A/N: Hey ya'll, so sorry this was later than I intended. Work has been taking over my life since I finished school, haha.

Anyway, this is shorter than most, because it's leading up to Chicago.

Thanks to everyone who's stuck by me through this entire story. I love that you all love it as much as me, and I appreciate everything you have to say.

Thanks to my fabulous beta's Claire Bloom and dolphin62598. You help me more than you know, and I love you for it.

Enjoy!

"Me, I'm used to being tired and bloody

But you believed that I could be somebody

You put your world on hold for me

Gave away to follow failure through the fire

I need you to know I will

Believe me girl I'm so tired of running

I just wanna hold your hand

Stare at you like you've got everything I need"

e.p.o.v

Bella was...

Well, there were several words to describe the way she looked in her dress; many eloquent words, many nice words. However, as I wasn't used to seeing her in such glamorous clothing, my thoughts were nowhere close to being nice or proper.

I was actually quite surprised when I didn't hump her leg like a dog, because I could only think of two words when I saw her.

Fucking. Hot.

Her dress was so unbelievably tight, all the small ripples clinging to her curves like a second skin. Her tits were on display beautifully, framed by the round ridges of the soft, red material. And her legs – fuck – her legs went on for miles, ending in a pair of matte black heels.

There were no other words; she looked fucking hot, and my libido spiked when her chest and face flushed.

I could only smile, because really, she was a remarkable sight, and sexy as fuck.

I faintly registered Rose and Alice were there too, dressed in white. I think. I had no clue, to be quite honest. I wasn't sure I could look anywhere except at Bella's body because it was just there, calling to me. The red was like a beacon, whispering my name seductively.

Edward...

I wanted nothing more than to respond to it, but sadly, this night was important to Bella. I knew she wouldn't ditch the Formal just because I was incredibly horny.

Maybe...if I asked nicely?

I helped her put her coat on; keeping quiet, as I knew the first words out of my mouth would not be in any way appropriate. I wanted to whisper in her ear all the things I'd been thinking, every dirty thought that was running through my mind, but I bit my tongue because Emmett, Jasper, Alice, and Rose were still here too.

Bella was watching me curiously as we headed out to the cars, as if she were waiting for me to compliment her on her attire. I simply held her hand as we walked, keeping my comments to myself until we were alone. We'd all taken separate cars since we weren't sure how long each of our girls wanted to stay or what would happen tonight.

I was glad for the time alone with Bella which those arrangements provided.

"So, you look...wow," Bella said, running her fingers over my tie as we stopped at the Volvo. Alice and Jasper passed us, heading to his car. "Oh, and thanks by the way, I'm glad you like what I'm wearing," she continued sarcastically, motioning to her body, which was now disappointingly covered by the coat.

I rolled my eyes.

"Well, it's nice to know that you're in a mood," I replied, raising my brows.

"A compliment wouldn't kill you, Edward," she frowned, fingering the ends of her hair. She was being coy and fuck me, if it didn't turn me on even more when she did that.

"Bella?" I waited until she looked up at me. "Believe me, there aren't enough words to describe the way you look."

She smiled, but it was small. "I didn't want you to say that just because I said something about it."

I laughed, shaking my head as I advanced on her, waiting until her back hit the passenger door of my car. I trapped her with my hands, bracing myself on the cool metal, as she looked so tiny, gazing up at me with her large, brown eyes.

"I'm sorry, I really didn't think it was appropriate for me to tell you in front of everyone else that you look good enough to fuck," I explained flashing a smile. She gasped quietly.

"Oh," she breathed, brushing her tongue along her bottom lip.

"Mmhmm," I mumbled, bending my neck so I could trace the edge of her jaw with my nose. "I didn't mean to make it seem that I don't like what you're wearing, Bella. I don't think I can express how much I love that dress," I said, nodding to her chest. "You look so...beautiful, that it's almost painful. But then I remember that you're all mine," I continued whispering to her as I toyed with the button on her coat, "and my thoughts...well, in those, you're not wearing the dress."

