Weak in the Knees,Chapter 25
Maggie was frantically looking for her cell phone, the shrill ringing taunting her with its insistent din. She just knew it was Bianca and she'd be damned if she missed the call.
They had cut the shopping trip short so that the new bed could be delivered today; Greenlee had paid extra to make sure it could be done. After a quick lunch with Kendall and Silvain they had rushed home, flushed from the experience of buying the bed and giggling with anticipation at trying it out.
She finally found her phone under some shopping bags on the couch. She smiled as she checked the call display and answered just before it went to voice mail.
"Bianca?"
"Oh, Maggie. Hi. I thought I was going to have to leave a message," Bianca said, sounding as if she would much have preferred that option.
"Sorry about that, I couldn't find my phone under all these damn shopping bags," Maggie said, moving some of said bags so she could sit down on the couch.
"You went shopping?" Bianca asked distractedly.
"Yea, with Kendall, Silvain and your mom actually. It was a madhouse." Maggie let out a long sigh, tiredness was creeping into her bones but she would not let it affect meeting Bianca. No way.
Bianca was taken aback by Maggie's words. "Biggest shopping day of the year," she said in a strained voice, trying not to sound irritated at Maggie's choice of shopping companions.
"I know. Greenlee and Kendall were in seventh heaven and of course Silvain was right there with them. Thank god for your mom or I would have spent most of the morning alone. You know I can only shop for so long without getting bored."
"Yea. Sounds like quite the day," Bianca bit off her words quickly, having no desire for small talk with her ex. "Listen Maggie, about our talk…"
"Are you home now?" Maggie asked, smiling in spite of her exhaustion. She jumped up to look herself over in the mirror, running a hand through her hair to straighten it. "We moved over to the penthouse last night and Kendall said you and Zoë have taken Jack's old place. I can come right down."
"No, don't go to my place," Bianca said quickly, with Zoë's migraine she did not want Maggie going down there. She would wake her fiancé up and it would cause a fight for sure.
"O.K.," Maggie stammered. "Then why don't you come up here? I'm sure Greenlee won't mind taking a walk or something so we can be alone to talk."
"I'm not at home." The statement was short, after a moment of silence Bianca continued, "Can we do this another day? I'm tired and I have to pick up Miranda--"
Maggie stared at her reflection in the mirror as if she were really looking at Bianca. "Postponing it won't make it any easier, Bianca. Let's just do it now. I can meet you anywhere. I don't want to wait another day."
"But--" Bianca's words were cut short as Babe came up behind her, wrapping assertive arms around her waist and pressing her body into Bianca's back, kissing her neck.
"No, Bianca. Stop trying to put it off," Maggie said, getting angry; it showed in the slightly elevated volume of her voice.
"Fine," Bianca sighed, covering the phone while she talked to someone else. "Can you meet me in an hour? At the boathouse?"
"Yes." Maggie was relieved it hadn't taken more of a fight. The holiday spirit was being kind. "See, that wasn't so hard, now was it?"
"I guess not," Bianca replied, again whispering, almost angrily it seemed, to someone who Maggie could only assume was Zoë. "I'll see you soon."
"Yes, you will. Bye."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
"Bianca?" Greenlee asked, showing the delivery guys out and handing them a generous tip. They had not only delivered the bed but set it up as well. Greenlee as grateful even if she did have to put up with the occasional knowing smirk as they made sure certain features were secure.
"Yea. I'm meeting her at the boathouse in an hour. She actually tried to put it off, can you believe that?" She threw her phone onto the couch.
"Would you think less of me if I said yes?"
"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I just thought we had made some progress last night but it's two steps back again today." She stood in the middle of the chaos that was their living room, her hands on her hips.
"Did you really expect any of this to be easy?" Greenlee looked at her with a smirk. "It's not going to do you or Binx any good if you show up to meet her already angry. The two of you feed off each other. You have to let it go."
Maggie shook her head and dropped down heavily onto the couch. Greenlee was right of course.
"I know. It's just infuriating, her constant avoidance."
"Tell ya what," Greenlee said, kneeling in front of Maggie, her hands on the brunette's knees. "You go take a shower and then I'll drop you off at the boathouse."
"I can drive myself, Greens."
"Don't worry about it. It will give me time to come back here, make the bed and take a shower myself."
"You need to, you kinda smell," Maggie smirked, scrunching up her nose.
