from Szayel, no one can argue that, but he controlled Ulquiorra more than any other and I believe that may be part of what holds him back now. He needs to be there, and he may not realize how much he does until its over."
"Okay, if you think he needs it, I can bring him." Ichigo agreed. "Just, it may not be a good idea for it to be only him and me. It's not that I don't trust him, but Ichimaru is a sneaky bastard and if there is anyone that can make you doubt yourself and possibly enact whatever backup plan Aizen may have in place, its Ichimaru."
"I understand," Starrk assured, "I didn't mean take him alone. I just want him present. He needs to see the ghosts that haunt him are just men, cruel and overpowered, but men. I'm hoping this helps him do that, I would at least like to try it."
"He should go," Szayel agreed, surprising the others by speaking. "For him that sounds like exactly what he needs. I should stay as far away as I can get initially. I don't trust myself to think rationally when it comes to any of those three Shinigami, I didn't get my designation as the Espada of Madness for nothing. However if things do go well, and you have absolutely no doubt whatsoever that he is lying, then I will listen to what he has to say."
Seeing that the conversation was turning gloomy, Lilynette made it her mission to turn it around, determined to put smiles on everyone's faces as well as sparking laughter. Things could be settled when it was closer to the meeting, right now they had other things to think about, like babies. That was much more pleasant.
Not long after Szayel was dreaming, Tesla and him were talking in Nnoitra's room. The conversation was muted and languid, they were not clothed, and the only thing covering their bodies was the sheet on the Espada's bed. It was at a time when Aizen was still in the Soul Society, before the horror of losing his litter, and while Nnoitra and him were still mates. Nnoitra could not mate Tesla, but as Szayel had told Ichigo, that did not prevent the slaking of lust as long as the ritual was not initiated between the two.
Szayel made sure it was only ever struck up between the two Espada and the Fraccion was never around during those times. The way the Shinigami were able to see Nnoitra treat Tesla was a direct result of Aizen's interference not his true nature, he was tough on his mates sure, but he was not the complete asshole that damn Zanpakuto made him out to be. Before Aizen came to live at Las Noches permanently and messed up their lives forever; Nnoitra, Szayel, and Tesla were a trio.
So this dream of Szayel's was no fantasy, it was a memory. A particularly nice one, because the two on the bed were waiting for the Alpha to return, he was set up to spar that day, and he always came back worked up from the training yards. Some occasions he would come back to Tesla, others he would seek out Szayel, this time he would be surprised with both.
It was an occasional treat the two Betas enjoyed providing. They liked having the Alpha to themselves of course, but there was a certain thrill to sharing you didn't get alone, both situations worked out well when the mood struck.
Nnoitra didn't do subtle, when he burst into the room, his presence was all they felt. You didn't hear them complaining though. He was fired up and was attacking them as soon as the sight had fully registered in his brain. Sweet and soft, two words that did not match Nnoitra, but he did make it good. Attentive and focused, plus a touch brutal in just the right way for a Hollow to enjoy.
Nnoitra did like having two Betas collapsed exhausted on top of him when it was over though. This is the point the dream diverged from memory, because this time Nnoitra leaned up and whispered in Szayel's ear, when he remembered him falling straight to sleep before, "He will be strong."
Szayel woke up with a start, a spike of pain shooting through his stomach to wrap around his back. He knew what that was. "Ichigo!" He called groggily, still half asleep from the weird dream/memory and the shock of the contraction.
Ichigo heard the confusion riddled cry, and was at Szayel's side in an instant, he took one look and knew what was going on. "Can you walk, or do you think you are going to need some more help than just me?" He asked in concern, stroking back purple tipped pink hair.
"Help, I don't feel so good," Szayel admitted, he felt warm and flushed, and his hands were shaking.
Ichigo took the shaking hands in his own, "You look like you're going into shock, is it that painful already?" He was helping to guide Szayel upright, and gaining Ulquiorra's attention with a deliberate nod to indicate he was needed.
A distracted shake of his head, "Not that, had an odd dream, saw Nnoitra and Tesla right before the contractions woke me up."