She giggled softly, the sound adorable and somehow sexy in its breathlessness.

"You want to know something?" She asked, almost as if she had some dirty secret she wasn't supposed to tell. She didn't wait for a reply, instead she wrapped my tie around her hand, pulling me closer until the tip of her nose touched mine. Her eyes were framed by long, thick lashes, boring into my own as she smirked, "I'm not wearing any panties."

At that point, I'm pretty sure I was incapable of movement. She'd never done anything before that left me so...reeling. She laughed and released her hold on me, opening her door and slipping inside, leaving me so stand there, fully erect and shocked as she tapped her fingers against the window. I watched her through the glass, knowing nothing except she had no fucking panties on under that dress.

I heard either Jasper or Emmett honking from their car behind us and I jumped at the sound, feeling like a moron as I jogged around to the driver's side.

"You okay?" Bella asked when I backed out of the drive, tightening my grip on the steering wheel to keep from reaching over and touching her bare legs. She must have caught me glancing at her, because she crossed one knee over the other.

"You don't play very fair, Bella," I nearly growled, turning down the heat because I felt like I was going to explode.

"Whatever do you mean?" She asked innocently.

Oh, so that's how she was going to be; Little Miss Innocent.

I wanted to scoff at that thought because she was anything but.

"Nothing," I answered casually, shrugging my shoulders as I pulled into the lot of the school behind Emmett's Jeep. We were quiet as I parked and got out of the car, watching Bella as she came to my side, clicking her heels softly against the pavement as she walked. She took my hand, giving me a cute smile with a hint of seduction to it, still playing up her charade.

I wasn't sure how long I would be able to deal with it.

"It's freezing," Bella said, shaking even though she had on her long, black pea coat.

"We're almost there," I assured her, drawing her in closer to my side as we followed Alice and Jasper to the gymnasium. Several others were making their way as well, all practically running towards the gym because it was just starting to hail, or snow, I wasn't really sure.

Bella handed the teacher our tickets at the door and we stepped inside the Winter Wonderland, overwhelmed by the blue and white that covered the gym walls, ceiling, and bleachers. Alice was part of the student council and was responsible for organizing the entire event. Looking at this place now, I could certainly see Alice going to town on the decorations. Holidays were definitely her thing.

"Alice, this place looks amazing!" Bella appraised, letting my hand go and stepping forward to talk to Alice. I watched as they laughed and undid their coats, checking them in at the makeshift coat check that had been set up in the corner of the gym. When Bella's dress was visible again, I sighed quietly at the sight.

All vulgarity aside, she really did look stunning.

And apparently, some of the others checking in their coats agreed.

Rose appeared at Bella's side, and my hands balled into fists when all three girls elegantly meandered into the crowded gym, followed by the gawking of several idiots that I seriously wanted to punch right now. Eyefucking didn't even begin to describe what they were doing.

"Edward, you okay?" Jasper asked, his hand nudging my shoulder.

"Fine," I muttered, shaking my head and giving my jacket to the teacher at the coat check, getting a ticket in return so I could get it back later. I glanced behind me and Emmett was watching the same guys that I had my eyes on; I knew he saw it too. "Just dealing with these fucking losers," I hissed, nodding my head to the group that had now moved further into the gym.

The music was loud, but not over-bearing in the part of the gym that the coat check was located, so I knew he heard me.

Jasper snorted and we went to find the girls, listening as the music got louder and louder the further we walked. The DJ for tonight's event was on an elevated platform at the back of the gym, projecting music from two large speakers and providing dance lights in colours of blue and white.

The rest of the gym was dark, making it hard for me to find Bella in all the chaos. I had no clue the artist or name of the song, but people were dancing and swaying to the fast beat, bumping into me as I pushed my way through the crowd.

