Klaus' New Baby

by Klenevieve

Klaus gets tired of his first hybrids' behavior right? So what does he do? He re raises Tyler himself to teach him what he expects from him. WARNING CONTAINS DIAPERING SPANKING AND CUSSING SO READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. You have been warned. Story doesn't exactly follow story. Picks up at Conner stealing venom from Tyler.

25. Television: Available, Lessons Begin?

I woke up, dry again. I was happy with my progress. I still went to the bathroom for first thing in the morning, when I was done, Klaus was there again and he emptied it, changed me into a new pull up and then dressed me, at least in the clothes he had me pick out. Jeans and a red shirt.

He walked downstairs, motioning for me to follow, so I did. When he stopped in the kitchen, he didn't put me in the high chair, instead he walked around. I noticed that it was earlier in the day than usual when he'd wake me up.

"I'm sorry Tyler, but Daddy has to cook since Henrietta is busy right now. She's building a pool. You like swimming right?"

"I love swimming." I answered and tried to help him. He shook his head before pointing at the fridge.

"There's toys over there, you can play with some magnets. You can do whatever you wish."

"But I want, I wish, to help you."

"If I let you help you could possibly cut yourself or worse, burn yourself. The only thing that's not changed is your unkillable. Just like me. Just not like me. Do you know what I mean or is Daddy confusing you?"

"No, I understand. I've never cut myself or burned myself before."

"Okay, it's not getting across to you is it? NO Tyler, sit down and play with your toys. Breakfast will be ready in a minute." He pulled food out and began to move around again, getting pans and spatulas and everything else.

"I want an omelet."

"Okay, you can have one, I'll cut it up for you." I opened my mouth to complain but thought better of it and walked over to the fridge and saw the letters and numbers immediately. I sat down next to them and began to make words. This was something I'd actually done in my own childhood. It was one of my favourite things to do until I learned to write words down.

'Tyler LockwoOd Was HER3' I turned the three upside down to get a capital E kind of. 'K1AUS' I used the one as a lower case L. I stared at the remaining letters trying to find a word I could spell. I spelled 'PizZA' using the A in Klaus. I made 'hYbRID' using 'HER3'. I made 'Bat' using 'Was'. And then I was at a stopping point because the only letters I had now were C, F, G, J, M, N, Q, V, X, f, g, j, m, n, p, q, u, v, and x.

I was about to start over when I was picked up off the floor and sat in my chair. I sighed as I was given a plate of food and a cup of milk, still not a proper cup. The hybrids came in and we started eating, though I played with most of the food anyway. Henrietta came in only to grab a plate before leaving again. Elena was being cared for by Sky. That made me smile. I liked Sky.

"So Tyler, what do you want to do today?"

"Nothing in particular." He smiled before his smile fell into a frown.

"Well I've got big plans for you today Tyler. They might not seem big right now but they will be one day." He handed me a teething ring before taking my plate away, he understood I didn't want to eat? And he was okay with it? Wow. I began to bite the thing, bored with nothing to do.

Like he always did, we were the last ones in the room besides Sky and Elena. He picked me up and Sky followed him, leading Elena not by force but just leading her. I laid my head on his shoulder as he carried me to my play room before he sat me down. I clung to him but he sat down next to me.

"I'm going to teach you to count." I know how to count. He began to build with the bricks and things that weren't bricks but still kept the tower going. He continued all the way to ten, counting before knocked it down. He repeated it and I began to grab things to build into a tower.

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten." I looked at my tower before making it go higher and higher until I knew if I put something else on top it'd fall over… Or I just couldn't reach up there anyway. I didn't have my hybrid strength to jump up there and put it down. Instead I used the block in my hand to throw at the tower and it came crashing down, throwing things everywhere. I burst out laughing as some even went through the open window and open door. Klaus smirked at Sky and she giggled at him before turning her eyes on Elena.

I crawled over to Elena and gave her some bricks to play with before I spotted my Marvel puzzle. I went over there and began to put it together and then took it apart and made it again. Eventually I lost interest and walked over to the box to find new toys to play with.

I found a wind up car. I beamed before grabbing it and another one and going out into the hall, winding them up as I went. I sat down at one end and then let them go, racing them and they hit a side table that held a vase. The other one reached a farther point before running out of gas.

I heard clapping and then Klaus carried me back to my play room with the cars. "Play in here Tyler, not out there. You could make a mess and then Dwayne would have to clean it up." I rolled my eyes before looking around, bored.

