Massive THANKS to all who reviewed. Knowing you are all enjoying this still really made my day!

Oh and a HUGE thanks to AFan17 again for making this readable.

Now this Chap and the next one werent what i had planned but because of one paragraph in Chap 30 of 'I.H.M.L.Y' i had to fit them in. But now i have i'm kinda glad i re read the story and spotted it.

So all i ask is you Read, Enjoy and PLEASE REVIEW!!!

Never

Part 1

For the second morning running, Derek woke to find Meredith not beside him. Instead, like yesterday, she sat curled in the chair beside the bed, her arms wrapped about herself.

Watching him, she looked as if she expected him to disappear at any moment. However, the second she realised he was awake the shutters came down and it was gone. Morphing into a smile so quickly that Derek couldn't be sure he hadn't imagined it.

"You're up early again."

Speaking softly Derek held out his hand to her. Waiting for Meredith to take a hold of it, he used it to draw her back to the bed hating the millimetres of space that still separated them.

Though he had no actual memory of the crash, Mark had told him enough for him to know how lucky he was, how close he had come to not being here at all. Now, all he could think about was Meredith, being with Meredith.

This was his second chance and he didn't want to waste it. No more five hour drives separating them or snatching moments together around his schedule. Just as he had promised her Sunday before the crash to fix the mess they were in, he meant to do it now more than ever.

"Mmm I couldn't sleep."

Doing what he most wanted her to do; Meredith kissed him, her fingers running over the bandages, missing already the curls that they would have tangled in.

"It is a little small! It's a pity they don't make hospital beds for two."

Derek said. His eyes searching her face for any of the anxiety from moments ago. But he couldn't see past the smile that flooded his aching body with warmth.

"However you, Meredith Grey, are privileged in being the one person I am willing to be cramped and uncomfortable for."

"Cheesy! Seriously cheesy."

"Ahh but you love me and my cheese."

The cocky smirk Derek flashed her was one she was still so grateful to see. Easing for a little while the fear, she was finding so hard to shake.

"We all have our faults."

"I love you Mer."

Derek said knowing they had said it more in the past forty-eight hours than in the last month.

"I love you too."

Meredith breathed her eyes unable to tear themselves from his blue depths that were looking at her as if she was the most important person in his world just as he was in hers.

Knowing without a single doubt what she felt would never fade. Survive whatever was thrown at it to come out stronger the other side.

It was that true understanding that her fear stemmed from. She was scared of loving Derek this much, when the crash had shown how easily he could be taken from her.

"Good."

Cupping her face Derek stroked his thumbs over the fading shadows beneath her eyes. When Meredith moved her hands up to cover his he, felt the tremor that shook them. It was similar he thought to what had shaken through her when she had broken down in his arms Monday, giving him proof of the upset, he had seen in her eyes earlier.

"How are you feeling?"

Meredith asked before he could voice his growing concern, her forehead resting against his as her hands dropped to link at the back of his neck.

"Tired."

Derek whispered against her mouth before kissing her, smiling when she moaned in protest at its ending.

"And my body tells me your mother enjoyed cutting me open a lot more than she should have."

"You're in pain?"

Concern filled her face and eyes as she tried to draw back. Derek not letting her stopped her protests with a demanding kiss that had her hands clinging to his shoulders.

"No more than I should be in."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

Derek groaned as her lips found his again well aware he couldn't take it further no matter how much he may want too.

"And you will tell me if it gets worse. You won't pretend, try to be mannish about it?"

Meredith demanded as she settled against him. Sighing in approval as his arms wrapped around her tightly.

"No I won't try to be mannish."

Derek chuckled pressing a kiss in to her hair, savouring the lavender that masked the sterile smell of the hospital.

"But only on the condition you tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm fine."

Meredith said into his neck but there was no missing the way her body stiffened in his arms.

"When you say fine like that, it tends to mean you are anything but!"

He said seriously pulling her back so she had no choice but to look at him.

"Tell me?"