I wasn't sure if Jasper and Emmett were still behind me, and as the song changed to a slow one, I found myself only a few feet away from Bella. She was with Alice and Rose, and what made my cheeks hot with fury was that several guys were trying to dance with them. I watched as Bella smiled awkwardly, glancing to Alice as Rose edged away from one dude that was way too fucking close to her.

I took the necessary steps to get to Bella, wrapping my hand around her waist and pulling her against me.

"She's taken, thanks," I said curtly to the guy. I didn't care if it was possessive or protective. I didn't care if she got mad at me for it. I would be damned if some other guy would dance with her the way I danced with her on Halloween.

Over. My. Dead. Body.

The dude got the hint and backed off, leaving me to dance with Bella to the slow, romantic song that was playing.

"My hero," she jested, sliding her arms around my neck, brushing her fingers along the exposed skin at the nape. I smiled down at her, protectively holding her to me as I pressed both my palms flat against the small of her back. Her brown eyes were soft as she gazed at me, following my motions as we created a steady rhythm that fit the song.

We didn't say anything, because words were obsolete.

Instead, I danced with Bella, blocking out everyone else in the room and admiring her beauty tonight as the DJ's lights hit her face every so often as we turned. I felt something hard sweep through my chest, like a foreign emotion I couldn't place. I exhaled harshly at the feeling, bringing my hand up from her back and cupping her cheek, grazing my fingers along the soft underside of her jaw.

"I love you," I mouthed, overcome with this sudden sensation. She smiled, sliding one of her hands down my chest and placing her palm directly over my heart. She didn't need to say it back, because the gesture said it all. I bent my neck, resting my forehead against hers as we continued to dance to the song.

My eyes flickered opened when she shifted her hand slightly, and after a few seconds, Bella's did too. She blinked slowly, and my breath caught when I saw the life and glow in her eyes. I knew what I was feeling, what I never had.

It was her. Just her, and nothing else.

She'd believed in me. She'd had some blind faith that I would be able to open up, and not only was she right, she made me do something I never thought I could. She went through hell and back again, fought fire with fire, to bring some semblance of normal to my life, or rather to give my life a sense of normalcy to begin with.

She was my reason for everything. She was the reason I was so comfortable now, in this room full of people, dancing with her when I would have otherwise been having a minor heart attack.

It was just…easy. I didn't feel exposed or vulnerable like I always thought. I was constantly under the impression that I would be scrutinized by others, judged because of any small or seemingly unnoticeable action. I wasn't exactly surprised that this wasn't the case, just humbled that I finally felt comfortable in my own skin.

It was exhilarating.

I felt a smile pulling at my lips and I closed my eyes, sighing against Bella's mouth as she began to sing the lyrics to the song.

"Green eyes, blue skies, natural disasters when she cries. Green eyes, they're mine; it's only a matter of time."

My lids fluttered and I stared at Bella, actually listening to the words for the first time since we'd been wrapped up in each other's arms. She repeated the last line again and the song was finished, replaced by a quick, catchy tune that I didn't know.

I wanted to just stay this close to her, protectively casing her in my arms, but the music really wasn't slow-dance appropriate. It was, however, more than appropriate for Bella to grind her perfectly panty-less crotch on my leg as her arms hung loosely around my neck. My mouth was dry and my breathing was heavy with arousal as my hands roamed her back, grazing the pleats in the fabric before I settled them on her ass and squeezed roughly.

That just added fire to the flame as she slid her body intentionally against mine, pressing her tits against my chest and dragging her fingers through my hair.

It was hot...both the way I was dancing with her and the temperature in the gym. I was aroused, yet sweating disgustingly in my tight dress shirt. I kept my eyes on Bella's as I reached up to undo the first two buttons on the shirt, loosening the tie as I went.

The next few songs went by in the same fashion. We danced, our bodies moulded to one another's, greedily seeking a desired release as Bella gyrated against me and I reciprocated by stimulating her with my hands. It was erotic in a way I'd never imagined, and I was thoroughly impressed that it was pleasurable and not painful.

