Chapter Twenty Five

A week passes excruciatingly slow after Zack leaves. I've had no news of him, good or bad. I don't know whether I should smile on this or not. Today is Saturday, and I plan on taking Marlene to the church; she's been begging me to let me see it, so I can't deny her that. She deserves it.

As I dress, patting down to make sure I have all the necessities for a day out, Barret comes in with Marlene in tow. I smile at her, and she grins, running to the piano to plunk out tunes that only she knows. Barret glances at me warily, and I feel something coming on.

I sit down on the couch, patting the seat beside of me; Marlene can keep herself entertained for now.

"What is it?"

He sighs, that slow sigh of his and glances at me forlornly. I laugh. "What?"

He looks away dejectedly. "I came in here with full intention of blessing you out."

I smirk, glancing at Marlene. "Ok. And I've been saved because...?"

He sighs again. "Because...because you're happy."

"Barret...what's going on?"

Barret glances at me. "I hadn't said anything about...well, that kiss that you and that SOLDIER shared...because I knew you needed to get yourself sorted out...what with...Reno and all them."

"I appreciate that."

"I just...don't get it."

I shrug. "What's not to get?"

"He's so..."

"Dangerous? Yes...but so are you."

Barret glares at me. "Hey–

"Barret...you have a gun welded to your arm. How many times have you been out and hated it when people judged you for that?"

Barret shuts his lips very quick.

"It's no different. Cloud...he's Cloud. But he's a person, like you...and like me. Just trust me, Barret. I'm not stupid, and I'm not getting in over my head."

"I just worry about you...that's all."

"I know...and I appreciate it, I do...but..."

Barret sighs. "You really like him, don't you?"

I smile softly. "Yeah. I do."

"What makes him different? Is it because he's a SOLDIER? You like living on the edge?" But Barret smiles as he says this.

I smile back. "I feel like...I feel like we can relate. Kindred spirits, I guess."

"And he makes you happy?"

"Yes," I sigh. "Barret, he makes me happy."

Barret grumbles something unintelligible before speaking up. "I guess I can deal with that then. As long as your happy."

"I am."

I feel like even though I've told him this I'll have to keep on repeating it. I'm sure he'll never fully be comfortable with me and Cloud.

Not that it'll last long...

Marlene bounces into my line of vision. "Come on already! I want to see the flowers!"

"Alright." I stand, taking her hand. Barret stops me though, holding out his hand.

He drops a set of keys into my free hand. "Take the truck."

I smile, grateful, and Marlene starts tugging me towards the door.

"Wait."

Marlene turns, glaring at Barret. "Papa...seriously?"

"I just have a question for Tifa."

I glance at him, and his eyes are heavy...heavier than I've seen in a long time. "What is it?"

"Yeah, what is it?" Marlene mimics.

Barret smiles, winces, and looks at me. "Will...you tell me what you saw?"

His eyes flicker to Marlene for the briefest second and I understand immediately the implications behind that question. I smile, my eyes crinkling; it was foolish of me to block out Marlene's death in a way...not seeing her death didn't make it any less real. Her death is destined to come, like everyone's, and me prolonging the vision of her death only made it that much more worse when it happened. In my mind I had almost built her up as an idol, a thing to cherish; one that would never die. But that was a foolish thought...and idiotic belief, and an even worse hindrance to myself.

I only proved that with Cloud.

Barret's holding his breath, because I've hesitated; I'm just trying to figure out the wording. There's no need to alert Marlene to my morbid visions, and her imminent death. She's still a child; death is just a myth for her. She has that innocence and I refuse to take it from her.

"It's far, far away...you'll never see it, and neither will Midgar. It's happy, something to live for."

Barret's eyes widen, and he breathes out long and low.

Marlene squeezes my hand. "Can we go now?"

"Yes." I'm glad for her impatience...if it weren't for that she'd be questioning us right now.

"We'll see you later Barret." And I shut the door behind me.

