Chapter 25. On love: Blur 2

It was very much like Yuri to yell when he had found out that Victor was on his way to Almaty. When Otabek had picked up his phone to send the older Russian his address, Yuri had asked why he did that. Otabek had explained how the five-times champion had just decided to book a flight and after a moment of shocked silence Yuri had been so openly visible overcome by realization that it had made Otabek laugh out loud. Yuri hadn't considered it funny though and he had cursed first Victor and his family, then Otabek and his family (only to take the last part back because he had never met them but was convinced that it wasn't their fault that their adopted son had turned out to be an asshole), then had stomped his feet like a four-year-old, cried, and at last wrestled down Otabek on the couch in a violent, desperate embrace. Otabek had disheveled Yuri's wonderful hair, listening to the boy repeating that he was scared and embarrassed and sorry about insulting him, only to go back to cursing Victor and his ancestors, reducing the grudge to that limited circle of people because Victor would most likely never have descendants. When Otabek had enlightened him with the news that Victor planned on bringing his Yuuri, the Russian Fairy screamed very un-fairylike into the padding of Otabek's sofa. Otabek had caressed the spine of the boy lying on top of him until Yuri stopped crying and after a while fell asleep. Only a long time later he had woken his boyfriend up and half-carried him to the bed, where the blonde dropped off within a split second.

The last time Otabek had had a nightmare was when he was a child, back then when they had moved to his father's parents' house after grandmother Altin had died. The house had been spacious and old, strange sounds everywhere at night, the wind whispering what had appeared to be threats to little Otabek. He had been frightened, not used to sleeping in the huge room they had furnished to become a children's bedroom but that had remained very dark, the shadows looking down on the boy with gloomy eyes. He couldn't even remember, but his father didn't miss a chance of telling everyone who did or did not want to hear the story of the seven-year-old waking up from nightmares, shouting at the shadow creatures instead of crying like a normal boy would. "He's always been different than other boys his age,", he used to say with a little pride in his voice, "he's always been very heroic." Otabek didn't remember clearly how he was said to be standing in the middle of his room, screaming that he wasn't afraid at all until his parents came to calm him down. Every time the story was told he earned appreciatory or amused looks from the people listening, but the mere fact that he still had been scared of his nightmares at the age of seven embarrassed him a little.

So, at the age of nineteen, he had his first nightmare in more than a decade. He didn't realize at first that it was a nightmare at all. He stood at the door to his bedroom, at night, but there was light, orange and bickering like the house was on fire. He knew for sure he needed to run, he didn't even know from what, he only knew it wasn't a fire, but something way worse. Like someone or something, it was close and getting closer every second. He looked into the bedroom, Yuri sat on the floor, his back turned towards Otabek. The Kazakh tried to enter the room, but something blocked his way, like a wall made of crystal clear glass, invisible but insuperable. He called out for Yuri, but the blonde didn't seem to hear him although he was only a few steps away. Otabek looked down the hallway, but it wasn't his flat anymore, it looked more like the hallway in a rink that connected the ice rink to the locker rooms, but a very dark, creepy version. He tried to call for Yuri again while looking down the corridor. Whatever was coming was coming from the rink and it scared the shit out of Otabek. He turned to Yuri again, who was busy doing something Otabek couldn't see, but his hands moving restlessly. "Yuri", he called, but his voice didn't reach the Russian skater, so he tried again, louder, again, again. They ran out of time, he knew he had to run, now, fast, but he couldn't leave Yuri behind! Why didn't Yuri hear him? He called his name, again, again, and then suddenly Yuri responded, a low "Otabek", distant, but urgently, like he needed him by his side, like he was calling out for help. "Otabek!" The black-haired reached out for him, called his name, but Yuri just didn't turn around to look at him, to see the danger coming. They still had a chance, if Yuri would only turn around to see, so he called his name again: "Yuri!"

"Otabek!"

He startled, eyes wide, heart beating fast. Yuri was there, bent over him, his hand on Otabek's shoulder, his hair messy.

"You awake now?"

After a moment of confusion Otabek recognized the ceiling, the window of his bedroom, the surface feel of his sheets. He looked at Yuri and nodded, unable to speak. The terrible feeling was still trapped in his chest.