I always thought she would be a no good dancer because of how she sometimes managed to trip over invisible obstacles. I was sure she'd step on my toes or bump into another couple as we danced, but so far, she hadn't. She was graceful and beautiful, moving her lithe body to the rhythm of the music as if she'd been doing it her entire life.

And fuck...it was the biggest turn on for me, ever. Just like Halloween. Finally seeing her in costume and dancing with her so closely...I seriously almost lost my shit and had my way with her right there in front of everyone.

Funny, how I now found myself in a similar situation.

Bella looking sexy and absolutely perfect; check.

Loud music and bodies grinding to the beat; check.

Hard on; check.

I was seriously screwed, doomed to spend the rest of the night with a massive erection straining the zipper of my pants. I internally laughed at this because almost every guy in the gym was doing the exact thing that I was. At least I wasn't suffering the brunt of sexual frustration alone.

After four or five songs, the tune slowed to something that we could relax to. We were both out of breath, and Bella's hair was wildly framing her face, turning slightly curly at the ends because of her constant movement.

She looked radiant.

"I'm all...sweaty," she whispered in my ear as she stepped up on her toes. "All gross...and wet." She giggled at her own words and I would have too, had I not been horribly turned on by what she'd said.

"Bella," I said, tightening my hands around her back, "be a good girl."

"I am being a good girl," she countered, furrowing her brows at me in mock confusion. I felt myself growling quietly, rather than hearing it, because the music drowned out the sound. She was being innocent again. I had no clue why I thought it was so sexy, but it wasn't helping my current situation...at all.

We danced to that slow song, then a bunch of others, lost in the music and moving to the beat. To a few slow songs, I danced with Alice and Rose. Emmett came to cut in for a dance and told me to dance with Rose, which was perfectly all right with me because I knew Emmett's feelings towards Bella. I was trying really hard not to be a douche, and surprisingly, I found him dancing with Bella wasn't that big a deal.

Rose looked amazing. I hadn't paid that much attention to her as it had all been fixed on Bella, but Rose looked beautiful in her dress. We talked as we danced, mostly joking around and laughing. She was one of those people you couldn't help but smile around because she was naturally funny. Plus, her accent sometimes made it hard for me to understand her, which also made her funny, because she got adorably mad when I couldn't make out what she had said.

I danced with Alice to a song too, and for the most part, we were quiet. I felt different around Alice now that she knew part of my past, part of what happened to me. I think she felt it too, because every time she looked at me, it was somewhat sympathetic and understanding, as if she was acknowledging that I was doing my best to be a normal person when I'd had a hard life before.

I tried not to get emotional when I started thinking about everything, and instead I leant down and told Alice she looked really pretty, to which she smiled and told me I 'cleaned up nice.'

After many more songs and dancing with Bella, I swear I almost over-heated, and told her I was going to get a drink. There was a table of free drinks off to the left side of the gym, monitored by one of the teachers; likely because they didn't trust that someone wouldn't spike them. I wouldn't have trusted us either, in all honesty.

I grabbed a cup of some fruity juice and drank it, listening as the music changed to another fast song. I watched the DJ at the stand and grinned when I got an idea. I started making my way through the crowd and up to where he was, pushing past people that were dancing and grinding and making out with one another.

The DJ saw me coming and stepped away from his gear, leaning down so I could request my song.

"Do you have that one?" I all but yelled in this guy's ear.

"Yeah, I should," he assured with a grin. "I'll play it in a few so you can get back," he nodded to the crowd.

"Thanks man," I told him, pushing my way through all the people to find Bella once more. When I found her, she was dancing with Alice and Jasper, shaking her tiny hips to the music as Alice did the same. Jasper was dancing behind Alice, both his hands on her waist and probably having the same problem I'd had the entire night. I mean, how could he not?

When I was close enough, I grabbed Bella around the ribs, pulling her back against my chest and leaning down to kiss her bare shoulder. Her hand reached up, exploring my arm before she tangled her fingers into my hair, gently scraping her nails against my scalp.

