Roxas stayed cuddled in bed after the "meeting".
The room seems to be spinning in slow, lopsided circles, and he has to wonder if he might black out. Roxas leans back until his spine rests against the headboard. His hands holds his knees tucked to his chest, one clutching a picture so tight it crinkles and his knuckles white. He didn't even feel it, just that he needed something to hold as his world veered out of control.
A visit from Marluxia. His dancing career on the line. Risk of exposure to the public. Possibly losing Axel. The one person he loves, doomed. And who knows how else he'll pay for his actions. Unless he agrees to go with Marluxia and his company.
Still cocooned in Axel's shirt, Roxas folded the collar up to his ears, his smell still fresh. It lacerated his heart as the heavenly smell collided with the threats. Roxas kept his gaze ahead, if he turned his head, the smell of Marluxia's cologne wafts against his nose.
Roxas jumps as he feels the bed vibrates. The low pulsing buzz of his cell phone cutting the strand of his thoughts. He rummages through the sheets until he finds his phone. Given that it was vibrating continuously, Roxas knew Katie was trying to call him.
Taking a deep breath, Roxas tries to compose himself as he slides his finger across the screen.
"Hello?" he croaks, and he quickly clears his throat.
"Hello?!" Katie squeaks across the receiver. "Have you forgotten about our rehearsals for the Key Factor?! Yeah! It's today!"
"Sorry Katie." Roxas replies. His voice came out small and hollow-sounding, as though it had been a long time since he'd last used it.
"Hey," her tone changes instantly to concern and worry. "are you okay? I didn't mean to yell at you. I was joking."
Roxas coldly chuckles. "Yeah I know, it's just . . ." Roxas clamps his lips together to trap a sob. He swallows it back down. It felt like drowning. "I just woke up."
"You sure? You sound sick or something." Katie says.
"I'm fine, Katie."
There's a moment of silence before she speaks again. "Alright. Well, we have rehearsals after lunch. So eat something and wash up. Okay?"
"Okay."
"I'll see you?"
Silence.
"Hello?"
"Yeah," Roxas said. "Sure."
Tapping the screen, he severs their connection. Slowly he pulls himself out of bed and into the shower. He stands under the warm rain, hands pressed flat to the wall as the water streams down his back. He keeps his head bowed, clenching his teeth as he wills himself to cry. Get it out now so that it won't randomly appear at the next sad thing he'll possibly encounter.
But nothing happens. He's too numb to cry. So he shuts off the shower and steps out, wrapping a towel around his waist, ignoring his dripping hair. He dries off his legs and arms, then simply rubbing the towel along his scalp. Pulling on a simple shirt and pants, he steps into his pair of sneakers and adds a snapback. He stuffs his hotel card in his wallet and grabs his phone along with his gym bag.
He catches a cab to meet Katie at the studio, making sure to put on a convincing smile. If Katie could tell something was wrong simply by a phone call, he needed to be careful; especially around Axel.
Pulling up to the studio, its gorgeous exterior helps in distracting Roxas from the fluttering of vicious butterflies in his stomach. The entire front wall was made of glass windows that stretched from the ground to the top. The building then stretches high into a spire that penetrates the clouds above.
For Roxas, every job seemed to mesh together. He followed the same routine of dance, smile, and dance some more. His mind was too focused on planning to even allow other thoughts to conjure. It's as if his body was on autopilot while his mind led him through a self-induced trance. There were periods where he was complimented, but unable to translate well – the whole world sounding like it has been submerged underwater – he simply replies with a nod and heavy breathing to simulate he is too exhausted to speak.
A part of him wanted to try and plot to take back Marluxia's blackmail, but another part of him wanted to be more than cautious. If the man could obtain images without Roxas so much as even aware, what else was he capable of?
When he gets back to the hotel is when Roxas senses start to become aware again. The growing ache in his legs starts in his thighs and slowly crawls its way to his abs, the shooting to the souls of his feet. Even so, he walks lazily down the corridor to his room. He takes even more time sliding his card in the slot and opening the door. He half expects to see a trail of rose petals leading across the carpet. Though now he'll never looks to roses the same. Today the room is clear.
Roxas drops his bag at the door and takes two steps before throwing himself onto the bed. All the rehearsals have left him weak and frankly, very smelly. Yet he curls himself up on the bed, tucking his legs into his chest. He stays like this until his fatigue in his legs wears off, or at least until he knows his legs will be able to carry him to the bathroom.
