Green as the sea outside of my window
I see the deep abyss of life in pools called your eyes
Secrets buried into yourself
Those secrets from the ones you despise,
but I know you must keep them to keep you alive...

I hear a knock on the door. I look at it, for second forgetting what I was looking at. Then, it all comes back. "Come in." I say, then look back at my poem blankly.

Haven peaks her blond head inside my room, then just comes in. "Hey." she says, sitting in the side of the bed.

"Hey, Haven." I say, still looking down at my paper.

"What are you doing?" She asks.

I blush, and close my notebook before she peeks over to see. "Just some thoughts. Nothing important."

"Oh." She sighs. "How are things? How are you putting up?"

I shrug. "I don't know, Haven." I give her a small sad smile. "I have nothing to do now. It sort of makes me feel useless."

"No, no, you're not."

I smiled. "Thanks."

"I'm sorry for never coming over. Sometimes just seeing you makes it more real, you know?"

I nodded.

I knew exactly what she meant. Seeing her now was just another reminder that what used to be the three of us is now two. It was a reminder that he gave himself up for my brother.

I sit at my window seal, and watch a couple kids play baseball in the street. It was the largest street so I could see why they were playing here. My neighbors kids were among them so it wasn't like they were completely here for no reason. The kids in the gray are winning, only because of the chubby kid he can run.

"You know I was mad at you. I don't even know why. Just when I saw you on screen I hated you because he loved you. It was always obvious but I had hope. Then, he picked you. Over his family, over his friends he picked you... Then, he gave that speech. You know, the one where he said that you deserve to love and I know what he meant... At least I think I know. I think he meant more then you, he meant your brother too, his sisters... They were all given a better chance to live, Annie. Because you winning gives District Four a better chance at living."

I look over at her, and smile. "He could have one and had the same chance, Haven."

She smiled, and shrugged. "It's only a theory, Annie. I can't really ask him, now. It doesn't change that he loved you, it just gives him more of a reason for doing it."

I sighed. "I miss you, you know?"

"I miss you too." Then, she opened her arms and we hugged. "I'll come more, or I'll try. Everthing's just so hard, you know?"

I nodded. "Just come and ask if you need anything."

She nodded, with a wide smile. "I'll be sure of it. Have you helped his sisters?"

I shook my head. "They refuse to look at me."

"Give them time. Don't worry it'll all pass."

I nodded. I look back outside. The clouds rolling in like an angry army I was sure it was going to rain. The wind was raging through the streets and the gray sky kept rolling. It was probably a late tropical storm, this would probably the last chance to go outside for a while. Work was going to be put on hold, that means we would get behind in production and that's going to be bad. At least I wasn't going to have to work from first light until sunset. Rhyal will though...

"I hope." I tell her.

"Well, it looks like it's going to storm. I should go."

I nod at her. "I'll see you later."

"Bye." Haven says, then leaves, the door slamming behind her. "Sorry." She yells.

I giggle. Haven had an unknown strength to her that she always underestimated, this was one of those times.

"It's fine." I yell.

A bright red surf board brings me back to reality. I look as the magnificent Sora Stokes walks to Finnick's house which is right across from me. She knocks on his door and he opens it, then holds up a finger for a second. He unnecessarily takes off his white t-shirt and gets something out of the side of the door, surf board. She pushes him with one hand, and a big smile on her face. He laughs at something she says and waves his hand toward the direction of the beach. She nods and starts to sprint. "No fair." he yells, I can actually hear him. He looks at my window for a second, and my heart stops. He looks away and runs after her.

The thing about Sora is that she is absolutely gorgeous. With black glossy hair, honey brown skin, and clear sea glass blue eyes she was every girls envy and every boys dream come to life. She had no flaw with a perfect sized button nose, big eyes, strong cheek bones, and full pink lips. She was small, petite, and around 5'3 someone who you would want to protect but could still stand on their own. She had more than me when it came to girl parts that every man wanted to see, she was full-figured but it perfect proportion. It made me angry. How could anyone be so perfect? Worst of all she was a Victors daughter, and had, had everything she wanted since she was born into this life. No one ever talked to her at school, she was sort of a loner. People were afraid of her, enough that she had no friends. At least that was what I had thought, until I saw her with Finnick.