"Did you have a nightmare?", Yuri asked, his eyes full of worry. He didn't even wait for Otabek to answer, but added: "You're crying."

Otabek rose his hands to his cheeks only to find them wet with tears. He inhaled shakily, found he couldn't speak and exhaled again. It sounded like a sob; maybe it was one. The nightmare still felt too real.

"Sssh, it's alright", Yuri whispered and laid down, wrapping his arms around Otabek's head, stroking the black hair with right hand while holding him close with the left one. "It's over now", Yuri murmured. "It's alright, I'm here, I'll hold you."

Otabek nestled up to the blonde. The tears kept streaming, but lessened after some minutes in which Yuri continued whispering comforting words, caressing his hair. The dread of the nightmare blurred in his scent and warmth. Eventually Otabek noticed he didn't cry anymore and wiped the tears from his face.

"Better now?", Yuri murmured, looking down and Otabek nodded.

"Thank you", he muttered, his voice raspy. His eyes felt tired from crying and he closed them, inhaling Yuri's scent. He felt a kiss on his hairline and the gentle fingers in his hair.

The next time he woke up he realized that he hadn't dreamed again. He still clung to Yuri and the golden late morning light fell through the shutter he had been too lazy to properly close last night. His eyelids felt heavy and puffy, so he closed his eyes again, holding onto the skinny young man next to him.

Yuri woke up only minutes later, stretching his back and yawning like a cat. Otabek watched him shaking off the sleep, trying to memorize every movement. He was just too beautiful.

"Hey", Yuri whispered.

"Good morning", he answered.

Yuri smiled and hugged him tight, but paused when he felt what Otabek felt. Laughing awkwardly his cheeks turned red. "Well, that happens after all."

With a smile Otabek breathed a kiss on Yuri's nose tip, then pushed Yuri on his back. Still smiling he lifted the blanket, ignored Yuri's surprised "Otabek, what-?" and slipped downwards. The sunlight was enough for him to find the waistband of Yuri's boxers even under the blanket. The boy tried to protest, but when Otabek freed him of his underwear and wrapped his lips around the tip of Yuri's morning glory the objection turned out to be a surprised moan.

"Otabek", he panted, muted by the comforter.

It was hard to breathe under the thick material of the blanket, but the sweet sounds Yuri produced were absolutely worth it. The blonde wriggled under his lips and tongue. After some moments his hands tousled Otabek's hair and he shoved his crotch forward a little. While keeping the nervous hips in place with one hand, Otabek wrapped his other hand around the sensitive flesh with the other, treating the smooth tip thoroughly with his tongue. He retreated when after more or less a minute Yuri hissed, arching his back, but he wasn't fast enough and could only close his eyes when the cum splattered all over his face and in his hair.

"Sorry!", Yuri apologized with breathy voice and folded the blanket back to observe the mess he had created. He froze when he caught sight of Otabek and blushed like never before. "Wait", he whispered and reached out for the nightstand, but instead of tissues he grabbed his phone. He had taken a photo before Otabek really realized what happened, then carelessly tossed the device aside and sat up, pressing Otabek with the back on the mattress. "You are so hot!", he gasped and ripped a few tissues from the box, but before wiping Otabek's face kissed the Kazakh violently. "If you don't find a job when your have your degree, you should totally do porn", he suggested and licked a drop from Otabek's cheek. Otabek, blushing very hard, doubted Yuri's opinion; he'd probably starve if he ever had to live off his looks, but he was glad that Yuri liked him even for that.

Yuri started wiping his face. "There's some in your hair", he confessed low-voiced, trying to wipe that away as well.

"I'll just go shower before breakfast then", Otabek said and chuckled. "And I guess change the sheets as well. Again."

Yuri scrunched up the tissues. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

He was clearly embarrassed, so Otabek pulled him in a tight embrace. "It's alright", he murmured. "We'll just work on your stamina a bit." He grinned. "Just don't expect me to go easy on you."

Yuri chuckled and pressed his forehead against Otabek's collarbone. "I'm used to really tough training, you know..."