When he shuts his eyes, he must've dozed off as the sun is now rising in the east, when he last remembers it setting in the west. Checking his phone, what he thought would be a nap, turned into a slumber leading into the next day. The day they were leaving.
His rehearsals for the Key Factor were recorded by Katie so that he could rehearse them until they come into Twilight Town. So Roxas has nothing else to do but freshen up.
Even when the tub is filled with water, Roxas opens the drain slightly to allow a steady flow of water from the showerhead and to prevent flooding. Sitting in his warm cocoon of solitude, a gentle artificial rain pouring on him, Roxas tries to form a plan.
Marluxia was blackmailing him with photos of him and Axel, in order to get Roxas to join his dance team. But Roxas knew this has more to it than just having him dance for him. The basic solution would be to get the photos out of Marluxia's grasp. But it won't be that easy, and with Marluxia constantly dangling Axel's reputation and career over Roxas' head, the risk almost seems too great.
Suddenly Roxas realizes this is what Marluxia is banking on. When Roxas says he'll be leaving to join Rose Studios, everyone will want to know why. Roxas can't tell them without risking exposure. If he sticks to his word, they'll get the gist something's wrong. Roxas won't tell. He can't tell. He can't knowing Axel, he'll leave; furious, bewildered, hurt.
Roxas will be alone and Marluxia will be the only person who cares for him, even if in one way.
Unless Axel knows.
The shadow of grief and loss can't obscure the startling clarity of this thought. But it easily diminishes. Axel will confront Marluxia and maybe even throw in the threat of taking it to court. But Marluxia can easily blackmail Axel with some secret of their previous years. Even so, Axel would take the consequence if it meant Roxas would be free.
Either way, Roxas loses Axel.
Roxas feels like he's emerged from a long slumber, awake and ready to act. Roxas as to protect Axel, and the only way he can do is keep him oblivious.
Roxas sighs and wipes his eyes with the heel of his hand. He lathers himself in sweet-smelling soap. Still even after he scrubs his cheek until its pink and tingling, he still feels Marluxia's lips.
With the water cooling, Roxas drags himself out of the tub. Discarding his used clothes, Roxas rummages through his luggage and pulls out a blue loose tank top and a pair of black basketball shorts. Sloppily adjusting the laces of his sneakers, he grabs his duffle bag and slings it over his shoulder.
As soon as he leaves his room, tensions builds inside until he can't stand to hold it in anymore – he has to cry, or scream, or . . .
Roxas tries to listen to his heart beat in his ears, and walks into the elevator.
Still a faint cry escapes him.
The doors close and as he drops to the earth, he screams, his hands tearing at his clothes. His throat is raw after just a few seconds, and there are scratches on his arms where he missed the fabric, but he keeps screaming.
The elevator stops with a ding. The doors open.
Roxas straightens his shirt, ruffles his hair, and walks out.
Katie has arranged for Roxas to have his own cab ride to the airport and once again the world blurs into a series of smears and colors. Roxas pulls on a black beanie and plugs in his earbuds. Several things manage to stick out and guide him through the events. Security, finding the gates, getting on board first class. Still the world is blocked out from his music, and his eyes fixed on oblivion so intently.
Roxas now leans against the airplane window now listening to the same song for the tenth time in a row. His eyes gaze at the fluffy clouds and imagines them being soft as marshmallows. There's a buzzing and Roxas looks to his phone. A text from Katie, even though she is right across the aisle.
"What's up? The silence is deafening!"
Roxas hits the lock button and tosses his phone back on the tray; making sure it clangs loudly so that Katie will think he's just pissed about something. Knowing her logic, she'll assume something he did during the rehearsals.
He can still sense Axel's gaze on him, and with an iron will, Roxas avoids it. But it only brings Axel over to his seat. Roxas looks up to him, still leaning on his elbow angled at the window.
"Hey." Roxas says in a tight little voice that does not belong to him.
"Hello Roxas." Axel says. His voice is low, rough. It transports Roxas to quiet places.
Roxas looks to Axel's eyes as he leans against the armrest of his chair. Dark eyes – a particular shade of green, somehow capable of shutting the rest of the plane out, of comforting Roxas and also reminding him that they are farther away from each other than Roxas wants them to be.