"I just did and I'm a little tired that's all. Anyway, this isn't about me! Two days ago you nearly… and well I am fine with absolutely nothing to tell."

Unable to bring up the accident Meredith fought back the tears as he stroked her face.

"For me everything is about you, how you feel. I worry about you. I love you and…"

The door opening stopped him in his tracks and forced a smile to his face.

"Hey Dad,"

"Morning son. I'm sorry it's early but your mother sent me to deliver breakfast that, unlike the one served here, is edible and to offer my chauffer skills to Meredith."

"Me?" Meredith queried, accepting the fatherly kiss he pressed to her cheek.

Watching them, Derek felt a real smile replace the fake one. His father's feelings towards Meredith were obvious. His affection for her shone in his eyes. And, Meredith seemed just as fond of him.

There was no nervousness in her manner that still existed around his sisters as he'd seen the little he was awake yesterday.

"Yes love. You mentioned last night you needed to go to the apartment, make some phone calls and pop into your mother's house."

Michael spoke as he set out the food on the tray.

"You don't have too. Not that I'm not grateful because I am but I can take my car. It's here. Derek may say I can't drive and it's a pigsty but he's in here and I'm not. So he can't really complain anymore and what I mean is."

Firm lips covering hers in a kiss so tender it conveyed the emotion before Michael had come in stopped her rambling.

"Just say thank you."

Michael's echoed Derek's warm chuckle as he sat in one of the chairs.

"Thank you."

"I wish kiddo would hurry up! Watching you switch between sleeping and brooding is really starting to bore me."

Mark grumbled picking up another chart from the pile beside the chair. Back at work, for the second day he was assigned to Dr Grant's service again. So far, it had meant updating charts and running the occasional labs.

Any other time it would have had him crawling the walls but not today. He had no real complaints when it meant he was able to spend the time with Derek.

"I mean at least she's pretty to look at. Have you thought about shaving?"

At his words, Derek ran a hand over his heavily stumbled jaw.

"Right now I'm finding it hard enough to keep my eyes open let alone find the coordination to shave without slitting my throat."

Both hands moving up to massage his aching temple, Derek yawned loudly, his gaze drifting back to the wall, counting the minutes until Meredith returned.

Once upon a time, he might have been tempted to let her work out herself whatever this was in her own head first. This time, however he could not do it. Especially when he felt it was him at the root of what was upsetting her.

"Mer's not okay."

Derek murmured on a broken sigh that brought Marks head straight up. Anger flashing turning the blue eyes to ice.

"If you've had a row I swear Shep you will be need another trip to the O.R! Don't you think you've put her through…?"

"We haven't argued!"

Derek managed to cut in finally, a hint of desperation in his voice. He needed Mark's insight before his mother and sisters arrived with lunch. Mark knew Meredith almost as well as he did, yet had an advantage in understanding her past how he never could.

"I'm worried about her. Something is wrong and being Mer, she won't talk without a struggle. I'd started to earlier but Dad arrived before I could get anywhere."

Frustration was clear in his voice, his eyes meeting Mark's asked for some kind of answer.

"After effects of the crash most likely."

Mark suggested with a slight shrug of his shoulders. He wasn't blind; he'd seen the way Meredith looked at Derek whenever she thought no one was watching.

"If I had a heart, kiddo would have broken it Sunday night. I had absolutely no idea how to reach her. All I wanted was for you to wake up. Tell me how to fix her."

The chart slipping forgotten from his lap onto the floor, Mark lent forward in his chair.

"She completely shut down. It was like… Shit man she couldn't even cry."

It was more the feelings behind Mark's words than what he had actually said. His head dropping back against the pillow Derek closed his eyes in pain, pain solely for Meredith, nothing to do with his own injuries. In his mind, he could see her as if he'd been there himself, making his whole body ache with the need to hold her.

"Kiddo loves you to the point of not functioning fully without you. Both of you are fools that way! Mer though, she has issues so put that together with the crash and…"

As Mark trailed off Derek not needing him to finish nodded and slowly opened his eyes.