Klaus gave me a book and I opened it. It only had nine pages. I turned one page and I found a colour wheel. I read about the colours red, blue, and yellow. I turned the page and saw it declare a banana yellow, the next page said that lemons were yellow, the next page said that the sun was yellow. The next three pages declared the sky blue, a berry was blue, and a blue bird. The next pages went over what was red. Cherries, tomatoes, and hearts. I smiled, unable to stop myself. I think the only reason a heart was red was because the blood was red. I thought hearts would be pink.

The next thing I knew was that he'd handed me finger paints and a few canvases and started playing nursery rhymes. I rolled my eyes but quickly began to paint something. I heard Klaus talking to Sky before I heard the door open.

"Keep him entertained. Keep him from leaving this room. I have to go make lunch."

"Sometimes that man is bossy." Sky complained. "Tyler, what are you painting?"

"A beach ball. I'm sorry it's not more entertaining."

"Do you know any of these songs?"

"Yeah, I do. Honestly I used to make fun of them, and also I watched Blues Clues growing up. So I should know them shouldn't I? Is it singing about colours?" I asked. I heard her begin to laugh. She didn't stop.

"Yeah, Tyler it's singing about colours. He's 'teaching' you colours, numbers, and letters. Don't you know them already?" She asked, laughing.

"I do not know any songs about colours. Didn't know there were any. Is it over now?"

"Nope. It's still going but I'm to put on more when it ends up until the point Klaus comes back in here."

"He's weird."

"Yeah, he is. But I like their sweet and soft voices."

"It's supposed to be that way Sky." I showed her my finished picture and she smiled.

"That's beautiful. I like all the different colours."

"Do you know anything that could possibly be interesting in that box? I'm done with the toys. He expects me to be more into them doesn't he? I'm 21 or somewhere around there."

"No, you're 18. Hey, I have a toy you might be interested in. An RC car?"

"The ones with remotes?" I asked, eager.

"Yeah, but first you have to wash your hands." I nodded and got up to go wash my hands. I opened the door to the bathroom, there was one connected to this room too. "Hey, Tyler. Expect him to let you watch TV. He said you're allowed to now. You're just not allowed movies."

"Oh, wow. That's cool. I guess." I came back in and she had the RC car ready to go. I shook my head. "Did you have that this whole time?" She smiled, tilting her head as she laughed. I stared at her. She's pretty.

"I like it when you laugh."

"That makes me happy."

"What I can't wait to learn is when will he leave me alone?"

"From what I've seen and heard? Never." I sighed.

"I suppose it's my fault for being there when I was turned into his first working hybrid. You know he used me as an experiment?"

"Now you're his favourite. You should be happy Tyler. As his favourite you get mostly everything. I almost envy you." She smiled before sitting down. I began to build things around the room and when I finished, there was a road for it to drive down. It was a long winding road that went everywhere in the room and ended with leaving the room entirely. I put the car in the starting place before I picked up the remote and driving it around, hitting the walls. I shook my head.

"I swear I'm better at driving a real car Sky. Don't think I drive like this."

"Yeah, or I know that no one would let you drive." I laughed at her joke before I drove the car out of the room and drove it somewhere, not caring where it went, I just went with my instincts. I heard someone curse before bringing it back in here. It was Mark.

"It's not smart to drive blind." He put the car back down and I drove it back to the beginning as Sky played another rhyme since the one we were listening to ended. "I'll just close the door and Sky, Klaus wanted me to remind you that you should be watching him, make sure he doesn't do something he's not supposed to."

"Tell him, he already said that."

"I'll tell him you said okay or something." He left, closing the door behind him. I spat my tongue out at him. Idiot. I rolled my eyes before purposely driving the car into the blocks and knocking them out of the way. Sky played a new one, it had been short.

"I can't find any long ones about colours. So here's one about shapes."

"You know you could put on rap right?"

"Klaus would kill me." She smiled. I began to clean up but she had it cleaned in a minute. "You're not allowed to clean your own messes. Something about being only 34 months old."

"Now what do I do? I'm bored."

"Sing or dance to the music? I'm sure you can leave the room soon." I got up and began to look for something to play with but I couldn't find anything. So I just sat down and listened to the rhymes. Eventually the door opened and Klaus came in, and smiled.

"This place is clean Sky, good job. I might have you watch him more often when I and Henrietta are not available." He picked me up before carrying me downstairs. I was sat in the high chair and given food as everyone made their plates. "I have 338 shows you're allowed to watch but I have to keep it appropriate and that means you only have a few to pick from, but don't get sad. I have already picked out two episodes for you to watch. You'll see shortly but they'll help me in my very 'first' lesson I'll be giving you that you don't already know. The first thing I have to get you to do is admit that you're a hybrid, who is hard to kill. One like me. With power, hearing, sight, smell. All the works are upgraded."

"I'm a hybrid. Done. What is the lesson?"