After showering they had breakfast and Yuri seemed to be in good mood.

"I haven't thrown up yesterday", he said proudly and Otabek bit his lip, unsure of what to say. "That's great", he answered eventually, is voice shaking a bit. "I am really proud of you." He was, more than it had sounded to Yuri probably.

Yuri smiled and poured milk in his tea.

"Hey", Otabek said, frowning. "I wonder… When you arrived here, you never had your tea with milk. But now you do."

Yuri shrugged and stirred with the spoon he had picked from Otabek's mug. "I heard that the nutrition value of drinks are converted into the body faster. So I avoided it in order not to go and vomit after every single cup of tea." He flashed Otabek a smile. "But now I don't have to do that anymore, right?"

The spoon tinkled on the porcelain of the mug.

"I am really proud of you", Otabek said with serious expression and watched Yuri sipping on his tea.

"So, have you heard of the lovepigs?"

A nod followed. "They will arrive around four. They will not bring a lot of luggage, so the checkout will be done quickly I guess."

The tinkling sound started again when Yuri put his mug down to swirl the tea some more. "Will they… stay?"

Otabek shrugged. "Victor hasn't informed me about their plans", he pointed out. "I guess we will have to see what he comes up with."

The green eyes wandered over the table. "I don't want them to come here", Yuri confessed after some seconds. He took the spoon from the mug and licked the liquid from the rounded surface. "I don't want them to invade this place", he continued watching his reflection in the spoon. "This is my sanctuary after all. You said so. If they come here they'll destroy that. I want only you and me here. This is your home and every nook and cranny looks like you and smells like you and fells like you. If they come here, they will be all over the place. There will be Victor in the corners and between the cupboards and Katsudon in the carpet and under the table. Like, metaphorically. They'll ruin everything. They don't belong here." A tear slipped down Yuri's cheek.

Otabek didn't know what to say.

"I'm sorry", Yuri continued eventually. He put the spoon down and lifted the tea from the table again. "I'm not the one to decide who comes here, but it's too late now anyway. They are on their way and I can't stop them, especially not Victor. Maybe that's good. They are my friends and they need to know. It's just…" He looked up to Otabek, his cheeks pink and his eyes wet. "I'd like to lock the world out. Everyone and everything. I need only this place and you to be happy."

The words made Otabek's heart hurt. "Yuri", he breathed, but remained glued on his chair although he wanted to get up and close the distance and pull the blonde young man in a tight embrace. But he had a feeling that there was more. He was right.

"You know, Otabek", Yuri said in a low voice the Kazakh hadn't been thought the Russian to be capable of only a week ago. "I had a crush on Mila when Yakov took me in. At least I thought so. She's always been super pretty and noisy and touchy-feely and she didn't avoid me although I was a pest. When I blew off my temper-tantrums she just laughed and patted my shoulder. She was my idol in a way and I really thought I'd like to be with her, but I couldn't- like, when I was thinking about her… I mean I thought of her before I fell asleep and I just didn't-" He sighed. "I never felt attracted to her, like, neither sexually nor romantically. She was just cool and fun to hang out with, but that was it. I didn't really want her to be my girlfriend, because the thought was so awkward after some time. She's more a sister to me, there was nothing romantic whatsoever. But I wanted to fall in love. So I looked around to see if there was someone else, just to realize there was no one. I tried to fall I love with Elena Nakipova from the pair skate division and then with the older sister of one of my junior rinkmates, Natasha, who is really cute and who I knew had an interest in me, but it just didn't happen. At last there was the girl from the Ice Castle in Hassetsu, Yuuko, who is actually a married mother of triplets, but I wanted to finally be in love so badly. It didn't work. I liked them, all of them, more or less, but it wasn't what I wanted. And after some time I didn't even know what I wanted anymore." He sipped on his tea. "I thought a lot about that. And I felt alone, but I kept myself busy with my first senior year. Eventually I warmed up to the thought that I'd never fall in love with someone. Everyone around me was so full of romantic ideas that I couldn't understand. The only kind of honest, true love I felt was for Grampa and Boginya. So I thought that maybe that was okay as well. Some people just don't find The One, I read a lot about that on the internet. Sometimes it just doesn't happen or it takes fifty years. I wanted to experience that, love I mean, but most of all I wanted to be close to someone. So I thought if maybe I didn't fall in love it would be okay to be with someone who was… well, okay to be with. When I thought about the future I imagined me with someone, maybe a Yuri's Angel, a nice girl who likes me and who is cute and funny and likes cats as much as I do and we could be happy. I wouldn't be in love with her - no butterflies, no blush, no sped up heartbeat - but I'd like her and we could rely on each other and enjoy the other's company. That would have been okay with me. I gave up on love. And then you showed up." He threw a glance towards Otabek over the brink of his mug he held with both hands. "And you were so… incredibly… masculine. And dark. And cool. And I hated you for that, because I've always seen me with a cute girl and you made my heart beat so fast. You made my insides cramp, in a good way. I couldn't stop thinking of you. Back home after Barcelona I couldn't stop talking about you. I think Grampa got annoyed after some time." He chuckled, but it didn't even look childish anymore with how much Yuri had grown and how serious he'd become. It suited him, being mature.