"Thank you."

"For what? Telling you what you mostly already know but just hadn't put together yet."

Shaking his head Derek rubbed his eyes.

"No for taking care of her."

Mark looking at him as if he was stupid shook his head.

"What else would I do? She's Mer, my kiddo. Anyway you'd do the same for me."

"I hope I never have too."

Derek said, holding out his hand to Mark. With a grin, he took it, his eyes suddenly less serious but rather sparkling with their usual humour.

"Are we having a moment? Is this where you tell me you love me?"

"Ass!"

"Did I ruin the mood? You want to start it again!"

Really laughing now Derek shook off the hand that was now stroking up his arm, feeling better for the first time since Meredith had left.

"You know what? I take it back."

"No take backs, wait till I tell Mer!"

Settling back in the chair Mark's grin slipped for a moment into a reassuring smile.

"Mer will be okay you know, just do the whole Derek and Meredith thing!"

Getting out of the car Michael went round to open Meredith's door. Taking from her hands the heavier of the two bags, filled with what they thought Derek would want and need from the apartment.

"Are you sure about not going to your mothers? It's not too late for us to get back in and turn around."

Michael asked again, when he saw her hesitation in getting out of the car. Taking the hand held out to her Meredith aimed for an assured smile to match her nod.

"I'm sure. Molly wasn't expecting me and I can call her later. Derek will probably want to speak to her, encourage her to come by and spoil him! Encouragement, that won't be needed. Molly thinks he's the best thing since sliced bread!"

It wasn't the truth though. She wanted to get back in the car, turn around and be with Molly. For a little while be surrounded by her warmth, lose herself in the familiarity and total ease of their relationship.

However, her turning up today with Derek in hospital would rouse Molly's suspicion. She would ask questions, many questions. Questions Meredith wouldn't be able to stop or avoid. Just like Derek, Molly had never taken fine as a credible answer.

"Worried she might ask too many questions?"

Michael guessed as with a hand in the middle of her back, he led her towards the hospital entrance.

He had more than enjoyed spending these few hours with her. Getting to know the girl who he knew would one day be a part of the Shepherd family.

However, after this morning he had also found himself watching her. Catching the certain look that would flicker over her face in unguarded moments. The accident had taken its toll on them all, him included, but with Meredith, it had seemed to leave some damage behind.

This morning his son's frustration had been palatable, even if Derek had done his very best to hide it. Making it more than obvious, he had interrupted something important.

Yet it hadn't been a row he'd walked into the middle of, he knew that much. A row wouldn't have caused that amount of concern in Derek's face or had his eyes follow her longingly from the room, as if he wanted nothing more than to drag her back.

"No!" Meredith answered quickly, too quickly for it to be believable.

"Sure?"

"No…" Meredith admitted with a rueful smile as the blue eyes twinkled kindly down at her.

"Don't worry I'm not about to ask them either." Michael found himself reassuring as she started to look a little panicked.

"Thank you."

Gratitude clear in her voice Meredith looked up at the older version of Derek knowing she would give anything to have grown up with a father like him.

"I'm not sure I would make any sense even if you did."

To herself she could explain exactly what she felt; to anyone else Meredith was sure it would make absolutely no sense. Derek, she was sure, would understand but there was no way she could tell him this.

"Can I give you a little piece of advice then?"

Her answer was in the shape of a nod and that was all,

"Don't let fear of the unknown ruin what many people can only dream about finding."

Michael knew he had hit the mark when a flush stained her pale cheeks. Moving his arm up to go about her shoulders Michael felt a rush of sympathy for the girl who was still so young.

He saw her open her mouth to speak but before she could say a word, a voice from behind them spoke.

"Meredith a word please."

Even if Michael hadn't recognised the voice, Meredith freezing beside him would have been the only clue needed.

"I can't. Sorry. Derek and Derek's things… We really have to get back upstairs."