"I can't teach you immediately or tell you because then you will either be confused or you will reject the lesson. I don't want either to happen to you. So quickly eat your meal and we'll go sit in the living room. For an hour." He smiled at me, his plate was clean already. I obeyed and he picked me up, after cleaning my face off from crumbs and then he quickly sat me between the couch and the TV, an equal measure apart. He turned the TV on and flicked a button and the TV began to play Blue's Clues. I watched the show, I grew up with the show. I missed this show.

The first clue was a cup. The first thing to make me start laughing was he said "You can't eat a cup for a snack." and then my laughing went wild, laughing at everything here and there that seemed funny. Klaus hadn't left the room. He was sitting behind me, like right behind me. On the couch.

He was trying to 'teach' me the colours and what was interesting was this episode had to do with colouring the picture. The next thing I laughed at was Steve falling over because of the phone ringing. It reminded me of that Hamlet play I had to watch for English Class in High School Junior year.

After Steve said he couldn't find the triangle, I found myself pointing and giving him the answers he was asking for and then I had another laugh at Steve suggesting that Blue drink a cow with her snack. The cow glared so hard at him for that comment, it was hilarious. When the credits came, I egged Klaus to give me more but he just smiled at me, gently. He pointed to the TV screen and I watched it close out before he flicked something else on to the television.

The next one was The Emperor's New School. I loved Kuzco. Also, at the end I wanted more. I always wanted more television… Klaus picked me up and took me back to my play room where he gave me a set of cards, they had shapes.

He spread them over the floor before playing more rhymes. "Let's play a game. Who ever wins gets to say what we do next." He smiled at me before motioning me to go first. I lifted a card and it was a circle. And the game began.

At the end, I'd won. With his help. "Best two out of three Tyler?" I nodded and we plaid again. With the same results but I did do better than just flipping cards over, hoping they were the right one. I was using my memory.

At the last round, Klaus won. He smiled at me, being a good sport. "What do you want to do now Tyler?"

"Watch more TV."

"Wanna go outside and play in the playground?" I nodded and he led, he let me walk, to the playground where we ran around playing games. Tag, chase, swinging, sliding, anything and everything that was outside. "Daddy has to cook dinner now. So I'll let Mark watch you." I looked over and stood up, following him anyway.

"Can I watch more TV?"

"No, but I'm sure you could help Mark with something. He really needs help finding something. Can you help?" I looked at him, thinking.

"What is he missing?"

"He refuses to tell me and thus I consider it a pointless thing to look for. You may help?"

"Yeah, okay. I'll help him look for whatever he's lost in the house. It is inside right?"

"Yeah, it is." Mark replied, almost grabbing for me but thought better of it. He walked out of the room and toward his room. I think Klaus lied to me. Mark never loses anything. "I let Kevin borrow my iPod and now he won't give it back." I stared at him.

"You mean he stole your phone?"

"You choose now to be smart?" I was about to retort when I heard Klaus.

"Do not start fighting or I'll beat both of you, and I can almost guarantee you won't like it. Just ask Kevin and Jason." I looked at my feet as he coughed, clearing his throat.

We went to his room and we looked around the room. I ended up finding it under the bed. I showed him and he took it, and began to play Hulu on his phone. I watched over his shoulder as he watched a horror movie, Silver Bullet. I smiled before I leaned away from him.

"That movie scared me at the end when I first watched it." He smiled, laughing.

"Yeah. You didn't know you were a werewolf did you?"

"Nope. All I knew was that werewolves were 'mean, cruel things that killed for no reason'." I got up and walked out of his room and back into the kitchen.

"Nice timing Tyler." He picked me up and sat me in the chair before giving me a plate. "Eat that and I might take you out to play in the sprinklers."

"Near winter? Are you crazy?"

"You are a hybrid. Part..."

"Werewolf, part vampire."

"Vampires don't get sick, vampires don't feel cold. Vampires don't get hot… except when on fire." He laughed at his own joke before sitting down, giving me a drink, and eating his own food. I began to eat mine and soon we were all done. I was beginning to feel tired. I was cleaned off before carried off to my bathroom.

I watched Klaus make bath water and he looked at me. "Why don't you try to go use the privy?" I obeyed and was then sat in the bathtub. He began on my feet and worked his way up to my head before he handed me some toys. I knew what he was doing, he was going to wash my hair. I sighed.

"Not tonight please."

"Come on, Daddy will promise to dry it and comb it." He answered sweetly. I just let him do as he pleased, playing with the toys he'd given me to play with. He gets his way one way or another anyway.

When that was done, he did as he promised. Which was weird. I don't remember him ever keeping promises other than those to hurt people. As he combed my hair, he played even more nursery rhymes, but these were upbeat so there was no way I'd fall asleep to them. He was trying to keep me up instead of falling asleep for once. I loved it. I love him.