We danced near Alice and Jasper for a couple songs, and my heart started to thud irregularly in my chest when three had passed. I knew the DJ would play the song I requested really soon, and I was nervous and anxious for when it came over the speakers.

After those three songs, I heard the beginning of the one I asked the DJ to play. I wrapped my arms tighter around Bella's stomach, kissing the side of her neck and whispering, "I love you," into her skin. I watched as her hand flew up to her mouth, and she turned abruptly in my embrace, gazing up at me with eyes full of love and her bottom lip between her teeth. She took a deep breath before she secured her arms around my neck, fitting her body against mine as her chin rested on my shoulder.

"It's our song," she whispered, delicately stroking the back of my neck with her fingers as we danced to the song we'd made our own so many months ago. I nodded in response to her statement, gently rubbing my hands along her back and closing my eyes as we turned.

"I know," I replied quietly. I listened to the lyrics of the song as we danced, knowing that I was no longer hanging by that frayed thread. I wasn't on the edge of losing everything I loved. Everything I loved was right here with me, in my arms, because she'd given me another chance. I was never sure I'd deserved it, but I was so glad that she had, because she saved me.

She saved me from myself.

"I love you," I told her again, though I wasn't sure if she'd heard me, because it was loud in the gym and I sort of whispered it.

The song was over much too quickly, and when it was finished, Bella kissed along my jaw, ending on my lips as she forcefully took them with hers. I was breathless when she released me, and blinked a few times to get my bearings as she began pulling me by the hand, stopping to talk to Alice and then continuing onward. I had no idea where she was going, but I followed.

She made her way through everyone, up to the coat check, handing the teacher her ticket and grabbing her coat. I took that as my cue to do the same and acquired my jacket as well before Bella tugged me out the door and towards the Volvo.

Apparently, she wanted to leave, so I clicked the button to unlock the car, surprised when she opened the door to the back seat. She climbed in and I ducked down, watching her as she turned and looked at me expectantly. She raised her brows, as if to ask me if I was going to join her.

"What's wrong?" I asked, getting inside and closing the door. "Why do you want –?"

I was silenced by Bella's eager lips.

Oh...

So that's why she wanted to come out here.

"Bella," I gasped between kisses.

"Hmm?" She mumbled back.

"The parking lot? Now...?" I asked as she pushed me against the frigid glass of the window. Her lips left mine and she looked up at me, the brown of her eyes striking as the faint light from outside shone in through the tinted windows of my car.

"It's not like we haven't before," she smirked, using the same line I'd used on her when she'd asked me that question. I smiled in return because I loved how adventurous she was.

"That's true," I replied, sitting up so I could get more comfortable. I sat facing the front of the car, helping Bella to straddle my lap. My hands massaged her hips as her lips moved with my own, her tongue stroking mine languidly as we created heat in the dead cold of the Volvo.

After a while, Bella shed her coat, shivering when her bare arms and chest were exposed. She rubbed her hands up and down her skin, creating goose bumps as the cold air affected her. I took my coat off as well, reaching up and pulling her back to me, encasing her in my arms so I could share my body heat with her.

"Why are you so amazing?" She asked quietly, nuzzling her nose against the side of my neck.

"I'm not," I retorted, shaking my head as I grazed my hands along the warm, bare skin of her thighs, tracing invisible lines with my fingertips.

"Yes, you are," she said, working over the buttons of my shirt slowly. "You do so much for me. You do things that make me happy..."

"Because I want you to be happy," I assured her, inhaling sharply as my skin tightened from the cool air. "Bella...you're the only person in the entire world I would do these things for. It's not me who's amazing...it's you. You are. You're worth everything I went through. If I had to suffer like that just to be here with you now...then it's worth it."

She was looking down at me and she blinked, a few, small tears falling across her cheeks as she licked her lips.

"You mean that?"

