Kitsune here with the usual "Thanks and thanks again!" to all my readers, reviewers, faver's and C2ers! This chapter was really hard to write... Um... Eh, more to follow at the end.
Question of the chapter: If you had any super power, what would it be? I'd want to be able to shapeshift. And have controlled telepathy.
_*&*&*_POV Naruto_*&*&*_
Naruto twitched, frustrated with the rapping. "Door, what door? There's only one door up here and you busted it, bastard!" Everyone else sweat-dropped.
"I don't think he meant that literally, Naruto," Kakashi sighed.
The man, Killer Bee, turned to Kakashi, dropping out of his rhymes, "He's not so bright, is he?"
"HEY!"
"Well, I wouldn't go so far as to say that..." The blond felt a warm glow at his sensei's words, "He's just a little slower to pick things up, is all." Scratch that, he was annoyed with both of them now. "Back to the point at hand. Edward, you're correct, this man here is a jinchuuriki as well, but he's not from our village." The jounin turned his attention back to Bee, who was still braced for an attack. Kakashi smiled disarmingly, "Would you mind telling me how exactly you ended up here, Bee?"
The man paused, pulling out a little notebook and glaring at it before flicking it shut. "Jinchuuriki, number one, two, or three... or one higher than mine, could you be number nine?" He grinned, waving the hand that was not holding his loot in a shooing manner, "Little fox, run along before you get flattened by the Ox."
"GAH! I can't take it anymore, Kakashi-sensei! He's not going to tell us anything..."
"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I think the brat's right," Roy put in, "I say we beat it out of him."
"That's your answer for everything, Mustang!" Ed snapped.
"As this is MY base, I would think I would have the final say on what we do," Olivier growled, hand on her sword as she glared at Killer Bee. "YOU! Just who the hell do you think you are, you rapping buffoon! You dare break into MY Briggs and steal from me? We deal with intruders harshly here. Prepare yourself!"
"The word buffoon is like a harpoon in my heart, pretty lady, your security is a work of art!" The man rapped, "To pull any tricks, I had to be extra-slick, can you really blame a fella, when I arrived I found it was hella-cold, if I may be so bold."
Naruto blinked for a second, stunned. Pretty-lady? Is he...
"Cold or not, you are trespassing on my domain! As such, you will either answer our questions, or be put down like the dog you are. Don't you think for a moment I won't be able to do it."
"This motherfucka would never doubt ya." With a grin, the man stepped closer, causing everyone to tense up. Bee snorted, "You can stay at ease, I just hafta move before I freeze. If inside we go, I'll tell you what you want to know."
Kakashi warily stepped forward, "Why should we believe your sudden change of heart?"
"Kakashi the Copy-cat nin, or you just some stand-in? Never mind that now, you asked me if you can trust me, I'll tell you how!" Bee did a nice guy pose, and Naruto was pretty sure he was winking, "That lady there is fine, I'm telling ya, I'll make her mine!"
"Excuse me?"
"A strong woman really gets my heart movin'." Bee shifted the food bag again, heading for the trashed door as everyone just stared at him. I am surrounded by sexually frustrated ninja. I swear, I even go into another dimension and I still find a horn-dog shinobi, sighed Naruto. "Inside we go, I think it might snow."
_*&*&*_POV ROY_*&*&*_
Roy couldn't hold his laughter any longer. Particularly after he caught sight of Olivier's stunned expression. "Hooo, I'm sorry but that's just too good. First one of them wants to call you grandma, and now another wants to date you. This is just great."
"Can it, Mustang." Olivier growled, stomping after Bee. Her brother was already leading the way to a nice warm room where they could hopefully get everything straightened out. Roy wisely pretended he didn't see the slight blush.
"You three, go make yourselves useful somewhere else," Roy smirked, not bothering to turn around as he reached the room Bee was being escorted into. Kakashi raised an eyebrow at him but said nothing to gainsay his orders to the three teens. "Hawkeye, make sure we're not disturbed, will you?"
"Yes, sir."
"BUT!" Ed put a hand on the spiky blond's shoulder, glaring at Mustang.
"Don't waste your breath, Naruto. Let's go grab lunch and you can tell us all about that weirdo you call a friend. You said his name was Sai?" With a snort of disgust, the blond allowed himself to be led away by the two brothers. Roy exchanged a look with Riza before going into the room. It wasn't that big of a room, and it felt much smaller with three men crammed into it. Olivier took up more space than the three of them somehow. Mustang thought it had something to do with her 'fuck with me and I'll kill you assholes' vibe she was giving off.
"Now. Tell me what the hell you are doing here," She sneered, leveling her best glare at him, "Killer Bee, was it? Don't try to lie to me, either."
"You may think I'm meek, but hold on to your seat, I'll give you a treat that'll make your heart beat." Bee shifted his weight forward, bag of food temporarily forgotten in his obvious attempt to impress the woman. "Some dude with the Sharingan wanted to get in on. I let him and his back up smack me up. Hachibi lent a leg, givin' Akatsuki a real goose egg, and I used the confusion to get myself movin'." He explained.