"Shut up, you. When you're done with Bianca, I'll come and take you to dinner and then we can come back here and break in the bed." She wiggled her eyebrows rakishly. "How does that sound?"
"It sounds like a plan." Maggie ran her fingers through Greenlee's hair, she didn't think she'd ever tire of the texture or they way it warmed in her hands. "You sure you don't want a sneak preview now?" She asked, lips nibbling a maddening trail up her lover's neck to her ear.
"Don't start something we don't have time to finish," Greenlee said on a shaky breath. "Now go get in the shower."
Maggie stood, giggling when Greenlee swatted her on the ass as she retreated from the room.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Bianca closed her phone with a precise snap and immediately turned on Babe.
"What the hell was that?" She asked, the fire in her eyes matching the smoke coming out of her ears.
"I just felt the need to touch. Is that so wrong?" Babe asked, trying to appear completely innocent. They both knew however that Babe was anything but.
Bianca put a hand to her forehead. She really did not want to continue to hash this out with Babe right now. She needed time to prepare for her meeting with Maggie.
"It's not that it's wrong, Babe, but you knew I was on the phone and I specifically asked you to be quiet."
"I was quiet," Babe giggled, her hands making their way around Bianca from behind once again, resting on the line of enticingly naked skin where Bianca's shirt had ridden up; teasing the flesh, she was satisfied when goose bumps followed her trailing fingers.
Babe felt an illicit thrill run through her when Bianca's body responded of its own accord. She felt the same sexual power with Bianca now that she'd always had with men and she smiled at the deliciousness of it.
"You smell good," Babe said, nuzzling the brunette's hair.
"I smell like you," Bianca said with barely concealed disgust. "And would you please stop touching me? It's confusing."
Babe dropped her hands and stepped back, clearly hurt.
"I'm not the one confusing you, Maggie is. She doesn't want you, Bianca. She probably never did. You know this is just about Miranda, don't you?" Babe asked, not wanting to lose her tenuous hold on Bianca.
"Miranda isn't the only thing she wants to talk about, Babe. I told you that," Bianca explained, brushing her hair and putting on more perfume in hopes of masking the scent of sex and Babe.
"Yes, you did. That's exactly why I'm going with you," Babe stated emphatically.
"What? I don't think that's a good idea. Maggie sure as hell won't like it."
"I don't give a damn what Maggie likes or doesn't like. I'm going and that's it. You need someone there to protect you and make sure there are no misunderstandings. I won't let her hurt you or rub your nose in her little fling," Babe said, gathering her things together.
Bianca was in no shape to argue, she just wanted to get it over with, so she reluctantly agreed. Grabbing her car keys she waited for Babe at the door. Babe would stay out of it and it would all be over soon.
Bianca had friends who were just concerned. Maggie will understand that, right? She was uncomfortable as she left because the sound of a resounding no was echoing in her head.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A little over an hour later, Maggie walked along the path towards the boathouse, left over snow that was turning into glistening ice as the temperature dropped crunching under her feet. She had a spring in her step and a lightness in her heart the likes of which she hadn't felt in a very long time. She was very much looking forward to getting everything out in the open and starting the healing process. This could be a new start for Bianca and I, she thought, and this is the perfect place for it.
They had always been able to be themselves here, always been able to be honest about their feelings in this place above all others. Even the last time, though painful, had been a breakthrough of sorts. It had certainly gotten them talking.
She stopped short, however, when she walked up the steps and realized Bianca was not alone.
"What the hell is she doing here?" Maggie asked, sudden anger giving her voice a sharp edge. She stood with her arms crossed waiting for an explanation.
"I'm here for moral support," Babe answered, taking Bianca's hand, lacing their fingers tightly together.
Maggie bristled at the sound of her cousin's voice. "You have got to be kidding me," Maggie said in disbelief, turning towards her ex. "We do not need an audience, Bianca, this is between us."
"Babe isn't going to say anything." Bianca glared at the blonde pointedly. "She can even sit over there while we talk." Bianca pointed t the picnic table just outside the boathouse.
"I am not going to have a whispered conversation with Babe, of all people, sitting right there! It's none of her business!"
"You made it my business, along with everyone else's, I might add, with your little stunt last night," Babe interrupted.
Maggie didn't even spare a glance at the blonde. "My relationship with Greenlee is not a stunt. Not that I need to justify anything to you."
