I felt like I could breathe again once that first week went by with no hate-filled catastrophes from the townspeople. I suppose maybe they have made more progress than I originally gave them credit for. Atticus and Scout left to see Jem off at the train station but I was going to stay home to catch up on my work. I knew my readers were dying to know what had happened and I was falling behind and I didn't want to let them down. This day was the first day where my nerves weren't shot from worrying and wondering. Now that Jem was on his way to South Carolina where he could be safe with his wife made me happy and I was finally in the right frame of mind to jot down my observations and feelings on paper. The urge to cry while I wrote hasn't left me yet and I just let it all out on account of being alone in the house. Where would I be right now without my typewriter and pen?

After my work was completed, I looked up at the wall clock and realized that it was now afternoon and they still weren't home yet. I neatly organized my papers and put them in a manilla envelope to be mailed tomorrow. What the hell is one more day, right?

I walked out of the office and thought about what to do next. I wasn't really hungry and I wasn't really tired either. I was in one of those moods where I didn't really want to do anything. I walked up the stairs and for whatever reason, walked into Jem's room. All of his things for the baby were still here: the bassinet was by his bed, the boxes of diapers were on top of his dresser, and as I looked further, I noticed that the baby's clothes were neatly folded inside the bassinet. They obviously didn't know what they were having because there were copious amounts of white and yellow onsies but there was one pink dress and one blue sailor suit, just in case.

The pink dress caught my eye and made my heart melt. I picked it up and gently unfolded it. I don't know what possessed me to smell it but I did. The first time I smelt it, it smelt like the clothing store where they bought it from; it definitely had that new outfit smell. That was when the memory of that dream with baby Scout at the Landing flooded back to me. Scout had a particular smell in that dream and that scent came back to me with a vengence. I put the dress to my nose and that scent was there on the dress like it was there the whole time.

Oh, God! Was I having a mental breakdown? I started to shiver and my eyes began to shed tears. I guess I really wasn't over Scout's miscarriage after all. I had to get a grip real quick because I saw and heard Scout and Atticus drive up. I folded the dress back up and set it down just as I had found it. I raced down the stairs and was just in time meeting them at the door.

"Hey, sweet," Scout said as she kissed my lips.

"Hey."

"You weren't worried about us, were you?"

"No."

"I guess I should have called but me and Atticus stopped for lunch."

"Sorry, Dill," Atticus chimed in.

"That's okay, Atticus."

"You all right, Dill?"

I jumped a little when Atticus asked me that. I was hoping that I pulled myself together good enough to not let it show how disturbed I was earlier.

"Your face is a little red," Scout commented as she took my face in her hands.

"Is it? I guess I just got a little warm while I was taking a nap," I lied. I know I shouldn't have lied but I wasn't about to admit the truth. Scout kissed my cheek as she headed upstairs. I watched her walk away while all the while Atticus was still watching me.

"Are you sure you're all right?"

"I think so."

"You don't have to be strong in front of me, Dill."

I looked at him when he said that. He looked at me with a stern yet kind look; kind of like he was waiting for the truth. I licked my lips and drew in a breath before I could talk again.

"I was all right until I went into Jem's room."

"What about Jem's room?"

"All that baby stuff."

"Oh, Dill," he said softly as he put his hand on my shoulder. His kindness was almost too much to bear. This was coming from a man who almost lost both of his children and lost his wife. This man had been through more hell than anybody. I feel like the world's biggest wimp compared to him.

"How'd you do it, Atticus? How did you go on?"

"I don't know."

"After all these years your only answer is, 'I don't know'? God, it never gets easier, does it?"

"No, it doesn't. You get a choice though, Dill. You can choose to wake up everyday or you can choose to shut down. As time goes on, I swear it gets harder to stay shut down."

"I don't think I've shut down though."

"See, you're doing it. You are waking up everyday, you are choosing life, I'm watching you do it. I'm proud of you."

Atticus Finch, proud of me? A wide grin showed up on my face for the first time all day. I must be doing something right after all.

"I'm proud of you, too, Atticus," I tell him as I give him a hug. I feel like a million bucks when he hugs me back. We were two men who were not broken, just bent. We still worked.