Meredith excused quickly, refusing to meet the cold green eyes. Well aware of what that particular note in her mother's voice meant. Disappointment, disapproval and warning of a lecture all rolled into one. Moreover, right now she wasn't feeling strong enough to deal with it.

"I'm sure Mr Shepherd is capable of taking them up on his own whilst you and I have a little talk."

"Mom I'm seriously not in the mood for one of our talks."

Meredith had to fight to keep her voice steady. Reminding herself repeatedly that it was her mother who had helped save Derek. It might have been done grudgingly but she had done it.

"And I'm not offering you a choice in the matter."

Ellis's determination was clear and Meredith knew she had none of the energy needed to fight it. Saturday had been her last full night of sleep and it was beginning to catch up with her.

"Okay…"

The word came out as a defeated sigh. Handing the second bag to Michael Meredith shrugged her shoulders.

"Could you?"

"I can wait."

Michael murmured hating the idea of just abandoning her like this. Anyone could see a meeting with her mother was the last thing Meredith wanted or needed.

"It's fine, but … Thank you."

Meredith's smile was real if weary. Not just saying thank you for his offer to stay but for the whole morning. For the moments he had helped her to forget the churning ball of fear in her stomach.

Distracting her purposefully she guessed with amusing stories of Derek and Mark. Ones she was sure both men would rather she didn't hear.

"I'll tell Derek you're on your way."

With a warm smile, he squeezed her hand nodding politely if stiffly to her mother before walking into the waiting elevator.

Waiting for the doors to shut Meredith felt her mother's eyes look her over from head to toe. Taking in she knew her hastily put together outfit and hair pulled into a messy ponytail.

"Can we get this over with?"

Meredith muttered walking over to the seating area not waiting to see if her mother followed.

"Do not take that tone with me Meredith, I'm in no mood for your attitude today. Now what are you still doing here. Why aren't you back at school?"

"What?"

"You heard me perfectly, I'm not repeating myself."

"You expect me to just up and leave Derek… Seriously Mom?" Meredith looked up at her mother unable to believe even she could really have meant that.

"Yes. You have your own future to think of! I did not spend thousands on your education for you to waste it revolving your life around a man Meredith."

"That's not fair… He nearly died! I want to be here with him, I have to be here and…"

Her mother held up a hand to stop her. Meredith knew there was no point trying to explain that need to be with Derek anymore, it was something she could never understand.

"And your school work. What about that? Derek has at least another week in here before Miles will think about discharging him!"

Ellis's hands moved to settle on her hips. Her voice growing in volume and Meredith noticed the attention they were attracting.

"I spoke to the Dean today, explained the situation he doesn't have a problem with it. I can study here and the work can be faxed through for now."

Keeping her voice low and steady Meredith refused to look away from her mother's direct gaze. She could not show any sign of weakness. It would be as good as giving her mother the approval to run rough shod over her arrangements.

"For how long?"

"I don't know…"

"What does that mean?"

"Dartmouth, I don't know if it's where I want to be anymore."

It wasn't a new idea. It had been bouncing around her head for the last month since Derek had spent their anniversary weekend there. Then he had joked about finding an internship program up there so they could be together. Realistically though she knew if one of them was going to move, it would have to be her.

The accident had brought it back to the front of her mind. However hard she was finding this right now she knew she would never leave him and end what they had. So this was starting to seem their only option.

"No! No, you are not doing this Meredith Grey! Do you hear me?"

Ellis was shouting now and Meredith found herself wishing she had just kept her mouth shut. She was too tired though to watch or even care what she was saying.

"It's not your decision to make. It is mine and mine alone! NYU is just as good and without the driving back and forth I'll have more time to study,"

Meredith tried to find a way that would appeal to her. Make this about school rather than Derek. By the look of disgust that transformed her face, Meredith knew it hadn't worked.

"This has nothing at all to with studying but all to do with him! I'm not a fool Meredith. Don't treat me like one!"