"You can't possibly be in love with her." It wasn't a question and Maggie wouldn't have answered it if it had been.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a reply."
"That's because you don't have one," Babe countered.
Maggie spun on Babe, glaring at her as the amber rays of the setting sun bathed them all in golden light.
"Shut up, Babe. I am not talking to you. Bianca may have forgiven you, but I haven't."
"I don't care if you forgive me or not, all I care about is Bianca and seeing to it that she doesn't get hurt again," the blonde said. This was the first time she and Maggie had really had it out, it felt good. The brunette had always hated her and it was high time she gave notice that it would no longer be tolerated.
"That's perverse coming from you," Maggie spat. "You hurt her far worse than I ever could."
"That's a matter of opinion," Bianca interjected, coming to Babe's defense. She was angry that Maggie still seemed to be trying to quantify her sin and Babe's even though she had said almost the same thing to Babe only hours earlier.
"Are you serious?! You're actually going to defend her to me?" Maggie asked, incredulous.
"I'm not defending anyone. I came here because you wanted to talk."
Maggie looked at her flabbergasted, eyes alight with indignant fire.
"Then why is she here?! She wasn't invited. This is our special place Bianca; although I guess I shouldn't be surprised, she's been between us almost from the moment she whored her way into town," Maggie huffed.
"I'm no more of a whore than you are, and I'm not trying to come between you." Babe crossed her arms. "Not that it would be that hard," she said with a self-satisfied smirk.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Maggie asked. God she hated the blonde.
"Besides," Babe continued, ignoring the question. "This place hardly belongs to just you two." She turned towards Bianca. "Didn't you bring Zoë here? In fact, didn't you kiss her here?"
"What?" Maggie's gaze snapped up, her eyes connecting with Bianca intensely.
"Oh yes, it was all very romantic," Babe giggled.
Bianca was unable to tear herself from Maggie's accusatory look, words caught in her throat as one of her many secrets was laid bare.
"When?" The question was barely audible but Bianca heard it as roaring thunder.
"Christmas time, wasn't it Bianca?" Babe answered before Bianca could, her plan coming together easily.
Bianca nodded her head, silently pleading with Babe to shut up, to no avail; the blonde was on a roll.
"And really Maggie, it was Zarf she kissed. Zoë didn't appear until New Year's Eve. You were over before you even knew you were over, dear cousin of mine. Bianca would rather kiss a man than you," Babe sneered triumphantly. "That's what you drove her to Maggie. She sought comfort in the arms of a man."
Bianca winced at the look of naked anguish she saw flash across Maggie's features before it was quickly shuttered behind a mask of casual indifference.
"You are such a bitch, Babe. I'm ashamed we're related," Maggie said, voice flat and hard, like marble, rough around the edges with barely concealed hatred.
Bianca closed her eyes and took a deep breath, realizing too late that it was a mistake to bring Babe. She reached for her keys with trembling fingers.
"Babe, can you go and wait in the car? I'll be right there, this won't take very long," she asked, stepping in between Babe and Maggie. They looked like they might come to blows at any moment and she did not think it would be productive for any of them. She did not want this to become some barroom brawl.
"Fine," Babe said, breaking eye contact with Maggie and turning towards the younger brunette, her new found lover. The look on her face softened as she smiled at Bianca, "If it will make things easier for you." She took the keys from Bianca's hand, her fingers lingering to caress the palm intimately.
"It would. Thank you." A slight smile tugged at the corners of Bianca's mouth. Things with Babe are so easy sometimes, she thought.
Babe leaned forward to place a tender kiss to Bianca's lips, fingers entwined, eyes closed, before heading to the parking lot.
Maggie glared at Babe until she was out of sight. Turning back to see Bianca also watching Babe walk away, she stared at her ex, eyes wide with shock.
"What?" Bianca asked, deliberately being obtuse.
"What the FUCK was that?!?!?"
Bianca waved her hand in the air as if to dismiss the question. "Babe was just being friendly, " she said. "Not that I owe you any explanation."
"There's friendly and then there's weird, and that was just plain weird," Maggie replied.
While Bianca may have agreed with the statement, her ire was raised at the fact that Maggie pointed it out.
"Tell me again exactly why I should care what you think?" Bianca asked, indignation coloring her tone.