"What? What is it?" Roxas asks.
"Well, I was going to ask if you were okay, but I'm pretty sure you're not." He shakes his head.
"Damn, I must be losing my touch." Roxas says coldly with a hollow smile.
"Roxas, what is it?" Axel asks. His tone is calm, yet urgent.
"Not here." Roxas answers, refusing to meet Axel's gaze.
Knowing when to admit defeat due to Roxas' stubbornness, Axel sighs and returns to his seat. Roxas can feel tears sting his eyes and gulps down a hitch in his throat.
It feels like drowning.
Reclining his feet up, Roxas tries to relax as the plane glides through the clouds.
The world once again smears into a blur mixed with fake smiles, mixed with brushed kisses, mixed with happy parents, and an unhappy Axel. Roxas manages to keep a straight face through dinner and exaggerate his rehearsal stories enough for his parents to believe he had the best time of his life. Which is part of the truth, everything was fun until Marluxia . . .
Now Roxas sits at his desk in his room, trifling through CD's and games of which he means to organize, but never feels the need to. As long as he can still find everything, isn't that organization?
Twilight has passed, and now the sky is becoming blackened by clouds. Overcast of rain is to be predicted.
Suddenly he hears the muffled call of his mom. "Roxas!"
"Yeah mom?" he calls back.
"There's someone here to see you!"
Axel.
Roxas heads downstairs and spots Axel talking with his mom in the living room. He smiles an award winning smile and laughs at a joke his mom often tells his friends, hence why Roxas never has any over. His mom notices him first.
"Oh there he is." She smiles.
Roxas smiles back. "Thanks mom, we'll be upstairs." Roxas instantly says.
He takes Axel's hand and lead shim up the steps. "Um . . ."
"Oh, okay. You guys let me know if you need anything. Tea, snacks . . . condoms."
"Mom!" Roxas screeches.
Axel and his mom laugh as Roxas' face burns red and he continues to lead Axel upstairs. Shutting the door behind him, Roxas presses hi back to it watching as Axel glances around his room, then sits on the bed beneath the window. Roxas grins in spite of himself.
"Not bad." Axel smiles as he leans back on his elbows. Roxas can't help but feel warm at the sight of Axel on his bed like that. "Now, onto more important matters."
"Why you came here?" Roxas teases.
"Oh, so now you're all happy?" Axel retorts.
Roxas shrugs, tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear, then goes over and sinks down on the edge of his bed next to Axel. He stiffs both hands between his knees to hide from view. Outside the rain has already started dripping from the clouds. The whole down a pasty grey.
"Were you just homesick?" Axel asks.
Roxas' focus switches from Axel to the image reflecting in the darkened glass of his window. Arms in his lap, he studied the outline of his spiky blonde hair and wan features. His gaze lingers on the faint dark half-circles etched beneath his eyes.
For a moment, it's as though he couldn't place his own face. A stranger, too thin and too pale, stares back at him, withered-looking, like a plant in need of sunlight. He contemplates telling Axel. He stops himself short, however reeling in the urge to do so as soon as he opened his mouth.
"Roxas, are you okay?"
Lowering his head, he shakes it. "No."
Axel immediately inches closer but Roxas springs up from the bed. He paces the room back and forth, ruffling his fingers through his hair.
"Axel . . . I . . ." Roxas stutters.
Axel's features harden as Roxas paces up and down. Roxas tries to control his face, forcing himself to calm down and not cry.
"I . . . I want to join Rose Studios."
A beat of silence radiates between them.
"Wh-what?"
Roxas takes a deep breath. "I want to join Rose Studios." He repeats.
Axel gives him a look that debates that he's lost his sanity. Perhaps in a way, he has. "What?!" Axel shouts. Roxas cringes as he quickly stands. "Roxas! A-are you crazy?!"
Axel's voice is harsh, but his words stutter and trample over one another as he racks his brain for the right words to say.
"Axel . . ."
"Why would you want to go back to him?!" Axel asks, his eyes filling with desperation. He sighs. "What, where is all this coming from?"
Roxas can't think of a proper Roxas answer without giving away the truth. He still needs to keep Axel oblivious, even it means getting severally stabbed by it. To do that, he can't act like, Roxas. He needs to be cold, focused on one thing. Then an idea sparks.
Roxas straightens his back and exhales. He looks Axel in the eye. "His reputation can carry me far for a career like mine. And I need that if I'm going to make it to the top."