"So who's ready for bedtime story time?" I smiled and he picked me up before showing me the book. The 500 Hats Of Bartholomew Cubbins. He sat down in my rocking chair and began to read to me. "'The 500 Hats Of Bartholomew Cubbins'. Can you turn the page Tyler?" I smiled and opened the book for him.

"The 500 Hats Of Bartholomew Cubbins by Dr. Seuss.'" He turned the page this time. "'To Chrysanthemum Pearl going on 90.' Can you turn the page Tyler?" I turned the page as he read again. "'In the beginning, Bartholomew Cubbins didn't have five hundred hats. He had only one hat. It was an old one that had belonged to his father and his father's father before him. It was probably the oldest and the plainest hat in the whole Kingdom of Didd, where Bartholomew Cubbins lived. But Bartholomew liked it– especially because of the feather that always pointed straight up in the air.'" He turned the page this time. Okay, so we were taking turns turning the pages. The first picture was of the hat the paragraph was talking about. "'The Kingdom of Didd was ruled by King Derwin. His palace stood high on top of the mountain. From his balcony, he looked down over the houses of all his subjects– first, over the spires of the noblemen's castles, across the broad roofs of the rich men's mansions, then over the little houses of the townsfolk, to the huts of the farmers far off in the fields. It was a mighty view and it made King Derwin feel mighty important.' Can you turn the page?" I did and he read the next page, because the other page had been a picture of the king looking out the window. "'Far off in the fields, on the edge of a cranberry bog, stood the hut of the Cubbins family. From the small door Bartholomew looked across the huts of the farmers to the houses of the townsfolk, then to the rich men's mansions and the noblemen's castles, up to the great towering palace of the King. It was exactly the same view that King Derwin saw from his balcony, but Bartholomew saw it backward. It was a mighty view, but it made Bartholomew Cubbins feel mighty small.'" He turned the page and read again. The picture had Bartholomew looking up through fog. "'Just after sunrise one Saturday morning Bartholomew started for town. He felt very happy. A pleasant breeze whistled through the feather in his hat. In his right hand he carried a basket of cranberries to sell at the market. He was anxious to sell them quickly and bring the money back home to his parents. He walked faster and faster till he got to the gates of the town. The sound of silver trumpets rang through the air. Hoof beats clattered on the cobbled streets. "Clear the way! Clear the way! Make way for the King!"'" I turned the page so he could keep reading. That picture had him walking by a tree and the other one had a soldier riding a horse. "'All the people rushed for the sidewalks. They drove their carts right up over the curbstones. Bartholomew clutched his basket tighter. Around the corner dashed fifty trumpeters on yellow-robed horses. Behind them on crimson-robed horses came the King's Own Guards. "Hats off to the King!" shouted the Captain of the King's Own Guards. On came the King's carriage- white and gold and purple. It rumbled like thunder through the narrow street. It swept past Bartholomew. Then suddenly its mighty brakes shrieked. It lurched- and then it stopped. The whole procession stood still. Bartholomew could hardly believe what he saw. Through the side window of the carriage, the King himself was staring back- straight back at him! Bartholomew began to tremble. "Back up!" the King commanded the Royal Coachman. The Royal Coachman shouted to the royal horses. The King's Own Guards shouted to their crimson-robed horses. The trumpeters shouted to their yellow-robed horses. Very slowly the whole procession backed down the street, until the King's carriage stopped right in front of Bartholomew.'" That picture had the King looking out the window.

"I know why it's those colours." I said, looking at him. He smiled.

"Yes? Why is that?"

"Because white and gold mean regal, which is another word for royalty. And purple because everyone recognizes that as the colour of royalty." He ruffled my hair I refrained from swatting at him.