Ulquiorra was with them now laying a hand on Szayel's shoulder for the moment. "Of course your Alpha would be near you for this. Now let us help you over to your den."
Between Ichigo and Ulquiorra they took on practically all of Szayel's weight, getting him on his feet in time for another contraction to stab into him. Putting his arms around Ichigo's shoulders he buried his face into his neck and groaned with the force. The movement and sound brought more attention to the situation, Rose and Starrk coming over to see if they could help.
Starrk had been through this recently, and knew there wasn't much a person could do except steady the Beta more comfortably and wait it out. Both Ulquiorra and Starrk were helping to do just that, reassuring Szayel with touches and words while he gripped onto Ichigo.
This was the first time Rose was in the room when one of them was in labor, and he was at a loss about what to do, but at least he wasn't getting in the way. "Is there anything I can do?" He finally just asked once Szayel relaxed, and the others gave him a little space to catch his breath, even though he still stayed with his arms wrapped around Ichigo.
"Not really, we need to get him settled in the other room," Ulquiorra answered Rose once Szayel had collected himself enough to move again. "The best thing you can do for a laboring Beta is keep them comfortable, and if there is already enough people doing that, it's a good idea to back away. Too many people around during a birth can make them uncomfortable; this is when Betas are at their most vulnerable."
"Makes sense," Rose acknowledged, getting out of the way to allow Ulquiorra to go back to helping Ichigo and Starrk escort Szayel to the safe room they had furnished. He noted even Starrk backed away once Ulquiorra returned, they really did only want the minimal amount around didn't they? Starrk had three people around for his birth, because he had two Alphas, and his band had a dominant Beta. Under normal circumstances he would have only had the dominant Beta with him, if he had anyone.
Good thing these weren't normal circumstances then.
Szayel had another contraction in the hallway between rooms, they were coming quickly, but weren't lasting too long yet. His son was eager to be born.
Once in the room, Ulquiorra took care of arranging the cushions the way Szayel wanted them, before taking Ichigo's place while the Beta gathered the supplies he would need.
Szayel hadn't wanted to lay flat at all, he wanted a pile of cushions against the wall so he could prop himself upright, laying on his side at a steady incline. He knew the baby would come much smoother if there was no places he might get his shoulders hung up on during the delivery. Any position that curved the Betas back or hips was bad, flat on the back was the worst, than the Beta had to push up and over the hip bone to deliver. However sitting normally with back straight up and bottom on the ground, even leaning back against a cushion or helper, was almost as bad, if the baby was even a little bit big the Beta would be having problems.
No, Szayel wanted to lay long and smooth, spine straight, hips loose, with gravity helping the contractions work his son closer to birth.
Ulquiorra watched him attentively as he dealt with the pain, giving him his hand to grip and noting he was still shaking from whatever dream had caused him such shock. Seeing Ichigo return out of the corner of his eye, Ulquiorra leaned forward and kissed Szayel's forehead. "Do you need anything else?" He asked quietly.
A shake of his head, "No, I'll be okay. He isn't going to make us wait long to meet him." Szayel's smile at that was beautiful.
The kiss moved to the swell of Szayel's stomach, "I will be waiting to hear your voice little one. When you come, I want you to cry nice and loud so we know you have arrived safely. Your family is anxious to know you."
Szayel squeezed his hand in thanks, unable to speak as another wave of pain overwhelmed him. Ulquiorra nodded in acknowledgement before leaving the Betas alone in the room.
"He isn't giving you much of a break is he?" Ichigo observed as the pain receded, offering himself over to Szayel as something to hold onto through the contractions.
"No," Szayel agreed, gratefully clinging onto Ichigo. "First litters last the longest, after that they get faster. This is my fifth, my body already knows what to do, and he is very determined."
Ichigo held onto him, helping him through the next pain, "I'm with you, for every moment of this." He promised.
A soft smile, "I know. I'll tell you a secret, even my Alphas didn't know. I enjoy labor."
Instead of looking confused, Ichigo looked thoughtful, confirming Szayel's reasoning for letting him in on his little secret. "I can see that being possible, if I hadn't been so scared from being on my own, it might have been different."