"I don't believe you." Axel instantly denies. "That's not like you."
"He's far too valuable to me reputational rise as I am to him. I can use him until I get a big break, then I'll dump him down." Roxas assures.
Axel ponders over his words. "Is this about revenge?"
Is it?
"Yes." Roxas answers. "I need to taste the cold sting of fate as he watches his reputation crumble once I'm gone. I'll build it up, and when I leave, it'll all come crumbling down."
"Roxas . . ." Axel says with shock. "What's happened? Don't tell me the fame's gotten to your head already."
Roxas naturally sneers. "No, I hasn't. You know me better than that!" he snaps.
"Yes, I do! Which is why I'm pissed that you keep lying to me!" Axel counters. "You've been distant ever since . . . what happened. You can barely look me in the eye. What is it that you're not telling me?!" Axel lowers his voice. "Why don't you trust me?"
Roxas looks to the ground, ashamed. But he folds his lips in and answer the best way he can. "I just . . . I don't think you'd understand."
Roxas looks up and nearly crumples to the floor in regret from Axel's looks of hurt on his face. Roxas used to see all kinds of things in his eyes, but now all he sees is anger.
"What . . . what would I not understand?" Axel's voice shakes, but Roxas doesn't make the mistake of thinking it's from tears. It's from anger.
Roxas looks to him, opens his mouth, but clamps it shut, folding his lips in. he feels his heart harden as he watches Axel's features turn to stone, his emerald eyes lose their compassion, as if the life had been sucked out of them, and nothing kind of compassionate lives inside them anymore.
"Fine."
Axel snatches his jacket. Then opens Roxas' door, and pushes out into the hall.
"Axel!" Roxas rushes out of his room, only to find Axel already halfway down the stairs. Roxas barrels after him.
Axel did not pause when he reaches the foyer. Opening the front door, he shoves his way through the outer storm door and vanishes into the darkness with a swirl of red hair.
Roxas catches the storm door just as it latches.
"No," he rasps, and fumbles to turn the handle. Outside, he can see Axel stomping through the opaque sheets of rain towards his Ford GT parked across the street.
Managing at last to twist the handle, Roxas pushes the door open. She stumbles into the cold, down from the porch and through the darkened yard, only realizing he didn't have shoes on when the rain soaks through the thin layer of his socks. He runs despite the bitter sting.
"Axel!" he shouts, no longer caring who hears. "Stop!" his voice echoes, reverberating through his silent, still neighborhood.
Ahead of him, Axel glides to the driver's-side of the GT. His motions controlled and smooth.
Roxas hears the jangle of car keys. He runs faster.
"Axel!"
"Fuck off!" Axel shouts, whirling to face Roxas, who skits to a halt. "You can't trust me, fine. I won't talk to you then. Ever again."
Roxas gapes at him. Axel, in turn, swivels away and, pulling the car door open, sinks into the GT, shoving his things into the vacant passenger seat.
Roxas forces himself to move and catches the door before Axel can pull it shut. "Why are you going this?" he demands. "Don't you know how to read between the -"
Axel puts his key into the ignition and twists it. The GT roars to life, cutting Roxas off. Its headlights spring on, illuminating the curtain of cascading rain.
"In was about to ask you the same thing." was Axel's only answer before he tugs the door free from Roxas' grip. It slams shut with an echoing clap.
"Wait!" Roxas shouts, staring into the driver's-side window through his own distraught reflection at Axel as he shifts the car into gear.
"Open the door!" Roxas slams his palm against the glass. "You can't just leave me, it shouldn't be that easy for you! Axel!"
Roxas hears the engine rev. he rear ties spin before gaining traction.
"You can't just leave like this!" Roxas screams. He latches onto the handle of the driver's-side door and pulls, only to find it locked. "Axel!" You're the only one I have. You're the only one who knows! Please!"
The car lumbers forward, water splashing as it compresses beneath the tires, the slippery handle tearing from Roxas' grip.
"Axel!"
Roaring, the Ford GT gives a grating screech as it swings around him in a wide arc. Roxas turns where he stood, his hair whipping in his face as the car speeds past him with a gutteral growl, its headlights slashing through the darkness.
The crimson taillights flare. Roxas stares after them as Axel swerves, fishtailing around the stop sign at the end of the street and speeding out of sight.