Marlene skips down the stairs, and bounces out onto the sidewalk. I grasp her hand, looking down the street before we jog across. Marlene's laughter is a tinkling sound of music, like the high notes of a piano trilling through scales. The old truck is parked beside the boarding house, rusted with the blue paint chipping here and there. Apparently it survived the journey from Corel to Midgar, including being ferried across an ocean. I head around to the passenger door to open it for her; it gets jammed a lot. I climb onto the leather seats, bits of it is missing revealing the foam chunks beneath it. Marlene grins; she loves this truck. She plays in it, and around it a lot. She fancies that she drives better than me.

I wrap my hands around the giant wheel; I can't stop smiling...it's been so long since I've had time with Marlene. As I turn to look behind me to back out of the drive, I spot a petite woman coming out of the boarding house. She has light brown hair pulled back into a pony tail, and I catch her brown eyes. Something stirs in me, and I try to place her face but I can't.

"Who is that, Marlene?"

Marlene glances out the window, and the woman waves and smiles sweetly.

Marlene grins at me as the truck rolls out into the street. "That's Ms. Cissnei...she's nice. She gives me candy."

"She's never seen you in a sugar high, has she?"

Marlene giggles wickedly.

The drive to the church passes in quiet at first, but ahead on the street I spot a small, familiar figure kicking a rock up the sidewalk. I pull off to the side and Marlene squeals in delight, and rolls down her window with difficulty.

Yuffie glances up, and then immediately down, her face turning red.

"Hey."

I've never heard her voice so defeated before; Yuffie has always been a strong one, never letting anything get in her way. And I realize I've been so busy lately that I hadn't even realized her absence at the bar. She probably feels guilty, but she shouldn't. She was just doing what she could to protect her family.

"Hey...what are you up to Yuffie?"

"Ah...nothing...just...walking."

"How is your dad?"

"He's fine."

I smile at her, "I'm glad." She lifts her eyes, and I hope she can see the honesty in that. "You should come with us, then."

"No, I don't think–

"Yuffie!" Marlene crows. "Come on! There will be flowers...real ones!"

Yuffie's eyes widen slightly. "Yea?" Yuffie's like me. She's lived in Midgar longer than I have, but she grew up in the beautiful country of Wutai. Nature is the only way to get through to her, and since Marlene brought it up, she won't see it as a scheme to get her back to her old self.

Marlene grins, and nods her head enthusiastically.

"You don't mind?"

"Of course not. Come on."

Yuffie rips the door to the truck open, and hops in beside of Marlene. The drive is much livelier after that.

Walking into the church takes my breath every time; it's so beautiful, especially on sunny days. Marlene and Yuffie don't wait for me as I linger by the door to admire the scene. They both rush forward towards the sunbathed flowers. Yuffie flops down in the flower bed stomach first, stretching like a cat and digging her fingers into the dirt. Marlene crouches beside of it on the wooden floor, tracing the petals with her finger tips.

"Yuffie! You crushed some flowers!"

"It's ok, they'll forgive me."

I reach the flowerbed, staring down at them, before joining Yuffie. I pick my way carefully around the blossoms, and choose a grassier spot to lay in. I sigh, closing my eyes; the hazy heat and the girlish prattle lull me into a sense of peace, and I feel my limbs grow heavy with relaxation.

I don't know how much time passes as I lay there. My thoughts meander and drift, like a feather caught on a breeze. My mind wanders to Cloud, and I linger around him more than the other thoughts. I wonder if he will call me when he gets out of work, or stay the night...maybe we can go out to eat, or I could cook for him. He'll probably be tired...he's been working so much lately...I could probably even try to convince Barret to eat with us. I smile at the thought. I hope he doesn't have to work tomorrow–

My eyes fling open. Pain. Grief. My heads swims as the sunlight blinds me, and my eyes find floating pollen and dust above my head. I roll onto my side, hearing noises that don't fit with what's going on around me. I see Marlene laughing about something, but the sound of gunshots rings from her mouth and the flowers are bullets. The sun beams that were warming me moments ago are now waterfalls of blood, and rain. I choke on the sand of the desert as I roll my face into the dirt of the flowerbed. I force my body to feel reality around me, pushing my knees and hands into the dirt. Every bit of grass touching me is like watching a death, so much pain and mourning and grief. Sorrow.