There was a moment of silence as Roy, Alex and Olivier pondered what he said. Mustang caught Kakashi nodding and glowered at the man, but before he could open his mouth, Olivier snapped, "Translate!" without even looking at the one-eyed man.
"Well, basically, Bee was attacked by Sasuke Uchiha and a few others. Sasuke has an ocular ability known as the Sharingan. Let's just say it makes him rather difficult for the average shinobi to fight. Killer Bee took advantage of this, and with the aid of his Bijuu escaped, leaving a double of sorts to be captured. Akatsuki, the group I told you about that is after Naruto, would be in for a real shock when the trick was discovered."
The blond woman nodded, "I see. Continue."
"Next thing I knew I was struck out of the blue. This guy with no face stood with me in an empty place. He said some weird crap, something about not being on any map." Bee shrugged, "Then some dower dude was giving me 'tude. Told me he had brought me here, so I put him down on his rear. Hachibi spoke and said dimension hopping's a joke, but A can't find me anyway, so I thought I'd stay."
The woman leaned forward, eyes glittering as she caught the scent as her brother rumbled, "Who was he? The man who claimed to bring you here?"
"He said he was from Drackma, I told him 'fuck-ya'."
"Why? What did he want?" Roy questioned.
"I thought he was talkin' smack, that plan was so whack." Bee grumbled, "I've heard it all before, it's such a snore. I've done the invasion thing, it just ain't my thing. World domination isn't a good justification."
"I see." Olivier leaned back, "So this man asked you to attack Briggs, the base under MY command, in some sort of plot which would ultimately end in world domination?"
"Yep."
"Need I point out you did, in fact, attack my base?"
"That's just a misunderstandin,' I had no clue where I was landin'. I don't want you to pout, I should have asked for a hand-out."
"Is that your idea of an apology? And what exactly are you going to do to make it up to Amestris, to me?" She smacked the table, "Do you realize the trouble you've caused?"
Roy looked on as the man, Killer Bee, looked truly contrite. He sat in silence, obviously thinking. Out of nowhere he looked up, "I owe you an apology, that's plain to see. I don't know how to make this up, not even if I were to shut up."
"Well, that might be a start." Roy laughed.
Bee grinned at him before turning back to the woman seated in front of him, "Olivier, let me be your Concierge." Bee suddenly whooped, "YES! I found something to rhyme with Concierge!" He whipped out his notebook and jotted it down, "Wait till I tell A! That makes it official, you're the woman for me!"
"Just because you were able to rhyme my name?" Olivier sounded insulted.
"Nah, that's just part of it, it takes more to make my heart tick." He grinned, "My honey ain't a weak snow bunny. She's got to have fire, she's got to be a real tiger."
"True love," put in Kakashi. Maybe I should write a book about this. "I have a question for you, Bee. Do you realize just how long you have been gone?"
"A week or two, maybe a few."
"That's what I thought." Kakashi leaned on the table, "You've been gone much longer than that."
Roy frowned, "What do you mean by that? He's been here roughly two weeks, going on three, if he came through the other portal thing. Same as Naruto, right?"
"Here, yes, but back home it's been longer." Kakashi explained, turning his attention back to Bee. "Let me tell you what you've missed. Naruto defeated Pein, bringing down Akatsuki in the process around a month ago before vanishing. Three weeks ago, A sent an envoy to Konoha informing us that you had failed to check in around a week before Pein attacked us and were assumed captured by Sasuke. A week ago, Naruto's toad summons reported hearing from him, but were unable to get him back... Do you see where I'm going with this? Killer Bee here has been missing for well over a month, not a few weeks."
"Are you sure?"
Kakashi looked at Roy, totally serious, "Yes. I noticed something off talking to Naruto. The attempted reverse summons in our world took place a day apart, not moments. Other things seemed to be off, too. Of course, Naruto didn't question me on the things that had happened while he was gone, but that's Naruto for you." He turned back to Bee, "Any thought on how to get home?"
"Kumogakure is very far from here. I figured to get home I'd just have to beat that gnome."
"A good plan, but it won't work. Kyuubi has tried, apparently."
"This could be a problem," Bee crossed his arms, suddenly not rapping. "So much for my vacation. A's going to be real pissed when I get back. A week or two he'd forgive, but being gone this long? I may have to change my name to 'Killed' Bee." He looked at Olivier, "Please make an honest man out of me before I die!"
"I'll kill you myself!"
Bee laughed, "But, Kakashi, you should know, Pein really wasn't the one running the show. If I said it was Madara would you say 'huh?'"
Don't ask, I've got no clue why Bee is flirting with her. He just started to, I swear! I think he's only half serious, though.
Naruto and the Elric's will be back the next chapter. Not sure how much longer we're going to be, either.