Chapter 25

Mixed emotions

My mind is whirling at what has happened the last two weeks; the week-ends have been OK. After my melt down in Pullman when Samuel rang daddy literally begging him to allow me to come to Seattle and Grandma Grace Okaying me to see mom as long as I promised not to tell her what was going on with Monica and Arthur and our new house, I feel a lot calmer in Seattle and so it was easy to promise as long as I got to spend time with mom.

We arrived at the house on the sound and mom was radiant, there is no other word for it, she looked amazing for someone of forty and about ten days away from giving birth to twins.

I feel so guilty lying to mom and I know there will be hell to pay once she realises, but we need the miracles here, safe, so I will do whatever that takes including hiding things from mom, a novel idea as I have never gone through the teen thing of hiding stuff with her, just Rose gosh I hid so much stuff from Rose and that feel's normal like part of a normal mother daughter thing, but mom, Ana, no we have always been equals, adults, so that is not part of our relationship and I feel so guilty about hiding things from her.

We had a lovely evening my Grandparents Grey joined us and daddy had arranged the executive chef from Bin on the Lake to come to the house and cook for us WOW OMG it was divine and again I see Samuel running things through his mind, I really, really hope he knows I don't expect or even want this life really, oh yes it's nice but as long as we are together we could live in the poor house for all I care.

Shortly after our meal my grandparents make their excuses and leave, then mom and daddy say goodnight, I can see mom is flagging, gosh it must be so tiring carrying twins, someday I hope to have that experience but not for at least eight years yet.

Samuel and I made our way to my suite and for the first time in what felt like weeks I wanted to make love with him, just connect and make love, not the raw, passionate mind-blowing sex we sometimes indulge in, no, I just want to be as close to him as I possibly can be, and he reassured me that's exactly how he felt too.

~0~

10th March

I had just finished a paper entitled 'Living with TBI' (Traumatic Brain Injury) god my brain is frazzled after that, when my phone rang it was mom, she said "you're the first to know but I think I may be in labour, the pains are about twenty five minuets apart and they have been consistent for a couple of hours so maybe today, hopefully, do you want me to send the plane?"

Oh My God do I want her to send the plane, what a stupid question, I think as I scream "YES" Oh My God my baby sisters are on their way I'm bouncing and jumping up and down so excited when Samuel takes the stairs two at a time asking what's wrong, I think he knows as he is laughing before he picks me up and swirls me in his arms he then grabs the bags I packed last week for whenever we got this call and I shout to Kit "come on if you want to meet your new charges" and we are giggling although I am quite sad as I know I am about to loose Kit as soon as daddy and Jason find a suitable replacement for me and I am thrown back to our talk just before this all blew up with Monica and Arthur

Flashback 7th February

Kit had asked me if she could talk to me in confidence, she then told me she had put her name forward to move on to the babies team, I was a little upset as I thought we worked well together, I never argue about what we can and can't do, I don't try to lose her, but then she explained that her grandmother is unwell and she would like to be closer to her as the doctors have said they don't know how long she has left, how can I be selfish and demand she stay's with me? I can't so I told her I will talk to daddy and Jason for her as she knows they have started to appoint the babies team already and Steve'O has had his interview and done a refresher course, and he has been appointed as head of the babies team but she hasn't even been contacted at all, not even to ask why she would like to move.

I will be sad to lose her and I hope they find someone who is just as good a match for me.

I ran down the plane steps and threw myself into my daddy's arms we hadn't been home since the baby shower and I had missed them both, Samuel always teases me about been such a daddy's girl but I know he doesn't really mean it.

