Being Sebastian [A Sebastian/Viola & Olivia Story]

Chapter 23: Part II

I've never been one who was good at goodbyes. I've never been that girl who can throw on a brave face when I have to leave the ones I truly care about to go back to something old or go into something new.

So many things have happened to me while I've been Sebastian for these last four months. I mean things have happened that in my wildest dreams I would have never thought to be true. I came to Illyria to do one thing; that was to play soccer. I didn't expect to become the hot shot around the school. I didn't expect to have friends I knew that if I stayed I would have them for life. I didn't expect to get into two fights, both over a certain blonde. And I didn't expect to fall in love.

When I first came to Illyria I felt like a fish out of water. A total foreigner. But I was embraced. And leaving this place was going to be the hardest thing I ever had to do.

I sat in my room waiting for Duke to come back so I could tell him first. My bags were all packed, the room that had become my home was now going to be someone else's.

Just as I was about to grab my backpack the door swung open and in walked the guy who had quickly become my best friend.

"Wassup Bastian? You ready to head over to Hudson's before - " He stopped as his eyes landed on my packed bags.

"Going somewhere?" He asked confused.

I nodded and began, "I got a call to play overseas."

"Man that's great! For when summer? But why are your bags packed, you leaving early for Thanksgiving?" He asked again.

"No it's not for summer. I'm going tomorrow, since Thanksgiving break is coming up I'm going to play a little bit in a showcase...then see where it goes from there." I said trying to keep my voice from wavering.

"So you won't be coming back then?" Duke questioned. I could see the sadness play with his features as he sat down on my now sheet-less bed.

"I don't know Duke." I told him. But I do know, I know Sebastian will never be back here. I hate lying to him, I hate lying to a guy who has become my best friend. It sucks to have to give him hope, to try and let him know that there is a chance I would be back...but I wouldn't.

"Well." Duke said, standing up and extending his hand to me. "You're my best bro man, you better be coming back."

I grasped his hand tightly and he pulled me into a brotherly embrace. This whole thing was a lot harder than I thought it would be.

"I'll let Hudson know we are changing the party to a goodbye BBQ alright? So be down in the lounge in fifteen minutes...I'll take care of it all." Duke said as he shuffled out of the room.

Just before he shut the door I called out to him.

"Yeah man?" He questioned.

"Thank you for everything Duke. You're my best bro too. "

He smiled then shut the door to the room.

I sat down on the bed and pushed my face into my hands. I only planned on saying goodbye to the boys and to her. And I knew that that was going to be hard enough. But damnit saying goodbye to the whole damn school, I don't know if I can make it through.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

Standing in a sea of people, all talking about their finest memories with their beloved soccer star was beginning to put me on edge.

I knew Viola didn't plan this. I knew she didn't want this to become a big ordeal. But it had become just that.

Almost everyone on campus was smashed into Asher Hall for "Sebastian's Going Away BBQ", that to my surprise was assembled in just an hour.

I was trying to be cool under fire but it was difficult. Every single girl and some guys were cornering me asking if we were going to stay together. Or asking how I was going to handle "the love of my life" leaving. I honestly had no answer to these questions but luckily Viola was right there beside me, placing soft kisses on my forehead whenever someone would approach us.

"Look Liv, I hate to admit it but you and your lover boy here are honestly the only couple any of us thinks will last." Addison began. "Trust me...we voted! I mean seriously you two are the cutest thing to ever walk the halls of this place." She enumerated pushing Hudson away as he grabbed her from behind.

"If you guys don't make it through this...there really is no hope for the rest of us." And with those last words to us, she let Hudson carry her away to where Toby was manning the food line.

I looked up at Viola and she was starring right back down at me. "If only they knew huh?" I huffed as I pushed away from her grasp.

"Liv don't - " She started but she was cut off as the mic was cleared.

"Hey quiet down everybody!" Duke said as the crowd silenced themselves. "Alright so I know that we all are gathered here today to say goodbye to someone who has only been in our lives for a few months. But he has brought life to not only our soccer team but our school." Duke paused to let the cheers and hollers ring out. "Sebastian Hastings has become my best friend, and although I don't want him to leave us just yet, I know I have to let him do what he's got to do."