Maggie just shook her head. She should have known that the truce they had tentatively called last night would not last.
"What happened to the Bianca from last night?" she inquired softly, looking at her minutely trembling hands before meeting Bianca's eyes. "The one who said she missed me too?"
"I'm away from the moonlight," Bianca responded curtly.
Maggie could not believe the turn this conversation had taken.
"I thought we were coming here, to our safe place?" What a joke, she thought. "In order to start healing and, in stead, you've just opened another old wound."
"Babe's not a wound, she's my friend. She's a big part of my life, deal with it," Bianca said, her tone surprising even herself with its brusqueness.
"I've been dealing with your obsession with that pariah for years."
"This isn't about Babe." Bianca turned her back, preferring to look anywhere but at Maggie; she felt naked, exposed. Her ex had always been able to see right into her soul, instinctively knowing when something wasn't right. She had only rarely been able to lie to Maggie and get away with it when they were together. Could she still? Could Maggie see the stain of Babe all over her? Did she know, just by looking, the depths of depravity to which Bianca had sunk?
"No, you're right. It's supposed to be about us."
"There is no us anymore!" Bianca insisted to the wind, the finality of the statement clawing at both their hearts; their connection pulling tight but not yet breaking, vibrating violently under the strain of too many lies and too much hurt.
"But there could be." The words were soft, almost like a caress, seeking to soothe; but they failed, scratching at open wounds like sandpaper instead.
"How Maggie? How could there ever be anything--" the sentence died in her throat when she turned to see the sincerity in Maggie's imploring look. Bianca's anger dissipated, lifting like fog cleared by a brisk breeze.
"What about Greenlee?" she asked, the name sticking to the roof of her mouth like peanut butter.
"What about her?" Maggie asked.
"You wouldn't answer Babe, will you answer me?"
"Ask me anything," Maggie said. "Please."
"Are you in love with Greenlee?"
And there it was. The one question Maggie had not expected Bianca to ask. The one question she was least prepared to answer.
"That's a complicated question."
"So you won't answer me either," Bianca said with a slight nod of her head.
"I didn't say I wouldn't answer, just that it's complicated."
"What's complicated about it? You either are or you aren't. Stop avoiding." Bianca crossed her arms defiantly.
Maggie looked at Bianca and realized that the time for avoidance and civility was over. Truth was what was required here, as much as she knew it might hurt.
"I'm falling in love with her, yes. Are you happy now?"
"No…yes…I don't know," Bianca shrugged, her emotions too jumbled to voice further, she ran a hand through her hair.
"Are you in love with Zoë?" Maggie asked, turning the tables.
"I'm going to marry her aren't I?" Bianca bit off the words sharply, resenting the question. It was none of Maggie's business.
"That is not what I asked. Now who's avoiding?" Maggie shot back.
"I didn't come here to talk about my relationship with Zoë. We're here to talk about Miranda."
"Ok," Maggie said, sitting down on the bench and crossing her legs. "Let's do that then. I want to adopt her." The change in tone and subject gave Bianca whiplash.
"It's much too soon for that, don't you think?" Bianca asked, shock written all over her face that Maggie even had the gall to ask.
"No, I don't. I love her and she loves me. You already told her she can call me mom," Maggie pointed out. "I just want to make it official. It's not like we never talked about this before, Bianca."
"That was before you walked out on me, on us," Bianca said, holding up her hand when Maggie started to object. "That's neither here nor there. Have you talked to Greenlee about it?"
Maggie tilted her head and wondered where Bianca was going with this. "Not that it matters, but yes, I have. She'll support me in whatever I do."
"Of course she will. Then you can not only steal my family but give Greenlee the child she can't have, right?" Bianca asked.
"Wow, Bianca. When did you become so cruel? Greenlee is your family too you know?"
"Be that as it may, I'm not sure I want Greenlee helping to raise my daughter."
"She's our daughter." Maggie was irritated and it showed. How dare Bianca make this about Greenlee when she blew off questions about Zoë and brought that tramp with her? "I could say the same about Babe obviously, and Zoë."
"Why?" Bianca asked, shaking her head at why she perceived to be Maggie's intolerance. "Because she's transgender?"
"No," Maggie protested. "I'm sure Miranda understands that or will when she's older, she's a smart girl. What she may not understand is why Zoë hates me so much. She's bound to ask someday and I shudder to think what Zoë might tell her."