"Good boy. That's exactly right." Klaus turned the page before continuing. "'The King leaned from his carriage window and fixed his eyes directly on Bartholomew Cubbins. "Well...? Well...?" He demanded. Bartholomew shook with fright. "I ought to say something." he thought to himself. But he could think of nothing to say. "Well?" demanded the King again. "Do you or do you not take off your hat before your King?" "Yes, indeed, Sire." answered Bartholomew, feeling greatly relieved. "I do take off my hat before my King." "Then take it off this very instant." commanded the King more loudly than before. "But, Sire, my hat is off." answered Bartholomew. "Such impudence!" shouted the King, shaking an angry finger. "How dare you stand there and tell me your hat is off!" "I don't like to say you are wrong, Sire." said Bartholomew very politely, "but you see my hat is off." And he showed the King the hat in his hand. "If that's your hat in your hand," demanded the King, "what's that on your head?" "On my head?" gasped Bartholomew. There did seem to be something on his head. He reached up his hand and touched a hat!'" I turned the page this time. The story was getting interesting finally. At first, admittedly, I had hated the story because the pictures were black and white except for the hat. The picture had the King pointing at the red hat. "'The face of Bartholomew Cubbins turned very red. "It's a hat, Sire." he stammered, "but it can't be mine. Someone behind me must have put it on my head." "I don't care how it got there." said the King. "You take it off." And the King sat back in his carriage. Bartholomew quickly snatched off the hat. He stared at it in astonishment. It was exactly the same as his own hat– the same size, the same colour. And it had exactly the same feather. "By the Crown of my Fathers!" roared the King, again leaning out of the carriage window. "Did I or did I not command you to take off your hat?" "You did, Sire... I took it off... I took it off twice." "Nonsense! There is still a hat upon your head." "Another hat?" Again Bartholomew reached up his hand and touched a hat. "Come, come, what is the meaning of all this?" demanded the King, his face purple with rage. "I don't know, Sire." answered Bartholomew. "It never happened to me before." The King was now shaking with such fury that the carriage rocked on its wheels and the Royal Coachman could hardly sit in his seat. "Arrest this impudent trickster," shouted the King to the Captain of the King's Own Guards. "We'll teach him to take off his hat." He turned the page this time and continued on. The Royal Coachman cracked his long whip. The King's carriage swung forward up the street toward the palace. But the Captain of the King's Own Guards leaned down from his big brass saddle and grabbed Bartholomew Cubbins by his shirt. Away flew Bartholomew's basket! The cranberries bounced over the cobblestones and rolled down into the gutter. With a jangling of spurs and a clatter of horseshoes, the Captain and Bartholomew sped up the winding street toward the palace. Out of the narrow streets, on up the hill! Bartholomew clung to the Captain's broad back. On and on they galloped, past the bright gardens of the wealthy merchants. Higher and higher up the mountain, on past the walls of the noblemen's castles...'" I turned the page and wondered how long this book actually was. "'Flupp! ... the sharp wind whisked off Bartholomew's hat. Flupp Flupp... two more flew off. Flupp Flupp Flupp flew another... and another. "...4...5...6...7..." Bartholomew kept counting as the hats came faster and faster. Lords and ladies stared from the windows of their turrets, wondering what the strange stream of hats could mean. Over the palace drawbridge they sped-through the great gates, and into the courtyard. The Captain pulled in his reins. "His Majesty waits in the Throne Room." said a guard, saluting the Captain. "The Throne Room!" The Captain dropped Bartholomew to the ground. "I'd certainly hate to be in your shoes." he said, shaking his head sadly. For a moment Bartholomew was terribly frightened. "Still." he thought to himself. "the King can do nothing dreadful to punish me, because I really haven't done anything wrong. It would be cowardly to feel afraid." Bartholomew threw back his shoulders and marched straight ahead into the palace. "Follow the black carpet." said the guard at the door. All through the long hallway Bartholomew could hear the muttering of voices behind heavy doors. "He won't take off his hat?" "No, he won't take off his hat."'" He turned the page, the picture had hats flying everywhere. "'Bartholomew walked on till he stood in the very middle of the Throne Room. The King, in a long scarlet robe, was sitting on his throne. Beside him stood Sir Alaric, Keeper of the King's Records. he wore in his belt, instead of a sword, a long silver ruler. Lords and noblemen of the court stood solemn and silent. The King looked down at Bartholomew severely. "Young man, I'll give you one more chance. Will you take off your hat for your King?" "Your Majesty," said Bartholomew as politely as he possibly could, "I will-but I'm afraid it won't do any good." And he took off his hat- and it didn't do any good. Another hat sat on Bartholomew's head. He took