"I meant every word," I told her, brushing her tears away with the palm of my hand. "I don't even know where I'd be right now without you. I can't imagine what my life would be like, Bella. I felt so destructive after everything...but it was you...you were so fun and – you made me want to be normal."

"Really?" She asked in disbelief, still crying quietly on my lap.

"Yeah," I replied, tilting her chin so she would look at me again. "You saved me."

Her breathing picked up and stuttered as her lips collided with mine. We let our emotions guide our actions, giving in to one another as our hands tugged and pulled at articles of clothing. I hiked up Bella's dress, bunching the fabric around her waist and revealing her bare, pink lips, already coated in her arousal. I could smell what I did to her, dragging my fingers up her thigh and teasing her skin as I felt the warmth radiating from her.

She moaned softly, tilting her head back in pleasure, yet still blindly working to undo my pants. When they were opened, I pushed my shirt aside, lifting my hips and shoving the material down so it rested around my knees. Bella's warm hand wrapped around my cock and I slid my fingers inside her at the contact, eliciting a gasp from her.

"One thing," she breathed, glancing to the door and reaching out to push down the lock. "I remember what happened the last time we fooled around in here."

"Mmhmm," was all I managed to say. I did remember, just didn't want to think about it right now. I was so far gone that I couldn't even feel the cold anymore; it was warm, hot, even. I might have been sweating a little bit.

I pulled my fingers from her and stuck them in my mouth, sucking off the liquid desire and wrapping my arm around her back. I pulled her against me, straining my neck to meet her lips as she braced herself on the headrest, spreading her knees out further as she lowered herself.

I felt even warmer as she started moving on top of me, tossing her hair over her shoulders and parting her lips as she breathed heavily. I groaned as she went faster, skimming my hands up her sides and hooking my fingers into the straps around her shoulders. I pulled them down to expose her bare tits; my eyes widened when I saw that she wasn't wearing a bra either.

"Bella?"

"Considering your reaction to the panties," she explained, reaching around her ribs to lower the dress even more, "I thought the bra comment would make you cum in your pants."

She picked up her pace again and I cupped her tits in my hands, massaging the skin and moaning when her nipples puckered deliciously from the cold. I exhaled at hot breath across her chest, watching in fascination as she flushed, causing her skin to tighten even further. I almost whimpered as I took her nipple in my mouth, trying to match her thrust for thrust and getting severely annoyed at the sound the leather made. Every time I lifted my hips, the leather stuck to my ass and made a horribly aggravating noise. I gave up after a minute, letting Bella ride me and listening as only the faint squeak of leather filled the car.

"Oh...fuck!" She gasped, her hips bucking against mine as she ducked her head down to my shoulder, her hands gripping the back of my neck. I felt as she came, slowing her movement to a stop as she breathed harshly.

"There's someone outside," she whispered, angling her head and watching as a couple made their way to a car. "What if they saw...?"

"Bella, the windows are tinted," I said, gently thrusting up in encouragement. "They wouldn't be able to see in unless their faces were pressed against the glass. And besides, you just came."

"So?" She said, putting her hand on her chest as she breathed in deeply.

"You like the thrill of being caught," I told her, continuing my motions though she wasn't doing anything in return. She bit her lip, nodding at my statement. I grinned in response, wrapping my hands around her waist and tossing her down on the seat. Her back arched from the cold of the leather, but I quickly made the temperature issue redundant.

When we were finished, the windows were fogged up completely from what we'd been doing. I couldn't even see out the windshield, and I laughed at how we'd warmed up the car.

"Well I bet that will give us away," Bella said with a cute frown.

"Mmm," I mused, "yes, it will. I guess you're not so innocent after all."

---

The two weeks that followed the Winter Formal were both good and bad.

Good, because life in Forks was finally normal. Bella and I were happy, she was making progress living with Charlie, and school was finally coming to an end for this term. We'd both helped Esme to pick out a tree, put up the Christmas lights, and decorate the rest of the house. She and Charlie had picked out a tree as well, and though it was a sad event without Renee, they were managing.