"How Zoë feels about you is irrelevant. She loves Miranda. There's no need for you to concern yourself with that," Bianca said, dismissing Maggie's feelings once again. "She will, after all, be Miranda's legal step-parent. Greenlee is just someone you're dating."
Maggie felt like she had been slapped. "Greenlee is far more than that. She's also Miranda's aunt and she loves her too," she said, unnerved at Bianca's careless dismissal of her relationship with Greenlee. How dare she act like it means nothing? "And who knows…" Maggie added out of spite. "Maybe Greenlee and I will get married one day."
Bianca laughed out loud, much to Maggie consternation.
"Even if you were to marry Greenlee," Bianca said, still snickering, "which I doubt given your combined history, it still wouldn't be legal."
"What does our history have to do with anything? And how can you make fun of my relationship and then talk about yours being legal? Last time I checked Zoë was well on her way to being a woman, your marriage won't be legal either unless you're planning on getting married in Paris or Canada."
Maggie thought for a moment as another possibility entered her mind, too horrifying to be something Bianca would do. "Wait--who are you marrying? Freddie or Zoë?"
"At the moment they are on in the same," Bianca answered and in those words confirmed the worst possibility.
"Are you telling me that after everything you have been through, you are going to marry a man? For what? Because it's convenient? This has Zoë's stench all over it," Maggie spat, barely concealing her contempt for the rock star.
"It was Zoë's idea but I happen to agree with her," Bianca said sounding anything but confident as she parroted Zoë's words from the night before. "Why shouldn't we take advantage of society's antiquated loophole?"
"So you are going to marry him as part of a political statement?! What happened to being true to yourself? You taught me to not be ashamed of who I am, now you're just a hypocrite." Maggie shook her head, disbelief etched on her face. "What happened to you?"
"You happened to me!" Bianca yelled.
"You cannot lay all of this at my feet, Bianca. No matter how much you'd like to."
"Why can't I?"
"Life doesn't happen in a vacuum. We were in trouble long before what happened with Cecelia."
"Don't you think I know that?" Bianca asked, palms outstretched in supplication.
"It sure as hell doesn't seem like it these days," Maggie answered.
"Well I do. I felt horrible after that argument." Bianca walked slowly to the bench and sat down next to her ex, close but not touching. She knew that if she touched Maggie she would fall apart, just like the last time they sat here.
"It was a fight, Bianca, let's not sugar coat it; and I felt horrible too. We needed to talk but you--" Maggie looked away as all the pain came rushing back as if the fight had happened yesterday instead of last year. "You left on a business trip instead, without a second thought."
Is that what she really thinks? Bianca asked herself. Surely she can't think that. "What was I supposed to do, send someone else?"
"Yes! You'd done it before for your family. But I just didn't rate that high on the list did I?"
"I am the CEO of Cambias Europe, Maggie. I couldn't just abdicate my responsibilities because I had a spat with my lover."
Maggie bristled at Bianca's characterization of both their fight and their relationship at the time. She got up and walked to the edge of the building, where the water met the boathouse; the memory of them jumping in time and time again playing in her mind on a loop.
"And yet you're here in Pine Valley now," Maggie said looking out over Willow Lake. "Taking how much time off? You even brought Zoë home for the holidays. It must be nice for her to be included, I never was."
"I wanted to try and fix that, Maggie. The night I walked in on you with…that woman…I was coming home early to surprise you." A sound escaped her ex that made Maggie's skin crawl. "Little did I know I would be the one who got surprised. I really thought you wanted me home," she said with a sardonic laugh.
"I did," Maggie whispered, turning to face Bianca. "Desperately."
"That sure isn't the way it looked."
----
Cambias Penthouse
Paris, France
August 2006
Bianca sat in the limo, clutching a bouquet of roses in her hand, trying to gather her nerves. She had returned from her business trip two days early in hopes of repairing some of the damage to her rapidly disintegrating relationship with Maggie.
She had thought things would get better with Greenlee gone but they had only gotten more tense and uncomfortable, culminating in the fight they'd had just before Bianca left for Switzerland.
Maggie had wanted her to cancel the trip so they could spend some time together and talk, but she had refused. The argument had quickly gotten out of control with angry, hurtful words thrown around like darts; each one landing with frightening precision, tearing them even further apart.