off hat after hat after hat after hat until he was standing in the middle of a great pile of hats. The lords and noblemen were so astonished they couldn't even speak. Such a thing had never happened in the Throne Room before.'" I beamed at Alaric's name. He turned the page. "'"Heavens!" said Sir Alaric, Keeper of the Records, blinking behind his triangular spectacles. "He's taken off 45!" "And there were 3 more down in the town," said the King. "And you must add on 87 more that blew off my head as we galloped up the hill," said Bartholomew, trying to be helpful. "One hundred and thirty-five hats! Most unusual," said Sir Alaric, writing it down on a long scroll. "Come, come," said the King impatiently. "Sir Alaric, what do you make of all this nonsense?" "Very serious nonsense, Your Majesty," answered Sir Alaric. "I advise you to call in an expert on hats." "Excellent," agreed the King. "Ho, Guard! Fetch in Sir Snipps, maker of hats for all the fine lords." Into the Throne Room marched the smallest man, wearing the tallest hat that Bartholomew had ever seen. It was Sir Snipps. Instead of a sword, he wore at his side a large pair of scissors. "Take a look at this boy's hat," commanded the the King. Sir Snipps looked at Bartholomew Cubbins' hat and sniffed in disgust. Then he turned to the King and bowed stiffly. "Your Majesty, I, Sir Snipps, am the maker of hats for all the fine lords. I make hats of cloth of gold, fine silks and gems and ostrich plumes. You ask me what I think of this hat? Pooh! It is the most ordinary hat I ever set eyes on." "In that case," said the King, "it should be very simple for you to take it off." "Simple, indeed," mumbled Sir Snipps haughtily, and, standing on his tiptoes, he pushed his pudgy thumb at Bartholomew's hat and knocked it to the floor. Immediately another appeared on Bartholomew's head.'" I turned the page and he read on. "'"Screebees!" screamed Sir Snipps, leaping in the air higher than he was tall. Then he turned and ran shrieking out of the Throne Room. "Dear me!" said the King, looking very puzzled. "If Snipps can't do it, this must be more than an ordinary hat." "One hundred and thirty six," wrote Sir Alaric, wrinkling his brow. "Your Majesty, I advise that you call in your Wise Men." "A fine idea!" said the King. "Ho, Guard! Bring me Nadd. Nadd knows about everything in all my kingdom." In came an old, old man. He looked at the hat on Bartholomew's head, and he looked at the pile of hats on the floor. "Nadd, my Wise Man, can you take off his hat?" asked the King. Nadd shook his head solemnly- solemnly no. "Then fetch me the Father of Nadd," commanded the King. "He knows about everything in all my kingdom and in all the world beyond." In came an even older man. But when he looked at Bartholomew's hats, the Father of Nadd merely locked his fingers across his beard and said nothing.'" I turned the page. Nadd sounds a lot like Nate. I laughed as he continued on. I wish this book would end! … On second thought, make it take forever! When this book was over, I'd be dressed for bed and then put to bed. "'"Then bring me the Father of the Father of Nadd!" ordered the King. "He knows about everything in all my kingdom, in all the world beyond, and in all other worlds that may happen to be." Then came the oldest man of them all. But he just looked at Bartholomew and nibbled nervously at the end of his beard. "Does this mean there is no one in my whole kingdom who can take off this boy's hat?" bellowed the King in a terrifying voice. A small voice came up through the balcony window. "What's the matter, Uncle Derwin?" To Bartholomew, it sounded like the voice of a boy. The King stepped out on the balcony and leaned over the marble railing. "There's a boy in here... just about your age," the King said. "He won't take off his hat." Bartholomew tiptoed up behind the King and looked down. There stood a boy with a big lace collar- a very proud little boy with his nose in the air. It was the Grand Duke Wilfred, nephew of the King. "You send him down here," said the Grand Duke Wilfred. "I'll fix him." The King thought for a minute. He pushed back his crown and scratched his head. "Well... maybe you can. There's no harm trying." "Take him to the Grand Duke Wilfred!" commanded the King. And two of the King's Own Guards led Bartholomew out of the Throne Room.'" He turned the page and I looked at the picture of the boy shooting arrows through his hats. "'"Pooh!" said the Grand Duke Wilfred, looking at Bartholomew's hat and laughing meanly. "That hat won't come off? You stand over there." He pointed to a corner where the wall curved out. "I need a little target practice with my bow and arrow." When Bartholomew saw that the Grand Duke Wilfred had only a child's bow he didn't feel frightened. He spoke up proudly, "I can shoot with my father's big bow." "My bow's plenty big enough for shooting hat- especially hats like yours," answered Wilfred. And he let fly an arrow. zzZ! ... it grazed Bartholomew's forehead and nipped off his hat. Away it blew, and over the parapet. But another hat appeared on his head. zzZ! ... zzZ! ... zzZ!... the arrow flew... till the Grand Duke's whole bagful of arrows was gone. And still a hat sat upon Bartholomew's head. "It's not fair," cried the