"Fine. So what if this is to do with Derek, does it really change anything? I'm going to do it whether you approve or not."

Letting her head drop back, Meredith sighed. Her hands coming up to rub over her face, glad she had decided to sit rather than to stay standing.

"I will waste no more of my time on this drivel. However, Meredith I mean it, if you go ahead there will be serious repercussions. You've had too much your own way lately and it's ending right now!"

If it was possible Ellis's voice rose higher before she stormed away. Watching her go Meredith knew she had meant it, this was no empty threat.

"Der stop worrying. Ellis Grey may be a cold fish but she is her mother." Kathleen told him lowering her magazine.

Derek had been fretting ever since their father had come back alone. He had gone from asking Michael constant questions to a brooding silence. Seeming to become paler the more time ticked by.

They had all tried to draw him out of it with no effect. All their lives Derek had been the strong, together one. However, when it came to Meredith he seemed to break. It was a side she'd never seen of her brother before. Both Lizzie and Nancy had described the ultimatum he'd laid down Sunday, yet not until now had she believed he could have meant it.

"Mother, isn't the exact word I'd use to describe what Ellis Grey has been to Mer."

Mark muttered taking the words right out of Derek's mouth.

"She's probably taking the opportunity to describe how life would have been better for Mer, if Shep hadn't woken up."

Mark carried on. Not looking up from the open chart on his knees until Mary's hand smacked him around the head.

"Don't even joke about that!" Mary scolded ignoring all his protests as he rubbed his head.

"Hey I didn't say that I agreed with her."

Looking hurt Mark glared at a now near grinning Derek,

"I'm glad to see my suffering amuses you! Hey Nancy, have you heard how Shep found out who Mer's mom was?"

"Don't you dare?" Derek warned as Nancy leaned forward in interest, curiosity flashing in her blue eyes.

"Is it good?"

"No it's boring. Not worth hearing, incredibly dull in fact." Derek answered quickly before Mark could. Pushing away the tiredness creeping up on him, knowing without seeing Meredith he couldn't sleep.

"Oh I wouldn't say that. I found it incredibly…"

"Carry on Mark and you won't be able to say much at all." The voice from the doorway brought the colour instantly back to Derek's cheeks, and a teasing smirk to Marks's lips.

"You know you always seem more inclined towards violence after spending time with the dragon. She's a bad influence kiddo."

Collecting the charts Mark stood up. Brushing her cheek with a kiss as Meredith passed.

"For you Grey though I will take it to the grave."

"The sooner the better."

Derek muttered as his eyes hungrily took in every inch of Meredith. The few hours they'd been apart, seemed like a lifetime. She looked worn out; her eyes a stormy grey and seemed not even to have the energy to walk.

"That's not what you said earlier Shep." Mark retorted going round to side beside Michael, Kathleen and Nancy.

"What's that about?"

Meredith asked as she ignored Mark's vacated chair to sit on the bed. Her back resting against Derek's chest.

"He's just being Mark. I'm glad your back Mer, I've missed you."

Derek murmured as she turned her head, her lips finding his.

"You're Mom?"

Running his hands up her arms Derek began to massage her tense shoulders. No one existing in the room but her.

"Was just being Ellis Grey, spirit killer extraordinaire!"

Meredith groaned, her eyes closing as his fingers continued to work their magic. Reaching up after a few minutes to pull his hands down to link around her.

His chin moving to rest on her shoulder Derek pressed his lips against her neck in a constant kiss.

""You're not okay?"

Derek's voice was low enough for only her to hear, his lips moving against her skin. After a few seconds, remembering Michaels words Meredith shook her head. Feeling his grip tighten around her as she whispered.

"I'm not okay,"

So that was that..?

I'm kinda in love with Michael Sheherd and i love the thought of Mer bonding with him first so expect it to continue. Also i havent forgot about Lizzie so that is all going to come back up..

Anyway next part i'm gonna try real hard to get up next week sometime but no promises! So all i ask is you PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!