Bianca knew beyond the shadow of a doubt she bear most of the blame. Rarely home and when she was, painfully critical of everything Maggie said or did. She was scared to death that Maggie would leave her for someone else and it had turned her into a control freak; micromanaging their relationship like a business deal, with irrational jealousy thrown in for good measure.
She didn't know how to fix it but she knew she had to try. The thought of losing Maggie was too painful to bear.
Maggie's study group was tonight and Bianca hoped she had spent enough time at the florist and dropping Miranda off at Anna's for it to be over.
She had endured a painful lecture from Anna about her jealousy. Jealousy of the entire study group, but the mysterious Cecelia in particular, who she had yet to meet. Anna was critical of Bianca sending Greenlee though she had agreed to keep it from Maggie at Bianca's insistence.
The brunette knew Anna was right in her contention that her jealousy had to remain in check tonight but she also knew it would be next to impossible if the group were still there. They fawned over Maggie and she resented it, hence the dawdling at the florist. Now here she was poised to surprise her lover and having a panic attack.
She took the small box out of her pocket and opened it one last time, gazing at the huge, brilliantly cut diamond ring. She was aware that it was probably was not the best time or way to propose but it seemed to her like the only solution. If Maggie would just agree to marry her now, tonight, all their problems would disappear. Bianca knew once the brunette was wearing her ring she would be able to put aside all her fears and doubts to finally start to build a life with her. If not, it might very well be the end for them. Bianca could not go on like this any longer. Maggie had to agree, she just had to.
Finally she could put it off no longer, she didn't want Maggie to go to bed before she had the chance to say what she came home early to say. Before she had a chance to tell Maggie of her decision, explain how meaningless life would be without her, and beg her forgiveness and patience.
She thanked the driver and dismissed him for the weekend, hoping to spend it celebrating their engagement and lavishing Maggie with her love and attention. She entered the building leaving her bags with the concierge along with instructions that they were not to be delivered until she called for them and that no visitors were to be allowed until further notice.
Riding up in the elevator she felt lighter than she had in months. Once she had made the decision to come home and propose to Maggie everything had simply fallen into place. She intended to make Maggie see once and for all that the brunette came first in her life, right along with Miranda. Flowers and wine in hand, the ring in her coat pocket, she stepped off the elevator to meet her destiny.
Bianca quietly opened the door stopping in the foyer to let her eyes adjust to the scant lighting. She was confused by the flickering candles and soft music filling the room. Is the group still here, she thought, is this how they study?
She slipped off her shoes at the door and padded silently into the kitchen; leaving the wine on the counter and heading for the living room. That was when she heard it; a moan, softly echoing off the walls and throughout the apartment. I hope Maggie's not hurt. She stepped into the living room, worry quickening her step.
She spotted a half empty bottle of wine and two glasses on the coffee table and as she looked to the couch the source of the sound became gut-wrenchingly clear.
A lithe blonde was on top of her girlfriend, her hand under Maggie's shirt caressing her breast and as Bianca watched in horror, the blonde bent forward to lay waste to Maggie's mouth.
Bianca's world changed in an instant, going from brilliant color to black and white, a silent movie of despair; the roses slipping from her hand to scatter silently on the floor, spilling crimson regret at Bianca's feet. It was the only color Bianca could see.
The blood roaring in her ears obscuring any other sound, Bianca turned and walked soundlessly out of the penthouse, picking up her shoes along the way. When she had reached the ground floor she ran from the building barefoot, standing at the curb to hail a cab as she sobbed openly on the sidewalk. Just before she got into the cab she once again slipped on her shoes and walked back to the door of the building. She took a deep breath and then with deliberate intention swallowed all her emotion, reached into her pocket and dropped the ring box in the garbage can. She watched it fall as if in slow motion as it tumbled to the bottom of the bin; her dreams, like the ring, becoming nothing more than compost for future parasites. She wondered if her feelings for the woman wouldn't be far behind.
Pine Valley
Boathouse
Present Day
----
Maggie looked at Bianca with tears of regret in her eyes.
"You were going to ask me to marry you?" she asked.
"Yes, is that so hard to believe?" Bianca too had tears streaming down her face, the pain of recounting that night as fresh as if it had happened yesterday.
Maggie's answer to that question was not the one Bianca expected. The brunette shook her head in disbelief and released a bark of rueful laughter. Bianca looked at her aghast.