Once at the house and settled in I ask daddy if I can talk to him "of course princess, my study?" he asks "please" I reply

Asia – "Daddy I know Kit put in for a transfer to the babies team, why haven't you been in touch with her even just to say thanks but no thanks"

Christian – "you have lost enough princess, and we really don't want to take Kit away from you, for the babies, they are going to have such a different childhood to yours and we both feel so guilty about that, so we will do everything in our power to make sure your sisters take as little from you as possible"

"Oh daddy" I say as I throw my arms around him "it's not like I'm five and don't understand things"

Christian – "I know princess but you shouldn't have to be understanding, Jason and I were going to talk to her this week-end to try and find out why she requested a transfer because we were both under the impression she loved working with you"

Asia – "she talked to me last night, her grandmother is in a nursing home here in Seattle and she is dying, Kit wants to be closer to her, while she still has the opertunity"

Christian – "arr right, and how would you feel about loosing her"

Asia – "sad, but I can't be that selfish, to tell her, you stay with me or you have no future with my family, god that would make me such a bitch"

Christian – "no-one could ever accuse you of being anything but caring, sweet and gentle, so you are happy for mom and I to talk to her about joining the babies' team and then we need to think about some-one for you"

Asia – "yes, hopefully she will transfer back to me eventually, but I can't wish her grandma's life away, god the thought of loosing mine kills me"

Christian – "and me too, princess, after you and your mother she is one of the people that gives my life meaning" We hugged each other tight before going to rejoin Mom and Samuel.

While my mind has been elsewhere thinking about having to let Kit go, especially now, after everything that has happened since valentine's day, we have been heading to the airport and it's not long before we are airborne, Samuel holding my hand running his thumb across my knuckles, smiling at me, reminding me that probably in less than twelve hours I will be holding my baby sisters, oh gosh I go all gooey at that thought.

We are soon at Escala where mom is having a bath while daddy watches her to make sure she doesn't slip or anything and Grandma Grace is preparing a meal for everyone and as we sit talking to Grandma about how Monica is doing while mom is out of hearing, the rest of the family arrive so it's almost like a party for an hour or so before I see mom catch her breath and clutch her stomach before catching Aunt Kate's eye and then Aunt Kate, Uncle Elliot and Ava are hugging and kissing mom before saying good-bye and they all promise Ava she can come and see mom as soon as she finishes school tomorrow and that seems to pacify her, as they take there leave.

Grandma and Grandpa, as well as Aunt Mia leave a short time later and we travel to the hospital with mom, while she gets settled in her room and daddy is with her, Samuel and I sit in the waiting room talking and worrying before the nurse comes to tell us we can go in and sit with mom, I almost run to her room but Samuel hangs back, I think he is worried about seeing mom in a state of undress but I reassure him daddy would not let him near the room if mom wasn't decent and when I knock on the door and mom calls us in, Samuel is hovering at the door before mom calls him over saying "nothing to see yet son, come on pull up a chair"

We have a great hour or so just talking and laughing while mom curses and breaths through her contractions before we get thrown out of her room and we go back to the waiting room, we just sit quietly each lost in our own thought for what seems like an eternity till we are joined by Grandpa Ray and my Grandparents Grey and then daddy opens mom's door and tells us they are both here safe and sound and can we give then half an hour or so while they get mom comfortable and the babies fed and then we can come in two at a time and I am to be first, mom wants me to see them first.

Oh gosh I am crying, happy tears, mom and daddy still love me as their daughter, they are giving me the honour of seeing my baby sisters first, isn't that silly, I am so silly to think I am being replaced and they won't want me now, but they didn't bring me up, and they will, god willing bring the miracles up themselves, Samuel holds me for a while, as we wait and the decision is made Grandma Grace and I will go in and see mom and the babies tonight and take some photo's with our phones so everyone else can at least have a little glimpse of them and everyone else will see them tomorrow/today as it's now almost two o'clock in the morning.

I walk into the room and daddy is holding one of them and he is looking at her like she is the most precious thing in his world and for an instant I am almost overwhelmed by the feeling of insane jealousy, I'm almost nineteen and I am jealous of my tiny baby sister because my daddy loves her, oh god I am such a bad person how can I be jealous of this tiny angel, this blessing on our family and then I ask for a cuddle and once I hold her I know I would do anything and everything to keep this little one and her twin safe.