Of course they would become friends. They were neighbors and were alone together. They would be a perfect match, maybe their already a perfect match.

The storm is as rough and long as I expected. So, the day after it was over, I wasn't surprised when they told Rhyal he had to work all day, everyday for the next week or so.

Now, I'm more alone then ever.

So, to get out of the house and complete my promise to Tal, I go to his old house. Now, light shines onto the small shack, there's something terribly wrong though. There's no door and the window is broken. I run into the house.

"Petal! Marina! Sapphire! Petal!" I scream going through the house, the place is a complete mess and abandoned.

"Are you looking for the girls?" I turn and see a boy my age.

"Yes, do you know where they are?"

"They're in the community home."

"What? What happened?"

"Don't you see this house. Their father wasn't able to give them a stable living environment so they were taken." He gave me a sad smile. "I've heard things resently from this house though... I think it might be for the best."

I nodded... Now, without Tal here to protect them, they were alone with that monster of a man. "Thank you." I told him.

"No problem. I think it's really great that you're trying to help them... Even if they don't want it, others say you aren't trying hard enough but they're alot like him... Hard headed, you know."

I smiled. "They are... Did you know him?"

He nodded "We're neighboors and worked in the same Sector. We, as in you, him and I, were actually in the same class for every year since school began."

"Oh. I'm sorry I-" I recognize him. "You're Roland. I'm sorry I- a lot has happend."

"It's fine."

"Well, thank you so much for the help."

"No problem, if you ever need anything. Just ask."

"Why aren't you working?"

"I am. I'm suppose to clean this house so we can make repairs."

I nodded. "Bye." I said, and I went down to the community home.

I didn't have to wait or look for them because they were walking to the home.

"Petal." I yell and run to her. "What happend to you?" I see the mad red mark on her face.

She shrugged, looking back at her sisters. "I got extra's for Sapphire... We're not suppose to get extra's."

I could only imagine what her back and bottom might look like. I needed get them out.

"I can adopt you guys. I can help you. I promised your brother I would."

"Why would we want to go with you?" asked Marina. "You killed our brother."

"I didn't-"

"You didn't cut off his head but you're the reason he volenteered in the first place."

"He did that on his own."

She shook her head. "I don't care I'm not going anywhere with you." Then, she went up the stairs into the home. Sapphire right behind her.

Petal looked up at me. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going anywhere without my sisters..." Then, she disappeared into the house.

I went home a feeling inside of me, it's undescribable in how terrible it feels. It was like you can't get up and your body doesn't want to. It's not laziness, it's more than that... I'm mentally exhausted. I was a failure, I couldn't help anyone. I don't know what to do to get myself out of it.

I try to write but nothing comes out, I can't let it out. I try doing things like cooking or cleaning, that only makes it worst. I have this eternal sick feeling inside of me and it just won't go away. It's a hard pressed weight against me I can barely breathe. The more I try to get myself out I can't. I just can't get myself out. Then, I start to think of Tal, Whim, and Anise, and Skeeter and it only gets worst the more I think.

Then, I think of Finnick and his cruel words, and it just presses that weight harder into my chest. I find myself in the brink of tears at times and I try my hardest not to let them fall. I won't let them through to me because then I know the weight will crush me into pieces. But it's hard to keep it inside, when all I want to do is scream and cry out. It's not healthy, I know but I can't get it away. I try to fight it but I'm too weak to fight on my own. So, to take my head out of my head I'm going to go collect seashells on the beach, and hope it'll go away...

It does go away but I can feel it always lurking looking for another weak moment.