"I would have said no."
"Of course you would have--wait--what did you say?!" Bianca asked, shock making her eyes big and round like some satiric version of an anime cartoon.
"I would have said no," Maggie repeated.
"Why?"
"God Bianca, did you really think that would solve our problems? I could see therapy, maybe, but marriage? I swear you had turned into a lesbian version of Jonathan."
Now Bianca was pissed. "I am nothing like him. How could you say that? I would never lay a hand on you."
Maggie just looked at Bianca with her eyebrow raised, a silent reminder of the fateful night they both wished they could forget.
"Not in your right mind, no. But in many other ways you became just like him. Trying to control what I did and who my friends were, making decisions for me and then to top it all off you were going to propose. For what? Huh? To stake your claim on me?" Maggie asked, hitting the nail on the head.
"Something like that," Bianca stammered, emotions crossing her face too fast to be recognized, seemingly at war until anger finally won out and slammed into place. Maggie crossed her arms and shivered at her ex's icy Kane control. She had seen it many times and hated it.
"Unbelievable," Maggie muttered to herself. "You don't even see it."
"It's not like any of this matters." Bianca was fully in control of her emotions now; anger the only thing she allowed herself to feel. "I sure as hell wasn't going to ask you once I caught you getting fucked by another woman in my house!" she yelled.
Ignoring the willful untruth of the statement, Maggie's own anger was tapped.
"Your house, your daughter, your ring; was anything ever ours, Bianca?"
"I thought the love was, but I was wrong," Bianca said coldly.
"You weren't't wrong," Maggie whispered, reaching out, clutching at empty air. Bianca had moved away from the bench once again to stand as far from Maggie as she could get and still be in the boathouse.
"Then how could you do it, Maggie? How could you cheat on me?" Bianca took a step back towards the bench, as if she really did want to sit and talk.
"Are you finally asking me what really happened?" Maggie's voice was tinged with faint hope.
"It depends," Bianca stopped short of the Maggie, standing in front of her. "Are you going to try and convince me that what I saw with my own eyes isn't what I saw?"
Maggie felt her hope dashed in that moment when she realized there was nothing she could say that Bianca would believe.
"No, I'm not. I know what you saw. It's your interpretation of it that I have a problem with."
"Please don't insult me, Maggie. She was on top of you, I heard you moan. I'm not blind or stupid. I know what I saw."
"There was so much more to it than that! Did you hear anything else that was said? No, but you would have if you hadn't run off with your tail between your legs." Maggie frustration made her tone harder than she intended. This was not the way to get Bianca to listen to her. She ran her hand through her hair and started again, softer this time; hoping to coax Bianca into sitting down with her, finally. "We could have talked about it if you had bothered to ask me, just once, what really happened."
Bianca smiled and Maggie felt fear coil tightly in her stomach. It was a smile Bianca reserved for enemies and hostile takeovers. "I didn't't want to hear your rationalizations then and I'm in no mood for your revised history now, either. I certainly don't need to hear the sordid details of what happened after I left. I told you, I know--"
"What you saw.," Maggie finished for her. "I get it." Erica's words from earlier in the day hammered inside Maggie's head relentlessly. The lie was indeed wearing very thin. Why couldn't't she just shed it? Why didn't't she just blurt out the truth and let the chips fall where they may? Why did she continue to take the easy way out by letting Bianca assume the worst? Perhaps it was because she vividly remembered hours spent in Bianca's arms, lost in the taste and smell of her skin, her love; because she remembered what it was like in the beginning, to see herself reflected in Bianca's love struck gaze. The reflection looking back at her now, however, was not love; it was as far from it as anything Maggie had ever seen.
Secrets told in the pictures on your skin
Hours fade into days that never end
I see myself reflected in your eyes
And I hate the way I'm wearing all these lies
There they were, miles apart; wallowing for long moments in painful, deafening silence. Clearly they were at an impasse, neither willing to give an inch more; staring at the expanse of Willow Lake as in a parallel universe their younger selves ate cotton candy and talked about the Spice Girls, completely unaware that their innocence now lay crumbled at the feet of their older counterparts.
Maggie chuckled mirthlessly to herself. In the end her condemnation, like her sleepless nights, would come not from what she did or didn't't do that fateful day in Paris, but from the words she couldn't't bring herself to say.