I felt Viola's arms wrap around my waist and I couldn't help but lean back into the touch. I fit into her so easily... this was where I always wanted to be.

"Sebastian come on up here will yah?" Duke asked as he looked out into the crowd of kids.

Viola detached her arms from my waist and kissed me lightly on the cheek before moving through the crowd to where Duke stood on one of the tables. When Viola stood up onto the table the place went ballistic.

She smiled but it didn't quite reach her eyes. I knew this was killing her. Being here. Having to lie to everyone even more than she already had.

"Well I want to thank all of you for coming here and spending my last day here with me. You don't know how much this means to me and I'm honestly so thankful for all the support and love you all have shown me these past few months." I watched as her eyes scanned the crowd and then they landed on me. "I hope that I can be back here with all of you soon, but if not this has been a wild ride. And I just want all of you to know that if anybody touches that girl right there." Viola said pointing at me. "You will be sorry." She finished and the whole room burst out into a mixture of laughter and applause.

"Illyra till I die!" Viola yelled before she stepped of the table, her body being swallowed up as people launched themselves onto her saying their goodbyes.

"You going to be okay Livie?" Dani asked from beside me. Tears burned my eyes as I watched Viola, Hudson, Duke, Toby, Grant, and Andrew all embrace in a large group hug.

"I don't know Dani. I really don't know." I told her honestly. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"You love him right?" She whispered into me ear.

I nodded against her shoulder. "Then you fight Livie, don't give up. Because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that Sebastian Hastings would do anything for you. He loves you Livie...so fight." She finished, pushing me back from her.

She looked over my head and smiled. Danielle gave me a reassuring wink before turning on her heals and walking away.

Just as I was about to protest I felt those warm arms wrap around me again. I turned around and Viola laid her forehead against mine, a sad smile playing on her perfect features.

"I'm going to go up with the guys and get all my stuff, the cab is going to be here in thirty minutes. Wait for me by the steps?" She asked, as she took my hands in hers.

I nodded, sadness washing over me like a tidal wave. Thirty minutes...that's all the time I had until I might lose her forever.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

I waited on the steps just where she asked me to. Twenty minutes had already gone by. My palms were sweaty and my hands shook. So many scenarios ran through my mind as I waited for her. So many times I thought about just leaving, but each time I stayed rooted in my spot knowing I had to do this. Not just for her. Not just for us. But for me.

Suddenly I heard the sound of boyish laughter and looked up to see "Sebastian's boys" all huddled around Viola carrying her different bags.

They walked down with Viola, all wearing the same sad smile.

"Alright man, we'll leave you two." Andrew said as he hugged Viola tightly. "You da man Sebastian." He said with a laugh.

Hudson, Grant, and Toby all followed suit. Each hug and goodbye breaking my heart into smaller and smaller remnants.

Duke was last, most of the boys already making their way back to the top of the stairs.

"You're my brother man. Remember that alright?" Duke advised as he brought Viola in for a bear hug. "Call me when you get there bro." He finished, whipping his eyes slightly. He turned to me and gave me a quick hug and a sad smile before running up the stairs to catch up with the other boys.

Now it was just us. It was exactly how we started. Unable to say what we felt, but unwilling to let go.

I have never been here before. Waiting for the end of something I want. Something I have that I love.

"So this is it?" Viola finally spoke.

Her question surprised me for a second. Something popped internally and suddenly I wasn't nervous anymore. I had nothing to lose essentially, but I had everything I wanted to gain.

"Are you ever going to say it?" I asked her, my mind clear.

"Say what?"

"Say what that "it" is. Are you saying that "it" is you leaving Illyria and all that's going to change is me not seeing you everyday? Or do you mean that "it" " I paused, motioning between us. "Is over?"

"I-I." Viola sighed and looked at the ground. "Look Liv, I've never done this before. I've never been here, with anyone. And this is so new to me I really just don't know what to do. I'm scared Liv. I'm afraid of what this is. It's easy for me to be dressed like this and be everything you need because that's all I know. I know what a good boyfriend should embody...but a good girlfriend...I haven't mastered. I just don't know Liv. And honestly you deserve someone who knows." She finished, finally looking up at me.

