Disclaimer: Hetalia I own not. Well excuse me for trying to mix it up a little. Super boring here, other than babysitting small sleeping children for minimal amounts of cash. Of course, that's better than when they wake up and try to steal my cell phone. Oh well, money is money and I could always use more of that. Going to camp next week, so I'll try to update once more before I go, but just in case, I promise no cruel cliff hangers at the end like on the mission trip.
Dedications: Anesan, I just had to do it. I had an idea and let it take me where it takes me. Heizeru Robatsu Hime, you'll find your Belarus eventually. I believe in you. PianoIsLove, some things just never get old, do they. Soot, I can imagine it too. Very well. Yukidaru, if his ex caught him snogging Alfred, that would be hilarious!
IMPORTANT: As we are nearing 200 reviews, I find it important to put in that the 200th reviewer gets there very own one-shot for the pairing of their choice. Really, I'm not picky, I'll write for everyone. So review if you want that dang one-shot.
I just totally pulled a Poland. So, I was calling my friend cause I need someone to go to the mall with me, because going to the mall alone is, like, so not fun, so I asked her if she wanted to go and she said she couldn't because she broke her collar bone so I'm all "Oh my gawd, that, like, totally sucks." Then I had to hold back my laughter because I realized what I just sounded like.
Alfred just stood there, completely confused on what just happened and what he would do next. He knew his aunt Natalia was... special. And by that he meant crazy. Like, completely psycho. So, why the hell would he want to go and check things out when he knew that his aunt was dangerous. On the other hand, seeing this crazy bitch that scared the crap out of his fearless dad would be epic! He'd only met her once at his mother's funeral when he was four, and she wasn't exactly mourning. All he remembered of that day was a creepy blonde girl his father was avoiding and getting ice cream afterwards.
"I should probably go make sure Natalia doesn't kill anyone." Elizaveta interupted Alfred's train of thought. But it also helped him make his desicion. I mean, if Elizaveta was going, why the hell not. Aunt Elizaveta showed up quite a lot, ever since Matthew came out of the closet. Especially since she was childhood friends/enemies with Gilbert. Though she was female, Elizaveta just happened to be the one of the manliest people Alfred knew.
The boys followed Elizaveta through bushes and over puddles and past one very paranoid squirrel until they reached Ivan, who was currently being glomped on by a pretty blonde girl. He looked like he was going to vomit, though Arthur didn't know why. He may be a little bicurious, getting more so by the day, but he still knew what society considered attractive in a woman.
"What do you say we get married now." She smirked, causing Ivan to wince in pain.
"I cannot do that, you are my sister and that is illegal." He carefully pronounced each word, as if trying to suppress a scream. Wait, did he just say sister?
"Brother, I don't care if it's illegal. We shall leave the country if it so requires, as long as we can be together." Natalia began to sound like a bad soap opera.
"Aw, lay off it Nat." Elizaveta broke in. "As you know, I have a finely tuned gaydar, and your brother's readings are off the charts." She snapped as she said the last three words.
Natalia glared at her, but let go anyway. "Well, I'm not going to give up. I'll find that sneaky bastard that's trying to steal you away and break every bone in his fucking body." She cracked her knuckles. Alfred wasn't sure if it was the words she said or the way she sounded so happy saying them, but it scared the crap out of him.
"Holy fuck! Elizaveta, what the hell are you doing here?" Gilbert appeared from behind Natalia, staring at Elizaveta with horror filled eyes.
"Hey Gilbert, it's been a while." Elizaveta greeted in return. "Glad you came back though, you and Matt are so cute together." Noted that Elizaveta was normally not this nice to Gilbert, however, when it came to him dating Matthew, she was absolutely thrilled.
Gilbert ran his fingers threw his nearly silver hair. "You better tell him that. He's currently dating Francis Bonnefoy, who is admittedly one of my best friends, but not as awesome as me." Elizaveta gasped, holding her hands over her mouth.
"Do you mean Francis Bonnefoy, blonde French bastard with a stubbly chin and rose fetish?" Gilbert nodded. "Are you kidding me! He tried to hit on Roderich so many times, I had to beat him with a frying pan!" Elizaveta was absolutely fuming.
"Okay, seriously. You know Bonnefoy too?" Arthur exclaimed "I'm beginning think that he's hit on every attractive person in Europe and America?"
"I think he's gotten Canada too." Alfred added, feeling slightly left out of the conversation. In the confusion, Ivan managed to escape and run off to the helipad.
"Shit, he got away." Natalia bit her thumb as the helicopter took off. Alfred sighed, last time Ivan escaped on a helicopter, he was gone or nearly a month. He never actually never told the boys where he went, not that it was too big of a deal to them. The hockey finals were on at the time, so Alfred wasn't even sure if Matthew even realized he was gone.
"That's just great." He muttered. "I didn't even get to tell him the good news." Gilbert's ears perked up.
"Good news, what good news." Some people would call him nosy, but Gilbert simply saw it as he was too awesome to be left out of anything. I mean, who wouldn't want to tell him everything? Alfred grinned ear to ear and put his arm around Arthur.
"About my new boyfriend." He bragged, causing Arthur to grow completely red in the face. Elizaveta squealed, even though she knew already. It was always nice to hear them admit it.
"Whoa, boyfriend!" Peter exclaimed, popping up from the bushes. "No fucking way!" Arthur gasped.
"Peter, you're twelve, you shouldn't be using such vulgar language!" He scolded. Peter pouted as if he was going to cry.
"But I thought that now that I live in America, I should talk more American. I've even been watching American movies to learn more." Peter explained, although it didn't make Arthur feel any better. "I want to fit in when I go to school in the fall." Arthur felt even worse.
"Oh, just tell them your brother is dating a billionaire and they'll be begging to be your friend." Alfred advised.
Arthur glared back at him and replied, "Yes, but once you tell them the billionaire is another male, you'll lose all your friends." Alfred just laughed.
"Oh please, we live in one of the most liberal parts of California, everyone here is some shade of rainbow."
"That's it, I'm staying!" Elizaveta chimed in, eyes sparkling with yaoi fangirlish excitement. She took out her cell phone and began texting. "We've been looking for a place in California, Roderich's expanding his clientele to a larger crowd."
"That would be great, we could all have Thanksgiving dinner together!" Alfred cheered. Arthur just stared at him, trying to think of something to say, but failing miserably in the end.
"Well, as much fun as this has be, being none at all since Vanya left," Natalia interjected. Funny, they'd almost forgotten she was there. "But we need to get back to the hotel. I've got a bottle of Russian Vodka with my name on it and I'm not going to leave it unattended for another second."
"Well, it is getting late. I better get Peter here to bed." Arthur agreed. "But why don't you come with me to work tomorrow, see how things really work in America." Arthur fully expected Peter to politely decline, as work would probably be extraordinarily boring for him, but was proven otherwise.
"Sure! That sounds like fun!"
I have to pack now, going to camp tomorrow. But don't worry, I will be sure to update when I get back! I got a super cool new bookbag and MOA today, although I drank too much coffee. I agree with Alfred, coffee is so much better than tea, even if I pretty much only drink mocha frappuccinos. It's summer and it's hot, why would I drink hot coffee. But whatever.
A goldfish has a memory span of about 3 seconds.