And bad, because the closer to Christmas we got, the sooner it meant I would have to go to Chicago. I was internally freaking out, creating millions of different scenarios in my mind. I was over-analyzing everything about this trip, it was driving me mental.

I'd talked to Carlisle about it a few times, and he assured me that I would know what to say when the time came. I wasn't so sure myself, but if he had faith in me that I could do it, then I wasn't going to discredit him. I was learning to trust everyone in my life, and if that meant listening to Carlisle about this, then I was going to do that. I knew that I couldn't always know what the future held; I just had to go into it blindly and hope everything worked out all right.

We were due to leave for Chicago on the nineteenth and come back on the twenty-first. Esme was going with Bella and me, and almost every day she and I talked about the trip. Esme wanted to make sure that I still wanted to go and that I was okay with doing something so potentially life changing. I was scared as fuck, but I knew this was something I wanted to do. I needed to do it.

Most things in life are hard. Things are rarely easy. It was so natural for me to hide in the dark and block everyone out...but that was in the past. It was when I could barely say the name of the place I used to live because I got so angry I couldn't see. When I was so filled with hatred, I treated my own girlfriend horribly. I felt sick to this day when I recalled all the shit I put her through, but I wasn't dwelling on the past. It was something she taught me to do and I wasn't going to remember all that, I was going to move forward.

That was why I was sitting in my living room, staring back at Emmett, Rose, Jasper, and Alice as Bella sat at my side. They were all sitting on the couch and Bella and I were perched on the coffee table in front of them.

"So..." I said, trying to figure out a way to start. "Um, look, I wanted to talk to you guys about something that's...pretty big." I glanced at Bella and she squeezed my hand encouragingly. "I'm...I'm going back to Chicago."

I heard a chorus of outrage and shocked questions flying at me as soon as I finished speaking, but Emmett's reaction was painful. He paled, and I swear to God it looked as if he was going to cry.

"What?" He asked, furrowing his large brows at me, "like, forever?"

"No," I said with a slight chuckle, though there was really no humour to it. "Not forever, just for three days. Bella's coming too."

"Why?" Alice butted in, her concern palpable as she looked at me. I knew she was likely thinking about my father in all of this and I appreciated her apprehension about why I was leaving.

"Well...to see my dad," I admitted quietly. I took a deep breath before I said, "he's dying."

Rose gasped audibly, placing her hand against her chest as the others reeled at what I said.

"Oh, Edward," she said sadly, muttering something under her breath. "I'm so sorry."

I gave her a small smile, not wanting to say anything back to that because really, I didn't know if I was even sorry he was dying.

"What's wrong with him?" Emmett asked.

"Uh, lung cancer," I said, trying to calm myself down as I ran my fingers through my hair. "Look, you guys...I know that you know I've confided in Bella about my past. I – I wanted to tell you too, but I've been sort of coming to terms with everything else. I'm sorry I've been a shitty friend...I don't deserve you guys, but I'm glad you haven't thrown me on my ass yet."

"Edward that's not true," Alice protested, her eyes brimming with tears. "You're not a shitty friend. Whatever you've been through is yours to tell, to whoever you want."

"I know," I said, thankful these people, who sat before me were so understanding. "And that's why I want to tell you guys too. I'm going to Chicago in a week and I think it's fair that you know why I'm doing this. I don't want to live with this secret anymore."

They all stared back at me, hopefully prepared for what I was going to say to them.

Bella saw my hesitation and I felt her hand on my shoulder.

"You can do this," she said softly, smoothing her fingers along my neck. "It'll be okay." She kissed the side of my jaw and I knew she was right.

"I believe you," I told her and was rewarded with a beautiful smile before I turned back to the others. "Okay...when – when I was younger, I was abused by my dad..."

Emmett and Jasper were shocked and Alice and Rose were crying, listening as I relayed my past to them, finally. I mostly told my story to the carpet, glancing up every so often to gauge their reactions to what I was saying. It was hard to see the looks on each of their faces as I talked of my childhood, or rather lack thereof.