Someone who knows?

Then it hit me. Everything finally made sense. Viola and I...we were in the same position all along. Afraid of something we didn't understand. She didn't want to be with me because she didn't know how. We've never been here before...in love with someone we would never even have thought twice about if the circumstances would have been normal.

I opened and closed my mouth trying to riffle through my brain to find the right words. Something...anything.

"Liv?" She asked, her voice sounding worried.

I ignored her and looked to my left and my eyes fell over the soccer stadium. The one thing that had brought her here but couldn't keep her.

Then I knew. I finally understood that I was that thing. That thing that could keep her.

I took a breath, my eyes turning back to meet her greens.

"I don't care if you don't know Vi...because I don't either. I don't care if people will talk. I don't care if people will question this. I'm in the same position as you. I have never been here before; I have never felt this way about anyone before let alone a girl. But I don't want to run from this because it's foreign. I want to embrace it...I want to accept everything that this is." I paused to look over at the field again. A sad smile slipping across my face. "I love you...and I'm willing to try if you are." I finished turning my head back to her.

Viola's eyes were glazed over, she was stared at the ground and kicked her feet against the pavement.

"Are you in love with me or with Sebastian?" She whispered the question so softly I barely heard.

I thought about it for a second, already knowing the answer. It was interesting to hear her ask...she really didn't know.

I heard myself laugh and her eyes shot back up to meet mine. "I may have fallen for you before I knew who you really were Vi...but what you don't get is that it was always you. Being Sebastian didn't change who you were on the inside...just on the surface. And even after you told me...the feelings never went away; honestly if anything they got stronger." I stepped forward, intertwining our fingers. "I fell for you the moment I bumped into you outside of Gold's office, even despite the fact that you asked me if Anthropologie had shoes. You were different and I didn't know at the time but I know now. You are Sebastian Viola...he isn't you." I took a breath and stepped forward again. "And it was always you Vi."

She smiled the first real smile I had seen all day. Her eyes squinting and her teeth on full display. It was that goofy smile that I loved. The one I would always love.

"I love you Liv. And I'm willing to try too." She said. And with that she closed the gap between us and I was in heaven.

The kiss was slow, as if we were trying to memorize just how the other moved. Her arms were locked tightly around my waist, and mine were locked around her neck.

We fit perfectly together...just like I always knew.

Just as we both came up for air the cab rolled to a stop in front of us.

She held me tightly. My head in the crook of her neck. "This isn't goodbye Liv...I promise." She voiced.

I watched as the cab driver loaded the last of her luggage into the back.

"You ready sir?" He asked and Viola nodded. She placed one last kiss on my lips before jumping into the waiting cab.

Her words played over and over in my head. This isn't goodbye Liv. And maybe it wasn't, but as the cab pulled away from me and my eyes filled with tears I couldn't shake that feeling. You know that sinking feeling you get when you watch the one you love leave.

- - - - ZzZzZzZ - - - -

It was unsettling to realize that I was never going to see any of those faces again. Well there was a slight possibility but really I was never going to see them again just as they saw me. Just as they knew me as. A boy, a teammate, homecoming king. Mr. Illyria, a soccer stud, a roommate, boyfriend to the most beautiful girl in school, and lastly a friend.

I would never get any of that back. I was no longer Sebastian Hastings; and I would never be again.

But I honestly I never thought I'd be here. In a cab leaving my home, my friends, her.

Crying is something I'd never thought I'd do being Sebastian. But I was wrong. Tears streamed down my face and my breath came out in short ragged spurts.

I was leaving this life. I was leaving the people I cared about. My stomach was churning faster and faster as I drove farther and farther away from Illyria.

The reasons I had to stay at Illyria were endless. But the reasons I had to leave were as well. Being Sebastian wasn't who I was. I wasn't the super hunky soccer star, with the charm to whip any girl's pants right off. I wasn't half of the golden couple at Illyria. I wasn't Sebastian Hastings. I would never be.

As I turned to take a last glance at the place I was leaving, I saw the outline of her. Standing just where I had left her, and as we turned the corner tears washed over me again but a smile also played on my lips.

I didn't know where I was going from here. But I knew that as long as I had her...

Anything could happen.