I take deep gulps of air, trying to find purchase in my surroundings, trying to stay above the harrowing recesses of this powerful vision.

At least that's what I'm hoping it is.

My eyes close, and open, two worlds blending and bleeding together. The flowers hurt...they hurt.

Something muffles my brain, bleeding two images into one. Marlene and Yuffie are staring at me, but so is Zack. Midgar sits behind them, surrounded by desert and flowers and pews.

I want to scream.

Zack stares straight at me, straight into me.

There is so much pain, and it is his pain, his bullet riddled body. Tears flood into my eyes, and I gasp and sob.

"I wanted to stop it...I didn't...I'm so sorry... I'll take care of her, I promise I will. I will I will I will." I don't know if I whisper these words or think them, but Zack's eyes still bore into me. He does the strangest thing, he smiles such a tiny smile but one that is true and his alone. His bloodied hand reaches out towards me, and I reach towards him unthinking. I grab his hand, squeezing tight, and it folds beneath mine, crumpling.

And it's gone, for an instant, Yuffie is holding Marlene towards her, and my hand is closed around a crushed lily.

Then there is something new; the raw pain of Zack's burning wounds in my chest is gone, and so is the dull numbness that had been creeping into our limbs. But a new pain replaces it. I feel as if my heart is being ripped from my chest, as if I'm spinning downward and downward, and something keeps tugging me up, ripping me in two. And then I see my hands, our hands, Aeris' hands pulling at her dress, the walls of her house bleeding into the walls of the church. There is no difference. She is me, and I am her, and her pain pierces me into a stand still. I cannot move an inch, and she would release me but she can't feel me there. She can only feel her pain.

Zack is dead. Zack is dead. Zack—dead-dead-dead help me help me–help him he's dead– save Cloud–save Zack Cloud is going to die but Zack is already dead save him save them save zacloud- Aeris, no tifa no no no no no tifaeris no NO! Who am I?! Who am I? Someone please! Someone tell me who I am! I'm lost! They're tearing me apart!

Mother what do I do?

All of them are dead...Mine, her's ours his, not Zack's...Zack's mother isn't dead someone will have to tell her zack is dead who is Zack? Who am I?

"Tifa?"

What?! What do you want?!

My unseeing eyes search for the voices. They strike familiar cords but I can't find them in my many memories of different people. How can I remember who they are? I don't know who I am... I don't know who I am! Doesn't anyone care?!

But my body acts on reflex, and my mouth forms words.

"What?" I ask, but in the other's sweet voice. Faces stare at me slack jawed; that isn't the right voice for the right person. I'm two people now, I've got to get this right. I'm two people? I can't remember one name...I can't remember one person...help me...help me...

I can't take this anymore...I can't...my head is going to explode. My heads are splitting apart, one from pain of loss, the other from pain of gaining. I don't want two minds. I only want mine...but which one is mine.

Who am I?

A/N: le gasp...wait...what? Yup.

thanks to FF009, koalababy, Fairheartstrife, Mrs. MaxiStrife, GossipGirlxoXo, animelove0713, My Creed, Creative Spark (Theories?! I love theories! I like to see how people think of different scenarios within the same situation) chinatulip, , Narsilreforged3, punkiemonkie, City of Dis (speaking of calm before the storm...here comes the THUNDER) vx-Luna-xv (oops...you're right...I better fix that...eventually XD) Ah-choo, GundamWingFanatic90, greeneyes322, Iskra Revoir (OH! Geological? You're speaking to my soul XD) Pink Priestess, Rend (Oh, I'm glad you like Tifa in this story, I wish I could make everyone else so likable...any suggestions?) HisaAngel, cerberus angel

I really do appreciate all the reviews guys, because I love this story, and I'm glad you do too :D