A response wasn't possible immediately, but soon enough, "It's not the pain I'm talking about, you understand that I hope. This is the time when the baby and I are closest; we are working together for a common goal. Usually it's just my alpha and me, so I am alone while giving birth." A contraction made him stop at this point, but he continued smoothly afterwards. "The intimacy is something I have enjoyed during those times, there is something about giving birth in the quiet dark of the desert that I loved. Pain and all, those moments were my favorites. I got to see them first, touch them, feed them; all before my Alpha saw anything." Another spike of pain had him burrowing into the arms around him.
"Is it odd that I am here?" Szayel was currently holding onto him so tightly Ichigo knew better than to ask if he wanted him to leave.
"Yes, but not unwelcome," Szayel confessed honestly. "There is something comforting about having another Beta with me during this. Wait, that isn't right, it's not just having another Beta. It's having you. You understand. Starrk doesn't yet, and there is no way Rose would, but you do."
"Why?" He asked, right when Szayel couldn't answer him.
Szayel shrugged, "You are intelligent and come from an odd prospective the rest of us don't have, why wouldn't you be able to grasp concepts the rest of us have trouble with? I don't really care why. I just want you close right now."
They grew quiet then, Ichigo understanding Szayel wasn't able to concentrate on conversation any longer and just wanted to be held. The contractions were swift and intense, his labor progressing much quicker than Starrk's had. Szayel let himself drift, trying to avoid tensing up with the pain, Ichigo's strength giving him the safety and reassurance he craved.
Ichigo's hands were gentle as they helped him undress, the time drawing near. He no longer wanted full body contact, he wanted space to breathe and not feel so constrained. His wishes were obeyed, Ichigo moving to kneel at his side, close enough to reassure, far enough to give him the distance he wanted.
Ichigo thought he looked beautiful like this, stretched out on the cushions Ulquiorra had prepared for him, breathing deeply, with one hand gripping his and the other clutching the cushion. The baby had dropped low enough by now the pressure had Szayel allowing his legs to fall open in an attempt to relieve it, despite knowing the only relief would come from having his son in his arms.
"Not much longer now," Ichigo encouraged.
"He's very close," Szayel agreed, rolling his head to the other side, feeling another pain start to build, uselessly flexing the muscles in his thighs trying to shift the pressure.
It did work a bit, only because his water broke at the same time.
And his son started coming, quickly. The surprising ease of his decent shocking both of them, by the time the contraction was over Szayel was panting from pain and effort, and Ichigo was cradling the already half-emerged head. "Black hair Szayel, and I think I feel a mask on the left side of his face."
Quite possibly the widest grin Szayel had ever produced, "Good," And he was pushing again.
The cardinal movement of the infant had the baby's face turning to meet the astonished gaze of Ichigo as the rest of his head was delivered. The baby had a mask alright, in the same place as Nnoitra's, but it didn't look like his.
Before Ichigo and Shiro fought for dominance, while battling Byakuya, their mask was only partially formed; this was the mask Szayel's son carried. "Szayel, he has my mask, not Nnoitra's." He informed softly. Red streaks, the same shade as his and Amon's, traced beneath his fingertip.
"You are his father too," Szayel sounded happy, not disappointed.
Another push had the shoulders freed, "One more and he will be here," Ichigo judged, his excitement obvious.
"Hear that Nnoitra?" Szayel whispered, the dream having not left him ever since waking up. At the next pain, he steeled himself, and pushed with all the energy he had left. A cry rent the air, and something burning hot, and covered in blood and fluid was laid on his chest. His arms closed off their own accord and he was holding his baby, loud cries music to his ears. The mess and heat from being inside him nothing but reassurance that he was here, that they had made it through the pain and loss to this moment together.
Ichigo didn't think Szayel even realized he was crying.
"What's his name?" Ichigo had checked, Szayel had been right all along, he had a son.
"Nnoisla," Szayel answered without a seconds pause, he had known what his son's name would be for a long time now. The first part for Nnoitra, the second for Tesla, just as Ichigo had combined the names of his friends to get Tsume.