"I should go," Bianca said finally.
"So that's it then?"
So I let you go
And I watch you leave
And I hold my breath
So you don't hear me scream
When you walk away
But the words are only in my head
It's not what I said
It's what I didn't say
"For now it's all I can handle."
"Will you at least think about me and Miranda?"
"Maggie I…ok," Bianca sighed. "I'll think about it. But I can't stay here. I have to go." She was almost panicked but she covered that with callous indifference, talking to Maggie like an employee rather than someone she once loved more than her own life.
Maggie hated the way Bianca just dismissed her and it came out in the worst possible way.
"Wouldn't't want to keep Babe waiting," She said snidely.
"Maggie--" Bianca warned, this wasn't about their relationships with Greenlee or Babe; it was about them. Maybe we were just never meant to be happy, Bianca thought, maybe Greenlee could make her happier than I ever could. Perhaps Zoe and Babe together can make me happy as well.
Is she everything you wanted her to be?
Yeah, I bet she never breaks your heart like me
So it's one more night I cover up with you
And I hate myself for what I didn't do
Maggie held up her hands once again in surrender. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately.
"I'm sorry."
"No, you're not." The look Bianca leveled at her was cold, distant.
"Not about hating Babe, I won't apologize for that," Maggie said, looking at her feet as they shuffled back and forth, hovering just above the floor. "But about everything else--" She let her words, her voice trail off to get lost in the wind now beginning to pick up as the sun set.
"I'm sorry too," Bianca said and for a brief moment, Maggie thought she meant it. She took minutely leaned forward as if to stand before Bianca's next words slammed her back down to the cold, hard wood.
"Sorry I thought coming home that night would change anything. Sorry I wasn't enough for you. Sorry I caught you cheating on me in our house."
"But I didn't't--" Maggie released a dry sob, unable to keep her feelings from bubbling over any longer.
"Save it, Maggie," Bianca spat. "You're just sorry you got caught."
This moment at the boathouse was the polar opposite of the one they had back in January. Bianca had taken control of her life and her emotions, refusing to be blindsided by anything Maggie might say, no matter how much holding back may hurt. She would never fall apart in front of Maggie the way she had the last time. Never again. This time it was Maggie who seemed at a loss for words, Maggie whose emotions was getting the best of her and try as she might Bianca felt a small sense of triumph at that fact. She felt liberated by the tears she saw shimmering in Maggie's eyes. Maggie deserved to cry, she had thrown their perfect life away. She had made Bianca cry often enough in the aftermath of her fling with Cecelia, it was her turn.
Bianca turned on her heel, walking towards the steps leading out of the boathouse and back to the parking lot, leaving Maggie alone on the bench with only her regrets and the truth. They were cold comfort.
So I let you go
And I watch you leave
And I hold my breath
So you don't hear me scream
When you walk away
But the words are only in my head
It's not what I said
It's what I didn't say
"Bianca?"
The younger brunette turned back to look at Maggie once more; her face a mask giving away nothing of her true feelings.
"If we can't talk about what really happened, and why, we'll never be able to turn the page," Maggie said, hoping that something, anything, might break through; convince Bianca there was still a friendship to save.
Bianca closed her coat tighter, wrapping her arms around herself in the sudden chill as the temperature dropped in the early evening dusk.
Should've known better, now
All I have left is a permanent stain
The only part of you I get to keep forever
To prove I lived this pain
"Probably not," she stated simply then turned and walked away.
Maggie watched her until she was gone, nothing more than a figment of her imagination. The hope that Bianca would change her mind and come back, fading as if it had never really existed in the first place.
Maybe I was never as smart as I thought
Maybe we can never be as good as we want
Maybe you just didn't need me enough
Maybe we're too clever to have fallen in love like this
Like this
Maybe the rift between us is just too wide, Maggie thought, as she dialed the phone on instinct, barely holding herself together. The thought that the only parts of their life together Maggie got to keep were animosity, pain and betrayal, was almost more than she could take. All she had left to even prove they had ever been in love were her memories, and even those were fading fast in the face of a constant barrage of condemnation.
As she listened to the ringing of the phone in her ear, swallowing hard against a torrent of tears, Maggie never felt more bereft in her life.
Secrets told in the silence of my sin
And I'm the one who loses in the end
Lyrics to Words I Couldn't Say by Saving Jane