Otabek watched how the blonde took another sip from his tea. He tried to imagine Yuri five years from now, like he had described, with a cute pretty girl with a black curly bob and brown eyes, a little tanner than Yuri, who had grown a lot, a meter and eightysomething, his hair long, or maybe short, his eyes still piercing green. They'd smile together, holding hands and Yuri would be happy. Would he?

"I dreamed of you,", Yuri continued, "I fantasized about you. I took screenshots of the kiss and cry and watched your old routines on every video portal there is. I saved photos of you from all over the internet and flipped through them when I went to bed." He blushed very hard at these words. "You were the last person I thought of before falling asleep and the first when I woke up again, although you are everything I never considered I wanted. I was just so confused but the thought of you made me happy. The memories of when you held out your hand to be my friend, and the ride through Barcelona when I clung onto you and you didn't even do something but I felt your body under your sweater and God, you are so sexy and I knew it from that very moment on. And I realized that I wanted to be with you. And I suddenly had a sexual interest but it wasn't a woman and that made it so hard for me to accept. Not that I could do something about it." He shrugged. "What I want to say is: You are… most likely… the one I want to be with. And only you. Because after I looked so long for this feeling, this warmth, I think I finally found it. You gave it to me, when I needed it the most actually. Now. I need it so much. I need you. I wish I could make everything else disappear." He swallowed hard and pushed the mug away and then hid his face behind his palms. Otabek didn't even realize how he got up but found himself next to Yuri within a moment. He crouched next to the blonde like he had done on the first day when Yuri had arrived and told him about his grandfather. It was like a déjà-vu, but real.

"Come here", he murmured and Yuri threw himself in his embrace, his hair everywhere and Otabek loved it.

"I don't want them to come", he sobbed. "I don't want anyone to come and I don't want either of us to leave. I want to lock the door and close the windows and want to stay here, with you, forever. I don't want to face all that bullshit that lies behind the door. I just want to be happy. Is that really too much to ask for?"

"You will be." Otabek kissed the blonde hair. "It will be hard in the beginning, but I will be there, and we will make it happen, like I promised you, remember?"

Yuri nodded.

"I don't know how long it will take, but soon enough we will look back and all the pain and fear will be gone, I promise you."

Again Yuri nodded and after a few more moments calmed down, but didn't let go of Otabek. "You had a nightmare tonight", he mentioned. His thin fingers found their way to the short hair on the back of Otabek's head.

"Yes", he said, trying to remember. It was all really blurry, but he still remembered the point. "There was something in the house, something that came for us, and we had to run, but you did not hear me and I could not leave you behind."

"Did you stay with me?"

Otabek nodded.

"Did it get us?"

"I don't know. Probably. You woke me up before it arrived."

Yuri's breath felt soft and warm on Otabek's neck. "Maybe we died."

"Yes", he replied, holding Yuri close. "Maybe we died."

For some reason the affirmation made Yuri cry again.

t.b.c.

For those of you waiting for them: Yuuri and Victor show up next chapter.