Grand Duke. "It's not fair!" He threw down his bow and stamped upon it. "One hundred and fifty-four hats!" gulped Sir Alaric.'" He turned the page again and kept reading. "'"These hats are driving me mad!" The King's voice rang out through all the palace. "Why waste time with a child's bow and arrow. Fetch me the mightiest bow and arrow in all my realm- fetch the Yeoman of the Bowmen!" "Yeoman of the Bowmen," echoed all the lords and noblemen of the court. A gigantic man strode out across the terrace. His bow was as big as the branch of a tree. The arrow was twice as long as Bartholomew, and thicker than his wrist. "Yeoman of the Bowmen," said the King, "shoot off this boy's hat... and make it stay off!" Bartholomew was trembling so hard that he could scarcely stand straight. The Yeoman bent back his mighty bow. G-r-r-zibb! ... Like a mad giant hornet the arrow tore through the air toward Bartholomew Cubbins. G-r-r-zapp!... The sharp arrow head bit through his hat and carried it off- on and on for a full half mile. G-r-r-zopp! ... It plunked to a stop in the heart of an oak tree. Yet there on Bartholomew's head sat another hat. The face of the Yeoman of the Bowmen went white as the palace walls. "It's black magic!" he shrieked.'" He turned the page. I grabbed the ending pages and tried to take a peak at the ending but he gently kept them at the back of the book. "No peeking Tyler, that's cheating. I assure the hat does eventually come off. I'm just not saying how it does. '"Black magic, that's just what it is," sighed the King with relief. "I should have thought of that before. That makes things simple. Back to the Throne Room! Call my magicians!" In the whole Throne Room there wasn't a sound as loud as a breath. But from the spiral stairs that led down from the southwest tower came the shuffling of slow, padded feet. The magicians were coming! Low and slow, they were chanting words that were strange... "Dig a hole five furlongs deep, Down to where the night snakes creep, Mix and mould the mystic mud, Malber, Balber, Tidder, Tudd." In came seven black-gowned magicians, and beside each one stalked a lean black cat. They circled around Bartholomew Cubbins muttering deep and mysterious sounds. "Stop this useless muttering," ordered the King. "I want a chant that will charm away this boy's hat." The magicians huddled over Bartholomew and chanted "Winkibus Tinkibus Fotichee Klay, Hat on this demon's head, Fly far away! Howl, men, howl away, Howl away, howl away, Yowl, cats, yowl away, Yowl away, yowl away! Hat on this demon's head, Seep away, creep away, leap away, gleap away, Never come back!"'" I turned the page. This hat was getting out of hand. "'"A mighty good chant," said the King, looking very pleased. "Are you sure it will work?" All the magicians nodded together. "But," said the King, looking puzzled, "there still seems to be a hat upon his head. How long will it take for the charm to work?" "Be calm, oh, Sire, and have no fears," chanted the magicians. "Our charm will work in ten short years." "Ten year!" gasped the King. "Away, fools!" he shouted. "Out of my sight! I can't wait ten years to get rid of his hat. Oh, dear, what can I do... what CAN I do?" "If I were King," whispered the Grand Duke Wilfred, "I'd chop off his head." "A dreadful thought," said the King, biting his lip. "But I'm afraid I'll have to." "Young man," he said to Bartholomew Cubbins, and he pointed to a small door at the end of the room, "march down those steps to the dungeon and tell the executioner to chop off your head." Bartholomew's heart sank into his boots, but he did as the King commanded. "I must take off my hat," he said to himself as he started down the long black stairway. "This is my last chance." One hat after another he tore from his head. "...156...157...158..." It grew colder and damper. "...217...218...219..." Down... down... down."...231...232...233..." It seemed to Bartholomew he must be in the very heart of the mountain. "Who's there?" said a voice from the blackness. Bartholomew turned a corner and stepped into the dungeon.'" He turned the page and I bit my lip, were they really going to chop his head off because of a hat?! "Shh." He kissed my cheek. "'The executioner was whistling and swinging his axe idly, because at the moment he had nothing to do. In spite of his business, he really seemed to be a very pleasant man. "The King says you must chop off my head," said Bartholomew. "Oh, I'd hate to," said the executioner, looking at him with a friendly smile. "You seem like such a nice boy." "Well... the King says you have to," said Bartholomew, "so please get it over with." "All right," sighed the executioner, "but first you've got to take off your hat." "Why?" asked Bartholomew. "I don't know," said the executioner, "but it's one of the rules, I can't execute anyone with his hat on." "All right," said Bartholomew, "you take it off for me." The executioner leaned across the chopping block and flipped off Bartholomew's hat. "What's this?" he gasped, blinking through the holes in his mask, as another hat sat on Bartholomew's head. He flipped this one off... then another and another.'" I turned the page, hesitantly. He kissed my cheek again before reading, but I stopped him to ask him a question.