"Oh my God," Emmett said, his nostrils flaring as I saw him trying to hold back from crying. I'd seen Emmett cry only once since I'd moved in, and that was because he'd stubbed his baby toe so hard he broke it. "That day...when you asked for our phone number..."

"Yeah," I said with a shrug. "I wanted out. I wanted to tell you so many times, Em. I just wanted to feel normal. I was so scared and he threatened me to keep me quiet. Your mom...when I told her...that was pretty much the last thing I remember before waking up in the hospital a few days later."

"And that's when you came to live with us," he said, as a statement and not a question.

"Yes," I agreed, sighing now that things were out in the open. There aren't words to describe the alleviating feeling, none whatsoever.

"So why are you going back?" Jasper asked an angered tone to his voice. I knew he wasn't directing his anger at me, just trying to vent it some way.

"Because I can't move on," I told him, furrowing my brows. "I still have all this hatred for him. I still think about him all the time and what he did to me. I just want it to go away. I need to forgive what he did...if I don't, if I hold this grudge my entire life...I'm giving in to exactly what he tried to do. It will destroy me to live the rest of my life like this, Jasper. Look what it's done to me so far."

He stared at me, his gaze confused at first, and then softening as he followed my line of understanding. I sometimes hated that I wanted to forgive him, but I knew I wouldn't be able to live the rest of my life holding a grudge against him. It just wasn't healthy.

"When do you leave?" Alice asked quietly.

"The nineteenth," I answered, rubbing circles on Bella's hand. "We come back on the twenty-first."

After that, things were awkwardly quiet. I didn't blame them, because I have no clue what I would have said to something like that had one of them been telling me this instead. They just needed time to accept everything and use what I gave them to understand why I was the way I was.

I didn't need anything in response; I just wanted them to know.

So...we did what we always did. We hung out; we went in the hot tub and watched some scary movies. Bella stayed at my place because Charlie was working the nightshift again, and it wasn't long before we crawled into bed and Bella fell asleep.

My night was anything but peaceful. I was restless most of the time, tossing in bed and trying to fall asleep without having nightmares. It was impossible for me to sleep, and as I woke up for the fourth time at three eighteen in the morning, I nearly jumped out of my skin when my eyes opened.

"Fuck," I whined to myself, tired, and aggravated because I was tired. I climbed out of bed, careful not to disturb Bella as I'd scared her a few times this week because of my nightmares. I walked over to the window, pulling back the curtains and watching the stillness of the backyard as snow began to fall.

For the longest time, I just watched it, my eyelids drooping as I fought to stay awake. I wanted to sleep but knew I'd only have nightmares, so I continued to admire the way the snow fell on a diagonal. I rested my arm against the wall, turning my head and watching Bella sleep.

She was so adorable, even when she was unconscious. She was on her stomach, her one arm beneath her pillow and her free hand curled up into a loose fist just below her mouth. Her lips were moving slightly, suggesting that she was talking in her sleep though I couldn't hear what she was saying from where I was standing.

I smiled at the sight, padding back over to the bed and snuggling up to her sleeping form. She didn't stir from my movement, but now that I was closer, I could hear what she was mumbling.

She was dreaming about me.

A/N: Hoorah Edward, lol. Anyway, let me know what you think : )

The song quoted at the beginning is called For the Nights I Can't Remember, by Hedley. I swear...I listened to it, and almost cried because it was so fitting to this God damn story. Please just give it a listen. I really love it.

The song Bella quotes when dancing is called Time, by Cute is What We Aim For. And Bella and Edward's song, for those who can't remember, is Hanging by a Moment, by Lifehouse.

Anyway, expect the next update a week from today. I'm hoping to have it earlier, but don't want to promise anything. This next chapter will be intense.

Wish me luck on my exam tomorrow! : S

Leave me some love : )