"Why is he being so obedient when he's been told to go get someone to-..." He kissed my cheek before answering.

"Because it's the right thing to do. '"Fiddlesticks!" grunted the executioner, throwing his axe on the floor. "I can't execute you at all." And he shook hands with Bartholomew and sent him back upstairs to the King. The King had been taking a nap on the throne. "What are you doing back here?" he said to Bartholomew, angry at being awakened. "I'm sorry, Your Majesty," explained Bartholomew. "My head can't come off with my hat on... It's against the rules." "So it can't," said the King, leaning back wearily. "Now how many hats does that make altogether?" "The executioner knocked off 13... and I left 178 more on the dungeon steps," answered Bartholomew. "Three hundred and forty-six hats," mumbled Sir Alaric from behind his scroll. "Uncle Derwin," yawned the Grand Duke Wilfred, "I suppose I'll have to do away with him. Send him up to the highest turret and I, in person, will push him off." "Wilfred! I'm surprised at you," said the King. "But I guess it's a good idea." So the King and the Grand Duke led Bartholomew Cubbins toward the highest turret. Up and up and up the turret stairs he climbed behind them. "This is my last- my very last chance," thought Bartholomew. He snatched off his hat. "Three hundred and forty-seven!" He snatched off another. He pulled and he tore and he flung them behind him. "...398...399..." His arms ached from pulling off hats. But still the hats came. Bartholomew climbed on. "...448...449...450..." counted Sir Alaric, puffing up the stairs behind him.'" He turned the page and I yawned, finally getting tired. I laid my head down on his chest as he began to read more pages. "'Suddenly Sir Alaric stopped. He looked. He took off his triangular spectacles and wiped them on his sleeve. And then he looked again. The hats began to change! Hat 451 had, not one, but two feathers! Hat 452 had three... and 453 also had three and a little red jewel! Each new hat was fancier than the hat just before. "Your Majesty! Your Majesty!" cried out Sir Alaric. But the King and the Grand Duke were 'way up where they couldn't hear. They had already reached the top of the highest turret. Bartholomew was following just behind. "Step right out here and get out on that wall," snapped the Grand Duke Wilfred. "I can't wait to push you off."'" I huffed at him before looking at the picture, he'd turned the page and the hat was amazing. It had large feathers, it was fit for a nobleman. "'Suddenly Sir Alaric stopped. He looked. He took off his triangular spectacles and wiped them on his sleeve. And then he looked again. The hats began to change! Hat 451 had, not one, but two feathers! Hat 452 had three... and 453 also had three and a little red jewel! Each new hat was fancier than the hat just before. "Your Majesty! Your Majesty!" cried out Sir Alaric. But the King and the Grand Duke were 'way up where they couldn't hear. They had already reached the top of the highest turret. Bartholomew was following just behind. "Step right out here and get out on that wall," snapped the Grand Duke Wilfred. "I can't wait to push you off."'" Wow. A Duke talks back to the King. Klaus would have killed me for sure for that. I turned the page, realizing he was waiting for me to do that. "Good boy." He kissed my forehead and I almost smiled, almost. "'But the King was quicker than Wilfred. He grabbed him by the back of his fine lace collar. "This is to teach you," His Majesty said sternly, "that Grand Dukes never talk back to their King." And he turned the Grand Duke Wilfred over his knee and spanked him soundly, right on the seat of his royal silk pants. "And now," smiled the King, lifting Bartholomew down from the wall, "it would be nice if you'd sell me that wonderful hat!" "...498...499..." broke in the tired voice of Sir Alaric, who had just arrived at the top of the steps, "and that..." he pointed to the hat on Bartholomew's head, "makes exactly 500!" "Five Hundred!" exclaimed the King. "Will you sell it to me for 500 pieces of gold?" "Anything you say, Sire," answered Bartholomew. "You see... I've never sold one before." The King's hands trembled with joy as he reached for the hat. Slowly, slowly, Bartholomew felt the weight of the great hat lifting from his head. He held his breath... Then suddenly he felt the cool evening breezes blow through his hair. His face broke into a happy smile. The head of Bartholomew Cubbins was bare! "Look, Your Majesty! Look!" he shouted to the King.'" I squirmed in my seat a little, that I had been expecting to happen to Bartholomew in the Throne Room when it mentioned 'ruler', but they'd never said anything but he had one. I tried to fight off my sleep as he read the next page. "'"No! You look at me," answered the King. And he put the great hat on right over his crown. Arm in arm, the King and Bartholomew went down to the counting room to count out gold. Then the King sent Bartholomew home to his parents... no basket on his arm, no hat on his head, but with five hundred pieces of gold in a bag. And the King commanded that the hat he had bought, and all the other hats, too, be kept forever in a great crystal case by the side of his throne. But neither Bartholomew Cubbins, nor King Derwin himself, nor anyone else in the Kingdom of Didd could ever explain how the strange thing had happened. They only could say it just 'happened to happen' and was not very likely to happen again.' The End." He smiled before taking me over to the changing table to do something and then he set me in bed, covering me with a blanket before he gave me a teddy bear. I smiled and took it. I closed my eyes and I heard him flick something and then I fell asleep, ready to start a new day tomorrow.